Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Naruto.
Warning: Beware of insanity. It's contagious.
Obsessive Disorder
9/6/06 – 1/8/07
Kagome was obsessed with Sasuke.
It was a well-known fact that everyone knew. However, 'everyone' simply meant more than three. So, in other words, only Sango and Hinata knew. However, according to Sango's dictionary, that constituted as everyone because the rest of the population were bigoted scum. Thus, even though they were technically one person short of the term 'everyone,' Sango appeased herself with the knowledge that it would be three (therefore everyone) as soon as Kagome admitted that she was obsessed with Sasuke.
It was simply a matter of time before that happened.
"For the last time, Sango-chan, I am not obsessed with Sasuke!" Kagome growled, throwing her hands up in frustration. "I admit I like him," she whispered, flushing a deep red in embarrassment, "but contrary to common belief, my world does not revolve around him. I have a life, a family, and a future, thank you very much."
"Of course you do." Sango replied, appeasing Kagome's anger. "However, it's also a fact that Sasuke will someday become your life, your family, and your future." She sounded so confident in her assessment that Kagome almost believed her. Almost being the key word.
"Thank you, prophetess," Kagome snapped sarcastically, "but did I mention I've decided to spend the rest of my life at a convent?"
Hinata's eyes widened as she gasped, "S-Since when, Kagome-chan?"
"Since now." snarled Kagome, slamming down her books.
"A-Ano, Kagome-chan," Hinata called softly.
Kagome turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
"Class is going to start soon." Hinata finished demurely as her lips pulled down into a dark frown. Turning towards Sango, she hesitantly asked, "K-Kagome-chan isn't really going to become a nun, is she?"
Waving a careless hand in the air, Sango casually snorted, "She can certainly try if she wants, but personally, I don't think she'll last an hour. The nuns will probably kick her out within the day." Grinning from ear to ear, Sango quietly noted, "She'll probably be accused for entertaining impure thoughts about Sasuke or something!"
Sango burst into giggles.
"S-Sango-chan!" gasped Hinata, sounding aghast. "Kagome-chan would never..."
"How do you know?" Sango asked, raising an eyebrow. "She might look innocent on the outside, but on the inside, she could be just as perverted as Miroku! For all we know, she could have been fantasizing…"
Thwack
Kagome dropped a thick, three-inch history book millimeters away from her friend's outstretched fingers. "Sango-chan," Kagome deadpanned, plopping gracelessly into the vacant seat beside Hinata, "You're confidence in me is as awe-inspiring as ever. The amount of faith you have in me is almost touching."
Sango's smile faltered as she tentatively asked, "D-Didn't you go to a convent?"
"No," Kagome twitched. "I went to my locker."
"Why?" Hinata asked curiously, successfully cutting off Sango's retort.
"I wasn't paying attention and grabbed the wrong book by accident." Kagome answered, propping her chin on the back of her hand.
Sango snickered, "You weren't paying attention because you were too busy ogling Sasuke."
Kagome immediately turned several shades of red. "Sango-chan, don't talk about it so loudly!" she hissed, darting her eyes nervously around the room. "What if someone hears you? It's embarrassing!"
"I promise to be quiet if you admit you're obsessed with Sasuke." Sango grinned, smiling innocently.
Kagome groaned and banged her head on the desk. Why me? Resisting the urge to strangle her friend, she silently prayed for patience – a lot of patience. Taking a deep breath, she quietly whispered, "I like him."
A devious glint entered Sango's eyes. "What did you say?"
"I said I like him."
"Who?"
"You know who!"
Feigning horror, Sango gasped, "How could you? Out of all the people you could choose from, you like him?" Shaking her head, she gently patted Kagome's outstretched hand and sadly whispered, "Kagome-chan, I don't think it's healthy to obsess over a fictional character."
Kagome's eyelid twitched. "What are you talking about?"
"I think you're reading too much Harry Potter."
"What?" Kagome asked, scrunching her forehead in confusion. What does that have to do with anything?
"I think you should go see a psychiatrist. It's unhealthy to fall in love with fictional characters – especially if it's one as evil as Voldemort." Sango stated seriously, frowning grimly.
Kagome quickly swatted her friend's hand away and turned towards Hinata. "Did I say I was in obsessed with fictional characters?"
"…" Hinata shakily nodded her head.
When did that happen?!? "WHAT?"
"You're getting senile, Kagome-chan. We just had the discussion less than five minutes ago." Sango grinned. "If I remember correctly (which I'm sure I did), you said, 'I like him.' So, I asked, 'Who'? And you immediately answered, 'You know who!' Well, what else was I supposed to think, hm?"
"Argh," Kagome growled, jumping to her feet. Pointing an accusing finger at Sango (who smiled benignly), she shouted, "You know perfectly well I meant Sasuke when I said, 'I like him!'"
Immediately, the classroom quieted.
"…" Kagome promptly dropped back into her seat. Just kill me now! I can't believe I said that in front of the whole class!
"If that confession isn't a sign of obsession, then I don't know what is." Sango grinned, a sadistic gleam lighting her chocolate-brown eyes. "What do you think, Hinata-chan?"
"You did that on purpose!" Kagome hissed before Hinata could answer.
"Well," Sango smiled, ignoring Kagome's accusation, "Now that you've finally admitted that your obsessed with Sasuke (sort of), what are you going to do now?"
"Die of shame." Kagome deadpanned, looking utterly serious.
"That's a little drastic, Kagome-chan." Sango grinned, eyes lighting with mirth. "So, why don't you ask someone for advice? Maybe they'll be able to give you some tips. Who knows, they might even be able to teach you a thing or two that'll help you gain Sasuke's attention."
Sinking in her chair, Kagome snorted, "Who am I going to ask? You?"
Sango immediately nodded in confirmation, bobbing her head up and down enthusiastically.
"No thanks." Kagome promptly replied. "With the kind of advice you offer, I think I may stand a better chance without it."
"Nonsense!" cried Sango, looking aghast. "Of course you'll need my professional help. Trust me; I'll give you tips that'll help you ensnare Sasuke in no time. I swear on my honor that you'll be married to Sasuke by the end of the school year!"
"Sango-chan," Kagome smiled sweetly. "I don't know if you've noticed or not, but I'm only 16. It's illegal to get married."
"Whatever," Sango snorted. "Rules were made to broken, ne?"
Kagome groaned and turned her head heavenward. Lord, help me!
"All right, listen closely. Here's the plan…" Sango began. "I have outlined 36 steps that you must follow in order to gain Sasuke's affection. If you do, I can guarantee that the two of you will be a couple by the end of the year!"
Kagome felt like crying…
"My 'Thirty-Six Tactics to Dating' are fool-proof!"
Her life was going to be ruined…
"I call this mission 'Operation Uchiha Sasuke'!"
She just knew it.
TBC
Author's Note: This story doesn't really have a serious plot since it's pretty light-hearted. This story was something I simply wrote for fun in between my more serious stories. I didn't planning on posting this story when I first wrote it because I already had too many stories to balance. However, I finally decided to upload it because I think I might be dropping Koibito.
For those of you reading Koibito, I'm terribly sorry because I don't feel like I'm enjoying writing it as much as I use to. It feels more like an obligation than anything else. So, until I regain inspiration for it, I'm going to drop it and focus on something else. :(