Well, here it is, the final chapter. As I warned before, there is a LOT of fluff in this one, especially from Eiri (gasp!). It only took me about two hours to write, and I hope you don't mind the songs. I feel that adding lyrics can really set the mood and get a point across. Anyway, here you go...
Shuichi's POV
The roar of the audience could be heard even through the many walls that separated them from my dressing room. The screams and cheers never fail to send chills down my spine, effectively stimulating an overwhelming release of adrenaline. I try to calm my nerves. This is our last concert here in Tokyo before our first nine-month international tour and I want to make it unforgettable.
My eyes are drawn towards the door leading out of this small room. Where is he? Eiri was supposed to be here an hour ago. Although I will never admit it out loud, but I have come to depend on my lover's comforting reassurance before each one of my performances. Without having to say a word, he gives me unsurpassed confidence in myself and, more times than not, I find myself desperate to do my best just for him.
I am not saying that everything had been easy between us since that night a year ago. In fact, the first few months following my breakdown were very hard on both of us. I can still remember the 'morning after' as if it were yesterday.
FLASHBACK
I awoke feeling strangely warm and comfortable. The room was still dark, but the faint traces of dawn cast a glow on the white walls. At first, I was confused, but realization quickly set in. I became aware of an arm draped over my bare waist. I looked to my left.
Eiri.
I felt tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. I remembered the words he spoke to me so tenderly the night before. It can't be true. With knowing everything, how can he still say those things to me? Maybe it was just pity.
My heart stopped when that thought crossed my ming. That's it...he pities me. Why else would he have made love to me last night? No one can possibly love me.
Quietly, I slipped out from under the limb and crawled out of the bed. Giving a quick look over my shoulder to make sure I didn't wake him, I opened the bedroom door and walked out. I closed the door behind me without making a sound and walked down the hall to the bathroom. I walked inside and without turning on the light I closed the door behind me. Although everything was as it always was, it looked strangely foreign to me. I don't belong here.
I walked to the far corner and sank down, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs. I allowed a few stray tears to fall, but I did not have the energy for a fresh round. I felt so empty. If Eiri pities me, I am just causing him more problems. I should leave. I knew that I did not have the strength to try to kill myself again, at least not now. Everything seemed hopeless.
I am not sure how long I sat there, but the light filtering in through the window shimmered off of the mirror, causing rainbows of light to dance on the floor. I heard the sound of soft steps a few seconds before a knock sounded at the door.
"Shuichi?"
My heart sank. He sounded so worried. I felt horrible for causing him so much trouble.
When I did not respond, the door opened and my lover walked in, eyes darting quickly in search of me. I did not look up when he approached me. he sighed sadly and crouched down to my level. He reached out and placed his hand under my chin, gently forcing me to look at him. I could not recognize the look he gave me, but the warmth of his hand on my face was comforting.
"What are you doing in here, Shu?" he asked quietly.
I tried to look away, but he would not let go of my chin. I guess he wanted an honest answer. "I don't want to cause you any more trouble."
He looked confused for a moment. "Trouble? Since when do you cause trouble?"
I scoffed, although my heart was not in it. "I don't need your pity. I will leave as soon as I get dressed."
His eyes changed from confused to a little stunned. "Why do you think I pity you? I would never do that, that is not what you need. You aren't going anywhere, Shu. I told you last night, I need you here. I love you."
I finally managed to turn my head and stared blankly at the white wall. "How...how can you love someone like me? Why would you even want to touch me?"
I heard a small laugh escape his lips and turned back to him. Smiling, he ran his fingers over my cheek gently. "I usually have to fight myself to keep my hands off of you, Shu. I do love you. Everything about you...I find perfect." He leaned forward and I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips. He pressed his soft lips against mine in a chaste kiss. Pulling away, his eyes were so warm. "I want you to stay, Shuichi."
I could feel the sincerity in his voice and I could feel my cheeks flush. "I want to stay with you, but..."
He shook his head slightly. "It will be hard to get past everything that's happened, but I will be here for you."
FLASHBACK END
Eiri had kept his promise from that night. Ever since then, he is always there when I need him. I know that I take more than I give, but it does not seem to bother him. In fact, he always seems ready to give more and more. I have gained a part of myself I never knew was there. Sure, the medication to help my depression plays its part, but it was mostly my blonde love.
A gentle tap sounded on my door. "Five minutes!"
I push aside my memories and stand up. I walk over to the mirror and give myself a quick once-over. Even now, I don't feel quite comfortable in the stage costumes I have to wear. The black leather pants clung tightly to my form, the silky black, sleeveless shirt was fitting and ended above my navel. I wore a black leather dog collar around my neck and a leather buckle bracelet around my left wrist. My eyes were lined in black with a little silver shadow above. My hair was given what the stylist called a 'wet look', although I don't know what the point is. I sweat so much on stage that it wouldn't make a difference. I know that Eiri loves seeing me like this, and I can't help but smile a little. I felt an ache, and realized that he was still not here.
