This is a one shot so I hope you enjoy
Pemberley 18—
My dearest love,
I cannot express in words how much you mean to me. However I will try, from the moment when we first met I knew. I knew what it was like to feel an attraction, an attraction that grabbed my full attention. Oh how I tired to fight it. I tried to think that you would be an inappropriate wife, but as time worn on I came to see how perfect you were for me.
I cannot believe how I tried to fight it, tried to fight my love for you. It was a useless exercise, as you had cast your spell upon me with your fine eyes. From that moment on you were in my every thought, every dream, you were in my future. Although again I denied it, I could not marry you.
Do you realise my love, when you came to look after your sister, I was torn. I became even more attracted to you, and I was relieved to see you leave. Because then you would not cause me any more turmoil, oh how wrong I was. Even when you weren't anywhere near me, you were uppermost in my thoughts. I wondered what you were wearing, who you were with. Who had the pleasure of looking at your beautiful face?
By the time it was the Netherfield Ball I knew my heart was completely yours. That you held it in those graceful hands of yours, which I had the pleasure of holding if only for a few minutes while we danced together. Those few precious minutes meant the world to me, and it nearly killed me to let you go. But I knew I had to. I was going to leave Hertfordshire very soon, very soon indeed, and I knew Bingley had to come with me. We both needed to be saved from two Bennet girls.
You cannot know how tortured I felt without you in the many months that followed, and I knew however low your connections were I had to marry you, and of course thought the fool that I was, that you would immediately accept me. However you soon told me exactly what you thought of me, and I was a broken man. Was I ever to know the pleasure of your touch, your kiss, or even more so, your love?
I will never forget those empty months of which I did not have your company; I blamed myself for it, and Wickham. Although myself more than him. Perhaps if I had been more gentlemanlike you would have considered me, but than I remembered you probably would not. Whereas Wickham only added fuel to your fire of anger towards me
When I saw you again I thought it a dream, thankfully it was not. You made me complete again, as I have often imagined you with me at my home, Pemberley.
I know I write these words in vain, but I cannot say them to you. For I fear your rejection, the disgust on your face.
Just know I love you, and I always will. I did not believe in love at first sight, until you.
Yours forever,
Fitzwilliam Darcy.
Darcy heaved a sigh, and leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Could he ever send this Elizabeth, his Elizabeth? Oh he had no right to call her that, she would probably never be his. But he could still try, couldn't he?
Yes he was going to try. He quickly called for his manservant.
"Yes sir?"
"Could you have this dispatched to Longbourn?"
"Yes sir"
Darcy closed his eyes he was going to regret sending that letter
Longbourn
"A letter has arrived for you ma'am"
"Oh thank you Hill. I wonder if it is from Lydia. You may go now Hill"
"Yes ma'am"
"I do not think it is from Lydia, Mrs Bennet. As I recall her saying she would not be able to write much to us as married life permits her not to. I wonder though what has made her think that, I have plenty of time to write my letters"
"Oh Mr Bennet. My wonderful Lydia would have made time to write to me. She is probably writing about the joys of married life, which I am sure you can remember us having"
"Oh really Mrs Bennet, I do not recall such occasions"
"Oh Mr Bennet, you take delight in vexing me"
"No Mrs Bennet I take great joy in it. Well I shall leave you to your letter as I have many to write myself"
Mr Bennet quietly leaves the room, while winking at Elizabeth and Jane.
"Now girls what do you think Lydia has to say?"
"How much she is enjoying being married to Mr Wickham" answered Jane
Lizzy gave an unladylike snort, which of course Mrs Bennet did not hear as she was too excited about the letter.
"Oh Jane, if only you were married or engaged to Mr Bingley. Then we could throw rich men into the paths of Elizabeth, Mary and Kitty. Although if Elizabeth insists on refusing every man that offers for her, than she will die a spinster."
"Mama!"
