WICKED ACT II
Townspeople: The Wicked Witch of the West has made our lives horrible!
Glinda: I guarantee she won't bother you today if you party with me!
Madame Morrible: Let this be a lesson to the intelligent people in the audience you need to lie, cheat, and lie to succeed at anything.
Fiyero: Waitaminute, I'm getting married?!
Glinda: Somehow I forgot to tell you. So do you accept- good! You do!
Madame Morrible: So, remember. When I say 'Do you hate the Witch?', you say 'Yes, with all of my might.' Got it?
Fiyero: Morality conflicts
Madame Morrible: Do you hate the Witch?
Fiyero: Well, not really-
Madame Morrible: WRONG ANSWER!!! snarlys
Glinda: Fiyero, why not save yourself a bunch of pain and say what Madame Morrible wants?
Fiyero: Because I'm too busy marveling at how you think my obsession with Elphaba is because we were friends.
Glinda: Marry me!
Fiyero: I kind of have to, so okay. sad longings
WICKED
Nessa: This wasn't supposed to turn out like a master/servant relationship…
Boq: Then why don't you let me go?
Nessa: Because I like you. And you have a cool metallic jacket.
Boq: I call you madam because it gets on your nerves.
Nessa: Sigh Everybody hates me and I don't know why.
Elphaba: pops out of wardrobe
Nessa: EEK! Elphaba! You were only allowed to do that on Halloween! When I was six!
Elphaba: I need father's help.
Nessa: Daddy's dead because he hates you.
Elphaba: I need some other authority figures help, then. Nessa! Help me, pwease?
Nessa: No, because I have a very good vocabulary. So I won't help my only sister and lifelong caretaker.
Elphaba: I'm just trying to help others too!
Nessa: If you make me walk then I might be helpful.
Elphaba: SPELLCASTY ON SHOES
Nessa: Owowowowowowow! Hot shoes! TAKES TWO STEPS AND CRASHES
Elphaba: Hey, cool. Something turned out right!
Nessa: Now that I'm suddenly an expert at walking, I call Boq! Turns chair and hides
Elphaba: No! Not a witness!
Boq: OH NO! NESSA TURNED INTO HER SISTER!
Elphaba: Idiot, it's me.
Boq: Well, that's not much of a fall. You're sister's a jerk now.
Nessa: I heard that, but I'll ignore it because I can walk. Oh Bo-oq!
Boq: Yay! You can do things yourself! That means I leave, and-
Nessa: Oh no you don't! I STEAL YOUR HEART!!! Bad spell casting
Elphaba: Nessa, you can't do anything by yourself! I leave you for two seconds and you go and seal the fate of the guy you like!
Nessa: I blame you anyway, because Daddy said everything I do is right.
Elphaba: DO YOU WANT ME TO SAVE HIM OR NOT, BECAUSE I'D LET HIM DIE IF YOU WANT ME TO!
Nessa: Fine, save him. Dancing through Life pseudo-reprise
Elphaba: Well, he's alive. I hope you weren't expecting much else.
Nessa: Damn my lack of general magic knowledge!
Boq: I feel stiff, and my joints need oiling. TIN MAN'D!
Nessa: NOT MY FAULT!!!
Boq: What's not your faul- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! RUN AWAY
WICKED
Elphaba: I'm here to gatecrash the wizard, not Glinda's party.
The Wizard: I can make you magnificent!
Elphaba: That doesn't sound right…
The Wizard: What?
Elphaba: Magnificent. It doesn't have that ring to it.
The Wizard: Oh, okay….um….how about 'renowned'?
Elphaba: No…
The Wizard: 'Splendid?'
Elphaba: Not yet…
The Wizard: 'Grand'?
Elphaba: Almost…
The Wizard: I'm running out of words in my Microsoft Word thesaurus. There's one other good one left…'Wonderful'?
Elphaba: That's the one! I'll give up my resistance if you make me wonderful!
The Wizard: Wonderful!
Elphaba: Can you set the flying monkeys free, too? Otherwise I won't follow you!
The Wizard: Fine…
Flying Monkeys: FLY ABOUT CONFUSEDLY
Elphaba: FLY, MY PRETTIES! FLY, FLY, FLY!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!
The Wizard: I'm not sure I want to be associated with her anyway…
Elphaba: Hey! You under the blanket! You're not flying!
The Wizard: No!
Dr. Dillamond: Dumb Goat
Elphaba: Forget 'wonderful'! You hurt my friends!
THE WIZARD: GUARDS! THE AVACADO IS BACK!
Fiyero: OMG ELPH…I mean, go get water so I can fight the Witch!
Elphaba: Not you too, Fiyero. I mean, you're stupid, but this is too far!
Fiyero: change sides
The Wizard: Eep! Powerless without my floating head!
Glinda: Yay! Elphie's safe. C'mon, Fiyero, let's go get married. Elphie, know that you would be my bridesmaid if you weren't a fugitive.
Fiyero: I'm kind of having second thoughts about that marriage think. And I like Elphaba better.
Glinda: SHOCKED
Elphaba: SHOCKED
Fiyero: C'mon, Elphaba. Let's run through the woods together.
Elphaba: Okay! Some dreams come true
Glinda: Most dreams shatter
The Wizard: Have another drink, my dark-eyed beauty!
Glinda: JUST SAY NO!
Madame Morrible: Yay, The witch is in prison!
The Wizard: Weren't you paying attention last scene?
Glinda: Tell everybody Nessa's hurt and Elphie will come and be sisterish.
Madame Morrible: It would be a lot easier if we killed her.
The Wizard: Do your worst, Madame.
