Title: Ripples
Author: Kreek
Category: Angst, Drama, Smarm, PGWord count, not counting the header: 4995)
Warnings: Gen. Spoilers for Reckoning 1 and 2, Threads.
Summary: Jack reacts badly to what has happened to Daniel during the events in Reckoning.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, these characters do not belong to me. I'm just adding a bit of my humble ideas to the SG-1 universe.
A/N: My first SG-1 story. Since I'm a non-native English speaker, please be gentle with the reviews.
My answer to the 'Smarm' challenge on the Ancient Obsessions list. To me 'Smarm' is a product of deep abiding 'gen' friendship that so often doesn't need further explaining. So, instead of going into the realm of extreme comfort, I tried to get the Smarm across, while still keeping Jack and Daniel's characters strong. A big warm thank you goes to Diney who did the beta work and gave me the inspiration to write a more positive ending than I had originally planned. All remaining mistakes, however, are mine.
Enjoy!
"Ripples"
By Kreek©february2005
The floor was dirty and smelled of oil. The pungent odor of metal caressed her senses. Just the way Sam liked her perfect day off to smell. Lying underneath her motorcycle, she found it hard to concentrate on the damn thing. She'd hoped working on her beloved device would make her relax. Instead it only served to raise her anxiety up a notch.
How the hell can I lay down here, pretend like everything is fine, while Daniel… The wrench she was holding slipped from her grease stained hand, causing it to collide hard with her cheekbone. Ouch, God Dammit!
Rubbing her enflamed cheek, she sighed. This was ridiculous. Something was wrong. They hadn't heard from Daniel in over a week. Not since the replicators had transported him right from under her nose.
Okay, Jack had a point. Daniel always managed to beat the odds, beat imprisonment, beat death, but someday his luck would run out. Not going after him, just ignoring that the replicators had him, and counting on the fact that he would make it out on his own? No, her commanding officer's lack of action bothered her big time.
The replicators had captured her once. She knew what those ratchet little creatures were capable of; how painful their torturing methods were. The thought of Daniel going through that, while she was blatantly fixing her bike or working on the table settings at her upcoming marriage was just… not right.
Angrily she sat up and moved over to the sink to wash her hands. In a way Daniel had been more like a brother to her than her own brother ever was. That sibling connection was now screaming in her head, yelling at her to hurry, to get to him, before it was too late. Working on her bike was simply not an option anymore. Time to pay Jack a visit and knock some sense into his head.
Purposefully she marched out the door and turned left, in the direction of Jack's office.
Jack looked at her, stubbornly. "Forget it! I'm not falling for it this time."
"Falling for it?" She asked bewildered.
"Yeah. How many times have you thought he was gone, and then he shows up in … one form or another? I'm sorry, but we're not having a memorial service for someone who's not dead."
Wanting to tell her CO that a memorial service was not what she had in mind, that all she wanted was to go out and look for him, Sam opened her mouth to speak.
Jack suddenly started to address the ceiling. "You hear that? I'm not buying it!"
She clamped her mouth shut. You can't just deny the replicators have him! He's not here, General. God knows I would want him to be. Anything's better than this waiting around, and hoping he somehow makes it out on his own!
Picking up on her apprehensive feelings and the sympathetic look she shot him, Jack spoke to her in self defense, "What?" He leaned in. "He's just waiting for us to say a bunch of nice things about him."
Unwilling to shatter her CO's faith in Daniel's abilities to survive, she looked down.
"Next thing you'll know," he continued, "he'll come waltzing through that door. Like, right now."
A silence fell as they both eyed the door, fully expecting the archaeologist to walk in.
Nothing happened.
"Waltzing..." Jack repeated softly.
A bright light formed in the middle of the small office startled the hell out of both of them. When it disappeared, a familiar face looked up at them.
"Thor!" O'Neill cried happily at the sight of the little gray Asgard with its big black eyes. The stuff of nightmares, if you hadn't spend as much time with him as Jack had. Sure, Thor had no sense of humor, but he did have a flare for the dramatic. Jack had to give him that. "Not the one I had expected, but…" he raised a hand to silence the alien, who'd opened up his mouth to speak. "Great timing, nevertheless."
"Glad to see you made it," Sam spoke. Her relief was genuine. The last time she saw Thor, the replicators were overrunning his ship. She and Daniel had tried to fight them off, but when the archaeologist disappeared, Thor had been forced to transport her back to Earth and take his ship as far away from her planet as possible.
"Greetings, O'Neill, Colonel Carter."
Sam frowned at the sadness in the Asgard's voice. "Thor, what's wrong?"
