Don't Call Me Tinker Bell!
Summary: Jack gets a lesson from a small visitor. Size does matter.
Rating: All
Category: Gen
Season: 8
Characters: Jack O'Neill, Team, Siler, Walter Harriman, Dr. Brightman, Dr. Lee.
Pairings: None
DISCLAIMER: "Stargate SG-1/Atlantis" and its characters are the property of Sony Pictures, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Film Corp., Showtime/Viacom and USA Networks, Inc. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are the property of the author(s), and may not be republished or archived elsewhere without the author's permission.
The little female stomped her feet and shook her fist up at the surprised face of one very large U.S. Air Force General. For a man who prided himself in not showing emotion, he was clearly in shock…and amused…and a little afraid. The whole gamut of emotions played across his face.
The small female …what? What the heck was she? Well she sure was feisty…and small…and pissed off. She was 11 inches high if a centimeter. Perfectly, proportioned, she was pretty enough if you liked pointed ears and all.
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill looked down at an outraged small somebody and tried to hear what she wanted. He couldn't hear her. She was too far down and too small to vocalize that loudly. She probably didn't even speak English, although most people could be understood if they had passed through the Stargate. When she kicked him in the ankle he decided enough was enough. It didn't hurt; but she had his attention now.
"Okay, okay, you got me, what do you want?"
She screwed up her face in anger and pointed down. Jack had no idea what she wanted. But she was quite irate. She pointed down again. He pointed at himself and then at her. She nodded. Jack did it again to be certain. Yep, she wanted him to come down to her level. Instead he reached down to pick her up. She backed off, waving her arms to say, 'no.' Again she pointed to the ground and put her hands on her hips. No mistaking it. She was royally pissed.
"Um, Walter, could you come in here a minute?" Jack pushed the intercom on his desk and waited. She kicked his ankle again and tugged on his pant leg. "In a minute," he told her. Chief Master Sergeant Walter Harriman entered to find out what his commander wanted. Usually, he knew before being asked. But this time, he had no idea.
"Sir?"
"Look around the desk, on the floor, and tell me what you see."
"Sir?"
Jack gestured for Walter to come around the desk and look. He did. Jack saw Walter's eyes go wide.
"And?"
"Um, sir, I think I see a small tiny woman."
"Thank you, Walter." Jack sighed, "Oy." Together they said, Intruder alert. "Get Dr. Jackson in here and a few guards." Walter was already out the door summoning the guards. Looking down at the woman, Jack said softly, "Just a minute."
Looking around his desk, Jack spied his metal inbox. Dumping out the contents, he carefully placed it on the ground next to the little person. He pointed to the box. She eyed it and him suspiciously. It was a stand off. At that moment, Dr. Daniel Jackson entered the room.
"What's going on?"
"Got an intruder," Jack pointed down behind the desk. Daniel pushed his glasses back up his nose and came around to look. "See?"
"Uh huh," Daniel was surprised. "Boy, she's mad. Did you try to hit her with the box?"
"Of course not," Jack huffed. "I offered her a lift. But she's not taking it. And she won't let me pick her up."
"What did she tell you?"
"I can't hear her, too small. Got any ideas?"
"Get down on the floor?"
"Oy, the knees, the back, well, if I have to," Jack looked at Daniel beseechingly. Daniel got down on the floor with her. She looked back at Jack and then at Daniel. At that moment, the SF guards came in. "Stand at the door," Jack directed. "And don't move unless something bad happens." He turned his attention back to the situation behind his desk. "Well?"
"I can sort of make it out, but it's so soft." He listened to her a moment longer. "She's freaked out because she woke up here. She doesn't know who we are, what we intend to do to her, or why we stole her." He listened some more. "And she's hungry." Daniel smiled ruefully.
"What?"
"And she thinks you are rude…because…you tried to fondle her."
"I did not!"
"She says you did."
"I offered to pick her up to bring her up here."
"Well, that's just not done…she says that a gentleman would hold his hands together and let her sit down, not try to grab her…because…you could kill her."
"So what does she want?"
"She wants to go home."
