Disclaimer: I don't own NWN2, it's characters, plots, places, etc and so forth...

I warn you, this is a very silly little something that just attacked me one day and wouldn't go away until I wrote it down. Reviews are always welcome.

Warning for mild language and moderate sexual innuendoes.

Location: Crossroad Keep, Library

"And you're sure this will do the trick?" The young, blonde human wrinkled her nose dubiously at the smallish packet of herbs in her hand.

Sand sighed heavily, resisting the urge to roll his eyes as he thought, I just simply must thank Nevalle for convincing me that it was in my best interest to remain with this band of half-wits. I mean, truly, what would I do with myself if I couldn't play "matchmaker to the clueless" as the world around us goes straight to the hells? Plastering on an entirely false smile that he reserved only for customers that smelled bad, or lawyers from Luskan, Sand reassured her, "Yes, dear girl, I am certain. Just add one scoop of that mixture to the Paladin's drink and he'll be pawing all over you in no time." He just managed to resist the urge to shudder at the rather graphic images those words conjured up in his mind.

They seemed to have the entirely opposite effect on the young Knight-Captain as she clapped her hands gleefully, squealing like a child as she skipped out of the library, calling out, "Thanks, Sand!" over her shoulder.

Shaking his head in disgust, Sand thought, I should have just said no. This will not end well.

Location: Crossroad Keep, Inn

"Do you mind if I join you, Casavir?"

The Knight-Captain's blue eyes sparkled as the Paladin rose gallantly from his seat, gesturing grandly at the chair across from him. "It would be a pleasure, my lady," he said in his usual placid, formal tone. I'm going to get you to lighten up if it kills us both, she thought as she smiled and took a seat.

As he sat back down, she leaned over the table and peered distastefully into the mug he was drinking from. "How can you palate that vile ale?" she asked. "It tastes like Grobnar's bath water."

Casavir smiled politely. "I assure you, my lady, I have endured far less quality drink in the past. But," he started to rise, "if it pleases you, I will have Sal send over something that my lady finds less offensive."

"No!" she said, startling him back into his chair with her sudden outburst. "Uh, what I mean is, allow me. I know that Sal has a few very nice bottles of wine hidden in the back room. I'll be right back."

Bowing his head slightly, Casavir said, "Very well, my lady."

It was everything the Knight-Captain could do to keep herself from breaking into a sprint from the anticipation pumping in her veins as she made her way across the inn, grabbing two clean goblets from behind the bar as she passed. Safely inside the back room away from prying eyes, she pulled the packet of herbs from her pocket. Snagging the first bottle of wine she could find and earnestly hoping that it didn't end up tasting like umber hulk spit, she filled both glasses nearly to the brim. Okay, she thought as she picked up the herbs, Sand said one scoop…but what in the hells is a scoop? Looking around desperately, her eyes landed on a large serving spoon. Perfect! She carefully dished out a heaping spoonful of the fragrant mixture, chewing her lip nervously as she stirred, and stirred, and stirred…and stirred. After a near eternity the drug was completely dissolved.

Okay, girl, she mentally prepped herself as she fluffed her hair and squared her shoulders, you can do this. Time to show this guy that there's nothing wrong with expressing your feelings.

The Knight-Captain flashed her best charming smile at Casavir as he rose to receive the cup from her. She took special care to give him the wine that was spiked. Wouldn't be good if I went spilling my guts to him, after all…he'd probably have me sent to a nunnery. As they sat, he took a sip of the drink, and his eyebrows shot skyward in surprise. "This is spiced wine, is it not, my lady?" he asked curiously.

"Uh, yeah," she said brightly, trying to hide her nervousness. "It was all I could find."

"It is quite good," he assured her as he took another drink, bringing a sigh of relief from the young woman.

After a long, awkward silence, she said hopefully, "So, Casavir…tell me how you became a Paladin."

As he began to talk, she leaned in and feigned attentiveness, smiling and nodding at all the right places, but her thoughts were, How long will this take? I swear, if this crap takes a week to kick in, I'm going to have Sand drawn and quartered. Wait…why is he staring at me like that?

Casavir was smiling slightly as he studied her face. "What…what's wrong?" she asked hesitantly.

"Not a thing, my lady," he said, somewhat dreamily, his smile expanding. "I was merely admiring your ravishing beauty."

Okay, Sand is getting a raise. "Casavir," she said with a coy smile, "what a sweet thing to say."

The Paladin surprised her by reaching for her hand and stroking it tenderly. "It is only the truth, my dear," he murmured. "From the first moment I laid eyes on you, I was captivated. You are a light in the darkness of this world." The Knight-Captain's mouth fell open, as she was rendered speechless, too surprised to even blush. "I have hidden my feelings from you for far too long, my lady. I love you, and I am not afraid to tell you anymore."

Her heart swelled as the Knight-Captain leaned closer to him. "Oh, Casavir," she breathed, "I-."