Jack raised a questioning eyebrow at her, obviously surprised at her interpretation of the simple greeting. Trusting her judgment, however, he turned suspiciously back to the Asgard to wait for the answer.
When there was no immediate response, he frowned. "Come on Thor, buddy. It can't be that bad. Shoot."
"I am sorry, O'Neill, but I come with grave news." He pressed a button on a small handheld device. The computer on Jack's desk jumped to life.
Knowing better than to interrupt the Asgard, Sam turned the screen around, so they could all have a better view.
"When my ship was taken over by the replicators," Thor started to tell, "I had to protect myself by temporarily storing my consciousness into a part of the ship's computer."
The screen showed the outline of Thor's ship.
"Luckily, my people were able to regain possession of the ship and they succeeded in transferring me back into my new body."
Jack squinted, obviously trying to note any difference between this Thor and the Thor he'd come to know, but this body was a perfect clone of the last one. "Yes, well… I'm very happy to see you're alive and kicking. So, why the sad face?"
"The computer I was connected to was also linked to the replicators at that time. Not only was I able to access their plans and strategy, but I also became aware of what each individual replicator was up to at any moment."
A deep dark feeling of foreboding settled in the pit of Sam's stomach. The scream in her head, the one that told her to do something… to help Daniel before it was too late, suddenly became deafening. Warily she eyed the screen.
"I sought out the replicator known as Carter," Thor continued. "These are some of the images I received."
Jack looked at the alien in anticipation. "Way to go, Thor. What did you get?"
By the sudden tension of his muscles, Sam knew Jack felt the same anxiety. Yet he managed to hide it pretty well.
"I must warn you, that the images you are about to see, will not be easy for you to watch."
She nodded. "Go ahead."
At first the image on screen was distorted and noisy. Slowly, Sam started to discern a shape. The screen cleared and she recognized the picture; a wall made out of replicator blocks. Something she'd hoped never to see again. "It's a replicator ship, Sir," she managed to say in a steady voice.
The image moved. Sam was guessing they were watching through the eyes of the replicator Carter. Her breath caught in her throat as the picture settled on a man buried partly in the wall: Daniel.
"It looks like the same room they held me captive," she whispered.
Next to her, Jack's expression had turned grim. For all his stubborn denial, Sam could read him like a book. She knew he cared… a lot. It was what had made him such a good Colonel, and what made him such a good General now. Despite the fact that he tried to keep it hidden most of the time, Jack's friendship with Daniel was as solid as they came, one he would protect at any cost.
The wall of blocks retreated, releasing the archaeologist.
For the second time that day, Sam felt relieved. Daniel seemed to be fine. The look in his eyes told her he was as headstrong as ever and was giving the replicators a run for their money. Freed from his bonds, her friend stepped forward.
Still looking at the scene from replicator Carter's perspective, Sam was unprepared for what happened next.
The sword flashed into view, thrusting itself viciously through skin, flesh and bone. Daniel's eyes widened in shock.
Sam gasped. Next to her Jack stood frozen like a rock, unmoving in a raging river of events he could not prevent from happening. She grabbed his arm, seeking support as much as giving it, while the images on the screen slowly unfolded.
The sword, which apparently was an extension of the replicator's arm, drew back. Dark red blood laced the gleaming steal of the sharp blade. The liquid's life-giving properties dripped onto the floor, where it was being absorbed by numerous replicator blocks.
Daniel stood still for a few seconds.
Sam could read it in his eyes. Those deep pools of blue that could hold all the wonders of so many worlds, now held the stunning realization that he was already dead. Mere moments seemed like hours as he sank to the ground.
Replicator Carter stood back to watch her handy work.
"Oh, God…" Sam forgot to breathe, her throat closed up. A familiar sting started watering her eyes. She blinked the film away, needing all her training to keep her emotions in check. Underneath her clutching fingers, Jack was starting to tremble. A part of her mind registered it, but the horrific scene in front of her kept her from redirecting her attention to her CO.
Lying on the floor and resting partly against the wall, the blue in Daniel's eyes slowly diminished. A slim sliver of blood appeared, trickling down the corner of his mouth. Sam had seen it far too often to not recognize it; the moment a person gave up and was claimed by death. Not this time though… When her friend closed his eyes, she knew he'd still been fighting…
The scene changed to static. She stared at it, not comprehending that the playback had ended. Silent tears ran down her cheek. Try as she might, she could not, would not stop them. The feeling of urgency… had left her. In it's wake came the feeling of emptiness, of grief, of anger for not having done a thing to prevent this from happening. Fighting… he went down fighting… while we did nothing… while I was… fixing my bike!
