Sorry for the late update. I know, I know, I said this would be up last Friday, but I didn't have as much free time as I thought I would. Plus, I got grounded because I forgot to turn in a homework assignment, which brought my grade down, like eight points (I'll never get these grading things). But, the school year is almost over, which means I get to go to my grandpa's house in Ohio, which means BIG TIME updates. In two weeks, I'll be going down to Florida for my B-day, so I won't be able to update (for how long, I don't know). I'll try to update my other stuff ASAP.
"Cookies?" Renji stared skeptically at Ichigo, cocking a tattooed eyebrow. He leaned back in his chair, entwined his fingers and placed them behind his head. Letting the quizzical glare last a few moments longer, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and asked, "Are you sure?"
Ichigo nodded bitterly, closing his eyes in despair. "Yeah, Rukia wants me to make cookies. Chocolate chip cookies, to be exact." He shook his head grimly, folding his arms over his broad chest. "And it's not like I asked for it, either! I wake up, kiss her, take a shower, then all of a sudden, 'Oh, Ichigo, I need you to make two dozen cookies while I'm at Ishida and Orihime's.'"
"What're the cookies for?" Renji asked, taking a rather large bite out of his sandwich.
"I didn't get the whole story, but from what Rukia told me," Ichigo sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Orihime's pregnant. My best guess is that the cookies are for her and Ishida."
Renji nodded slowly. "Yeah, that'll probably be it." He stood, the chair sliding back. "Tatsuki had me make cookies for you an' Rukia before you two had the baby. Didn't really know what I was doing, though."
"Yeah," Ichigo glared dangerously at the older man. "I chipped a tooth on my honeymoon because of your rectangle-brick cookies. But," Ichigo tapped his chin in thought, staring at the ceiling. "I did save about fifty bucks worth of shingles by using your cookies to fix the roof."
"Oh, shadap! They weren't all that bad." Renji shouted angrily.
"Ya know that patch on the roof with the shingles that are slightly darker that all the other ones?" Ichigo asked, a smirk playing at his lips.
"Yeah…" Renji replied slowly.
"Guess what? Your cookies!" Ichigo shouted.
Fuming, Renji growled and stalked into the kitchen, followed by a visibly amused Ichigo. Opening the refrigerator door, the orange haired man grabbed an assortment of items. On the counter he dumped eggs, flour, chocolate chips, sugar, and other things Renji had never even heard of before. "We gotta turn this stuff into cookies?" Renji asked, scratching the back of his head. "Can't we just get some from the store?"
"Nope." Ichigo shook his head, sighing in annoyance. "Tried that once, but it didn't work. She can tell the difference between store bought and home made. Some kinda girl thing, I guess…" He let his voice trail off, turning to the sheet of paper with the cooking instructions written on it.
"Alright, looks simple enough." Ichigo took a bowl and stuck it under the faucet of the sink, turning the water on. "Renji open up the flour." Ichigo ordered, looking intently at the recipe. He nearly jumped out of his skin when an inhuman roar echoed throughout the house.
"ACHOO!" Ichigo turned to see Renji, hunkered over the flour bag, with white power surrounding his nose, mouth, and tracing the bottom of his eyes. He seemed shocked, and stared in disbelief at his now chalky white nose, his face scrunched up in confusion. He snorted, a white cloud drifting around his face before dissipating. He shook his head, shaking a small amount of the flour off.
Ichigo snickered evilly as Takeshi, who was sitting in his highchair eating cheerios, began pointing and giggling at Renji. Renji glowered at the small baby. "Yeah, you laugh now, kid, but when you get your girlfriend pregnant like your daddy did, you'll be doin' this same exact thing. And I'll be the one laughing." He twitched back as a cheerio hit him in the eye, thrown by the laughing baby.
"Cough-owned-cough." Ichigo cleared his throat, grinning. The eight month old baby clapped happily, giggling at a scowling Renji. Ichigo turned back to the sink, snickering evilly. His triumph, however, was short lived as something hit the back of his head and splattered in his hair. Eye twitching, he reached a hand into his hair and felt the slimy substance coating his head. He growled as he felt egg slime underneath his fingers. "Did you just throw an egg at me?"
Renji shook his head and pointed at the baby, who was staring at Ichigo innocently. Ichigo stared in horror as he noticed an open egg carton sitting next to the baby's highchair…with one of the eggs missing. "How…what…wh-" He looked at Renji and pointed a finger at the baby. "How'd he do that?"
"The hell if I know." Renji chuckled, scratching the back of his head. "Kid's gotta good arm, hittin' you from all the way over there."
