Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls. That makes me kind of sad. You know what else makes me sad? I have like 2, almost 3 loooong weeks until I drive down to SA for my Goo Goo Dolls concert.

A/N: This one is going to be long. I have the entire thing planned out, y'all will just have to trust me and be patient with me. :o)

When It Feels Like My Dreams Are So Far

Lorelai looked around, taking everything in. Pursing her lips as she adjusted the white mink throw covering her legs, she saw the Wadsworth Mansion that Emily had rented come into view. The horse-drawn sleigh reached the beginning of the road that would lead her to her wedding party and stopped.

"Is everything ok?" she asked the driver who had been silent so far.

"Yes, ma'am. I was given specific instructions as to when I'm supposed to start the sleigh down the road; it'll just be a moment." She waited in silence until a man ran up to the sleigh and whispered something to the driver. He nodded and shook the reigns, the two white horses starting down the road.

"What's your name?" She asked, not liking the silence.

"Christopher," he said, not wanting to get into a conversation with this woman. He just wanted to do his job.

"Oh! That's my husband's name." Noticing the strange look that flickered over the man's face, she hastily tried to make it sound better. "I know what you must think. I'm marrying my husband today. Well, I mean that we're already married. This is all done by my mother who was upset she missed it the first time. See, we eloped while we were in France. His daughter was visiting her mother and we went with her, and you don't need to know all that," Lorelai made herself stop talking, cursing her inability to remain silent. She knew she was going to have to work on that as her mother's words came rushing back to her.

It's not going to be perfect. He's not perfect, and God knows you're not perfect. But marriage is not about always being happy, and often it's about not being happy at all. It's about compromise, which is not your strong suit. Marriage is about swallowing your pride sometimes, about doing what he wants. It's not always about winning an argument, which may make you sad because that's what you love, but...I just don't want to see you ruin this. Marriage is serious business, Lorelai, and if you don't take this very seriously, then this whole thing is going to fall apart faster than you could possibly imagine. Then he'll be gone, and you'll be alone again. A ring is no guarantee.

She smiled sadly at the way she had gone to him that night. She had apologized. She had promised him this wedding, promised him that she would be better at compromising, that they would work together on making decisions. So she had agreed to the horse-drawn sleigh and everything else her mother had wanted with a few modifications. So now here she was, sitting in this ridiculous sleigh, surrounded by white lights decorating the bare trees and snow blanketing everything. It had stopped falling this morning. Her wonderful snow has stopped for her wedding party. She shivered as the sleigh drew closer to the hall and she could see everyone waiting for her. She had no idea who most of these people were, her mother and father's friends and associates most likely. She knew that some of Chris partners from the firm were there as well, but as for her friends. Sookie and Jackson were there, as well as Rory. She hadn't wanted to invite anyone else from Stars Hollow because she didn't want to invite everyone except Luke. She smiled when she saw her friends, glad that they were there for her today, willing to be a part of this for her. Rory looked beautiful and calm, as she almost always did. Lorelai laughed at her memory of the previous night, Rory doing her best trying to calm Lorelai down after she had talked to her mother on the phone for the 15th time that day. Lorelai had tried to thank her this morning but Rory had just shrugged it off, telling her that it was part of her duties as the maid of honor. She grinned as Sookie came running up to her, enveloping her in a hug. Lorelai basked in the warmth of her friendship, the pulled away so her mother wouldn't come over and lecture her about not wrinkling her dress.

"Sookie, you look beautiful. I am so glad I let you pick out your own dress."

"Oh yeah, you would have definitely picked out something horrible for me," Sookie giggled. "So are you nervous?"

"Sookie, I'm already married," Lorelai said.

"Yeah, but still... Not even a little?"

"What I am nervous about is my mother. If one thing goes slightly wrong, she will go postal. So it's probably for the best if everyone just stays out of her way." Sookie put her serious face on and nodded in understanding as Rory walked up to her mom.

"Mom, you look so beautiful. And may I just say, thank you for not making me wear a horrible dress?"