I sigh in defeat. I know that I can't put the show off just because one, however important, person did not show up. I walked towards the door and open it, finding that Hiro and Suguru were already waiting for me. I give Hiro a smile and he grins back. I can tell he is excited. Even Suguru looks...content.
"Come on buddy, the opening band is coming off." Hiro places his hand on my shoulder as we walk. I know that my acceptance of his affection is very significant to Hiro, and I am glad that I have overcome my problems enough to allow such closeness. It is the least I can do for my best friend and confidant.
We make it to the side of the stage just as the opening band is walking off. I hear our band being announced, followed by the intense screaming of our names. I feel my heartrate increase and the tightening of the hand on my shoulder confirms that Hiro feels the same way. This is what he lives for, and it is slowly becoming who I am, as well.
Taking our cue, we walk onto the stage.
Eiri POV
"Shit, shit, shit..." I can't believe I am late. In the past year, I had never been late to one of Shu's concerts or appearances. Why, tonight of all nights, did everything have to be so behind schedule. I shift gears and floor my Mercedes. I am thankful that there is no traffic tonight. Even though I am cursing myself for being late, I know that it is well worth it. I can't stop the smile from escaping my lips. I know that Shuichi will love it.
I have to admit, our relationship has grown into something neither of us had expected. I can't even remember what my life was like before I met him, and I would never dream of giving him up. We've had our share of ups and downs, but we managed to work past all of that. We have reached a point of stability right now, and tomorrow we will be leaving to go on his international tour. Yes, I am going with him. I don't think I would be able to go without him for more than half a year, although I would never tell that to anyone. Besides, I can always take my work with me. My editor was very understanding when I told her I would be traveling, and seemed even more excited when I told her where I was going. She has been very supportive of our relationship from the very beginning. In fact, even the public seemed to accept it readily. Although we run into the occasional homophobic asshole, I would never want to keep our relationship a secret. We avoid being bombarded by the press by doing a fair share of live interviews, both individually as well as together. I don't mind, really. I am more than willing to show everyone that Shuichi belongs to me.
I make my turn and I can see the concert house come into view. I know that Tohma had reserved parking for me, and I am relieved after seeing the congested lot. I know that he is still trying to get into my good graces after the stunt he pulled last year. I chuckle, remembering when I gave him that black eye after confronting him the day after Shuichi confessed to me. He should have known I would be angry after he withheld that kind of information.
I pull into the spot, just outside of the exit doors, and quickly get out of my car. I practically run through the front doors. I can hear the crowd chanting my lover's name, and I feel incredibly proud. No matter how many women or men want him, he is mine.
Yeah, I know I am a little possessive...okay, very possessive...but wouldn't you be?
I'm not able to push through the crowd to get to the stage, so I settle for standing in the back. I know that he will see me, anyway. That's just how he is.
The lights dim and I see the three figures walk onto the stage. I find it hard to breathe after my eyes landed on my beautiful lover. I fight to keep my hormone levels in check as I stare at the walking wet dream that is Shuichi. I wonder if I can talk him into wearing those pants more often...
I can see his eyes scan the crowd. They finally land on me. His face breaks into a smile and I can almost see his eyes sparkle with happiness and relief. I feel a pang of regret knowing I have caused him to worry, but I know that he will forgive me later.
My boy picks up the microphone and speaks to the audience. "Hi, everybody! I am so happy you all came here tonight (more screams). As you know, this is our last Tokyo concert for the next nine months. I hope you love what we have for you tonight (more screams). This first song is one I just wrote, and it is for someone very special to me."
My pulse quickens. I am finally going to hear what he has been working on for the past two weeks. He had been very secretive about the lyrics and it has sparked my interest. I can't complain, however, seeing as how I have been working on a 'project' of my own.
I can hear the melody starting with a slow strum of strings from Hiro. I can tell that it is going to be a soft song. After a few cords, Shuichi places his lips near the microphone.
Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place
Where I find peace again
He pulls back slightly, licking his dry lips. Even from this distance, I can see that his eyes are fixed on me and me alone.
You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the life
To my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything
The melody is met with some soft piano sounds from the synthesizer.
And how can I
Stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this, yeah
I hear the power of his words and I find it hard to breathe. God, how I love this boy.
You calm the storms
And you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You still my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in
Take me deeper than this
And How can I
Stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tall me
How could it be
Any better than this
The melody becomes stronger with the addition of drum sounds from Suguru.