"Address?"
"She doesn't know. She wants to know why we brought her here. Jack I don't think she knows what the Stargate is."
"Well how long has Tinker Bell been here? Are there more of her kind with her? And which team did she come with?"
"Her name is Alwyn. She doesn't know. She fell asleep and woke up here in a dark room. It's taken her days to figure out that you are the leader here."
"How many days," asked Jack? "Let's try to pin down the time, so we can figure out which SG team did it."
"She doesn't know…anywhere from two to three days."
"Great we've only had a couple dozen missions in that time." Jack rubbed his eyes. "Try to talk to her and figure it out. But do it in the Infirmary where we can check her out. Use the box."
Daniel spoke to her for a moment. She shook her head, 'no.' "She says that you are the master here and therefore all this is your fault. Since you stole her, she is your property and you must care for her."
"Oh crap, just get her out of here. I have work to do."
"She says you have not given her anything and she owes you nothing. So she won't do what you ask." Daniel listened a moment longer. "She says you are rude." Daniel grinned.
"And so therefore, what?"
"You have to apologize. Then maybe she will comply."
"What?"
Daniel huffed and shrugged. "And give her something."
"Like what?"
"I don't know. Pick something."
Jack checked his desk and saw an African violet growing in a small container on the credenza behind him. He plucked it up and pushed his chair away to get down on the ground with her.
"Um, sorry, ma'am," He offered her the flower. "Now what?" He looked at Daniel for ideas.
She regarded the flower, Jack, and Daniel. She thought it over. Speaking to Jack she told him, "If you will speak gently and behave kindly I shall obey you. Hurt me and the fault is yours."
"Okay," Jack said softly.
"I mean it."
"What?" Mean what?"
Daniel asked her. "She says she will not behave kindly if you hurt her." Jack looked at her and then Daniel.
"Is that a threat?"
"Seems so."
"Uh huh, I don't respond kindly to threats."
"Neither does she," Daniel answered. "She says she will bless those who deal kindly and speak truly."
"Okay, tell her I will not tolerate threats. Anyway, what can she do?"
"I'm paraphrasing… 'screw with her' and you'll find out. She's asking if you will be her guardian or her tormentor. Jack, this is following a kind of formula more than an offer of threats. She's asking 'friend or foe'."
"Back atcha, tell her."
"Jack it's a ritual greeting. Alwyn has stated her position. What is yours?" Jack rubbed the hairs on the nape of his neck before answering.
"Friend, I guess."
The small woman looked Jack in the eye to determine if he spoke the truth. Satisfied, she accepted the flower and made a short bow.
Then she walked up to the box and got in, once seated she indicated they could move her.
In the Briefing room some hours later, SG-1 gathered to figure out what to do with…for the lack of a better term…the 'Fairy.' Daniel and Walter figured out which SG teams had any probability of being the culprits. They narrowed it down to eleven teams. With that information, Daniel had taken her to view some of the equipment but none of it seemed familiar. Most of it had been re-used several times at that point. The MALPs had all gone through the Stargate at least twice if not three times and were cleaned in between. The rest of the gear had been cleaned and decontaminated. So it was up to Carter to lead a team to figure out if any spores or pollen could be clues. Unfortunately, there was no way other than to go back to eleven planets and that took time.
"So we have a guest for a few more days," Daniel explained. "It's absolutely fascinating. How could she be so small and still be sentient?"
"You know I hadn't thought of that," Carter replied. "Sir, her brain is so much smaller and her body weight so reduced how could she have a brain large enough to compensate?"
"Well, she's smart. She speaks. Heck she yelled at me. Threat assessment?"
"Hard to say, sir."
"Well, her scans and x-rays indicate many nodules of brain-like tissue all along her spinal cord and even in other areas of her body." Dr. Brightman handed copies of the file to O'Neill. "I'm guessing that these nodes are some kind of neural net. What her abilities really are is only a guess. She has two hearts and an unidentified organ. We have no idea what it does. She has an air sac in her body cavity linked to her lungs to give her oxygen on both inhalation and exhalation. Her bones are mostly hollow…And she has wings.