"Aww hon, would I ever do that to you?"

"Yes."

"Yeah, you're right." Lorelai gave Rory her first real smile of the day.

"Are you nervous?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? I'm already married to him!"

'I know. But what If you trip?"

"Thanks kid. Now I'm nervous. What if I trip? Oh my god, what if I trip? Emily will kill me!"

"Mom, I was kidding. You'll be fine. And hey, if you do trip, everyone will see what cute shoes you have!"

"Thanks. And I wore my monkey underwear today, so if I fall I'm set."

"Oh, you should make sure to let Grandma know."

"Or I could just stand in front of a fan and let her find out for herself," Lorelai said, grinning wickedly.

"Grandma would disown you."

"Of course she would. Wouldn't that be the point?"

"Oh you know you wouldn't really want that to happen."

"Oh I don't know about that. Just think about it, we'd get our Friday nights back."

"How weird would that be? We've been doing Friday night dinners since I started high school."

"Hello girls,' Emily said, walking over and adjusting Lorelai's veil. "Lorelai you look beautiful. When you get back in the sleigh, make sure not to wrinkle your dress. Five minutes." Emily gave Rory Lorelai's bouquet and walked away. Lorelai started after her mother's retreating form.

"So, five minutes. Mom, thank you for agreeing to do this. I know you didn't really want to have this big party and all, but seeing you and Dad get married really means a lot to me. I didn't get to be there the first time."

"As long as you're happy kid."

"As long as you're happy Mom, this is your wedding."

"No, it's Emily's wedding," Lorelai said, looking away unhappily, climbing back into the sleigh. She adjusted the blanket over her legs and shivered, grateful that she had at least chosen a long sleeved dress.

"Well, you're beautiful and your flowers are beautiful," Rory said, handing her mother her bouquet made of white and red roses gathered with a white satin ribbon.

"Thanks kid, see you in a few." Rory nodded and went to go find Emily, knowing that she would be panicking about the ceremony and anything that could possibly happen. Lorelai sighed and waited for the carriage to take her to the ceremony. The horses started forward and Lorelai found herself wondering what Luke was doing that day. Sighing, she tried to make herself think about something else. The horses stopped at the beginning of the aisle and she saw everyone already in place by the altar, waiting for her. She stepped out of the sleigh and onto the white carpet laid out in front of her. She gasped silently as she stepped into the hall. White lights and white roses were everywhere. It was elegant and understated, just like Emily. She took her father's arm and they started down the aisle. Concentrating on not tripping, she held Rory's gaze for the rest of her walk. Taking her place in front of Chris, she concentrated on what Reverend Boatwright was saying.

"Please be seated everyone. I have known Lorelai and Christopher for many years now. I know them to be two caring, responsible individuals who would stop at nothing to take care of those around them. Now they give that love to each other. They have promised that they will be there for one another; that they will let nothing break their bonds of love. These two have chosen to spend the rest of their lives together. They have found each other and right now, they have chosen to proclaim their love in front of all their friends and family. Lorelai and Christopher, will you please face each other? Please repeat after me. I, Lorelai Gilmore…"

Lorelai went through her vows, making sure to say the right name when she was supposed to. The last thing she needed was to pull a Ross and say her ex's name at her wedding. The rest of the ceremony went quickly, the sleigh taking her back to the front of the mansion so she could go to the bride's room and rest until the reception started. She walked quickly alongside Rory with the hope of avoiding her mother. They closed the door behind them and a few seconds later, heard four sharp raps on the door.

"Lorelai, I know you're in there. We need to go over the entrances for the reception one more time."

"Mom, I'll come out 10 minutes early, I just need some time!"

"Lorelai, we need to go over the dinner and the reception, just to finalize the plans. Come out here now please."

"Mother, just please. Come back in 20 minutes. If that's too late or if your explanation of how we should walk will run into the reception time, that's too bad. They can wait, please?" Lorelai paused waiting for an answer. She heard a sigh and the clicking of her mother's heels as she walked away. Lorelai looked around the room noticing the little details for the first time. This place was nice, a little frilly but not unlike what she might have chosen for a room at the Dragonfly. There was even a fire already going in the fireplace.

