Title I Should Have Known
Author Mord-Sith Rahl
Genre General / Sci-Fi
Rating PG-13 (T)
Disclaimer Do I look old (sorry George), grey, and male? I sure hope not. Then that means I don't own anything but this fic right here. That's it. And I ain't getting any money for it either…damn.
Summary Anakin "Vader" Skywalker thinks back on how he should have known Princess Leia Organa was his daughter.
A/N Uh…yeah…I don't really have any…hmmm…oh well. Except, yes, I do have one…except it's more to myself. Why the hell do I have this little thing at the start of this fic? I don't have it for any others…weird.
I should have known.
I should have seen it.
It was staring me right there in the face, or rather, mask.
But I was blinded by my rage, by my hatred. Because I did see it. If only I had known. Might things have turned out differently?
My daughter…
The minute I set my masked gaze on her, and saw the determined, fiery spark within her eyes, I was reminded suddenly and painfully of my angel.
Padmé…
She was confident, headstrong, and faithful to her cause. She stared me straight in the mask, and refused to show how terrified I knew she was. I could taste her fear. But she denied me the pleasure of viewing it with my distorted vision. But even through the damned mask I could see her resolve.
She would die before betraying her rebellion.
And I was fully prepared to grant her wish.
Damn her!
Damn them both! Women brought nothing but suffering to my life. First with my mother, then my wife, and now this Rebel before me. A Rebel who looked so much like my dearly departed wife. A wife who I killed. A wife who was carrying our child!
I never even learned the baby's gender. Would it be a boy, someone to carry on the Skywalker name, who would have my eyes? Or would it be a girl, a girl who would inherit her mother's love of politics, of justice? Who would have her beautiful hair…
Damn her hair!
This Rebel before me, this tiny thing; I could crush her in my fist, her hair…so similar to my angel's, her love of gravity defying hair styles reminiscent…in buns so like when my angel told me the good news…
Ani, I'm pregnant…
Pain. Anger. Hatred.
Love…
Guilt. Sorrow. Remorse.
Love.
All coursing through what was left of my veins and hitting me like an arrow through a heart I had thought I had lost.
How was I to know it was only the beginning?
I ordered her away, not being able to withstand the sight and thoughts she presented. I ignored a pulling within me that yelled at me, told me to protect her, to make sure no harm befell her.
It surprised me. I spent half of my life ignoring that voice, the voice of a dead man, and until now it had been silent. How could a simple Rebel cause this man to reemerge? He was dead. I killed him on that volcanic planet. I killed the woman he loved, and betrayed him.
NO!
He betrayed me. Anakin Skywalker no longer exists. I no longer answer to that name, to a name of a coward. Of a weakling Jedi. The Jedi are extinct; I saw to this personally.
I am Darth Vader!
Then why, as I watch this Rebel being carted away, do I feel as if I've just lost a piece of my soul? As if my already broken heart shatters into even more pieces?
Master will not be pleased…
I was so surprised how strong she was. So much like Padmé. Her will was so powerful, and no matter what I did she would not break. She would look death in the face without flinching.
A spirited angel…
Dark eyes. Even behind this red-tinted mask I could tell her eyes were dark, most likely brown, just like her. Why must images of a dead woman haunt me every time I look at this Rebel? A traitor. An enemy.
A daughter…
I remember her (adopted) father. He was a Rebel-sympathizer. A senator.
A friend to Padmé…
Would my old life cease to torment me?
I took my anger out on this princess, ignoring how close she looked to a certain queen.
When she saw the interrogation droid she couldn't hide her fear, and I took sick pleasure in that. I beat at her mind with the Force, surprised to find that she had Force-shields there, shields that were as natural as breathing to her.
When I thought to my own respirator and artificial lungs I drew even more of the Dark Side to me, and lashed out against her unforgiving. But she was so strong! Even with the Force, the Dark Side, and the interrogation droid with its truth serum, she still would not break. She would not betray the rebellion, not while she still drew breath. Maybe not even in death. Deep within me I felt a strange surge of pride, but it was gone just as quickly as it came, eluding me as to its purpose. I took my departure, leaving the barely conscious girl, a Padmé-replica seemingly sent to haunt me, behind as I stormed out of the detention block and to my meditation quarters.
Chaos take me…
When that bastard called Tarkin told me of his plans I wanted to kill him. I didn't know why, but I wanted to hear him scream as I plunged my lightsaber hilt deep into his decaying heart, if he even had one.