"Wings? Of course she does, what was I thinking?" Jack stopped doodling, sitting back and waiting for the rest of the report.
"I didn't see any wings," Daniel objected.
"They're transparent and unfold to a span 3.5 feet." Dr. Brightman showed them a video of her unfolding and grooming her wings. Everyone watched fascinated as each section of gossamer thin transparent sections unfolded and snapped into place. She worked on them and then flapped each one to stretch and check they were undamaged. Then she took flight around the Infirmary, settling back down on the examining table and refolding her wings.
"She's a completely different life form, sir," Carter enthused.
"She has a unique physiology that we would want to study." Dr. Brightman referred to her notes. "She's has characteristics of both primate and bird. She gives birth like a mammal. Makes milk for her young. She is humanoid but has the wings. The two wings and two arms and legs give her six limbs. She has hair not feathers per se. Well, a few feathers are at the tips of her wings. She has spectacular vision and virtually no sense of smell. That indicates she is not a carrion eater. We don't know what she eats yet, but she is re-hydrating with water."
"Sir, we can't let her go just yet. This is a serious scientific opportunity," Carter declared. "We have to persuade her to stay and allow us to study her."
"The folks at the NID would love this," Jack frowned and twirled his pen.
"Oh, right…well, that would be a problem, sir," Brightman closed her file.
"And you want to study her first?" Jack sighed. "Okay, I've heard enough. I have to call the President."
"Tell him to clap his hands because we all have to believe in fairies," Daniel snarked.
Jack got up to make the call, thinking the President would bust a gut laughing.
"Um, yes, sir. No, it isn't a 'don't ask don't tell situation.' We have a real live fairy, wings and all. I'm not joking, sir. I wish I were. Her name is Alwyn. She's about a foot long and weighs about 2 pounds. Wingspan? Um, it's about three and a half feet nearly the size of a hawk, sir, but much more delicate. Bigger attitude. Yes sir." Jack looked at the receiver realizing the President hung up. He sighed heavily and sat back in his chair. Daniel walked in with a questioning look.
"Says he wants his share of the 'fairy dust'…Then he was laughing so hard he hung up on me or…dropped the phone."
"Where is she?"
"Infirmary, Dr. Brightman has one of the nurses trying to wash her. We don't know what she eats."
"Flowers!"
"What?"
"Yeah, flower nectar," Daniel got excited. "Fairies like to drink the nectar from flowers. Call a florist."
"You're kidding."
Daniel pressed the intercom for O'Neill's aide and instructed him to have honeysuckle and various types of flowers delivered. In the meantime, he contacted the nurse and told her to prepare simple sugar syrup.
Dr. Brightman called back.
O'Neill." He listened and hung up. "Ouch."
"What?"
"She told me to leave medicine to her and not use Grimm's Fairy Tales for a PDR."
"The Physician's Desk Reference has a 'fairy' entry?"
Jack glared at him. Daniel smirked.
Down below in the Gate Room there was a disturbance. Jack and Daniel went to his window overlooking the scene. Down below the 'Fairy' was flitting about. Her wings beat so fast they were practically invisible. She appeared to fly with nothing to aid her. Her short brown hair blew backwards as she gained speed. Hurtling toward the safety of a high perch, she landed on the top of the Stargate. Standing there in brown leggings and long sleeved shirt, she shook her fist at the guards.
The SFs were aiming their rifles at her not knowing if they should fire. Frantically, Daniel ran for the control room to get on the PA system. Launching off the Stargate at the Briefing Room, the fairy came eye level with O'Neill at the window. She crossed her arms and hovered, glowering at him.
"Don't shoot," Daniel called over the PA. Jack made it there and ordered them to stand down. Swooping up to the highest point in the room, Alwyn decided to perch on the top of the Stargate again. There she flapped her wings, stomping her feet angrily. She was saying something but no one could hear her.
"We have to get her a headset or something. I can't tell what she is saying," Jack complained.
"Zoom in on her," Daniel instructed the technician. "Boost the gain."
