Title: Harry's Not-So Homicidal Thoughts

Rating: PG or K+

Author: Soelle

Genre: Humor/General

Pairings: None, but there's DracoHarry if you want.

Summary: One kiss changes everyone's view on Harry Potter. To Harry Potter's happiness.

A/N: I'm hesitant of publishing this on because it was just a piece of humor that crawled out of my brain, but I was amused by this, and I hope others will be to. And yes, there is no consistency in my style. I'm sorry. And this fic is dedicated to the readers who are waiting for me to update Spirit of Hogwarts Challenge.

Harry Potter was annoyed.

It was perfectly justifiable too.

Anyone who had to be the Savior of the Wizarding World when said world didn't leave the Savior alone for one instant would be annoyed too.

A tiny part of Harry's mind pointed out anyone else who had to be the Savior would have cracked and killed everyone by now.

Harry squashed that part of his mind. Homicidal thoughts would only lead to trouble. And he would never be able to go to the Three Broomsticks again.

Harry was getting tired of all of the attention. He was in his sixth year. He wanted to be able to walk down a corridor without having to hear giggling and whispers. All they talked about was how he survived all of the near death experiences. He was amazing.

Harry didn't think so, but no one, not even Ron or Hermione would listen.

But Harry dreamed, and when he dreamed, it usually meant something. So when he stared to the skies, after he had dreamed, he smiled. He knew how to get people to leave him alone...

On a bright and sunny morning, the students of Hogwarts trudged down to breakfast so their stomachs wouldn't growl during class. Understandably, the students who had Potions first arrived at the Great Hall first, since Professor Snape was known for taking points away if anyone's (not including Slytherin of course) stomach rumbled.

Harry Potter was one of the first people there. Ron and Hermione were with him, bickering as usual.

When the Great Hall was filled with students, no one noticed how Harry made no efforts to stop them, or was upset at his friends' antics. No one noticed the small smirk which ghosted Harry's lips several times as he tried to hold it down.

Some people noticed as Harry walked over to the Slytherin table and stopped by Draco Malfoy.

More people noticed when Malfoy said, "What do you want, Potter? Decided you made a mistake when you didn't shake my hand in...first...year..."

Everyone noticed when Harry didn't answer. Just smiled an odd smile as Malfoy trailed off.

Everyone was shocked when Harry pulled Malfoy by the shirt to meet him in a rough kiss.

No one was unaffected.

Many people fainted.

More people lost all coherent thought.

Severus Snape went into a coma sitting in his chair.

Minerva McGonagall felt her heart stop out of shock.

Ron fainted.

Hermione gave a silent scream.

Albus Dumbledore's jaw gaped down so low the lemon drop he had in his mouth fell to the floor.

Crabbe and Goyle had expressions beyond dumfounded or befuddled.

Cho Chang fainted.

Dean's and Seamus' eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets.

Flitwick fell from his chair.

Trelawney smiled smugly, while keep her mysteriousness (Harry does not know how she did that).

The Hall was silent as Harry pulled out of the kiss, and let Malfoy fall to the floor in shock. "Listen everyone," Harry said. "I'm gay. Homosexual. I like blokes and dicks." Smiling, he turned to an almost comatose Malfoy. "Thank you so much for helping me in my announcement Draco! Now both of us have come out of the closet."

More people fainted. Pansy Parkinson screamed before she fell.

There was silence as Harry calmly walked out of the Great Hall, broken only by his cheerful humming.

To Harry's disappointment, the whispering did not stop. But people didn't do it as much as they used to. He didn't really expect it to, however.

To Harry's happiness, Malfoy avoided him like the plague. Malfoy also had a lot of male suitors.

To Harry's disappointment, the giggling did not stop. It was also only occurred when he was talking to a male friend. This was expected, but no more welcomed.

To Harry's happiness, many Slytherins avoided him, out of fear he would jump them. Occasionally, Harry would, just to see them scream and run.

To Harry's disappointment, Ron and Hermione were outraged Harry did not disclose his sexual preference to them before he told Malfoy.

To Harry's happiness, Hermione and Ron got a good laugh out of the whole thing once Harry explained it to them. Ron never passes an opprotunity to remind Malfoy of all of the suitors he has.

To Harry's disappointment, Harry recieved a Howler from Narcissa Malfoy for kissing her son.

To Harry's happiness, Narcissa did not use the word son. She used the phrase 'precious, Drakey-poo' instead. Draco did not come from his dormitories for the rest of the week after that.

To Harry's happiness (and great amusement), Crabbe and Goyle won The Most Extreme Confused Expressions Award. Crabbe and Goyle just liked how shiny the award was (it dulled after Goyle tried to eat it).

To Harry's happiness, Harry's Kiss shook up Hogwarts from its roots.

That was good.

Finally, there was something for people to talk about which didn't include him nearly dying.

To Harry's disappointment, he was still amazing.

As Harry considered this in the Hogwarts' Entrance Hall, he shrugged to himself. He now knows he'll never be able to convince people other wise of that thought.

As he heard a 'POOF' in the Great Hall, and several screams, he smirked to himself. He could at least change why he was amazing.

Creating a potion which changed everyone's gender to the opposite was quite a feat after all.

The End. By the way, this is a one shot; I will not be continuing this idea.