A scene that should have taken place RIGHT after the scene in the lobby and RIGHT before Winry left Central. Spoilers for Chapters 47 and 48.
THE SET UP: In the midst of a battle to the death between Ed, Al, and Scar, Winry learns that her parents were killed by one of the people they were trying to help. Ed barely convinces her not to shoot Scar. When they meet again, Winry wants to know how long Ed has been hiding the truth about her parents. They ride back to the hotel in silence, but a call for Winry at the concierge desk prompts more tears.
This story takes place between the moment in the hotel lobby and the scene at the train station.
Ed counted the seconds.
He was lying on the couch with his arm draped casually over his face. It took every ounce of self control to force his body to look relaxed. If he knew Al at all, his brother's protests would be starting again right…about…
"Brother, please stop being stubborn and go talk to her." Ed held his tongue as he listened to Al's complaints. "You saw her in the lobby…she was still crying. She's in her room, alone… What if she needs to talk to somebody?"
It was safe to react now. Ed feigned exhausted annoyance. "Talking isn't going to fix anything."
Ed waited for his brother to respond, but was a little bit surprised when he felt a large metal hand grab him by the collar and lift him completely off the couch. Ed opened his eyes wide as he saw Al looming dangerously over him.
Okay. Maybe he was laying the bravado on a little too thick…
"Edward Elric," his brother demanded, "Go talk to her." Ed could feel Al glaring at him through his brother's voice alone.
"Okay, okay," Ed said in a placating voice. He held onto Al's wrist with both hands to support his own weight, taking some of the pressure off his only unbloody shirt. "If you want me to go talk to her so bad, I'll go talk to her. Just put me down already."
Al walked over to the door and practically threw his older brother outside their hotel room. He stared Ed down. "This isn't the time to be cocky or selfish, brother. She's in a lot of pain." After one last invisible angry glare, Al finally closed the door. And locked it. From the inside.
Ed's shoulders instantly slumped. So he'd pulled off the arrogant act. His own brother didn't even detect the ruse.
That fact didn't make him feel much better, though. The moment Ed had seen Winry cry again, he immediately wanted to do anything he could to stop her pain. But he couldn't go to Winry with Al watching. He couldn't flaunt the fact that he still had a body, that he could feel, that he might be able to physically comfort someone else. It was Ed's fault that Al was stuck in that unfeeling hunk of metal, and the thought of his little brother being jealous of him and hating him for what he had taken away terrified Ed. He would do anything in his power to keep that from happening.
Even if it made Ed look like a heartless jerk.
He jammed his hands into the pockets of his trousers and sighed deeply as he walked to Winry's room. Now that he was free to act, he realized he didn't know the first thing about making Winry feel better. Ed recognized the fact that he was an ace when it came to making her cry, but making her stop?
He didn't know if she would even want to see him. Winry hadn't said anything on the drive back to the hotel. She just sat in the front seat by herself and stared out the window, leaving Ed to dwell on the significance of their previous conversation.
Ed had really blown it. He should have just told Winry about her parents. She shouldn't have found out the way she did, and so soon after learning about Hughes, too. And a small annoying part of Ed's brain wouldn't stop telling him that he himself had intended to avenge the murder of Winry's parents. The moment before she showed up, Ed had been completely willing to wipe Scar off the face of the earth. He had actually intended to take a life. He was a total hypocrite. What had he been thinking?
Who was he to tell the girl not to shoot?
Ed arrived in front of Winry's door before he knew it. He stopped and strained his ears for any sounds of crying, but heard nothing. He knocked lightly on the door and waited. After a short while, Winry came to the door. Ed could tell she was a little surprised to see him. She didn't speak for a moment. "Hey," she said softly.
Her eyes were not as red as he thought they would be. She seemed to be pretty pulled together. Maybe she really wouldn't want to see him. Maybe he and Al had been completely wrong. Maybe she didn't need to talk to anybody at all. "Hey. Can…I come in?" he asked, unsure.
She nodded her head and stepped slightly behind the door so he could pass. As he came into the room, he saw that she was mostly packed. In his nervousness, Ed tried for some light conversation. "It's good to see you're almost ready to go. I don't want you to miss your train."
Winry walked around so that her back was to Ed. She went to her toolbox, which made Ed anxious. As she silently traced the corners of the metal box with her finger, he wondered if Winry was fantasizing about giving him a total wrench beat down. But when she spoke, her voice was so unexpectedly soft and fragile that it almost broke his heart. "So I'm out of the way?"
He was a little stunned. Ed figured she would be gnawing at the bit to get away from him. It took him a moment to find words. "You're too smart," he started, his voice low and serious, "to say such stupid things."
He heard her sigh, watched her shoulders fall heavily. "Then why are you here?" she asked shakily.
He looked down at his shoes, not really sure what to say. "I just…wanted to check on you, see if you needed anything." He kicked at the ground when she didn't respond. Ed thought maybe he hadn't said the right thing. "I can leave…if you want me to."
She reacted quickly. Winry turned around and he could see new tears on her face. She walked straight over to him, put her arms around his neck, and leaned against him. It was a moment before he realized he should hug her in return. Ed quickly decided her waist would be an innocuous place for his hands to go, but as he felt the cool metal of her earrings press against his neck, he realized how close they were. He didn't have too much time to think about the logistics of the situation, though, before her shaky voice brought him back to reality.
"My parents," she sobbed, "they were good people."
