Name: Squish Thy Love
Rating: PG
Summary: When Rukia proclaimed her love for the little roach whom she had named Renji, Ichigo glared at it. When she turned her back, he picked up his shoe and squished it without mercy.

Author's Notes:
I thought this up while watching a roach climb the wall beside me. Our new house has roaches. Due to Jabe's Asthma, though, we can't bug bomb the place until we can arrange for the little ones to stay at Grandma's for the weekend.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or the characters.


Squish Thy Love

Ichigo was watching Rukia watch the little bug that was crawling on her arm.

It was gross.

Well, on the bright side, at least she hadn't started making out with the bug she was currently giving the googly-eyed-look that she saved for Chappy. Ichigo sighed and tried to get her attention again. She completely ignored him, as if he wasn't only two feet away from her snapping his fingers and yelling.

He was losing to a bug. And not only a bug...

... a roach.

Shivering, he stood to his feet and walked over, dropping down in front of her. She grinned and looked up at him, finally acknowledging his existence.

"Oh, hi, Ichigo! I named him Renji!"

Ichigl glared at the bug. Oh, well. He'd had a rabbit named after him. The little, disgusting roach fit the name Renji, anyway.

"Rukia, why the hell did you name the roach?"

"Because he'd cute! I love him!"

Ichigo ground his teeth together, trying to remain calm. Rukia had named the bug Renji. No big deal. However, when she proclaimed her love to said roach, named after Renji, he didn't like it. He stood to his feet and turned his back on her. She just stuck her tongue out at him.

"You're just jealous."

"Am not," Ichigo protested. Rukia ignored him and began to talk to the roach again. It was playing with her, and, unlike all the roaches Ichigo had begged to sit still so he could kill, it wasn't running away.

He watched Rukia watch the roach that was watching him. Dropping down onto the floor beside Rukia again, Ichigo let a large breath out as Rukia grinned up at him.

"Rukia, why the hell are you playing with a roach? They're gross!"

"No they're not. They're kinda cute, actually."

"Humph."

Silence...

"Why did you name him Renji?" Ichigo asked, curiosity finally getting the better of him. Rukia looked up and seemed deep in thought for a minute as she bit her lip and twirled her fingers in her hair.

"Because I named the bunny Strawberry. And because Renji is my best friend."

"What about me?"

Rukia sighed and shook her head as she stood to her feet. She picked the roach gently off of her shoulder and put it on the table.

"And how do you know it's even a boy?"

She didn't answer that one as she walked over to Ichigo's door. He followed her, intent on getting answers. As she slipped out, she said, "If you touch Renji Jr, I'll kill you."

"Renji Jr.?!" Ichigo fumed.

Rukia reached back and gave him a soft kick before bouncing down the stairs, probably to help his sisters with lunch. Sighing, Ichigo walked back into his room and wasn't at all surprised to see Renji... no, the roach, still sitting on the table. He dropped down into the chair beside his desk and growled at the roach.

"I hate you."

No response, although, to be fair, Ichigo wasn't quite stupid enough to expect one.

"I really hate you. I hate you more than the real Renji. Or not." He paused and sighed. "Does Rukia really love him?"

More silence from the roach. It just stood there, as if glued to the spot, and waved it whiskers—As Ichigo had so kindly dubbed them—at the orange-haired boy in front of him.

"Fine. Don't answer me."

Ichigo stared at the roach and sighed. "Well, she can love the real Renji if she likes, because he's so far away, and after all, she chose to stay behind with me, but as for you, you little pest..."

Ichigo trailed off and reached down, taking his shoe off. "I've always hated roaches, and besides, they scare Yuzu. I love Rukia, and I don't like competition, so buh-bye you little menace."

The shoe came down onto the little roach hard, and only a tiny 'Squish' was heard from the little man. Just as Ichigo finished cleaning his desk off he heard Rukia yell,

"Ichigo! You just killed him, didn't you!"

Ichigo winced, pulled his shoe on in record time of half a second, and jumped out of his window as Rukia stormed up the stairs. Grinning, he began to walk along the road.

"So long, Renji! I win."


I had fun. But I kinda felt bad for killing the roach at the end. Mwahaha.

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