Without You
Summary: They stand there, staring at each other for what seems like forever, neither of them wanting to let go…or give in…
Author's Note: This is my first RENT fanfic, so I'm a little nervous! It's just a little missing scene type thing that happens after Roger and Mimi break up. Hope you like it, reviews are most appreciated!
Disclaimer: I own nothing at all….
It's the faint notes from his guitar that lead her onto the balcony. The moon lights up the night, chasing away the shadows that normally linger. She stays still, listening to the chords and the soft voice of the man playing as he sings a sad melody.
She turns away after several minutes, her eyes aching from the tears that stream down her cheeks. She suddenly needs to forget his voice, his words, his melody. The raw pain she hears is too much.
She hasn't used in almost five whole days…practically a record…but that man and his god damn haunting song drive her over the edge. She tears open her dresser drawer, searching for the packet of crystal white powder. She prepares the drug and injects the needle, sighing with relief as bliss overtakes her, helping her to forget the man with the guitar as she slides into oblivion.
When Mimi wakes up in the morning, Roger is always her first thought. She dreams of him at night, imagines she's snuggled up in his arms, safe and sound. It's, of course, only a fantasy. Roger won't speak to her now, let alone touch her. She misses him so much sometimes it hurts. A sharp ache in her chest won't leave her alone, it's a constant reminder of what she doesn't have anymore.
Roger sits by the window each morning, looking at the street below. He spends half the night sitting on the balcony trying to write a song, and wishing he could walk down the stairs, take Mimi in his arms and never let go. He's far too proud to admit he needs her, but he does… he's not whole when she's not with him.
One October day, they both wind up visiting Angel at the hospital with everyone else. They don't look at each other the entire time, a fact that doesn't go unnoticed by anyone. The tension in the room is too damn much for Roger, so, he mumbles some lame excuse and leaves before anyone can stop him. Nobody is surprised when Mimi runs after him.
He's half way down the street when she gets outside.
"Roger…"
Her voice breaks on his name and he stops. When he turns to face her, his eyes are filled with something she's never seen and it scares her. She takes the several steps that separate them and reaches down to take his hand.
They stand there, staring at each other for what seems like forever, neither of them wanting to let go…or give in.
He loses it first, pulling her into his arms, his fingers tangling in her hair as he cups her cheek and pulls her into a scorching kiss. She grips his shirt, holding him to her as the kiss deepens. She wants to live this moment forever. It's been so long since he's kissed her like this… it's as if she's the air he's breathing.
As suddenly as it began, it ends. He pulls away and steps back. Her deep brown eyes fill with tears at the look on his face. He's not happy, not full of love for her, not taking her back…he's angry, disappointed…disgusted.
"Mimi…god, I can't fuckin' do this. You're fucking around with Benny and you're using again… and I'm through with it, I'm over it all…god, it's just fucking done."
Mimi can't even protest before he turns and walks away. Roger leaves her standing there, crying softly.
She goes back to Angel's hospital room and pretends she's fine. The truth is she doesn't trust herself alone and she stays until the hospital staff kicks her out.
When Mimi gets back to her loft, she forces herself not to go to her dresser and pull out the packet of powder. She needs to prove Roger wrong, she needs to stop giving in.
In the end, it's his fault she uses anyway, him and that damn guitar. She can't get rid of the pain any other way. Without him, getting high is all she has left.