Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or the characters, Gainax does. And the title belongs to Tuomas something-something nen Yeha Holopainen, I know. Blah Blah, you know all this stuff if I was making money with my writing I wouldn't bother borrowing characters or titles. I don't want money I just want REVIEWS!!

Old Loves, They Die, Hard

Chapter 1

The Call

Almost a week had passed since Misato heard Kaji's message in her answering machine and she had had a hard time the entire week trying to keep herself sober in the sake of work as well as pretending to be all right in front of everybody else.

It was really difficult to believe that he was gone, how could he? How could he have let himself get killed leaving her all alone? He was an idiot… her idiot as a matter of fact, but the worst part was the guilt. He passing away was bad enough itself, but having been forced to kill him? That was an entire different thing.

She had never been exactly what you would call a social person, but he was one of the few people she cared about. Even though she rarely spent more than ten minutes with Kaji without arguing (out of bed at least), that man still meant a lot to her. He had been her first boyfriend… okay, her only boyfriend and that always means everything to a woman; but in spite of their arguments, which usually were her fault for not following her heart and giving in to him; he had always been there to help her whenever she needed someone and even after she yelled at him he had helped her. In fact, he had always been a great boyfriend and continued being it long after they broke up, till the last minute and it was her who kept on denying her feelings and rejecting him because of fear. He had always loved her unconditionally and she knew it. All the flirting with other women was just his way of calling her attention.

In the end, she was just like Kaji trading his brother's life for his own, Shinji doing the same with Toji; she traded her life for his. Perhaps it was just a survival instinct but she couldn't avoid it reminding her the conversation she and Ryouji had about the subject when they broke up because they didn't deserve to be happy. In her case, it was herself who had put an end to her chance when she chose what she did.

With that burden on her shoulders, the woman had lost her willing to live a normal life and just stayed at bed after and before work, since what had been keeping her going was the one in a million chances of Kaji and her getting back together. She knew that was not going to happen. And it was her fault, but what other options did she have?

Captain Katsuragi knew she tried not to shoot him on a vital place, hoping he would somehow survive and then he could escape to another country, a safer one. That was what she had promised him in private after he gave her the information she wanted, and she had failed him. Somehow she must have shot the wrong place and now Kaji was dead because of her.

The fifth day, Misato lay on her bed remembering the moments they have spent together, specially the past few months when they had plenty of possibilities to get back together and she just had kept on rejecting him, even the day of their eighth anniversary, when he told her that he still was in love with her… "always" as he put it. She thought of all the different possibilities and all the 'what ifs'. In other words all the things she could have done and said and she didn't. But it was not important anymore, because she wouldn't have another chance to amend it and would never know what he was about to tell her that time and he didn't. Now he would never come back to tell her so.

Shinji had also been depressed for a while. With Asuka gone as well as his friends, the city evacuated, and Misato locking herself at her room there was not many people around for him to talk with. In days, the feeling of emptiness started to slightly fade away. He was not dead yet, right? So there might be something to be done to make the situation change for better.

He knocked at Misato's door. "Misato, lunch is on the table, if you…" "I'm not hungry" came the reply from inside her room. Until that moment, he had been leaving her alone meal after meal, day after day, but now, without Kaji to drag her out of bed to compensate her lack of will, it was up to him to mend that woman's life since she seemed not able to do it herself. Shinji remembered when he moved in and she was so nice to him trying to make him feel at home and all the other things she had helped him with. He owed it to her, she was the closest thing to a family he had ever had.

"You haven't eaten in five days and all that drinking…" then he started gaining more confidence. "You can't just lie there forever, you know? Your life continues and nothing will get better if you don't help it, Misato!" that sounded too optimistic coming out of someone like him, but somehow lately he had been feeling people around him was giving up and it was only him to back them up.

For some reason, that words pierced her numbed brain making her open her eyes and move a bit. She looked at him somehow expressionless. "I'll get up in a minute" she said not enthusiastically after a long silence in which both of them looked into each other's eyes, studying the other. He returned to the kitchen where she joined him soon after that.

Her appearance was rather messy, but at least she had got out of bed. Shinji server lunch and sat across her on the table with an uncomfortable silence in the air. None of them spoke during the meal, but after it, at least even if it was a fake, a little bit of Misato's good mood showed.

"Do you want to go out for an ice cream?" She said forcing a smile and pretending to be okay. That week spent in solitude was a comfortable way of letting herself die, but his words that night remembered her that there was still somebody who needed her.

"Okay" Shinji said almost showing a weak smile.

The city was deserted except for a few shops owned by old people who just didn't mind to die. It took them around five minutes to walk to the ice cream parlor and of course it was empty excepting for them and the owner. In fact, the old man who ran the store was almost closing the place to take a nap when they arrived and he welcomed gladly the only customers of the day. Just another lonely soul looking for human contact.

The warm summer air seemed to be making Misato good, since she even talked with the Third Child at the old man's ice cream shop. The afternoon was a quiet one in Tokyo-3 but suddenly, something broke the relative peaceful atmosphere.

Captain Katsuragi felt something in her belly and a few seconds passed before she realized it was her cell phone vibrating. It was strange to get a call especially since the angel alarm was not being heard at that moment. She slid it open and immediately her heart skipped a beat making her jump out of her seat, as she recognized the number on the phone's caller-id. It was Kaji's. She became pale and felt her legs shaking. Perhaps she had spared his vital organs after all… perhaps… but, what if it was a set up? What if someone had discovered what she tried to do and now was after her? What if N.E.R.V. considered her relationship with him as an excuse to rely the guilt of Fuyutsuki's kidnapping on her too? She admitted to herself she was being paranoid.

The call was really short. She didn't have time to speak on the phone at all, but it was long enough for her to hear the important part. The instant she took the phone to her ear a weak voice that she recognized as his, but could barely be heard among interference and drill noises. It just said two words. "Katsuragi… help…" and the call ended abruptly. "Hello?? Hello?? Kaji!?!" but the conversation was over.

Shinji was as surprised as she was, but dared not to talk until she did it first. "That idiot!!" She yelled causing the old man to look at her worried as her eyes became teary without her being able to avoid it to pretend in front of the young Ikari.

"What happened, Misato?" he sounded worried.

"That stupid idiot makes me sick worried for a week thinking that he is dead and then he calls for help and hangs up before telling me where he is!!" she said hysterically. He remained silent, not knowing exactly what to do or say in that case. He never knew how to comfort adults when they were in that state.

"Perhaps he was somewhere he was not supposed to be found at" he guessed.

Misato was desperate. She knew that he needed her or he wouldn't have let his pride aside to call her and she also knew she was the only one he could trust. He must have been on dead peril to call her like that, but where was he? How could she find him in the vast emptiness of the city?