"Well it is true Jane. If only she had accepted Mr Collins. Then I could be certain that we would not get thrown out of our own home. But no it is Charlotte Lucas, who will be a lady of leisure. I hope you are proud of yourself Lizzy, I am glad that you will see us living off the goodness of our relative's hearts when we are thrown out of our home"
"Mama, just see what Lydia has written"
"Yes at least one of my daughters is clever enough to find a husband. I always knew it would be Lydia who would marry first; I knew when she started talking to the officers when she was just ten years old. Lydia also being one of the most handsome girls in Meryton of course, pity Lizzy that you are not as pretty as Jane, or Lydia. Then maybe you could have caught the eye of Mr Darcy, but as you are to outspoken, stubborn, and impossible. He probably would have never looked at you twice anyway."
"Yes you are right mama, Mr Darcy would never look twice at me" Elizabeth said with a twitch of a smile playing on her lips
"Yes Lizzy, but he is such a proud and disagreeable man"
"No I wouldn't say that" replied Lizzy a little dreamily.
This however Mrs Bennet did notice, but before she could comment Jane immediately tired to get her to open the letter.
"Oh yes Jane, of course"
Mrs Bennet opened the seal and began to read, after two seconds she admitted a loud gasp, and started to fan herself with her handkerchief.
"Ohhh, Jane my smelling salts, my smelling salts"
"Mama whatever is the matter?"
"Oh Jane fetch your father, I am being propositioned"
"Mama?" Jane asked questioningly
"Quickly Jane quickly"
Jane quickly left the room, leaving Elizabeth to wonder about her mother's behaviour.
Was Mr Wickham writing to her mother? Thought Elizabeth giggling slightly
The door opened and Mr Bennet strode in.
"Jane told me you have been propositioned, Mrs Bennet"
"Yes, and compromised by Mr Darcy"
Lizzy stiffened. Mr Bennet however looked amused
"By Mr Darcy? How so Mrs Bennet?"
"Read the letter, read the letter Mr Bennet"
Mr Bennet read the letter, looking more and more amused by the minute.
"So it is not Lydia then Mrs Bennet"
"Is that all you can say Mr Bennet. Aren't you going to fight him?"
"Mrs Bennet you should be honoured that he is writing this to you, but however I do not think this letter is meant for you"
"Well who else could it be for?"
"One of our daughters"
"Oh Jane, you do not need Mr Bingley. For you have caught the eye of Mr Darcy"
"Yes Jane so it would seem"
"Papa, I do not think this letter is for me"
Mr Bennet looked questioningly at Jane to find she was looking at Elizabeth. Elizabeth herself looked like she was about to cry. Mr Bennet again quickly scanned the letter, it appeared Jane was right. Mr Darcy did not dance with Jane, he only danced with Elizabeth. Well, well this was a surprise.
"Lizzy, would you like to tell us what you think of the letter"
"No sir, not if it is addressed to Jane"
"Lizzy…"
"Elizabeth, you agree with me. Oh Jane when Mr Bingley comes, I'll be sure to give him hints to not propose to you"
"No" cried Jane.
Mrs Bennet however just ignored Jane.
"Perhaps I could throw him and Lizzy together. Or even Kitty and Bingley. Kitty Bingley how well that sounds"
Now Jane looked like she was about to start crying, and Mr Bennet did something he had never done before.
"Lizzy, Jane do you mind leaving your mother and I alone?"
"No papa" Jane and Lizzy quietly replied.
"Now Mrs Bennet…"
Elizabeth and Jane did not get to hear the rest as they had already closed the door.
Mr Darcy wrote a letter to Jane, oh I should have known. I heard what he said to Bingley when we first became acquainted, that Bingley was dancing with the only handsome girl in the room. He was attracted to her.
He was probably only pretending to be in love with me, and only using me as a ploy to get closer to Jane. So that is the real reason why he told Bingley to be weary of Jane, because he wanted her for himself. But when I visited Pemberley the way he looked at me made me think he, perhaps he still held some sort of feelings for me. Obviously I was wrong, oh how could I have been so stupid. How could I have been so stupid to give my heart to him? Oh Lizzy, you stupid, stupid girl.
