AN: So, I found this file on an old USB, but it was only partially written. On a whim I decided I'd try finishing it. Not sure how successful I was as I wrote the first part in January 2007. That's 10 freakin' years ago so I can only hope I managed to keep at least some of the same 'feeling' as the first chapter had, if I failed… well…then I failed, but at least I tried.

Disclaimer: Still don't own a thing aside from my own crazy ideas, and even some of those weren't mine in this chapter as this story was born in a conversation with Puca.

Oh, and I don't have a beta, nor is my first language English, so please excuse any mistakes.

If you can't flog 'em, clog 'em

Part 2

Fifteen minutes later the trio walked out of Doose's with a candy bar each. Logan had only been passed out for about a minutes, and the only visible sign of the incident earlier was the pink and white 'Hello Kitty' band aid on his forehead.

"You look adorable, do you know that?" Rory asked and took a bite of her chocolate.

"Yeah , yeah, yeah," Logan muttered, feeling only slightly less manly than he had done half an hour before. For the entire time he had known Rory he had thought she was exaggerating when she talked about the people from her home town, but he was starting to realize that she had probably down played them quite a bit. This town had to be experienced; no amount of words could ever do it justice. He was pretty sure that if someone put up cameras they could make a fortune from the reality show they could air.

"So our wounds are covered and our blood sugar is back to acceptable levels, are we ready to march on soldiers?"

"We are!" Rory exclaimed as she raised her candy bar into to air. "You're ok, right?" she added in a whisper before connecting their hands.

"Yeah, I'm ok Ace. Not my first rodeo," he winked.

"You've probably been to a real rodeo, too, haven't you?"

"Oh, absolutely."

"Did Finn get hurt?" she asked, making Logan laugh out loud. It hadn't taken her long to catch on to their group dynamic and just how much trouble Finn could manage to get into if given the right opportunity.

"Let's just say there was a red headed cowgirl Finn decided to impress with his non-existent riding skills. He walked funny for a week."

"Who is Finn?" Lorelai asked as they continued down the street. "He sounds like fun."

"Finn is one of my best friends. He's Australian, known for his, well, rather unique movie re-enactments, naked phases, love of the bottle and anything with red head, oh and his lack of sense of mortality."

"Rory, is there something you need to tell mommy?" Lorelai questioned, her eyebrows raised in amusement.

"I have yet to see Finn naked, mom."

"You have too seen him naked, Ace," Logan exclaimed with a laugh.

"I have not!"

"Yes you have!"

"When did I see him naked?!"

"Your grandfathers pool house!"

"Ok, now this just got interesting. There's been a naked, drunk Australian in the pool house? Mom would have a stroke if she knew! Do continue!" Lorelai laughed.

"He was not naked, Logan. He was wearing grandpa's robe."

"Ok, so you totally held out on the details about that night, Rory. Mommy needs the details, especially when they involve a naked Australian wearing my father's robe. Have I taught you nothing?"

Lorelai Gilmore, Logan decided, had to be the coolest mom he had ever encountered. She looked downright gleeful at the thought of their crazy shenanigans in the pool house, very different from the frowns he had come to expect from the older generation when it came to anything fun. But then Lorelai was hardly old, she was just 16 years older than them, which really wasn't that much at all. From the looks of it she would probably have encouraged Finn's little showcase.

"He was re-enacting The Passion of the Christ to cheer up Ace here, but I think he might have mentally scarred her instead," Logan laughed.

"Ok, that's it. From now on we are bringing cameras to all of mom's parties. Things like this needs to be documented. Please tell me someone has a picture because I need to…" Lorelai trailed off as her eyes landed on a figure that was hastily making its way towards them.

"Oh my, here comes our town's fair maiden."

"Who and what is that?" Logan asked as he squinted his eyes at the tall person wearing what looked like a burgundy dress. Rory simply laughed. Logan was getting the true Stars Hollow treatment today; she couldn't have planned it if she tried.

"That's the town whore."

"The what?"

"The town whore."

"But it looks like a man," Logan said, confusion evident in his voice.

"That's because it is a man."

"Man…boy…the jury is still out on that one, I mean come on the guy moved out of his mom's house last year." Lorelai piped in. "Maybe he'll come with us. He can use his woMANly wiles to get us past whatever armies we'll encounter."