As Tarkin asked for the information on the Rebel base, I yearned so deeply to simply Force-choke that man, nay, that beast into the deepest level of Sith Hell. But I couldn't. I didn't even know why these thoughts and feelings were rushing through me.
And when that monster laid his hands on the girl, I wanted with every fiber of my being to rip his arms off. I envisioned him dying from his own beloved space station, a fitting death of justice.
I wanted to destroy him!
How I loathed that villainous, wretched being. I wished that I were able to speak my mind, like the girl before me was able. Even if the comment about the leash irked me. Even if it was true.
Even if it seemed like something she would say in the face of danger.
My darling…
I had to hold her to me so she would not attack Tarkin, or try to stop him, for surly her death would be that much swifter. And somehow I now could no longer envision killing this little girl. Her home planet was destroyed, yet she would still not back down.
As I felt the countless deaths roll over me I pushed them away with the Dark Side, even as I felt this petite thing before me shudder. She was powerful indeed. She felt her people die, even as untrained as she was.
And you call yourselves human…
Human. I was far from human. I am only a machine. A monster. Isn't that what people said?
More machine than man…
But her strength…a beloved planet…unbreakable will…
Naboo…
My dear wife would not crumple, and neither will this little sprite of a girl.
Conflicting emotions…
And she lied. She lied about the base, and that hideous fiend ordered her death sentence. Immediately.
But what was this?
Why, this presence. A presence I have not felt in such a long time, not since that fateful day when I was betrayed.
They wanted this girl…
If I were a lesser man still, I would have thanked the Force. The princess need not die. At least, not yet, a dark voice within me seemed to speak. But it was quickly snuffed out by a white light. Strange.
I convinced the beast before me to spare her, that she could still be of some importance.
Thank the Force…
When she escaped I felt conflicting emotions. It seemed that was all I'd ever feel around this girl again. Anger and joy, and maybe even a touch of fear, seemed to battle it out within me, even as I battled my former Master. I remember how confused I was at his sudden disappearance, but he was dead now. I could move on to other matters. Like the princess.
Rebel.
Enemy.
Child.
She could be no older than two decades, if that. The age my child would have been, had I not viciously destroyed its mother.
But it wasn't over yet…
When I found out about that boy who destroyed the Death Star (a public service, I secretly thought), that Force-strong boy who was so powerful, if I had control of my lungs I would have gasped.
I wanted to cry out!
My son!
All of the implications swirled around my head, but I barely paid them notice as only the feeling of shock prevailed as I realized that I had not killed my child, our child. And I was just barely able to persuade my Master not to kill him. To turn him instead.
Together we could destroy the Emperor, Palpatine, my senile Master. To rule as Father and Son!
But even as I thought this a piece of the puzzle felt missing, like there was still a part of the equation missing…
What could it be?
Was it because Padmé wasn't there?
Thoughts of Padmé sent me into grief, and for some unknown reason I saw that Rebel girl instead of my angel. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Was I attracted to this girl who reminded me so of Padmé? For some reason that thought just seemed…wrong.
These confusing thoughts would attack me again later, along with painful memories.
Aggressive negotiations, my love…
With the plan to capture my son, using his friends as bait.
And that Rebel girl was there. With that repulsive smuggler. I'll get him out of the way; he doesn't deserve the girl. The Wookie attacks, but as the bounty hunter goes to shoot it I stop him. The smuggler calms him down, telling him how he must protect the princess. Reason enough for the Wookie to live. I don't know why, but I felt like this alien had to live. He meant something to the girl. Was it the Force? What was so special about her?
Don't be afraid.
But then the smuggler and princess kiss.
I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life.
I grow angry.
How dare he!
What are you talking about?
A trooper pulls him roughly away, and places him in the freezing unit. The girl watches, sadness mingled with determination lighting her eyes on fire. Again, so much like my angel.
But worse, when lives are close to being destroyed, she pledges her love to him.
I love you.
Facing imminent death chained to a stone column…escaping, fighting with nothing but the chain that previously held her prisoner…so strong…
You love me! I thought we decided not to fall in love. That we'd be forced to live a lie. That it would destroy our lives…
They both express their heart when faced with death, they both realize that life is too short to hide your feelings, they both know…
I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway. My love for you is a puzzle, Ani, for which I have no answers. I can't control it... and now I don't care. I truly, deeply, love you, and before we die I want you to know.
The pirate replies, irritating me even more.
I have no desire to be cured of this love either. Long or short, I vow to spend the rest of my life with you.