She heard a gentle knock on the door.
"Lizzy, can I come in?"
Elizabeth was tempted to say no, oh Mr Darcy what have you done to me? You have me weary and jealous of my own sister.
"Certainly Jane"
"I thought we had better talk"
Yes I know what you want to talk about Jane. Mr Darcy's feelings for you. I felt the tears beginning to prickle at my eyes again; oh I would not again over him.
"Okay"
"Lizzy, you must know that letter was not meant for me, but for you"
"How can you be so sure Jane?"
"Because I saw the way he looked at you. He never glanced at me once"
"Yes Jane, but when you looked away he might have glanced again back at you. You would not have noticed as you were too interested in your Mr Bingley". Lizzy said with a slight smile.
"Oh Lizzy, do not speak so!"
"But it is true Jane, and he could not take his eyes off you"
"Lizzy, stop. I am going to bed now Lizzy. I'll speak to you in the morning. Goodnight"
"Yes, goodnight Jane"
After Jane had left I just sat there thinking. Thinking how I would have laughed if I had known when I first met Mr Darcy that I would be in position. I used to hate him so much, well I thought I did, because what else could the increased heartbeat, and the colour to my cheeks, clammy hands, and being tongue tied mean. Oh it was no use dwelling on the past, what's done is done. No matter how much we may regret it.
I blew out my candle, and lay down. How I longed for sleep for when I slept I dreamed that Darcy was here with, and he was mine. I get to see the face I long to touch, to kiss. Unfortunately though only dreams can bring me this, sometimes life is so hard.
The next morning
"Mama, Mr Bingley has arrived, and Mr Darcy is with him"
"Oh Jane, Mr Darcy is probably here because of you. Remember you must turn Mr Bingley down gently if he proposes to you"
"Mrs Bennet, that letter was not for Jane"
"Well who else could it be for? Lizzy? La what a joke! Mr Darcy would never glance even once at Lizzy. Let alone send a love letter to her."
Lizzy moved to get up, but Jane stopped her.
"Stay" mouthed Jane.
EB
I do not wish to stay thought, Lizzy as she sat waiting for Mr Darcy. Although it would be nice to see his face once more.
"Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy ma'am"
"Mr Bingley, so nice of you come"
"Thank you Mrs Benn…"
"Mr Darcy, it is wonderful to see you. Please do make yourself comfortable, our home is yours. Sit here next to Jane"
As Mr Darcy sat down next to her, Jane did notice the longing look that Lizzy sent him. But as soon as he looked at her, she quickly looked away. Jane also noticed Darcy's pained expression when she did this. Oh Lizzy what are you doing to the poor man. It's obvious he would do anything for you
Elizabeth had, had enough; Darcy was obviously attracted to Jane. When he looked at me before it was out of pity, probably thinking you poor girl. Did you actually think I could love you?
I had to get out before I started crying again, I quickly stood up.
"If you will all excuse me. I need some fresh air"
"Oh certainly Lizzy. Perhaps Mr Bingley will go with you?"
Knowing Mr Bingley he will not refuse, so I quickly added
"No, it is fine Mr Bingley has just arrived. He is obviously a little tired".
Before my mama answered I quickly left. It was a shame though that Mr Darcy did not offer to accompany me.
FD
Why was Elizabeth acting so different towards me? She has been cold, angry, and many other emotions, but never withdrawn. Was it my letter? Oh I knew I would regret sending it. So it was true she did not love me, I couldn't stay here a moment longer. I had to get to my sanctuary, my home. I wish I had never come.
"Mrs Bennet, will you excuse me. I think I will return to Netherfield now, as I have some business to attend. Goodbye Mrs Bennet, Miss Bennet, Bingley"
"So soon!! I hope you will call again Mr Darcy" replied Mrs Bennet
Yes so do I Mrs Bennet, I hope to call on my fiancée Elizabeth.