"Yeah, three feet. Whatev." Ichigo snorted.
"Oh, you're just mad because your baby has better aim than you do." Renji scoffed superiorly.
"Oh, really, now?" Before Renji could reply, a torrent of ice cold water hit the back of his neck and head, forcing a surprised and angry yelp from his mouth. Dripping wet with water, and face covered with clumpy flour, the older man turned to Ichigo, an evil smile covering his face.
"Wow. You must think you're pretty damn funny, huh?"
"Yeah, I like to think so." Ichigo smirked, egg slime dripping from his orange hair and onto his face.
Renji nodded, looking at Ichigo. Grabbing a canister of Redi Whip, he grabbed the front of Ichigo's shirt and stuck the nozzle of the canister in the younger man's face. Pressing his finger against the nozzle, Renji released a spray of white cream into the orange haired man's face. Sputtering, Ichigo roughly shoved Renji away, and the older man stumbling backwards into the counter. The tattooed shinigami ripped open the bad of chocolate chips and threw a handful into the younger man's face.
Growling, Ichigo bit off the plastic cap on the Crisco bottle and squeezed it between his hands, a line of yellow liquid hitting his opponent's face. Renji howled as the Crisco hit his eyes, and he grabbed the sugar bag and threw it at Ichigo. The orange haired shinigami grunted as the heavy bag made contact with his chest. Out of pure reflex, Ichigo caught the bag from falling to the ground, giving Renji an open spot for an attack. The older man jumped onto Ichigo, and the two hit the kitchen floor. A series of haphazard punches and kicks were exchanged, and a vivid torrent of obscenities flew through the air.
"What on earth are you two doing?" Ichigo and Renji stopped when they saw Rukia standing in the doorway, sending disapproving and somewhat amused glares in their directions. The two men both stood abruptly, eyes wide in realization that they had been caught in a rather awkward situation.
"Uh, yeah….hey, uh…" Ichigo grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "Hi?"
Rukia cocked an eyebrow and stared at Renji, who flinched back under the intimidating glare. "Yeah, uh…ya see, we, uh…well, we were workin' on the cookies, but," He pointed an accusing finger at Ichigo, and loudly proclaimed, "He started it!"
"What?!" Ichigo yelped, shocked at the accusation. "Did not, tattooed liar!"
"Say that to may face, carrot boy!" Renji spat back.
"I just did, ass wipe!" Ichigo yelped again as his wife's fist connected with his head, sending him into the ground.
"Renji. Home. Now." Rukia pointed a slender finger to the door. Renji nodded and shot out the door, resembling a scared puppy. A red, tattooed, and rather large puppy, but a puppy none the less.
"Ow. That kinda hurt." Ichigo looked up at Rukia, but shrank back under her glare.
"Ichigo, would you care to explain why the kitchen is a complete mess, and why you're covered in egg, chocolate chips, whipped cream, and flour?" Rukia folded her arms over her chest.
"Uh…I love you?" Ichigo looked nervously around the room, looking for an exit.
"Are you serious? I think you've reached an all new high, Ichigo," Rukia picked a chocolate chip out of his hair. "In thirty minutes you've managed to mix almost all the major food groups in with your hair."
"Just one of the many talents I have," Ichigo grinned, rubbing egg yolk from his amber eyes.
"Uh, yeah, I wouldn't exactly go that far," Rukia tried to assist Ichigo in wiping off the many food contents that were on his head. Shaking her head, she guided him to the sink and turned on the water, motioning for him to stick his head under the faucet. He stuck his hair under the cold water and nearly screamed when it made contact with the back of his neck. "So," Rukia began, squirting dish soap into Ichigo's hair, "Would care to explain to me how this all happened?"
"Well, ya see," Ichigo started, trying to find a way for it to sound like Renji's fault. "Renji sneezed in the flour, and Takeshi threw a cheerio at him. When I started laughing, Takeshi threw an egg at me, then Renji started laughing. I sprayed water at him, and he sprayed Redi Whip in my face. I shoved him into the counter, and he threw chocolate chips at me. Then I sprayed Crisco at him, and he threw a bag of sugar at me, and that's pretty much where it ends."
"So you're saying the baby started this?" Rukia glance at Ichigo skeptically.
"Oh, no, not at all. I'm trying to say that it's Renji's fault."
"Yeah, but either way," Rukia smirked, drying off Ichigo's hair with a towel, "You're still cleaning up this mess."
Poor Ichigo. That's all I can really say right now. (Snickers)
Review if ya want, but I won't make ya.