A/n: I'm trying to write all this at once so I don't get too far behind. Rhiannon is pronounced Ree-Ann-On. Yahoo search 'Ultimate Zoey 101' there's a chat going on on the 11th, and the cast could show.
Chapter 2:
He sits me down on the couch and paces, he's got his serious face on. His serious face always scares me, because it reminds me of back when he was my therapist.
"Dana... last night..." He says awkwardly.
"Was amazing..." I finish with a gentle smile. He sighs and nods.
"Well yeah it was amazing but... Dana that can't happen again." I was kind of expecting that. "We have to control ourselves for Rhi's sake... you know that. You understand why we can't be together right?" I nod. I hate him talking to me like I'm a baby, it's incredibly irritating. When he's not psychobabbling, he's patronizing.
"Logan I'm happy for now." I say honestly. "But one day I WILL want to get married... maybe have more kids. You understand THAT right?" He nods.
"Yeah... but Dana by then it probably won't be ME you want to marry and have kids with." I roll my eyes, knowing it always will be.
And just like that things go back to the way they were, it was kinda like it never happened. Except now he knows how I feel about him, and I know he likes me too, so there's something positive in the mix.
Zoey gets back from her honeymoon looking sinfully tanned 3 weeks later. She looks like a goddesss, if she weren't my best friend I'd hate her. Sat at my coffee table whilst Logan's at work and Rhi's in the living room in the playpen, she gushes about her amazing husband, the awesome beach ("The fabulous sex"). I hafta admit... I envy the lucky S.O.B. She's basically had a perfect life, always has done and she always will do. And she's ALWAYS so positive. I bet her house could fall on her head and she'd just smile and say 'I've always wanted a skylight. So in an attempt to one up her I accidentally on purpose let slip what happened with me and Logan.
I expect her to giggle like a school girl and call us naughty and ask for details like she did when our former workmate Angelica slept with her ex-boyfriend's bi-boyfriend for revenge. Instead her tan skin becomes pale and she glowers at me I don't even want to think about it.
"What?" I ask nervously.
"You used protection right?" She asks seriously, I actually have to think back.
"No... so..." She looks almost angry at me now, which I think is highly hypocritical.
"If I get pregnant Dana... that's fine. I'm secure... but your situation with Logan."
"Poop..." (Hafta be careful swearing near Rhi) I hadn't even thought of that. Me getting knocked up again would be a disaster.
"Take a test next week!" Zoey orders. "And if it's negative for gods sakes go on the pill!" she sighs heftily. "If there weren't a chance you were knocked up I'd beat the heck out of you for being so stupid... you know that?" I thoroughly think I'd deserve it. Ugh I'm such a moron! And so is Logan... why didn't he protect me? I guess I've always looked after myself, and if I am...
Positive. Oh... my... god. Positive. I have no idea what to do. I have no idea who to tell... Logan's going to go ballistic if I tell him, but he has to find out some way or another. Sulking a little during dinner, I fork the word 'Daddy' into his mash potatoes. Subtle and creative. But he doesn't get it. Instead at dinner he just laughs and says. I try again a few days later, emplying Rhiannon in my little scheme. I get her to point at my stomach when her dad walks into the room and go 'BABY', which is definitely her favourite word in the world. She says 'baby didda do it' a lot... when normally she did do it. Whilst he's at work I'm always stuck with Rhiannon, I don't mind, she's lovely, but I would love some company other than the kind whos diapers I have to change, plus she normally falls asleep at about 2 o clock and wakes up just after Logan gets home, between two and five I generally do housework. Logan allows me to tidy his room, but I'm always frightened I'll go in and find something I don't want to see, but I never do. I'm making his bed and pick up a pillow... it'll be fun. Being a mom again. I'm not sure if I remember how to even hold a newborn. I pull the pillow into the crook of my elbow and rock it sideways. I find the words on my lips without even thinking about it. "Nope, nuh uh, no way." Logan laughs walking into the room. I panick, he's home early. "Rhiannon's enough of a handful. No more real or pretend kay." he smiles and takes the pillow from me, throwing it back onto his bed. I know it was supposed to be painful, but I facefault. He rolls his eyes. "Come off it Dana..." I try not to cry. I guess the baby's making me emotional, I wipe my eyes furiously. "I'm sorry..." He says eventually with a hefty sigh. See... there's still no love. Three times now I've been in this situation. Baby in the belly but no lover. It's seriously depressing, I stay because he's given me everything. A gorgeous daughter, a home, he provides for us (I had to quit when Rhiannon was born). I couldn't leave, even if I wanted to. I talk to all my friends on the phone about it. Angelica suggests getting kinky. Nina suggests I shut up because Logan does everything and I'm ungrateful. Zoey reccomends I demand... She told me I have to give him the All Or Nothing... A/n: Done. Review. I post more. yes.
"Nice try cruz but she can barely say it nevermind spell it. Can you angel?" He smiles at Rhiannon. See he's such a good dad and I absolutely hate that he says we can't be together, he says I crave attention... but he seems to push it away. I'm not licked yet. I have around 30 plans to tell him one way or another that we're going to have a baby. After dinner when we're sat watching Blue's Clues for Rhiannon, I place my hand on my tummy and smile vaguely. He doesn't seem to notice, so I give a murmered humming noise, rubbing my tummy and looking down at it.
"Indigestion?" Logan asks me. GAH! I could not have been more obvious there... could I?
"Oh god..." Says Logan. I assume he's clicked. "She's uhm... she's a girl. YOU give her the talk?" The talk... she's one! She doesn't know where babies come from, and he assumes she's asking. Why is he so dense...
"Uhm... maybe when she's a little older." He nods curtly and picks her up, spinning her in the air.
"Aboo! How's my little angel? Huh?" I can't help but smile... part of me worries he'll blame me. But I know that he's amazing with Rhi. No more schemes... I'm just going to have to tell him straight forward... but not now. Rhi's giggling in exictement as Logan spins her in the air, I don't want to interupt the perfect moment. I'll tell him tomorrow after work.
"Hush little baby don't say a word, momma's gonna buy you a mocking bird..." I sing to myself a lot, and Rhiannon. But I never sing when anyone else can hear me. I think in psychobabble talk it's traumatic for me, I sang to my first baby bump a lot.
"Wait..." he suddenly clicks. "Are you... are we... and when we... did you... Jesus!" I sit down on the bed staring at him, waiting for a response. He leans against the wall, his eyes closed, deep in thought... I think he might be mad because the silence is killing me.
"YOU?" I say incredulously.
"Yeah me..." He doesn't SOUND mad, but he might just be good at hiding it. "I'm assuming you want to keep it?"
"Of course!" I'm shocked he'd even ask. Theres another very long silence until he speaks.
"C'mere." I stand up cautiously and he pulls me into a hug. It feels weird, it's over protective, and there doesn't seem to be any feeling in it. It's like I'm hugging a brick wall. Rhiannon starts screaming her usual I-Hear-Daddy-Want-His-Attention-Now scream.
"Guess we'll have to get used to that again..."
"We JUST got Rhiannon into a routine..." I sigh.
"Don't worry about it Dana... we'll be fine." He kisses my forehead very softly and slips his hand onto my stomach. "You were hinting at this earlier this week... weren't you?"
"Yeah... you're seriously dense," I can't help but snicker. He rolls his eyes.
"Okay it makes sense now. Yeah Rhiannon I'm coming!" He leaves me alone.
And I don't think I'm strong enough.