"In fact," he interrupted, his voice uncharacteristically loud, "I am not afraid to tell everyone. I want to shout my love for you to the world!" Before she could move, the tall man leaped up onto the table, smiling like a loon at the crowded room of patrons. "My dear friends!" he shouted over the din to a room full of mostly strangers, the shocked Knight-Captain staring up at him, frozen. "I have an announcement to make! I want you all to know that I love this woman!" He pointed at her, gazing down with raw, albeit slightly drugged, adoration. "This strong and beautiful woman has captured my heart and I would do anything for her!"

Out of the corner of her eye, the Knight-Captain saw Khelgar and Bishop exchange a very confused look, and could hear Neeshka making gagging noises from the back of the crowd. "Casavir," she hissed, a plastic smile on her face to hide her panic, "that's quite enough I th-."

But the Paladin continued to shout blithely. "She is everything to me! When I close my eyes at night, I can see her face in my mind." He squeezed his eyes shut, swaying drunkenly as he continued, his voice lower, but still carrying easily through the now quiet room, "Sometimes I imagine the time I accidentally caught her bathing. How the water made her skin glow…the curves of her body…sometimes, late at night, that image comes upon me…and it makes me touch my-."

"O-KAY!" the Knight-Captain stepped up into her chair to haul the raving Paladin down by his arm, ignoring the hoots and catcalls of the general population of the inn. "I think that's about enough declarations for tonight."

As Casavir flopped back into his chair, she noticed that his pupils were very dilated and his breathing was strangely labored. "But…my darling love…" he panted, swaying as his eyes faded in and out of focus, "I just…my love…I want…." He tilted sideways and slid out of his chair, collapsing into a pile of drugged platemail.

The Knight-Captain stared down at him in silent fixation for a moment before she managed in a strangled, panicked half-scream, "Khelgar!"

The dwarf strode over, shaking his head in disbelief as he said, "What in the Nine Hells did ye do to him, lass?"

Instantly defensive, she snapped, "Nothing!"

Bishop sauntered around the table, lifting Casavir's wine goblet to his nose and sniffing gingerly. "That desperate, are we Captain?" he asked, lifting his eyebrow in amusement as he smirked at the humiliated woman. "You know, there are easier ways to get a man to warm your bed." He circled around behind her, leaning close to her ear as he murmured, "All you had to do was ask."

"Oh, please, Bishop," the Knight-Captain spat contemptuously. "Getting you into bed is about as challenging as finding a tree in the forest." She turned back to Khelgar and pleaded, "Can you please help me get him out of here?"

Khelgar shook his head doubtfully. "Now, lass, I'm as strong as they come, but not even I can carry a human his size in full platemail by myself."

She turned an imploring gaze on Bishop, who snorted in derision. "I don't volunteer for charity work as easily as a romp in the sack, Captain," he growled irritably.

The Knight-Captain was relieved when Neeshka crept up, eyeing Casavir curiously. "Oh, Neeshka, please tell me you'll help." Seeing the tiefling's "yeah, right" expression, she added quickly, "I'll give you a thousand gold if you pitch in."

"Done," Neeshka said pleasantly, moving to lift one of the prone Paladin's legs. The Knight-Captain reached for the other leg as Khelgar crouched to lift Casavir under his arms.

"Alright, lass, where do ye want him?"

The Knight-Captain hesitated as she thought, Hmm…maybe some good can come from this disaster still. "Let's get him to my chambers."

Location: Crossroad Keep, Captain's Quarters

Stumbling over the threshold of her room, they landed in an awkward pile of cursing dwarf, Knight-Captain, sweating platemail, and disgusted tiefling, Bishop grinning behind them all the way.

"Pay me," Neeshka snarled as they extracted themselves from one another. "NOW."

Glowering at the greedy cutpurse, the Knight-Captain threw a heavy bag of coin as hard as she could at the tiefling, who ducked and caught the bag expertly with her tail before swaggering out of the room.

Looking down at Casavir, it was obvious he was beginning to run a fever. "Okay," the Knight-Captain said, "now we have to strip him."

Backing away with his hands raised, Khelgar said, "Whoa, there, lass. I like ye and all, but there's no amount of friendship or gold that could get me to help ye there!"

"Fine!" she shouted angrily. "I'll do it my own damn self!" This is your fault, a little voice nagged her, but she ignored it, bending instead to the strenuous task of removing Casavir's platemail.

After several minutes of cursing, struggling, and some more cursing, all under the loving supervision of Khelgar and Bishop, Casavir was finally stripped down to his clothes. Flopping backward onto the floor with a groan, the sweaty Knight-Captain grumbled, "Oh, this couldn't possibly get any worse."

"Uh," Bishop interrupted, the amused grin on his face widening. "He's convulsing."