"…you nasty, miserable, motherless, beasts!" Alwyn ranted. "First you steal me. Then you starve me. Then you torture me, injure me, imprison me, and for WHAT? Because you are curious, you think you can just experiment on me? You no good ignorant savages, you have no feelings. Animals! How dare you treat me like this!"
The rant continued as she rained down curses upon them. Dr. Brightman and Dr. Lee came running into the Gate Room breathless.
"There she is," Dr. Lee pointed up. "Somebody get her down."
"Sorry, sir, she got away during an examination." Dr. Brightman turned back to the outraged entity. "No one was trying to hurt you, Alwyn. Get down from there."
Alwyn was so enraged she shrieked her angry tirade at O'Neill.
"And YOU! O'Neill, you despicable monster! It's all your fault! O'Neill, you have mud between your ears. Return me at once! May you grow like an onion with your head in the ground."
She shook her fist at them and dive bombed Dr. Lee, who ducked, raising an arm to protect his face but got kicked in the head. Alwyn swooped upwards to face O'Neill again through the glass. She was so angry she beat her wings on the glass and kicked it for good measure. The technician had sealed the blast doors to the Gate Room so she couldn't get out. They didn't want her upstairs in the Control Room. In her frustration, she swooped back down and beat Dr. Lee with her feet, chasing him around the room, kicking him in the head when she could manage it.
"Ow! Ow! Get her away from me! Ow, stop! Ow!" He curled down letting her knock on his back. She tired of him and turned for a run at Dr. Brightman. Two SFs interposed themselves between a furious Alwyn and Dr. Brightman.
"Nasty, ignorant, brute!" Alwyn screamed at Dr. Brightman. "You hurt me! See how it feels," she raged. Turning back towards Dr. Lee, she made a strafing run at him. He cowered in a corner, giving her his back. Another SF moved to get between them to shield Dr. Lee and got a face full of wings and a kick in the nose.
Over the PA system, Jack asked, "What the hell did you do to her?"
"She didn't like the examinations. Dr. Lee held her steady, while we took some blood. That's when she freaked out," answered Dr. Brightman.
"Ok, Alwyn, no one wants to hurt you. Stop it this minute."
"That's some tantrum," murmured Carter, observing the ruckus. "I don't think they are in any real danger. She's so small she can't actually hurt them much. If she could have done something, she would have by now.
"She's exceedingly emotional," Teal'c stated.
"Ya think?"
"Let me talk to her in person," Daniel offered.
"No, I'll do it. I have a calming effect on dogs…and ...crazy people." Jack took the microphone. "Alwyn, stop, I'm coming down. Everyone leave when I get there." He moved to go downstairs. The SFs herded the doctors to the exit door where O'Neill would enter. It opened and the exchange of personnel ensued.
"Everyone out, you too," Jack indicated to the guards. Jack looked up at Alwyn perched on top of the Gate again. The door shut behind him, leaving him alone with her. SG-1 looked on from the control room above. Alwyn flapped her wings in agitation.
"You have come to kill me, but I will fight you."
Jack stood there quietly, not moving with his hands at his sides. For many minutes he just stood there and said nothing, looking straight ahead, not at her. Finally, he looked up at her. Their eyes met. Hers were wet with tears of frustration and upset. Jack remained motionless. After she had calmed down more, he spoke quietly.
"I'm sorry, Alwyn. Really."
She stared at him, not believing him.
"We'll be more careful, gentle…"
She huffed, crossing her arms and looking away.
"We can't send you back for another day at least. We have to figure out which planet."
Alwyn glared at him.
"I know it looks bad."
She frowned.
"As soon as we can, we'll take you through to have a look. You tell us if it's the right one."
She narrowed her eyes, assessing.
"No more examinations, I promise."
She flapped her wings again in anger.
"You can have the VIP room. VIP means very important person. No one will bother you."
Nothing.
"Okay, tell me, what do you want me to do while we search?"
Alwyn swooped down to hover at eye level, just out of reach.
"That's better," she said sharply. "It's the first time anyone ASKED me what I want."
"You're right. I'm sorry." He stood there quietly, looking down while he waited.
