A/N: The title of this fic is from the song Things I'll Never Say by Avril Lavinge, these are the full lyrics:
I'm tugging at my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head
I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cuz I know you're worth it, you're worth this
Yeah...
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down on one knee
Marry me today!
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you, what's on my mind?
If it ain't comin' out (If it ain't comin' out)
We're not goin' anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care?
'Cuz I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cuz I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah...
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down on one knee
Marry me today!
Guess I'm wishing my life away
(Uh) With these things I'll never say
What's wrong, with my tongue
These words keep slippin' away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I've got nothin' to say
'Cuz I'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
'Cuz I know you're worth it, you're worth it
Yeah
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I want to blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down on one knee
Marry me today!
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say
These things I'll never say
Disclaimer: I do not own Standoff or any of the characters named and no infringement was intended
The ride back across the border was silent for the most part. Occasionally Emily, who was reading the map, would give directions to Matt, but other than that each agent was lost in thought.
Emily had always prided herself on not letting show when something got to her, it was what had kept her from being teased even worse in high school, but back their, in front of Matt, she had come completely undone. Truth be told, if she wasn't so upset and confused that Matt cut her off, she probably would have been grateful to him for shutting her up. As it was, however, he had cut her off, that had startled Emily, he wasn't sure why matt had done it. She had figured at the time he just wasn't ready, but now she wasn't so sure. She hadn't missed the look of shocked hurt he had after she told him she just meant 'thanks.' Matt never was good about hiding things, she smiled as she remembered the day that Matt had spilled the beans about their relationship. She had been so upset that day, but now, looking back she was kind of glad that he had. It had allowed tem to take their relationship further. Though not as far as she thought, Emily suddenly sobered remembering why she was so upset and went back to brooding.
Matt had glanced over at Emily and seen her smiling. He was kind of upset at her, how could she be smiling now? Of course, she doesn't think anything's the matter, doesn't realize she just broke his heart… Okay, so maybe he was being a little dramatic, but she had hurt him. After all, if she had really meant to say… it, she would have, she had the perfect opportunity back their, although, she also had opportunity in the shack, but he had cut her off. Thinking back, he wished he hadn't, he thought he was saving her from rushing into something because she thought she was going to die, but she didn't grab the chance after they were out of danger. Maybe she really did just mean thanks.
The rest of the car ride was spent in silence. When they reached Arizona, Cheryl was there to meet them.
"You'll need to both be checked over by medics, the ambulance is her for the DEA agents." Cheryl said. Then she noticed Emily's arm.
"What happened Emily?" She asked guiding her towards the medics.
"I poked my arm into a rusty nail." Emily replied grimacing as the EMTs went to work on her. Matt stood there watching her, amazed that even though their relationship was on rocky ground, she still managed to capture his attention, he was jerked back into reality and seen to by the EMTs.
He was treated for some minor cuts and bruises before being set loose, thankful he didn't have to go to the hospital.
Emily was released after getting a tetanus shot and promising to visit a doctor in LA.
After they were checked out Cheryl rounded them up, she was surprised that they weren't together but shrugged it off
"Okay, Officer Delgo will escort you to the airport, you are to fly home. I'm giving you the rest of the week off to relax and recoup. See you next week." She said, then strode off. Matt and Emily looked at each other, but upon making eye contact, they look away again. Emily looked back at Matt, but looked away. Matt then glanced back at Emily, but turned forward again. They both got into the Officer's car and began the long journey home.
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