Spoke too soon, stupid! Quickly she moved to hold him down as he thrashed, but the seizure just seemed to get worse by the second. "Damn it!" she yelled at the gawking onlookers. "Could one of you please go get-."

She broke off as Zhajeave appeared in the doorway beside them. "Know that I am here," she said softly as she came to kneel beside the Paladin.

How in the hells does she do that? the Knight-Captain thought, suppressing the chill that always ran up her spine when the Gith was nearby. Zhajeave placed her hand on Casavir's forehead, muttering under her breath, and immediately his body stilled and his breathing came a bit easier, but he still looked very grim.

The cleric raised her eyes to the Knight-Captain. "Know that if I am to cure this malady, you must tell me the cause."

Blushing fiercely, she responded, "Well, I don't really know what caused it…."

"She gave him an aphrodisiac," Bishop offered with a smug grin.

The Knight-Captain glared daggers at him, but admitted to Zhajeave, "Sand gave it to me."

"Know that I must be told what plants were used in this drug if I am to help."

Nodding, the Knight-Captain rose and leaned out the doorway past Bishop and Khelgar, knowing they wouldn't go track down the wizard for her, and screamed at the top of her lungs, "SAND!"

A moment later, the moon elf appeared in the doorway with a deep sigh. "You bellowed?" He suddenly spotted Casavir, his eyebrows raising in surprise as he asked, "Oh, my, what did you do to him?"

"It's more like what did you do to him," she snapped back. "Those herbs you gave me sent him into convulsions!"

Sand narrowed his eyes at her and asked, "Just how much did you give him?"

"One scoop, just like you said!"

Pursing his lips as he struggled for composure, Sand said slowly, "If you had only given him one scoop, we would not be standing here, my dear girl. Did you use the measure I gave you?"

"What?" she said, confused and angry. "You didn't give me any measure!"

Sand pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "It is inside the packet of herbs."

"Sand, I'm telling you," the Knight-Captain stated as she pulled out the nearly empty packet, "there's no measure…in…here…." She stared blankly into the packet in dumb silence for a long minute before reaching reluctantly inside and retrieving a small scoop, around the size of a half-teaspoon. "Oh, this is bad."

"Know that we must move him to the bed," Zhajeave said, and added, turning to Sand, "and know that you must tell me all that was inside that drug."

After a brief struggle, the sick Paladin was moved onto her bed, and as Sand and Zhajeave began working over him, the Knight-Captain flopped down in her desk chair. Oh, this is wonderful. He confessed his love for you, alright, to a whole freaking room full of people, so you got what you wanted. Heh, you did say you'd get him to lighten up, even if it killed him…. She lowered her head into her hands with a groan.

"I have done all I can," Zhajeave finally said as she covered Casavir with a blanket. "Know that he will recover, but he must not be moved."

"What!?" the Knight-Captain said. "But…but…this is my room!"

"Why'd ye have us bring him here then, lass?" Khelgar asked.

"Because…I…" thought I'd make it look like we slept together and then maybe the tight-ass would lighten up and we'd live happily ever after, but of course he has to get deathly ill and go into convulsions because it wouldn't be my life if things were easy! "I just wasn't thinking," she finished lamely.

Bishop rolled his eyes in disgust and disappeared down the hallway, followed shortly by the rest of the group. The Knight-Captain frowned in worry as she leaned over Casavir, who appeared to be sleeping soundly in her bed. With a sigh, she sat back down in her chair, propping her feet up on the desk as she tried to get a few hours sleep.

…

Casavir's groan woke her a few hours later, bringing her stumbling to her feet, which were both numb from her awkward sleeping position. Dragging herself gracelessly to the bed, she leaned over and whispered, "Casavir?"

"What…what happened?" he groaned as his eyes flickered open, struggling to focus on her face. Yeah, girl, what did happen? Just what exactly are you going to tell him…the truth? "You, uh, were food poisoned," she lied, hoping he was still too disoriented to sense her dishonesty.

Casavir massaged his pounding forehead as he propped himself up on his elbows. "Food poison?" he repeated. "I feel like I've been drugged."

Damn it! "Yeah, well," she smiled nervously and tried to change the subject. "Zhajeave patched you up, so you should be feeling better soon."

Giving up leaving the bed, Casavir lay back down, murmuring absently, "Oh, well, thank you." The Knight-Captain smiled and stood, ready to head back to her chair for the remainder of the night. "My lady?" Casavir's tone startled her. "Why am I in your bed?"

See, you should have told the truth from the start. Now you're a liar and there's no way you can weasel your way out of this one. She turned back to him, a big sheepish grin on her face. Maybe he'll think it's funny. The worry that bordered on terror behind his eyes as he regarded her suspiciously made her realize, Probably not.

"You know, Casavir," she said, chuckling to herself as she sat down on the edge of the bed, "it's the funniest story. You see, Sand thought it would be a good idea to test this experimental new drug on you…."