"Keep those two away from me, for starters."
"Agreed."
"You are responsible. You take care of me, no one else."
"You will stay with me until you leave."
"No one touches me without MY permission."
"Fine."
"Feed me before you do anything else. I haven't eaten in at least three days."
"I'll send for all sorts of food," Jack called out. "Bring all sorts of food to the Briefing Room. We just sent out for lots of flowers."
"Why?"
"We thought you ate, er, drank the nectar from them."
"You are bizarre creatures. I eat meat, plants, and fruits, just like you."
Jack gave an irritated look up at Daniel, who shrugged.
"Tell me why you stole me."
"We didn't steal you. It's an accident. That's the truth."
"You'll have to do better than that."
"I can't because that is the truth."
Alwyn glared at him, thinking it over. She moved away some more.
"What will you do to my people when you find us?"
"Try to make friends."
"Why?"
"Come with me and we'll talk about it." Jack motioned for her to come to him. She cringed. "I swear, I won't hurt you. We'll just talk."
"We are talking fine where we are."
"I can't feed you up there." 'The Stargate is in use all day and I have work to do.'
"Tricks."
"No…no tricks."
Alwyn hesitated and swayed, her eyes closing. The adrenaline rush from the fear passed, leaving her drained even more. More minutes passed in silence.
"Come down before you fall down," Jack crooned softly. "C'mere."
"You are all so clumsy with me." She eyed him wearily. Jack crooned reassurances at her. She swayed again. Looking around at the situation there really wasn't much choice, if she wanted to eat. With a sigh, Alwyn commanded, "Stand still."
"Standing still."
"If I come, don't grab me. You could kill me. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
"I won't grab you."
"Hold open your left arm for me to land." She demonstrated how he should crook his arm so she could land on his forearm. She watched him carefully. "Then let me clutch you. Don't grab me!
"I got that part already. No grabbing."
"And don't move. One of your big paws can knock me dead."
"Steady like a rock."
Alwyn waited until Jack's arm was in position and steady for a while.
Alwyn circled Jack twice, landing in the crook of his left arm. Before she folded her wings she hesitated. Jack stayed motionless, crooning to her. Alwyn let her weight settle on his arm and leaned up against his shoulder, clutching his shirt. Shivering, she finished folding her wings.
"Done," she shivered even more in fear. He was so big and clumsy. He'd kill her by accident with the sweep of one big paw. Clutching his shirt with her small delicate fingers, she cautioned him. "Be careful, you can break my bones or damage my wings if you apply too much pressure."
"I got that, shhhhhh," Jack crooned softly. It took another few minutes before she accepted his touch. He crooned to her and spoke softly until she stopped shivering, like a trapped bird. "Are we good to go?"
"Don't let them touch me." She shivered more.
"I already agreed, Tinker Bell."
"Don't call me Tinker Bell!" She became cross again. "I have a name. Use it. Alwyn."
"Yes, ma'am," he grinned ever so slightly thinking this was the best job in the universe. He had himself a fairy. Who'd a thunk? He crooned more until she stopped shivering. Then they went up to his office.
Alwyn and Jack spent the day in the Briefing Room or Jack's office while the SG Teams searched the most likely planets. Siler made a perch for her with an old coat rack. He lined it with foam rubber and soft cloths. Walter brought in foods. Then Siler came back with a large potted plant with lots of moss at the base. Jack looked at him and the plant with curiosity.
"Latrine, sir," Siler shrugged. Jack's eyebrows shot up.
"Good thinking there, Sparky."
Poking around at the food offerings, Alwyn decided she liked various berries and most nuts. After describing the birds her people hunted, Jack had some roasted chicken brought for her. She ate delicately. But she was exhausted. So, she settled into her perch and fell asleep.
Sergeants Siler and Harriman found reasons to go through the Briefing Room all day. The entire base wanted updates on the General and his 'fairy.' There was a pool on whether she could make him fly, too.
By the end of the day, SG-13 figured out which planet was Alwyn's. They returned to inform the General who was conferring with the Secretary of Defense. He had diverted from the Air Force Academy conference to see her for himself.