"Mom, it was all so beautiful. I'm really glad you did this."

"Yeah well my head would have been on a pike if I hadn't."

"But it would have been a pretty head, with that tiara and all."

"Oh of course, can't have my head on a pike without a tiara. That would be improper."

"You really didn't want this party?"

"I'm glad you got to see your parents marry, but honestly babe, I couldn't care less about this whole thing. I mean, the party will be fun and booze-laden but this is Emily's affair."

"At least you got to pick your own dress."

"Very true, do you remember the ones she wanted me to wear? There was lace everywhere. It looked like a Madonna music video from the 80's threw up on it."

"Mom, do you mind if I get some work done? I have an article due and I just want to do some touching up."

"Sure, I want to get some breathing time before your grandmother's big party anyway."

"You know she's doing this for you."

"I know you would love to believe that."

"Yeah, I would." Lorelai smiled as Rory opened her laptop and started reading.

Lorelai opened her bag and took out a sheet of Dragonfly stationary and a pen. Hesitating, she closed her eyes and decided to finally write the letter she had been composing in her head for months.

Dear Luke,

I'm writing this on my wedding day. Well, my second wedding day. My mother insisted on throwing a party for us, which I guess is nice because Rory can be there this time. We've already had the ceremony. I just bought myself some time so I could write you this before the reception. It wasn't what I thought it would be. I had this all thought out in my head, my wedding day. The flowers were supposed to be daisies, and my dress was going to be blush silk tulle with a cream satin sash. The small church would have had an old carousel out back. And you were supposed to be there. You were supposed to be standing there waiting for me at the end of that aisle. I was looking at Rory when I was walking down the aisle, not Christopher. I couldn't look at him because I was afraid that if I did, I wouldn't go through with this. And I have to because so much has happened.

Lorelai felt her throat closing up and she blinked back the tears that were starting to form. She had cried enough.

Luke, I am so sorry for going to Chris that night, in more ways than one. Part of me wanted to hurt you and part of me thought that my walking away from you that night meant that I was walking away for good. In a way it did. I am so sorry I hurt you Luke. I cannot forgive myself for doing that. I still love you Luke. It doesn't matter than I married Christopher, it will always be you. It's always been you. I miss you Luke. I've tried to tell myself that I don't but for now, I'm giving in. I miss you and I love you and I want so badly to be with you now instead of being with Christopher. I wish we had done things differently. I wish we had talked more. But I can't change the past; I can just accept my life now, right?

I have made mistakes in my life, big ones. But what I did to you that night, letting you go like that will always be the biggest of my life.
I'm so sorry that I hurt you.
I love you, Lorelai

Lorelai sighed and folded the letter, put it in an envelope and sealed it, leaving it on the desk.

"Hon, what time is it?"

"It's 4:15 Mom, what time do we need to be out there?"

"At 4:30 so we still have some time." Rory nodded and continued typing while Lorelai sat there for a few minutes.

"Hey, I'm going to meet Mom early, make her happy, and go over my entrance for the reception."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because it's you. And because it's your mother."

"Yeah well the real plan is to grab some food while she's in a frenzy and not looking because do you really think she'll let me eat while I'm in this dress?"

"Right. Go get food, and make a plate for me and leave it in the kitchen?"

"I'll try but if you take too long, you never know who will eat it."

"Don't eat my food, Mom."

"I'll try not to," Lorelai said. Rory smiled and turned back to her computer, losing herself in her article. Lorelai turned around and quietly grabbed her letter off her desk. She walked out the door, quickly throwing her letter into the fire.

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Hey guys, if you feel so inclined you can push the blue button. I will never discourage the pushing of the blue button. Especially because I want to see if I should continue this. Chances are I will anyway, but I always love to know that I'm not crazy or wasting my time. So let me know what you think. If you want to. :)