TITLE: Thor

AUTHOR: Vid Z.

PAIRING: Jack/Sam

WARNINGS: full of silliness, not to be taken seriously

TIMELINE: after Fifth Race, but before Sam's promotion to Major

CATEGORY: Humor, established relationship, silliness.

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show Stargate SG-1 are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

The song "Thor (The Powerhead)" was written by Joey DeMaio and performed by Manowar, was published by 10 Music. The lyrics are property and copyright of their owners and are provided for educational purposes only. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. I do not make any money with this fic, nor do I make any money with the lyrics used.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: this is my first purely SG fic. I've had this idea for over a year now, but was too lazy to write it down. It's a pointless and stupid little fic, but I hope I fufilled my objective and made you at least smile, if not laugh. Enjoy!

SUMMARY: Jack and Thor undergo some male bonding after meeting for the first time on Othalla.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Thor, buddy! You're here!" cried an only slightly inebriated Jack as Thor, the Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet beamed onto his dock, beside Jack's telescope.

"Greetings, O'Neill! I have arrived as requested." replied Thor calmly, his big black eyes blinking up at Jack.

"Great! Take a load off!"

Thor just stood there, still staring at Jack. "A load off, O'Neill? I am not carrying anything." Thor knew full well what Jack meant, but it was so fun yanking his chain.

"No, I mean, take a seat" explained Jack as he moved a folding chair closer to Thor before he headed into the cabin.

Thor sat tentatively onto the chair, afraid to death of this primitive technology. After having lived for thousands of years he did not want to be defeated ungloriously by a folding chair! He would not get to Valhalla that way.

Suddenly a fast beat sounded through the speakers that were positioned in the open windows of the small house. Thor noted that it was something the Tau'ri called "heavy metal". After having observed the Tau'ri for the last few thousands years he knew the different subcultures quite well, though music and poetry are Bragi's domain, not his.

A minute later Jack came outside, carrying a case of glass-bottle beers in both of his hands.

He flopped down into his own chair and set the beer between them. He took two, opened them and offered one to Thor who asked.

"What are these acoustics, O'Neill?"

"Ah..." drawled Jack. "Just something I picked up a few weeks ago. It's called 'Thor, the Powerhead'. Though you'd like it."

"I am honored."

Then the vocals started and a man with an impressive lung capacity started singing.

Black clouds on the horizon

Great thunder and burning rain

His chariot pounding,

I heard the heavens scream his name

"Very good selection, O'Neill."

"Yeahsureyabetcha!"

I watched as he shouted

To the giants who died that day

He held up his hammer high

and called to Odin for a sign

"You know what, Thor?"

"What, O'Neill?"

"I always believed your Hammer was a kind of battle hammer, a hand-held weapon."

"Were you disappointed when you encountered the real one on Cimmeria?"

"Not entirely."

"How so?"

"It was a huge, honkin' gun with a really great death ray. But I still like the idea of that lightening-zapping battle hammer better. It's much more cool"

"I shall see what I can procure for you then, O'Neill"

"Cool, thanks, Thor!"

Thor the mighty, Thor the brave

Crush the infidels in your way

By your hammer let none be saved

Live to die on that final day

Gods, monsters and men

We'll die together in the end

"Ya think 'tis true, Thor?"

"What is that, O'Neill?"

"We'll all die together in the end?"

"I believe so."

"Oh fer cryin' out loud!"

God of thunder, God of rain

Earth shaker who feels no pain

The powerhead of the universe

Now send your never ending curse

"Hey, Thor!" exclaimed Jack.

"Yes, O'Neill?" asked the tipsy Supreme Commander.

"Can you really make the Earth shake?"

"Is it not shaking enough as it is, O'Neill?" asked Thor, for whom Earth was moving around a bit.

"Oh, yeah, good point."

"Indeed it is."