"Oh, I can just see it. Fluttering eyelashes and all," Rory giggled.

"He is actually scarily good at that."

"And he did get Taylor to follow him to do quite unspeakable things."

"I'm sorry, what?" Logan asked, now utterly lost. Was there anyone sane is this town? Well Rory was usually sane, but even she was on the verge of insanity today. As the figure came to a halt in front of them, Logan could see that it was in fact a man dressed as a whore, make up and all.

"Kirk, to what do we owe the pleasure?" Lorelai asked, but Kirk simply stared at them.

"I hope those tattoos aren't real. Mother says that tattoos send the wrong message, so I started a tattoo removing business. I can give you a very good deal, and I'll even throw in some of my new skincare products. I will have to give you my card later, I'm afraid this dress doesn't have pockets. Which you probably know as you made it. It's not very practical you know. Dresses back then had pockets."

"Why are you dressed as the whore, Kirk? There's no snow yet," Rory asked while trying to hold back the laughter Logan could see dancing behind her eyes. He had no idea what was going on, but he was highly amused, and very curious. What was it about snow that made it normal for this man to be dressed as a whore? And what was with the tattoo removing business? This person couldn't possibly be allowed near a laser. Not to mention the fact that Rory and Lorelai didn't seem surprised by any of it all.

"The weather forecast said it was going to snow today." Kirk simply said "So I thought it was smart to be prepared."

"It's not going to snow today," Lorelai said as she smelled the air. "So there's no need for you to run around as a whore. What was with the running anyways?"

"Did she just sniff the air, Ace?" Logan whispered in Rory's ear.

"Yup! She can predict when it's going to happen. She's never wrong."

"Huh, that's quite the talent."

"I can't find my wig," Kirk said. "I was hoping you would know where it was. I thought mother had it, but she claims she doesn't, apparently she's allergic to fake hair just like she's allergic to Lulu."

"Sorry, Kirk. I'm sure it'll show up before the first snowfall."

"What's Lulu?" Logan asked.

"Lulu is my girlfriend."

"Your mother is allergic to your girlfriend?"

"Yes, quite severely so."

Logan looked at Rory with raised eyebrows.

"Just go with it," she mouthed.

"KIRK!" a voice suddenly yelled from down the street, making them all turn to watch as Taylor practically ran towards them.

"KIRK!"

"Uh oh! Got to go," Kirk said quickly before dashing away from them.

"Come back here, Kirk! I will not have you traipsing around in that dress and ruining our town's fine reputation. We are not a red light district! Woodbury will get all the tourists if we have another scandal surrounding the whore! Kirk! Are you listening!?"

"Do I even want to know?" Logan asked with a laugh as the older man huffed by them. It was no wonder Rory hadn't as much as raised an eyebrow when she met his friends, she was clearly used to crazy on a whole different level. Still laughing he pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.

"Probably not."

"Alright then."

The trio continued on their way down the street as the echo of Taylors angry voice grew fainter. How so many quirky people could end up in one place fascinated Logan, despite the many stories Rory had told him nothing had really prepared him for the actual Stars Hollow. Never again would he think that she was exaggerating when she told stories from her childhood.

"Lorelai, dear, did I just see Kirk run by as the whore?" a large woman asked as she appeared in the doorway of what looked like a remodeled barn of some kind.

"You sure did Miss Patty. He was preparing for the first snow."

"Already?"

"Yeah, I told him he was too early, but you know Kirk, never listens."

"Oh, Taylor will make him listen, but oh my, who do we have here; Rory who is this fine specimen of a man? Reminds me of my 5th husband. Marvelous figure, strong jaw. Oh I approve."

"Miss Patty, meet my boyfriend, Logan, Logan, Miss Patty. Miss Patty runs the dance studio which is also where we have our town meetings."

"My, my, you do have good taste. If you ever need dance lessons be sure to stop by, I do privates for a select few," Miss Patty said with a wink. "Where are you all headed? Theme party?"

"Oh no, we're invading Holland," Lorelai said.

"Alright, well don't let me stand in your way," she said as she disappeared back inside the studio with another well aimed wink at Logan.

