Summary : I'd rather run away, crawl away, than have you perceive my slow decay. I can barely breathe and these cuts heal but they won't bleed. We could have a knock-down-drag-out, or face what's been the case... But it could end up in disgrace... What if we tried to relocate it? Would it even change a single thing?
Disclaimer : Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite; all song titles and lyrics belong to their respective owners; otherwise, this fic and everything else belongs to me.
Spoilers : I suggest being up-to-date, just in case. At the least, the beginning of the Arankar arc.
Warnings : Violence, masochism, foul language, lewd comments, character death, angst, and (graphic) sex in later chapters.
Rating : M – Mature, mainly for the...erm, everything, actually... The violence, death, and masochism that start in the next few chapters, and the sex in the later chapters.
Note : It's earlier than I said it would be (thank Hyou-kun). Show your appreciation and review, otherwise I'll be slow in updating (err...slower than normal, anyway).
Dedication : To all fellow RenIchi slashers. Special thanks to Akuni-A for being my inspiration. Also, I thank Lipton's Diet Green Tea with Citrus (damn good stuff), Diet Dr. Pepper (always good), Sudafed PE, and Claritin (yay drugs).

Candy Cane : 1 : Of Martyrdom and Suicide

And I believe this may call for a proper introduction, and well
Don't you see? I'm the narrator, and this is just the prologue.

"Can you fake it?"

Yeah, I think I can.

"For how long?"

I don't know.

"If he starts caring?"

…Not very.

"Oi! Ichigo – stop spacin' out!" Renji called.

Ichigo snapped into reality and immediately changed his course, sensing the Hollow's presence. "I got it," he called out.

"You sure?"

The orange-haired boy didn't answer as he dove down for the blowfish-shaped Hollow chasing a child spirit.

Renji halted at the edge of the building, watching his comrade. A few seconds passed before a blast sent up a burst of hot air, shaking everything around it. "Whew – smells like rotten seafood…"

Even before the dust settled, Ichigo was back up on the building next to Renji. "Not used to them exploding," he said with a nervous chuckle, looking a bit shaken.

"Yeah, it happens," Renji said.

"Heh. Next one's all yours," Ichigo replied as they started moving again.

Renji smirked at the boy. It had been nearly a month since they'd been able to see each other – years since he'd been able to go on normal patrol. He was glad he ran into Ichigo so soon after he came through the gate – patrol was boring alone. Ichigo didn't seem to have a problem running around Karakura with him, either.

"Hey, Ichigo?"

"Yeah?"

"You mind if I stay at your place while I'm here?"

Ichigo looked at him. "I'm in an apartment now – it's small, but I guess, if you don't mind sleepin' on the floor."

Renji snorted. "I've slept on worse."

"That we have…" Ichigo agreed quietly, looking ahead of them again.

Renji glanced at him. "Hold up," he called. They stopped on the rooftop of one of the taller buildings in the area.

"What is it?"

"Nothin' – I just wanted to ask ya somethin'."

"And you had to stop to do that?"

"'Cause I want an honest answer – how're you holdin' up? Bein' back home an' everythin' now."

Ichigo shrugged. "I'm fine. Why?"

Liar – nobody answers "I'm fine" after going through a war like that. "Just makin' sure, is all," Renji replied. "Nothin' wrong with bein' concerned about a buddy."

Ichigo managed a smirk. "Come on – let's head back. It's gettin' late."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

How'd I get back here at this? Another sleepless night dismissed. It might take a day to get back and figure out what I missed... How'd I get back here at this? My knuckles white clenched into fists. I might need a day to get back and figure out what I missed... I've been losing sleep for days trying to claim, what little stake I have and why my heart betrays. I'd bail out if it made me free, I'd run but I can barely breathe... How'd I get back here at this? Another cheap attempt at bliss. It might take more than this bottle, to forget about what I missed... How'd I get back here at this? I'm feeling torn just to exist, I guess I need more time to process, the feelings I once dismissed... I've been losing you for days playing this game. I've been using up again my ways to kill this pain. My reasons propped up on this candy cane. It cures my stroke of bad luck and my heart attack of shame. I'd bail out if it made me free, I'd bail out if it made you see, I'd run but I can barely breathe... I'd rather run away, crawl away, than have you perceive my slow decay. I can barely breathe and these cuts heal but they won't bleed. We could have a knock-down-drag-out, or face what's been the case... But it could end up in disgrace... What if we tried to relocate it? Would it even change a single thing?

The Loved Ones - "Candy Cane"

Song Title and Lyrics: Panic! At the Disco "The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage"
Word Count: 371