That feeling surges up within me again. Am I jealous? Am I attracted to this girl? That must be the only explanation, but I can't believe it. What am I jealous of? This scum, this sleemo? Is this it? Could I seriously be attracted to her, to this girl who looks so much like my Padmé? Why else do I keep thinking of her? Why else do I feel this protective need to guard her, to keep her away from that disgusting smuggler?
The way she holds her head, her stance, her determined, feisty air…so much like her…unwilling to back down, or go without a fight. Even falling for such a rogue…
I can't tear my eyes away from her…
I broke my vow. Do I wish to try to mend it with this girl? My own thoughts are in chaos, giving me a headache, even as I feel the Force pushing me forward, urging me onward, telling me I'm missing a very important part of this puzzle…
I clench my fists and order them to my ship.
I need her near me…
Someone tells me my son has arrived, so for that brief moment my thoughts turn…but not for long.
Had I only known…
When my son came to me that second time, I thought I had won. Together we could rule the galaxy.
But he wouldn't turn.
I goaded him, I taunted him, I delved into his mind and stole information.
And then I knew.
Sister…
It all made since.
Twins…
I should have known.
Daughter…
She looked so much like my angel, and now I knew. I realized why I had those feelings, not of attraction or lust.
But of…love.
Ani, I'm pregnant…
Fatherly love.
My little angel…
We made life together, out of our love.
I truly, deeply, love you…
Why must every time I look upon them they are hiding who they truly are?
Are you an angel…
A handmaiden or daughter of a Rebel?
Who were they really?
A queen, later senator, and a rebellious daughter.
My daughter…our daughter…
But we can never be together.
I am a monster…
And I could never turn her. Not she who looks so much like my Padmé. Not my son. Her children. Our children. They are bright points, full of light.
But shadow looms on the horizon…clouding their destiny…
My son is so strong, so powerful.
What have I done?
Full of anger and hate.
A monster…
I no longer have the will to kill him, to fight him.
My hand!
I remember Dooku. I became Dooku.
Do not become me son…
His eyes are cold. Death. Dark Side.
Oh Force, what have I done?
Don't fall.
I'm so afraid…
Padmé, my angel, I'm sorry. Please forgive me.
My son…
He throws down his lightsaber. He refuses to submit. He makes Anakin proud.
Luke…
But no, the Emperor, my Master, is angry!
NO!
He calls to me. He calls me…
Father…
But my Master…
…is Obi-Wan Kenobi.
I realize now.
I love you son, I love you daughter…
I lift my former Master above my head.
I am a Jedi…
I won't let you hurt anyone else.
I am Anakin Skywalker…
Lightning courses through me. It hurts. Oh, Force, it hurts. But I will not let Padmé's children be hurt.
I love you Padmé…
I'm dying. So many regrets. I failed my wife, I failed my son, I failed my daughter. I'm dying.
It hurts…I can't breathe…
I'm sorry. Let me look on you, my son.
He has my eyes…
I'm dying.
Tell your sister, you were right…
Forgive me daughter, my Leia.
My little angel…
My life is over.
At least, my physical one.
I shall live on through the Force, and watch my children grow up. I watch them celebrating their victory with my former Masters.
My son.
My daughter…
I should have known.
I should have seen it.
Is it too late for us?
I am only a monster in her eyes.
I tortured her, I watched as Tarkin destroyed her world. I couldn't protect her. I failed.
I'm sorry…
But I had a second chance.
I finally proved my worth to her, and she forgave me.
My daughter…
And so here I am, by her bed, staring into the face of her newest child.
Little Anakin Solo…
I am free of that mask, and as I look upon my daughter's face with my own eyes, I wonder how I could have ever taken such a thing for granted.
Your mother loves you…
I am reunited with my angel, my Padmé.
And together, we can watch over our little angel together.
As a family.
I am whole.
I am forgiven.
I am redeemed.
I am loved.
I smile down at my daughter, my Leia, my little angel. And she smiles back up at me.
I should have known.
FINIS
Post-script This was just something that I felt like I've had to write. I've been meaning to write it, and post it, for a long time, but I have only just managed to do so. It ain't effin' Monet, so I ain't expecting any, to steal a line from Mrs. Skywalker, roarous applause, but please...try to keep any hate-mail to a minimum. And for any of you who plan on sending me these "flames", feel free to promptly tell yourself to go Screw Yourself. Thank you. Have a nice day. And, may the Force be with you.