Madame Morrible: STORMING LITERALLY
Glinda: It was too perfect to be true…
Elphaba: This is too perfect to be true…
Fiyero: Well, everybody knows what happened tonight, it's just hard to show it on a stage while maintaining some of the actors' dignity.
Elphaba: I wish I was pretty…
Fiyero: Inner beauty spiel
Elphaba: Yeah, yeah, we've heard it before- WAIT! There's a flying house only I can see!
Fiyero: You're weird, but I like you anyway. So go help Nessa, and I'll let you live in the other castle, conveniently placed in the West.
WICKED
Glinda: It's amazing how much this line changes from actress to actress.
Elphaba: You dishonor my sister by mourning her death.
Glinda: Well, excuse me for trying to be solemn.
Elphaba: SADS
Glinda:CONSOLES
Elphaba: ANGST
Glinda: UNHELPFUL TERMINOLOGY
Elphaba: I feel this shaky friendship has ended!
Glinda: Damn right! Slap!
Elphaba: Ahahahaha, you're so funny.
Glinda: You think so?
Elphaba: NO! Slap!
Glinda: I'm going to win because my wand is twirlier!
Elphaba: Forget wands, I pull your hair!
Glinda: I take your hat!
Guards: Okay, break it up, break it up.
Elphaba: No fair, playing off of my eldest sibling instincts!
Glinda: I didn't mean to!
Fiyero: This is the most awesome line, which should never be parodied. LET THE GREEN GIRL GO!
Glinda: Fiyero! You came back!
Fiyero: For Elphaba! And I'd threaten you if I have to, which I do.
Glinda: Well, drat.
Fiyero: Run, Elphaba!
Elphaba: Not without you!
Fiyero: I can't, I have to stay here and intimidate the guards.
Elphaba: I can think of six strategies that would let you come with me in about two seconds, but there's no time. FLY
Fiyero: I said 'run'…
Guards: POUNCE
Glinda: Don't harm him! Wait, he likes Elphie. Go ahead, forget I said anything.
Guards: Well, we have spears and backlighting. Let's allude to the Scarecrow as much as possible.
Glinda: FIYEEEEEEEEE-
Elphaba: EEEEEROOO!!! Is that not the coolest scene-change voice effect? Now skedaddle, monkeys, I have to spell cast. Let's see, funny words, motions, and now for me to assume that Fiyero is dead.
Audience: Well, this makes for a depressingly moving musical.
WICKED
Townspeople: MOBS ARE SO MUCH FUN!!!
'Tin Man': Now, some foreshadowing to the fact I still think of the Witch as my old classmate. Elph- Umm…THE WITCH!!!!!!!!! And the poor little Lion hates her too.
Townspeople: Most of us are probably drunk with the amount that this is riling us up.
Madame Morrible: Let this be a lesson to you that only mindlessly obedient alumni go down in Oz history.
Glinda: I kind of wish I did go with Elphaba during 'Defying Gravity'.
Madame Morrible: I hope you mobsters DO kill the witch! Good luck!
Glinda: I gotta go be a best friend again!
WICKED
Elphaba: Well, isn't it just cheap that we never actually SHOW Dorothy, but that would be another person with their own bow.
Glinda: Only hot or important people deserve my name-memory space, so the dog is now named Dodo.
Elphaba: I don't need friends anymore! I have mute monkeys to talk to and give me fashion advice!
Glinda: Elphie, your life is pathetic.
Elphaba: I know sniff. That just reminds me, I should ahem COMMIT SUICIDE.
Glinda: No! Don't die! I'll tell everyone the truth!
Elphaba: YOU'RE the brainless one! Will you shut up whe- I mean, if I die if I give you my spell book?
Glinda: I think that this calls for best-friend singing.
Elphaba: More songs stuffed with foreshadowing and morality lessons, sung by Glinda and yours truly.
Chisterie: monkey talk, somehow getting Glinda to go away
Elphaba: Time to be WITCHY!!!
"Dorothy": Sploosh!
Elphaba: I'M MEEELLLTIIING!!! (Please be smarter than most of Oz, Glinda) MEEEEEELTING!!!!
Glinda: OH NO!!! ELPHIE MELTED!!!
Elphaba: God, Glinda, don't be a ditz.
WICKED
Madame Morrible: You honestly didn't have to go through all of that with those morons.
The Wizard: Yeah, but if they weren't happy they'd blab.
Glinda: Let's play pin the guilt on the Wizard, especially since we're right!
The Wizard: OH NO! NOT ONE OF THOSE SHOWS THAT COMES FULL CIRCLE!
Madame Morrible: I make random guesses that probably are right, but I don't know.
Glinda: Wizard, Madame, go away. My last tribute to Elphaba is to get rid of you two.
Townspeople: Let's have a celebration throughout Oz! Disclosed Foreshadowing
Glinda: Wait! I haven't had enough time to mourn my best buddy!
Monkeys: Just get in the bubble.
Scarecrow: HEEEEY!!! Remember me? Elphaba, get out of there.
Elphaba: OMG FIYERO YOU'RE ALIVE!!!
Scarecrow: You saved my life.
Elphaba: Well, no duh. That's why you're here. huggles!!!
Townspeople: Let's be haunting and mournful-ish.
Glinda: I'm so sad…solemn speech time!
Elphaba: Pleeeeease can I tell Glinda we're not dead yet?
Scarecrow: No. I'm wiser now, so we have to go.
Elphaba and Glinda: Because I knew you…
Townspeople: We are determined to interrupt your sorrowful singing!
Glinda: Well, operatic soprano trumps bullish belting!
Townspeople: Not this time!
Fiyero: Elphaba….let's go-o…
Elphaba: Fine.
Townspeople: This concludes our sorrowfully hopeful musical. Go away now.
END WICKED ACT II