Eggs and Idiots
by Elagabalus
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
"You're an idiot," Harry stated matter-of-factly.
Draco looked offended. "I am not!"
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm not."
Harry raised a single, accusing finger toward Draco. "You. Are. An. I-d-i-o-t."
"Why!?"
He waved the carton of eggs in front of the blonde's nose. "Because. Only an idiot wouldn't check the carton before buying it."
"Why in the world would you do that?" demanded Draco.
"To see if the eggs are broken!" Harry cried. "And they are!" He demonstrated by popping open the gray cardboard and presenting the white eggs, their spider-webs of cracks revealing sticky messes.
"Okay, so they're broken," he admitted. "But why check before? That's so– so– so suspicious!"
Harry gave him a look full of disbelief. "You check them because that's what sensible people do!"
"Well, if you are so set on having perfect eggs," Draco announced, "then why don't you go off and do your petty little check on all the bloody cartons while I'm off being generally magnificent." He smirked.
He stared at him, speechless. Silently, Harry scooped one of the slimy eggs out of the soggy cardboard carton and crushed it on Draco's forehead.
Shocked, he let the brittle shell bits in the yellowish goo slide down the bridge of his nose. Draco made a sudden lunge for the rest of the eggs, but Harry slipped around the kitchen island, slinging a handful of yolk into pristine blonde hair. Draco faked to his right, and he fell for it, yelling in surprise as a hand tossed the carton out of his grip and the eggs splattered all over his chest. Busy trying to wipe the mess of his shirt, Harry didn't see Draco grab the bag of flour, but did notice when he was suddenly covered in white powder that mixed with the eggs to form a stubbornly sticky paste.
"Oh, you are on now," Harry coughed thickly.
Draco chuckled, reaching for the fridge as Harry edged toward the pantry. "Bring it, babe."
And so ensued the most pointless, yet magnificent, food fight in history.