"General," the SecDef whispered, "in all my days, I would never have expected to have a meeting with a 'fairy.' This is one day for the record books." He peered into the perch. "Amazing, look how delicate she is, brave too. If I hadn't seen the video, I wouldn't have believed she would take on the whole Gate Room. Make contact with them and see if she would like to stay for a while, as an ambassador of sorts. I'll talk to the NID and keep them out of your hair…and her feathers."
O'Neill nodded sagely, looking down at the being, so trustingly asleep in his office.
A few weeks later, Jack announced that he was moving to Washington, DC. A new general would command the SGC. By then, most of his team had scattered. Carter was working in Area 51. Daniel was set to go to Atlantis. Teal'c was busy as a leader with the Free Jaffa on Dakara. Why not? It was time to move on.
That Monday morning, Major General Hank Landry arrived early to start right with his new command. And what a command! Even after his briefings and meeting with O'Neill, his long time friend, he couldn't believe the reality and the responsibility that had landed on him. This posting was the first line of defense for the whole planet!
Chief Master Sgt. Walter Harriman came in anticipating Landry's needs as if he had radar. After the exchange, Walter informed him of this day's schedule.
"After you meet with Colonel Mitchell, you have a ten minute break and then you have your meeting with the base fairy. At 1100 hours you have lunch with the Colonel's on the base. And this afternoon, you have a briefing to update you with the situation on Atlantis. Then, we have an all hands meeting…"
"Back up there, Chief."
"You have a briefing at 1500 about Atlantis with Dr. Jackson and…"
"No, back up before that…"
"Lunch with Colonels Dixon, Reynolds, Griff, and Rundell.
"Back up some more."
"The meeting with the base fairy," Walter stifled a grin.
"Yeah, that's the one. I've got a sense of humor as good as the next guy, but I'm not amused. You will do well to refrain from practical jokes with me, Chief…" Landry stopped, realizing Walter was biting his lips and shaking his head. "No, what? Spit it out."
"You really do have a meeting with the base fairy, sir. She's prepared a briefing for you…"
"Fine, you've had your little joke. Now knock it off."
"No joke, sir. We have a resident fairy on the base."
"This is me not laughing, Chief."
"Yes, sir, I'm not kidding. She's about so high and her wings are so big," Walter demonstrated with his hands, one clutched around the clipboard. "So we have provided her perch for the meeting…"
"Chief, I'm still not laughing."
"Here, sir," Walter handed Landry the file. "It's all in there. And oh, here's your headset so you can talk to her. She speaks very softly. Can't always hear her without it."
"Get OUT!"
"Sir…"
"OUT or I'll have you scrubbing toilets in Greenland! OUT!"
Walter backed out of the office in a hurry.
Finally, I got to yell at someone. Humph. Turning around at the knock on the door, he saw Sgt. Siler in the doorway.
"Sir, I have someone you should meet."
"Fine, but make it quick. I have a meeting with…"
OMG? WTF?
Landry's eyes went wide in disbelief. The man had a bird on his arm. Siler stepped back to clear the doorway and launched Alwyn. She swept in on the wing. Landing on her nesting perch, she stared back at him, faintly amused. He froze. Just then the phone rang. The sound brought him back to the moment.
"Landry," he barked into the phone still keeping his eyes on Alwyn. "Very funny, Jack. Yes, she's right here. For you," he indicated the phone. Instead she landed by the base and hit the speaker phone button with her foot.
"Is he treating you all right, Alwyn?" Jack had a special soft note in his tone.
Like a bird, Alwyn cooed softly back to him.
"If you believe in fairies, let me hear you clapping, Hank."
"I can do better than that." Landry cooed the mating song of the wild Fulvous Whistling-Duck at her. Surprised and then touched, she answered with her own cooing call back. He offered her an arm, still cooing. She was entranced, cooing back in answer. Back and forth went the billing and cooing until Alwyn accepted the proffered arm and nestled in the crook of Landry's arm.
The phone was forgotten as Jack's disembodied voice kept asking… "What?"