"I know," he said quietly, hoping she would find some comfort in his simple words.
She continued. "They didn't deserve to die." She drew in a deep breath and let it out. "Not like that."
"I know," he said again. He was so young when they left, but he still remembered how kind they were.
"I miss them…so much."
"I know." They were good doctors. Maybe if they had lived, maybe if they had been back in Risembool, his mom wouldn't have had to die, too.
She cried against him for what felt like forever, but was probably only a few minutes when all was said and done. Her breathing was much calmer when she spoke again.
"I'm worried…that you're going to die." She hugged him closer. She was mumbling into his shirt.
Ed tried to reassure her. "We're not gonna die." She had seen him in a fight for the first time. He'd had a pretty big gash on his forehead. Ed knew that seeing that didn't make her feel any better. "Don't worry about us. We'll be fine." Ed hoped she believed him.
She didn't loosen her hold on him. "I understand that I probably couldn't help you if I was around," she said thoughtfully, "but that doesn't make waiting for you any less hard." She sighed against him and repeated what she'd said earlier. "Waiting is hard…and scary."
The irony of the situation suddenly dawned on him, and he was sick to his stomach. He was making her wait. He was making her wait just like that bastard made his mom wait all those years. Even after all this time of vowing never to be like his father, Ed realized he was doing the exact same thing.
It made him feel weak and sick, but all he could manage was a lame, "I'm sorry." He didn't have any alternative. He didn't want for her to have to wait, but he couldn't possibly allow her to become involved in something as dangerous as these homunculi. He couldn't watch someone else he cared about die right in front of him. And he'd promised to tell her everything, but he couldn't even do that.
Ed couldn't even do that.
He felt like she deserved more from him. "We're just…trying to do the right thing."
Before this, Ed thought he'd never understand a man who could leave his loved ones behind, but at this moment, he got it. He finally understood a small fraction of what that would be like.
It didn't make Ed feel any closer to dear old dad, though. That guy was still a bastard.
"We'll have to call more often," he offered. "It sounds like you have more customers these days. I might have to schedule my automail tune-ups in advance."
She kind of hit him on the shoulder. "That's what you're supposed to do anyways, stupid." She settled back into the hug and didn't move for a while. Ed was getting a little fidgety. He wanted to move, or talk, or do anything besides just stand here with a girl in his arms for no reason.
"Ed?" she asked shyly.
"Yeah?" he replied, a little more at ease.
She seemed to hesitate before she spoke. "Your mom would be so proud of you."
It was a simple statement, but those words cut right through him. Without really knowing what he was doing, Ed wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly to him. Half of him wanted to leave, to scream at her, to tell her just how wrong she was. No mother could be proud of a son who had done what Ed did to his brother. No mother could possibly love her child after something like that. No mother could be proud of such a weak child, a child who clung so hard to the past that he used science to try to raise the dead. No mother could love a child who had failed so dismally, creating a monster instead.
That's what Ed was: weak. At this very moment, he was close to breaking down. If she worded it right, Winry could probably use it as an ad campaign: the only parts of him that would still work would be the damned automail.
The other half of him, though, was overjoyed to hear those words. There were maybe five people on the planet who knew Trisha Elric when she lived. They didn't know from stories or from pictures, but actually knew her. They could corroborate her existence with their very own memories. Only five, and three of them were in this hotel.
Two of them were in this room.
Ed didn't have to describe his mom's smiles to Winry. He didn't have to tell her how kind his mother had been. He didn't have to explain to Winry why he had wanted to bring his mother back. She knew.
Winry was there when his mom had died.
Winry took care of him and Al, even when she had lost her own parents.
Winry wouldn't lie to him.
Winry would tell him everything.
He was hugging her so tightly he was having a hard time breathing, but he couldn't stop. He wanted to thank her, to say something that could convey how grateful he was for her words. He wanted to tell her how much it meant to him that she cared, that she remembered, that she had somehow strengthened him, but he could not speak and hold back the tears at the same time. Ed needed to be strong. He needed to be strong for Al and for Winry. He breathed deeply for several minutes to try and get control of himself.
When he did speak, it was completely uninspiring. "You should finish packing or you really will miss that train." He was starting to think that would be alright, but Al had already told him not to be selfish. He dropped his arms to his side suddenly. "I'll go get Al. We'll walk you to the platform."
Winry looked a little self conscious as she unwrapped her arms from around Ed's neck. "Yeah. Of course." She turned around and quickly checked over the room to make sure she had everything. "I'll…meet you in the hallway…I guess."
Ed turned around and left. When the door was closed, he leaned back against the wall. He lived by the laws of equivalent exchange, but as he thought about Winry, he felt completely lost. He walked towards his hotel room, absorbed in thought.
Winry never did anything to deserve this kind of heartache, and he felt powerless. There was nothing he could do to make this equal. What could Ed possibly do or say that would take away Winry's pain?
What could he give that could possibly repay Winry for all the crap she'd put up with, for everything she'd done?
Ed tried the door to his room, but it was still locked.
A/N: Hey. Look. I wrote something that's not about Trigun! Who knew it could be done? This is a present for Mitai because she reminds me to write. (Okay...so maybe guilt DOES work a little bit...BUT JUST A LITTLE BIT.)
This story is a one-shot, but I'm getting pressured into making this a series of extra scenes, and I feel like I might be succumbing to peer pressure...