Hi! Thanks for all the reviews and your support during this story. Just if someone wondered, Stadavok is a city I invented, because I didn't want to use any real place for his parent's house.

What you Have and I Want

Epilogue.

I can see the land from this window, covered by the just fallen snow. The train's moving fast… I still can't believe what happened.

I went back to Russia, to Stadavok specifically, to see you. And I saw you, and saw him. You both believed I was dead… while I believed you were dead. I'm surprised by how easily a misunderstanding can occur. If it hadn't been because of that, maybe I would be living with you since long, or at least going back to see you, without all the doubts and questions I went two days ago.

Although I have slept last night, I feel tired. Not willing to sleep, but tired by all the recent events I was exposed to. It's understandable… I'm human…

I laugh at my own thought. I hadn't said that to me before, but now I realize, I have parents, they're alive… and so I'm just another human, another person like everybody else I know. I'm nothing special… but since when I thought I could be?

Maybe, being able to tolerate low temperatures, live without eating much, without sleeping, and taking into account my strength and abilities undoubtedly superior to the rest of the guys I know of my age, I had reasons to question all the things I had questioned to myself. How was I risen up to be… the monster I am.

When I think that, I can't help remembering the fight I held with him. You must be remembering it now, it was a memorable thing as many other situations I can't remember yet, but I know that took place, as his departure.

I'm relieved to at least know some part of my story… well, what you told me is the only thing that I needed to know… the rest will come in dreams, in flashbacks, and maybe… some day, I return to ask you about them… when I don't understand.

I have so many things to process now… to think about, to remember. In some way I feel sad this journey had to end… but I also know that if I stayed there any longer… that would probably bring more arguments, and I'm aware you won't be able to stand another fight.

I guess it's fine like this… I guess this information, the photos and what's written in the diary, will be enough… to at least know me. I sigh, when I remember I almost died there in the cold snowstorm.

If it hadn't been for you… I would have died. It was him the one who saved me… who took me back home. I wonder if he did that because he wanted to, or because you told him to do it. I remember he was very afraid.

I look in my bag, it's getting colder and I'll see if I have some coat to put on… but the only sweater I took here is the one I'm wearing. I sigh again, and frown when I notice something… is missing. I look into my bag, and look again. I can't have drop it accidentally… can I? I look one more time, and I soon notice it isn't there. A copy of the picture on my identity card… maybe I drop it when I suddenly grabbed the rucksack before leaving.

I was stupid in not leaving it somewhere else… well, I guess you'll find it there on the floor… and that way have a reminder of what was a short stay… of your son. After all, you're not a spy, and I don't have to care about you having my photo.

The snowstorm is calming… this weather seems to go with me everywhere I go… unstable periods of storms… ha… I low my sigh, I think I should try to stop thinking about anything that comes to my mind and sleep…

It's dark outside… both because of the storm, and because it's still eight am. I frown… 24 hours ago, I was still getting to know you… I was exploring the house and I found the diary. How many things can happen in… let's see… I arrived there at six, then I talked to you, I fall asleep, then he came, then I ran away, he brought me back, we fought, and you finally told me what I went looking for… and then I decided to leave… at seven. I blink when I realize I didn't spend more than 25 hours with you… a short time for all the things that happened.

What a stupid thought… keeping my mind in what has happened, will only make things worse and I will confuse myself more, if that's possible.

It seems the train's stopping. We're getting to some town. As I'm alone in this carriage, I realize many trains don't get so north, and people will start getting inside from now on, as we go south, way to Moscow. My plane will probably be waiting there. Wonder where I will go? Now, the least thing I want is to go to my grandfather's.

I see through the window how hurried people get inside some carriages. Fortunately, no one comes into mine, but a black haired girl, not so tall. I look at her, she doesn't know I'm here. She's wearing a dark blue strapless, a grey coat, and black trousers. Her hair is dyed black and dark blue. She sits there, and glances at the window.

I do the same, look through my window again and see that we're moving again. Everything's done, I have nothing to worry about. With your face on my mind, and next to it, his face, I fall in a deep sleep. I will go back to you… someday.

I really appreciate all your reviews, and I'm very thankful to all the people who read this story. I dedicate it to my father, who lives with me physically, but I have assumed that with his mind, he lives somewhere else, somewhere distant where he doesn't want to be found.

Thanks to my mother and Carlos for having listened to this story. Thanks to my father for trying and reading some of it. Thanks to Rina, Öykü, and Bladz-Liska for reviewing and supporting the whole way.

I love you.

mikaera.