I watched as he shouted

To the giants that died that day

He held up his hammer high

and called Odin for a sign

Jack was impressed with Thor, who kept draining beer bottles. What Jack forgot was the fact that Thor was a Norse God and they'd drunk a lot of beer in his time there. As a God he had to personally attend those parties and had built up a lot of stamina. Well, until they stopped believing in Norse gods and their government had put strict alcohol-control laws in place.

Thor the mighty, Thor the brave

Crush the infidels in your way

By your hammer let none be saved

Live to die on that final day

Gods, monsters and men

We'll die together in the end

By now both "stargazers" were quite sloshed. Even with his small stature Thor was able to hold an incredible amount of alcohol, impressing Jack very much. The two sang along passionately, a grotesque duet with Jack's drunk croaking and Thor's near-computer-like voice. They were swinging their beer bottles around, beer splashing and scaring all the fish away. Had there been any fish...

Swing your hammer to crack the sky

Lift your cape so that you might fly

Back to Odin and gods on high

And leave this mortal world

The duet was painful to hear as both singers were terribly off-key, not to mention the difference in voices. Truth is, even completely sober they wouldn't have sung any better, but at least this time they could blame it on the beer. And they did. Later...

Thor the mighty, Thor the brave

Crush the infidels in your way

By your hammer let none be saved

Live to die on that final day

Gods, monsters and men

We'll die together in the end

Odin

... when they woke up with huge, honkin' hangovers, the size that could kill an elephant. But these were two experienced drinkers.

Thor turned to Jack and looked at him with unfocused eyes. Well, as unfocused as two completely black eyes can be.

"O'Neill?" hic "Where is." hic "your mate?" hic

"Doesn't want" hic "to be" hic "here. Said something" loud belch "about refusing to listen" hic "to a couple of drunks" hic "belting out rowdy songs." hic

They both giggled at the thought of dirty songs, they hadn't gotten that far yet. Neither of them found it strange that the song never ended, Jack had unknowingly put it on repeat and thus they had no way of knowing just how much time had passed and how many beers they had drunk.

"If Captain Car... O'Neill is dissatisfied with you I shall summon Sjofn to stop the altercation."

"Cool."

It was quiet, except for the very loud music and the off-key singing of course, for a few minutes before Thor spoke up again.

"O'Neill?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you believe these Manowar would be willing to perform on Othalla for the Asgard?"

"Don't know, little buddy."

"I shall ask them anyway. If they refuse I shall just take them with me."

"Yeah, no problem. The government will just deny everything, especially the possibility of abduction by the little grey men. We're used to lying to the public, so it's not going to be anything new. After all, we're calling those, who claim we are in cohorts with aliens, 'crazies' and lock them up in mental hospitals or make fools out of them on TV, while we really are in cohorts with aliens."

"Excellent. O'Neill?" Thor started again.

Yet, there was no reply from Jack and Thor turned to look, finding Jack fast asleep. Thor blinked twice and touched a button on his wrist device, commanding his ship to cut off all power to Jack's cabin, thus turning off the music. Then he settled back into the chair and he too fell asleep.

2 hours later Captain Sam O'Neill, Jack's "mate", found them both peacefully sleeping on the dock. Barely managing to stop herself from laughing at the sight she quickly ran inside to grab her digital camera. After snapping a few pictures she tucked blankets over the both of them and went to bed.

There was only one victim of Jack and Thor's performance. A poacher/part-time burglar who wanted to break into Jack's cabin was an unsuspecting witness to Thor and Jack's duet and was scarred for life by it.

Years later it was said that the Tau'ri-Tok'ra-Asgard alliance was brokered between Jack, Jacob Carter and Thor. Poor unsuspecting wildlife, that somehow had strayed close to Jack's cabin, was frightened off by the three of them having a celebratory party.

An unnamed source, it could only have been Sam O'Neill cause she was at that time trying to sleep in the cabin, confirmed the rumors that the three were singing quartet.

Jack, Thor, Jacob and Selmak.

It was not pretty.

THE END