"Miss Patty used to be on Broadway, she can put on quite a show, and her founder's day punch is famous in three counties. They use the left over's to remove tar from construction sites."

"You're kidding me?"

"Nope! That punch has caused quite a few drunken scenes over the years. Moms coyote ugly dance was the talk of the town for months."

*GG*

"My dear companions! We have arrived!" Lorelai exclaimed as the trio came to a halt by the edge of a small, picturesque lake. The sun seemed to bounce of the still surface, making the whole body of water sparkle. The whole town looked like something straight out of a story book Logan thought as they continued along the edge. He might have grown up with more money than he'd ever need, but a part of him was convinced that growing up in a place like this, like Rory had, was worth more than anything he had ever been given as child. Not to mention having a mom, and other adults, who would actually play and pay attention to you.

"Here lays our grand vessel, all aboard!" Lorelai ordered with a grin as she motioned towards a small rowboat that was tied to a wooden dock.

"Are we allowed to take this?" Rory asked as she watched Logan step carefully into the boat before holding out his hand for her to grab onto.

"We're invading Holland my dear child, we do not ask for permission," Lorelai said as she untied the knot that secured the boat to shore. It immediately started drifting and she practically fell aboard, making the whole thing rock dangerously in the shallow water.

"Ooof. That always seemed so much easier in the movies," she mumbled, before sitting up. "Do any of you know how to row?"

"I'm sure I can figure it out," Logan laughed as he carefully made his way past Rory to grab a hold of the oars. It had been years since he had been out in any kind of rowboat, but as long as they weren't tipping over maneuvering one wasn't a problem. He had no idea exactly where they were headed so he kept a steady course towards the middle part of the little lake.

"Mom behind you!" Rory suddenly exclaimed. "It's Larson's evil swan!"

Her hand flew up to point at the single white swan that was slowly swimming towards them.

"Cover your eyes guys! This swan is evil! We need a weapon to protect ourselves!" Lorelai almost yelled as she stood up, making the little boat rock back and forth once again. Rory glanced around and almost laughed when she spotted an old, slightly stained ladle underneath her seat.

"Will this do?" she asked grinning. Lorelai clapped her hands before taking the newfound weapon from her daughter. With one hand firmly clasped in front of her eyes she managed move one foot onto the rim of the boat, much like a pirate about to conquer new land, before she started waving the ladle around.

"Get away from us you vicious, vicious bird!"

"This is not going to end on dry land" Logan mumbled quietly as he glanced over at Rory who was also covering her eyes with her hands. Chuckling he shook his head and let go of one oar so he could nudge her gently.

"What are you two doing?" he asked.

"Covering our eyes from the evil swan" she said as she peaked between two fingers. "I thought that was obvious."

"But why?"

"It beaked Jess in the eye," she stated.

"It beaked Jess in the eye?"

"Yes, and I don't want it to beak me too"

Logan furrowed his eyebrows and continued rowing. The swan had beaked someone? Finn would really like this town. Tar-removing punch, crazy citizens and beaking swans…what's not to love? Not to mention Miss Patty, Finn would love her.

"It's coming straight at us! Prepare to fight!" Lorelai yelled as her ladle waving became more erratic; exaggerating the rocking motion of the boat until its rim was dangerously close to the surface of the water.

"Mom I think you better sit down before you fall," Rory said and held on a little big tighter.

"And let the evil swan win? Never! We are in it to wih…wih."

"Mom!" Rory stood up as if it was a reflex, instinctively reaching out to try and help Lorelai who was losing her balance, but her movement only added to the imbalance of the boat, and before they knew it, it toppled over and sent them all into the freezing cold lake.

"I surrender," Lorelai spluttered when she resurfaced a few seconds later. "Evil, evil swan. Are you guys ok?"

Logan took a moment to take in the scene before he burst out laughing. The entire day had been one bizarre event after the other, he couldn't remember the last time he had had this much fun without his crazy friends and copious amounts of alcohol.

"God I love this place," he laughed. "You alright, Ace?"

He could see her lips quivering from the cold, but she was grinning at him.

"Yeah, but let's get out of here. I think summer is a better time to invade Holland anyways."

"I concur, let's revise our plans and go for a different angle of attack," Lorelai said and gave the boat a push to turn it right side up again. "For starters we're gonna need a bigger boat."

