The Shire, September of 1425

With a heavy sigh Pippin walked up the path to Crickhollow. He had returned to the Shire the day before and had been forced to give the news of Merry's passing to his family. It had been less emotional than he had expected, at least on Pippin's part, he had managed to keep his cool while he told his aunt and uncle that their son would never come home. He had spent the night at Brandy Hall together with Legolas and Gimli and they had been with him when he rode to the Smials earlier in the day to tell his parents the news, and to speak with Sam who had been summoned there. Now Pippin was alone, he wanted to return home by himself. He would see Legolas and Gimli in the morning before they left but this night he would be all by himself.
He had thought it would be a relief to come back home. To get to sleep in his own bed and have breakfast at his own table. He had thought the familiarity would comfort him. He hadn't realised yet how little there would be that seemed familiar.
He opened the door and stepped inside, setting his pack down on the floor with a heavy gruff.
"Merry?" he cried out from force of habit.
For a second he waited for an answer and then he remembered reality. For just a moment he had drifted back into his old ways and figured that Merry was somewhere in the halls and could come help him unpack. But Merry was not going to come.
With a huge lump in his throat Pippin walked down the corridor into the room that had belonged to Merry. It looked just like he had left it; it even had the cape thrown on the bed that Merry had decided at the last minute that he didn't need to bring. There was a dip at the head of the bed where one of the pillows was missing. Pippin had not bothered bringing the pillow back. All in all the room seemed just like Pippin was used to seeing it. Only it was so quiet.
The whole house was quiet. The silence was nearly suffocating. Pippin left Merry's room and went over to his own and stood in the doorway for a long time without being able to move. Suddenly he realised just how alone he would be this night. There would be nobody there for him to say goodnight to, nobody who sat with him in the kitchen and drank a hot cup of tea before going to bed. When he woke up in the morning there would be no one else around, already serving breakfast or needing to be woken up. The house was quiet and it would stay quiet.

X

Pippin moved back to the Great Smials, to the joy of his parents who were happy to have him around again. Especially at a time like this, when he was far too preoccupied to be able to take any proper care of a household or anything else that he would have had to care for at Crickhollow. As the months passed Pippin learned how to hide the sorrow he still carried and to put on an act in front of his family. Some aspects of Pippin's grief scared him and he was afraid to let anybody else see those sides. He was not strong enough yet to smile and laugh in public; he had quickly learned that people didn't think it was appropriate for him to do so when less than a year had passed since Merry's death, but he managed to conceal the worst part of grief and act as normal as he could.
That spring a young Hobbit arrived from Long Cleeve, a distant relative to Pippin, one of the North-Tooks that descended from Bandobras "Bullroarer". Her name was Diamond and her distant relations aside she had never met most of the Hobbits at the Great Smials before, including Pippin. They met briefly when she first arrived and Pippin gave her a courteous greeting, but since the weather had improved he spent most of his time outdoors, away from the Smials.
Their first conversation took place three weeks after she first arrived. Pippin had just finished breakfast and retreated to his bedroom. He sat down on a small chair by his dresser to look for his cufflinks and glanced up at the mirror. He recoiled slightly when he caught his own reflection. He could have sworn he had seen Merry right there next to him. But it was all in his head, he had grown so accustomed to always being side by side with Merry that he still expected to see him there. With such a lousy start to his morning he was convinced the rest of the day would be awful.
The door to his bedroom opened and Diamond entered with a feather duster in her hand, whistling a happy tune. Pippin stared at her and she stared back, covering her mouth with the hand that held the duster.
"Oh Master Peregrin!" she exclaimed. "I'm so sorry! I thought you had gone out, otherwise I would have knocked."
"Fool of a Took" Pippin said but waved her in. "Don't mind me, I will be out of here in a second. I just need to get my cufflinks."
"Alright" she said and looked doubtful, but then she smiled and proceeded to dust the dresser.
"It amazes me how lazy this family have gotten" Pippin remarked, wanting to avoid an awkward silence. "When I was younger my mother used to make me dust my own room. When I got older I tricked my sisters into doing it for me. Now we have other people move here to do that job. Lovely career."
"Oh it doesn't bother me" Diamond said with a cheerful smile. "Your parents are busy Hobbits, I'm only glad to help."
Pippin thought about telling her that his father spent a lot of his time smoking pipeweed and reading books but thought it better not to say anything. She continued to dust the dresser and then came over and ran the feather duster over Pippin's head a few times. He looked at her with surprise.
"You looked like you could use a little dusting too" she said and then chuckled. "Weren't you looking for your cufflinks? You need to improve your searching skills; just sitting there is not going to make them magically jump into your hands."
"Sorry, my mind was elsewhere" Pippin mumbled, not quite sure why he was apologising to her.
He grabbed his cufflinks, put them on and then fled the room before she decided he needed some more dusting.

