Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom

Warnings: Not to be taken in the least bit seriously. I hope fellow Vlad fans can find it within their hearts to forgive me.

Romance For Rich Creepy Dimwits

Foreword

There must be several reasons for your current situation that only you can answer. Seeing as to to the fact that you are a lonely single man in your forties, it is probably safe to assume that the love of your life is already happily married, possibly with children of her own. If she is not, you are fortunate. There are others far less lucky than you.

We express slight concern for this unhealthy obsession that you have been harbouring for decades. Perhaps you have mistaken this for love. However, if you are certain of your feelings, kindly proceed, for we believe nothing should ever stand between you and true love.

You must learn to forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you have made in the past. What is done, is done. The most important thing is that you have conceded to your faults and lack of courting finesse, and are now seeking help through means of this book.

Perhaps you have previously spurned her with harsh words or rash actions. If you have, the first step you can take to correct this is to apologise. Alternatively, you could have your minions discover a means of time travel which you could use to remedy the situation.

Before we begin, let us lay down some ground rules:

1) Holding a loved one hostage in exchange for her affections never works. You can imagine the lawsuits. Compulsion, no matter the manner in which it is performed, is never effective.

2) Attempt to win over the rest of her family. Make sure her children get used to you, so that they are prepared to have you as a step-father. Perhaps she has a son who has similar interests to yourself. Offer to teach him, to guide him, if his imbecile of a father is incapable of doing so himself. Do not force him into anything against his will. The last thing you want is to make an archenemy out of your future son.

3) Refrain from brutally insulting her choice of husband, however stupid he might actually be. Doing so will only anger her. Instead, extend a seemingly warm offer of friendship towards him. Get him on your side, so that he won't suspect a thing.

4) Never be too honest, especially at this early stage. You've gotten to where you are now by lying, cheating and stealing. Pursuing a romantic relationship should be no different. You do not want to scare her away with unexpected proclamations of your undying love.

5) Uninstall whatever virtual programs of her you have created, and take down any pictures of her you have in your lair. You're going for the real thing now. Besides, you wouldn't want her to think you were some kind of stalker, should she ever chance across them.

You are a special, unique individual, and no one should ever tell you otherwise.

Every morning, look in the mirror and tell yourself: "I am a intelligent, successful, and very attractive man."

Indeed, you are. Any woman would be insane not to join you in your plans for world conquest. We mean, be your wife.

Concoct devious plots that will result in "unexpected" meetings, which you could use to spend time with her. If her son suspects it is an "incredibly well-planned coincidence", nip his suspicions in the bud by telling him that it is an oxymoron.

Scheme behind the husband's back. Try and find ways and means of surreptitiously driving a wedge between their relationship. Perhaps you could invite him to go fishing on their anniversary.

But be sure that one thing is certain in your mind.

Women, unlike the stock market, cannot be beaten into submission. They are like your shareholders, and will never be satisfied. Small, thoughtful actions and kind words may seem to go unnoticed, but think of them as investments. Similarly, one false move could ruin you. Women are not known to be forgiving.

These next few months will be very trying on your patience, but think of the great rewards you will reap when you succeed.

Author's Notes: Forgive my constant procrastination regarding Metanoia, but this was posted out of the intense desire to update something. This fic is great for stress relief, especially since the chapters are so short. Chapter 2's almost complete, so hopefully I will manage to get this done soon. I apologise for starting so many fics so suddenly and not updating them, but hopefully having started them will motivate me into writing more often.

Thanks go to Sasia93, who by agreeing to beta for me, effectively became my partner in crimeXD

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Hugs and Kisses,

Twisted Creampuff