*GG*

"What the hell happened to you guys?" Luke asked when they walked into the diner a while later. "You're dripping all over the floor."

"We fell in the lake," Lorelai said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"All three of you?"

"There was this evil swan that Lorelai tried to kill with a ladle," Logan began but was cut off when Luke barked out a laugh. The older man looked highly amused as he continued chuckling on his way back around the counter.

"You didn't actually hit the poor bird did you?" he asked.

"Poor bird?! You should have seen it! It went straight for us. Beak at the ready. That bird is evil, Luke; evil I tell you!" Lorelai said using wild hand gestures that nearly knocked the doughnut stand off the counter. "That bird is a threat to humanity!"

"I'm sure it is," Luke chuckled. "Now get home and get warm, I'll be over with food in a bit."

"Bless you!"

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbled as they headed for the door. "Look out for the crows by Dooses, I hear they're quite vicious to intruders!" he called after them, making Logan chuckle as he grabbed Rory's cold hand. What a day.

*GG*

The sun was setting by the time they reached the Gilmore residence again. Lorelai had decided to make a quick stop at Dooses for some movie necessities while he and Rory made their way home on their own. As they walked up the stairs she turned to look at him and he felt a smile tug at his lips. The Hello Kitty tattoos had survived the dip in the lake and still adored her cheeks, the helmet, however, had been relocated to her hand in an effort to tame her wet hair once out of the water. In many ways she looked like a hot mess, but he couldn't help but find her utterly adorable as she stood there in the warm glow from the setting sun, not at all worried about how she looked or what the neighbors would think if they saw her. How had he been lucky enough to end up with someone like her; someone who was the perfect mix of innocent and adventurous, and confident enough in her own skin to make a complete fool of herself if given the right opportunity. He had always known she was a little crazy, she had to be to survive living with Paris Geller, but after today he felt like he had gotten to know a completely new side of her and he loved it. He had known girls who bored him after 5 minutes, but even after dating Rory for months she still had the ability to surprise him, it was one of many things that had made him fall for her in the first place.

Grinning he watched as a drop of water ran down her nose and stopped at the edge where it held on for dear life. She tilted her head in a questioning manner as her eyes bore into his.

"You coming?" the drop fell from her nose as she spoke, falling fast towards the wooden floor where it spread out, creating a little star.

"Yeah, I'm coming," He said and grabbed her now outstretched hand. A cold breeze hit their backs and made them both shiver in their sopping wet clothes.

"Ugh…I hate mom…and Larson's evil swan. Who knew swans could live for so long. I honestly thought it was dead, I heard Jess and Luke went out so Jess could have his revenge." Rory muttered under her breath. Logan laughed and let go of her hand, putting his arm around her shoulders instead so he could pull her close.

"What do you say to coffee and a warm bath while we wait for the food we were promised?" he asked and kissed her temple.

"Yes, please! I'd ask you to join, but I don't think my mom would appreciate that very much," she grinned up at him.

"That's evil, Ace. Putting images in my head like that."

"I'll make it up to you when we get home," she winked.

"Is that a promise?"

All he got in reply was a smirk as she dethatched herself from his side and made her way up the stairs, her hips swaying with every step.

Standing alone in the living room of her childhood home he let out a chuckle as he took in his surroundings. It was everything his home was not; quirky, full of mismatched furniture and odd knick knacks. There were pictures of Rory growing up, stacks of old magazines and an unfolded blanket on a chair. It was a home that was lived in. It was Rory's home and he immediately recognized how this environment had helped shape her as a person. Everywhere he looked he could see a bit of the Rory he had gotten know. He saw how her upbringing had helped change him as well. He was a better person for knowing Rory Gilmore, and he was going to make damn sure he managed to keep her in his life. Everything was more fun when she was involved, and he knew for a fact that he would treasure this trip for long long time.

FIN

AN; Wow, so that only took 10 years and 3 months…. God, I'm ashamed. I'm not entirely sure how this measures up, but I do hope you liked this little trip into the crazier part of my brain. I tend to write more emotion these days, so this was a bit different! Anyways, please leave me a little review and I'll love you forever.

Hope everyone who celebrates are having a good Easter, and that those who don't are enjoying themselves too!

Caroline