X

Two nights later a party was held not far from the Smials and most of the employees were given the evening off so that they could attend. Pippin made a brief appearance but realised he was not in the mood for a party. What was the point of going there if everyone was just going to stare at you and lack the other half, or frown at you if you actually seemed to have a good time? He filled a pint of ale, the pint had been a gift from Aragorn once, and went home early.
He sat down on the front door steps and gazed at the evening. The stars were out, it was a lovely night, but he could not feel it. He missed Merry so terribly when there was a party. The two of them had arranged many parties at Crickhollow and they had always had such a good time together. Where was the fun in singing and dancing if your best friend was not there to share it? And where was the point in gazing at the stars at night if there was nobody there to muse with you?
When the evening drew near midnight he heard laughing voices approaching. He moved over so that he wouldn't be blocking the main entrance but made no move to go inside. He had no energy to get up; he preferred staying where he was. Before long two lasses came around the corner, giggling with their heads close together. As they came up to the door and began to go inside one of them stopped and took a closer look at the figure sitting on the doorstep.
"Master Peregrin?"
Pippin looked up and met Diamond's eyes. She was surprised to find him there and could obviously not figure out what he was doing sitting there all by himself. She said goodnight to her friend who continued inside and sat down next to Pippin, wrapping her skirts around her legs.
"What in the name of the finest ale in the Shire are you doing sitting here all alone when there is a party going on?" she asked. "I know it may not be any of my business, but curious minds want to know."
"I prefer sitting here to being at the party" Pippin said. "And as for ale, I've got myself a whole pint full! Almost…"
"Why would anybody rather sit here?" she asked. "It's a lovely spring evening, perfect for singing and dancing. Don't tell me you're one of those Hobbits who dislikes spring because they get allergic to the blossoms?"
"I get nothing of the sort."
"That's good news."
"If I want to sit out here I can, can't I?" Pippin said, slightly hostile. He had not asked for this company.
"Sorry. I meant no offence. I was just curious as to whether or not you might dislike this time of year."
"May is my favourite month, didn't you hear?" Pippin said with such obvious irony that Diamond frowned.
"Master Peregrin… Is there something wrong? You don't look happy at all. If you don't mind me saying so."
"No miss, I'm not happy" Pippin said with a sigh. "A year ago… A year ago I lost someone. Someone very dear to me. It was around this time of year. And I don't want to go out and celebrate that tonight… and I don't like the way everybody keeps looking at me. They can have their parties, I don't want them."
"Who did you lose?" Diamond asked, then she realised her place. "Oh I am sorry, listen to me! What business is that of mine? You must think I'm terribly rude."
"Or terribly inquisitive" Pippin said.
"Still you have to admit, sitting out here all on your own is rather sad. You'd better be careful or you'll end up like my Great Aunt Mellidel."
"Does she sit alone on the front steps missing fun parties?"
"No, she sits on the front steps hitting everyone going in or out with a cane. She says they're disturbing her peace."
Pippin couldn't help but laugh at the mental image of old Mellidel Took hitting people with a cane when they tried to pass her by. Diamond smiled widely when she saw the grin on his face.
"Oh so he does laugh?" she remarked. "You should do that more often; you look cuter when you smile."
"Oh, so you think I'm cute?" Pippin said in a teasing tone and raised an eyebrow.
Diamond blushed.
"I didn't mean it quite like that" she said and looked away.
Pippin grinned.
"Well you look very cute too" he said generously.
"Do you find me cute?" she asked with genuine surprise. "You who have looked upon Elves!"
"Well I have had a lot of ale to drink" Pippin defended himself and laughed again while lifting up his half-full pint to prove it.
Diamond was not quite sure whether to feel insulted or not but his laughter was contagious and soon they were both laughing. Pippin could not remember the last time he had felt so light-hearted. This lass had no knowledge of the grief he was suffering and she had never seen him together with Merry. In her eyes there was nothing missing when Pippin was by himself and there was nothing wrong with him laughing. He leaned closer and gave her a nudge with his shoulder.
"Thank you. I needed a laugh."
"I'll say" she chuckled. "You tend to look like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You should remember that a song and a laugh can make a hard task so much lighter. Savour joy, Master Peregrin."
"I think I need someone to remind me of that every once in a while" Pippin said, suddenly turning serious. "I'm sorry; I never caught your name."
"Diamond Took" she said.
"Diamond. Thank you Diamond for making me laugh."
She smiled at him and Pippin put down his pint and reached for his pipe. He took a deep breath, filling his lungs with smoke and blew it out in perfect smoke rings. He watched them rise up towards the stars and for some reason that made him feel good.
"It really is a lovely evening" Diamond said when they had been silent for a few minutes. "I love when the stars are out."
"That star…" Pippin said and pointed with his pipe. "That star is Eärendil, the one the Elves love the most."
"Why do they love it the most?"
"I… don't know" Pippin had to admit and he chuckled. "I'll have to ask."
"I can see why they would like it" Diamond quickly said. "It has a very bright light. Brighter than the other stars."
"It is lovely" Pippin agreed.
"Do you think that you can wish upon it?" Diamond mused.
"Perhaps."
"What would you wish for?"
The smile disappeared from Pippin's face. There was only one thing he would wish for but for some reason he didn't want to talk to Diamond about it. And it was not because he didn't know her very well, but because he didn't want her to see him as the Hobbit who had the huge grief. He didn't want her to know about his longing and how much he missed Merry. With her he was just Pippin, and that was enough.
"What would your wish be?" he asked her instead.
"That you would smile more often" she said and gave him a warm look. "Blushes and teasing aside… smiling becomes you."
"There is no smiling alone" Pippin said.
"Smile with me" Diamond said.
"Perhaps I can do that" Pippin said and nodded slowly.
She gave him a curious look and wondered what it was that made him look so sad. She had already forgotten that he had spoken of losing someone. For a moment it seemed like he was drifting off to another time, another life, but then he came back to her and offered her a slight smile.
"Sometimes life changes and you aren't prepared for it" he said. "It's hard to smile through some changes. There are some cuts that go too deep… some things you can never quite heal from… But let's not talk about such things. It's been far too long since I have sat underneath a sky filled with stars and mused like this. I hope I'm not keeping you up, I don't know at what time you're expected to start work tomorrow."
"I have tomorrow off" Diamond said. "I can sit here for a while longer."
Pippin smiled. He was glad that she was there. He had been alone for far too long. He took a good look at Diamond under the light of the stars and had a feeling that her presence at the Smials would make a great difference to him.