Cause you're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything
Everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything
Everything
And how can I
Stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this
I drive us back to the apartment after the show. He is being very quiet and I can tell that he is exhausted. More than that, I can tell that he is a little nervous. I know that he wants some reassurance from tonight's show. Without taking my eyes off of the road, I reach over and place my hand on top of his, which is on his lap. I can see from the corner of my eye that he has turned towards me questioningly. I smile slightly. "You were great tonight." I can see his smile, although he does not respond. He places his hand over mine and leans his head on the window.
I try to calm my nerves. I know that what awaits at home is very important. Although I have confidence in our relationship, I am still worried that he will reject me. I am worried that, one day, he will see his himself for what he's worth and will decide he wants better. I pull into the driveway and clear my head. I don't want him to pick up on my stress.
The night is cool so we hurry over to the door. I manage to insert the key on the first try and push the door open. I motion for him to go in first. He walks in and quietly removes his shoes and jacket. I quickly remove my coat and shoes and follow behind him, keeping my distance. He reaches for the light switch on the wall and flips it on. I had set the dimmers before I left, so the room is bathed in a soft golden glow. His eyes widen is surprise. I reach to the side and turn on the small radio and music begins to play.
I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I
get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin 'round one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace
The room, usually bare, was filled with red roses. It took me forever to find enough, but the effect was breathtaking. Roses were placed on every surface of the room, from the mantle to the coffee table to the windowsill. I had changed the usual thick drapes to soft, sheer white curtains that fluttered with the soft breeze from the window. I see his eyes travel to the small table I had set near the window, where a single small, velvet box sat on a bed of white rose petals. I can hear his breath hitch in his chest as he turns his amethyst eyes towards me.
Cause I am hanging on every word you say and
Even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than
To sit outside Heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
It's where I wanna be, yeah
I walk up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist. I place my cheek against his and gently guide him to walk forward towards the table. He doesn't resist and after a few agonizingly slow steps, we are standing by the window.
I'm looking past the shadows in my mind
To find the truth and I'm
Trying to identify the voices in my head
God, which one's you
Let me feel one more time what it
Feels like to feel alive and
Break these calluses off of me
One more time
Still behind him, I reach forward and pick up the velvet box. I turn him around and look into his wide eyes. I can see traces of apprehension, confusion, a little fear, but most of all...trust.
Cause I am hanging on every word you say and
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than
To site outside your door
And listen to your breathing
It's where I wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be
I take both of his hands in mine and lock my eyes with his. "Shuichi," my voice fails me slightly, causing me to pause. God, this is harder than I thought it would be. I clear my throat, which is suddenly dry. "I want you to know that I love you more and more every day. I can't imagine a life without you. I hope you feel the same way I do." I gently open the palm of his hand and close his fingers around the soft box. "I don't ever want to be apart from you, so..." I open the box in his hand. Inside, on a black cushion, is a white-gold band. The soft light of the room danced on the etches grooves etched into the slim band, causing it to sparkle like a diamond. I can feel his hand tremble slightly within mine, but I continue. "I know we can't be legally married, but a piece of paper means nothing to me. If you agree, it will be as real to me as any ceremony. I want to have you for the rest of my life, if you...want to be with me."
I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tire of me waiting
For the scraps to fall off of your table
To the ground
I just wanna be here now
He looks up at me and I can see the tears in his eyes, making them shimmer like gems. I am unable to breathe, fear clutching at my heart. What if he says no?
I can see a smile creep to his lips, reaching his eyes. "Yes, I want to stay with you, Eiri. It's all I ever wanted. Did you even have to ask?"
I can't describe the feeling I am overwhelmed with. I restrain myself and reach forward, taking the ring from the box. I gently take his left hand in mine and slip the cool metal onto his ring finger. It was then he noticed a similar ring on my finger. "Eiri, you already have a ring on? You seemed nervous that I would say no..."
I chuckled. "Even if you said no, I wouldn't want anyone else. I would still be devoted to you, even if you weren't here."
Tears fell from his eyes and he wrapped his arms around my neck. He felt so small and warm in my arms. How did I get so lucky. I pull away slightly to kiss him tenderly on the lips.
Cause I am hanging on every word you say and
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than
To sit outside Heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
It's where I wanna be, yeah
"I love you, Eiri."
I run my fingers through his silky hair which is always so soft, no matter how hard he performs. "I love you, too, Shuichi."
Where I wanna be
Where I wanna be, yeah
The End
Lyrics for both songs are by 'LifeHouse'
A.N. Looking back, this story was a
lot shorter than I intended it to be. However, I am happy with the
result of my first fic. I want to thank everyone for their
encouraging reviews, it really helped me along. I was actually
pleasantly surprised that this story went over as well as it did.
Anyway, I would like to know how everyone feels about this ending. I
plan on starting another story soon and have and idea floating
through my head. Let me know if you want to read more from me, and I
will keep it coming. Thanks everyone!!