"Now, come on darlin'; just a little farther... was tha' really called for!?"

pant pant

"No, no, no' like tha'. Please, darlin', le' go!"

growl

"Le' go, or I'll rip ya from end t'end!"

snikt

Jubilee, ever the curious spectator, pressed her ear closer to the hinge of the garage. Her posture stiff with anticipation, she awaited the next cryptic comment from Logan. It wasn't often she was able to sneak up on the grouchy Canadian, past occupations or not. A loud grunt drew her even closer to the door, her body pressed flush against the wood and hot metal. She hardly noticed the sting against her legs from the noon-day warmed sheeting as the next comment made it's way to her ear, barely quieted by the plywood wall.

She had been planning a shopping trip into town, but this was almost as interesting. Besides, how was she supposed to get out of the mansion without Logan following her if Wolverine was in the garage?

"Goddamn, fuckin'... where's Scooter when I need 'im?" The sound of something very heavy hitting the ground shook the garage floor. Logan's harsh breathing could be heard. "On secon' though', Scooter woul' be bad."

Jubilee pressed herself even closer to the doorjamb, so engrossed by the one-sided conversation she forgot to chew her gum.

"Maybe if I..."

A roar of pain reverberated throughout the garage. The mansion sparkler, still eavesdropping in her trademark yellow, jumped several inches and scraped her nose on the rough wood. Nursing the injured skin, she glared at the door. It now sounded as though someone were dragging a rough and very heavy sackcloth on the rough concrete floor. Jubilee considered bursting in, just to satisfy her overpowering curiosity. She had begun to inch her hand, complete with black nail polish, towards the handle when another roar, this time followed by a whimper, made her hastily press her ear to the door.

The Wolverine whimpering?

She once again contemplated bursting in, but decided that if her boyfriend was going to save the world in their garage, she would just have to let him do so without interruption. He just got so grumpy when people interfered with his savior complex. She absently chewed her gum and blew a bubble, freezing as it popped loudly.

Logan growled inside, and she heard a hearty sniff break the silence. "Jubilee?" The voice was grating, harsh, and abnormally aggressive.

Jubilee thought very quiet, completely scent-less thoughts.

"Jubilee, darlin'?"

Jubilee's eyes widened. Why, it sounded as though he were... well... from any other man, she would say he was begging! The pull to open the door was fast becoming undeniable.

A loud groan from inside made up her mind. Squaring petite shoulders, she turned the handle and flung the door open to reveal something she would have never, in her wildest and most vivid dreams pictured.

Let us rewind and take a peek through the images flying through Jubilee's head as she turned that handle. Perhaps Logan had gotten himself trapped under a car. That would be the most likely and mundane reason. Of course, since it is Wolverine, other images of blood and gore naturally flashed past her eyes, followed by a brief and terrifying picture of the rest of the mansion's women tying him to the hood of a car for unknown... well, alright, well-known reasons. None of these, however, came even close to the scene before her.

The gum fell with a plop from her gaping mouth as the turquoise eyes moved from item to item in the garage. Most noticeable was the broken axe handle, a pile of neatly shishkabobed firewood, and an empty cardboard roll.

And then there was Logan.

Jubilee slapped her hand against her mouth to stifle the scream.

"Darlin' it ain' funny! Mrph!"

Logan, aka Wolverine, oober-mutant and superhero extraordinaire, had met his adamantium match.

Ducktape, great silver swathes of it, encompassed his entire body. It wound between his legs, tangled with his fingers, glued his arms to his sides, and wrapped tightly and intact around the ten-inch lethal claws emerging between his fingers. At the moment, he was trying to chew through a piece from his fetal position on the floor. Jubilee sighed and advanced on her boyfriend with an evil glint in her eyes.

Logan, having full knowledge of what that glint could mean, struggled vainly with his sticky cage. Jubilee stopped just above him, watching the great Wolverine writhe and twist, wrapping still more of the tape around himself. Bending over, she picked up a piece of silver that had been discarded.

"Well, well, fixing the axe with ducktape. Must have gotten the idea from 'ole one-eye... you going to make fun of me next time I complain about waxing?"

Logan shook his head mutely, revealing a bare patch of skin where normally a muttonchop grew. Jubilee examined the bald cheek as tape twirled in her fingers. The entire surface of the sticky side was covered in thick, black hair, perfectly matching the rectangular patch of skin.

"How about when I go out without you? Are you going to be good and not follow me?" Logan growled, but nodded.

"And will you allow me to name our first-born child Scott?" Wolverine looked like he might start frothing at the mouth any moment. A single sharp nod satisfied his girlfriend. Jubilee grinned and squatted down next to him.

"I'm going to remember this next time you pull out the scarves. Oh, and I should take a picture for posterity." She ignored Logan, who had luckily managed to get a piece of tape across his mouth, masking the doubtless x-rated language attempting to emerge. His eyes narrowed in concentration. Jubilee dug through her purse, finally coming up with a cell phone. Flipping it open, she focused the camera on Logan.

"Say cheese honey. I want this to come out just right."

Logan growled something else likely along the lines of breaking up. Jubilee ignored him again. She casually clicked through her photo album, saving the photo. Logan flexed his muscles, and felt the tape give slightly. He lay quiescent as, still chattering, Jubilee began to cut the tape away from him, waiting for the moment when he could...

Now!

Jubilation's eyes widened as Logan, in his short yet stocky glory, lunged upwards. Nerveless hands dropped scissors as she scrambled for the open doorway with Wolverine hot on her tail. Her boyfriend trailed strips of tape like some horrifying modern day ducktape mummy, yet somehow managed to look ferocious despite the ridiculous appearance. The pair darted towards the mansion, Jubilee throwing random paffs over her shoulder while Logan ducked and weaved the assault, growling.

Yellow clad feet pounded into the mansion, skidding around the corner and crashing into the rec room with undisguised haste. Logan stopped in the hallway, ripping off handfuls of the sticky tape and throwing them down, sniffing through the scent-laden air for Jubilee. He finally turned and stamped noisily off towards the kitchen.

Behind the rec door, Jubilee breathed a sigh of relief. Turning away and grinning, she took out her phone and opened it, looking at the pictures in her photo album with evident amusement. She was so engrossed in her browsing that the firecracker didn't notice the door behind her creaking slowly open. A partially bald cheek and dark eye came through the crack slowly. Logan crept through the opening soundlessly, stalking Jubilee as she snickered at the photo.

"This is so going on the school website..."

Logan pounced, knocked the smaller Asian girl down. She shrieked, wriggled desperately, and then went slack, knowing that hope had departed. Logan growled harder and held her wrists, tape still dangling from various regions of his anatomy. Jubilee, looking upwards at her boyfriend, giggled. Well, there had to be better ways to get him to tackle her, but she hadn't found them yet.

"Tha'... wasn'... nice... darlin'..."

Yes, Jubilee thought rather happily as a somewhat less scratchy Logan kissed her soundly. Hope had definitely departed - so far as shopping went.