I made my way towards the horse, but made a detour when I saw Elizabeth's figure in the garden. I quietly made my way to her, but when I got close enough I noticed that she was crying. Oh my love what is the matter? I hope my presence here hasn't made you upset
"Elizabeth" I whispered, taking a liberty by calling her by her first name.
She turned towards me, and her eyes widened.
"Mr Darcy!" she said, trying to wipe the tell tale signs of tears from her eyes.
"I hope I have not upset you, Elizabeth"
"No Mr Darcy. Why would you have done?"
"With my letter"
She stiffened.
"You cannot help who you love Mr Darcy. So please do not worry yourself"
"So you received it?"
"Why would I receive it?"
"Because I sent it to you"
EB
He what?!
"Wh…You did what? It was for me??" I whispered
"Yes" said Darcy looking confused. "Who else would it be for?"
"Er… Jane?" I answered meekly.
"What!! Why would I send it to your sister?"
"Because you might be attracted to her"
"Elizabeth!!!!" he cried obviously exasperated.
"Yes"
"How could you think I was attracted to your sister? I explained my feelings in the letter"
"Yes, but my mother or father has it"
"Well then we must go and find this letter so you can read it. Just know Lizzy, that I will love you and only you."
He grabbed my hand, and practically pulled me towards the house.
When we reached the hall, my father was standing there.
"I believe you are looking for this Mr Darcy. Although perhaps next time make it clear who you are sending it to. Mrs Bennet thought it was for her"
I turned towards Darcy, and I had never seen him look so horrified.
"Mrs Bennet read the letter?"
"Yes" answered my father sounding to amused. "She thoroughly enjoyed it"
I closed my eyes, please papa leave. If Mr Darcy is going to propose let him do so.
"If you'll excuse me. I've got business to attend to. Lizzy, Mr Darcy"
"Sir"
"I believe this is yours Miss Bennet" he said handing me the letter, and quickly turning away.
"Are you sure Mr Darcy? Because I can return it to its rightful owner, my mother" I asked teasingly
"Just open the letter Elizabeth, and tell me what you think"
I opened the paper and began to read. By the end of it I was in tears, and Darcy noticed and took it the wrong way.
He came forward and lifted his hands, and held my face, and looked down at me intently.
"I hope you are not crying because of me Miss Bennet?"
"Miss Bennet?? After writing such a beautiful letter you call me Miss Bennet?"
"What else would I call you?"
"Elizabeth, Lizzy" I whispered.
"Does this mean that you may want to marry me?" he asked with a shy smile.
"Yes that definitely means I will marry you"
"Thank you…Lizzy. I love you"
"I love you too"
"So Lizzy, if I go and ask your fathers permission. Can I leave you with doing the honours of informing your mother?"
"It shall be my pleasure"
Sufficient to say there was silence in the room were Mrs Bennet was for a whole fifteen minutes, much to Mr Bennet's delight. But unfortunately it did not last long
"Oh Lizzy, married to Mr Darcy!!!! Oh I knew you could not be so clever for nothing. Oh just wait till I tell Lady Lucas, let her daughter try and throw us out of Longbourn now. Lizzy you shall be so rich, so sought after. All those balls and parties. Oh Lizzy, just think that fine estate in Derbyshire, and ten thousand a year at least!! Such a man picked you to be his wife Lizzy!! Mr Darcy does have fine taste, although he could have done better, but Jane and Lydia are already taken…."
"Mama!!!"
Later that evening, Elizabeth and Darcy are sitting and talking.
"Mr Darcy, did you happen to get the letter I sent to you"
"What letter Miss Bennet?"
"You mean you did not get the letter I sent you. Explaining my feelings"
"No I did not"
"Oh no!"
Elizabeth winced, oh god!! She hated to think who had got it.
This ending still needs a little work, well the whole story does. But I just thought I'd put it on here so tell me what you think. I am a little disappointed with it, but that can't be helped
Loved, hated, liked it?
So please review!
Thanks!!
Livdarcy