"Sir…" her voice was choked. To hell with protocol, with Jack's cynicism and her tiptoeing around his emotional barriers. "He died… He died and we didn't even…"
She looked up at her CO who was staring blankly at the dark screen. "We didn't even look for him!" Whatever happened to 'we never leave our people behind'? Whatever happened to…
Her racing grief-filled thoughts ground to a halt as she caught the look on his face. The devastation Jack projected was as clear as if he would have shouted it from the rooftops, crushing her accusations in an instant. She reached out, trying to quell the agony of his soul conveyed through his eyes.
As if afraid her touch might shatter the fragile hold he had over his emotions, Jack backed off.
Her hand fell back. "General," her voice trembled. Cursing at the distance the salutation implied she desperately tried again. "Jack…" She didn't know what to do; what to say… His mask of the hard stern commander had dropped and the vulnerability behind it told her some line had been crossed. A line that he'd been kept in place for the last eight years.
"O'Neill," Thor called.
Startled, having forgotten he was there, her attention drifted back towards the alien.
Thor's voice made Jack's head snap away from the screen to meet the large black Asgard's eyes. For a few seconds he kept silent. Not even Thor knew what to say. Then, without a word, her CO turned and left the office.
"I am sorry." Thor whispered. Obviously deciding his presence was no longer required, he gave her a curt nod and activated the transportation device. Another bright light and he was gone.
Sinking down in the leather chair, Sam let the tears come.
A few days later…
He didn't know why, but Jack couldn't bring himself to acknowledge what he had seen. A part of his mind rejected the images, told him it wasn't real, whispered at him that as long as they didn't have any real evidence, real witnesses to the event, Daniel could still be alive.
In a way the past crisis had brought some relief. At least Anubis attacking the base was a substantial threat he could handle. Much to Sam's frustration, Jack had been forced to postpone his official announcement over what had happened to the archeologist, until after the crisis was over.
Of course… they did held a memorial service for Jacob Carter. Jack sighed… No wonder Sam had broken up with Pete. A fact he, truth to be told, wasn't too sorry to hear. Dealing with both Daniel and her father's loss mustn't be easy for her. There you go again, Jack. Worrying for others instead of focusing on your own feelings. What if Sam's right, that I am unable to accept the truth…The truth that Daniel's gone? For good this time…
NO! Things had happened during Anubis's attack… weird things. Like the base's self-destruct freezing during the count down. Even Sam and Teal'c acknowledged that this could be Daniel's doing. Sitting alone in the conference room at the huge oval table, Jack couldn't help but ponder over the fact that neither Sam nor Teal'c were in a hurry for the archeologist's memorial service to happen. Whether his former teammates were aware of it or not, they acted contradictory to Thor's pretty solid evidence that Daniel was gone.
Trust your feelings Jack… Just trust your feelings.
Jack, trust me.
His friend's voice echoed inside his head. How many times had Daniel uttered those words? Sometimes asked, sometimes begged, sometimes as a peremptory statement. Strange how it had become a mantra. Watching the empty chairs in front of him, Jack muttered out loud. "Okay, so I trust you! I have you know that trust doesn't come easy to me, Daniel. So you damn well better show up before this day is over, or so help me God, I'll-"
He was interrupted by Sam and Teal'c filing into the conference room for the 'after crisis' meeting.
"Guess it'll have to wait…" Jack whispered.
"Join us."
Daniel watched the man warily, before looking away. Anubis was gone… so was Oma. He was alone, along with the ancients occupying the diner or where ever he was. A place between life and what comes after…
Close, he was so close to dying.
Now that Anubis was no longer a threat to those he loved, he could finally let his guard down. Still standing in the middle of the diner he started to shake ever so slightly.
"It's your choice, you know. You don't have to move on. You've earned your place among us."
Looking up at the elderly man standing in front of him who seemed to have spoken, Daniel bit his lip. He figured the guy was communicating telepathically because not a sound had crossed his lips. "No…"
"You're still fighting…"
"Yes, send me back," his voice quivered.
"We would like you to stay." Crossing his arms to emphasize his point that he had no intention of honoring the request, Daniel spoke stubbornly, "Join the ascended? Been there… done that…" Before he could finish his sentence the man frowned. The tension in the diner seemed to rise, making him feel crowded. "What?" he asked carefully. All the diner's occupants were watching him. Suddenly a dozen voices were echoing through his head. "You'd rather choose the pain of life?" Cringing at the painful intrusion of his mind, he closed his eyes against the overwhelming voices. It didn't help, the echo remained; the ancients were assaulting him from within. He backed off a few steps to shout in slight panic. "Stop it!" "Why? This 'agony' is what you want, isn't it? Life is ugly and painful… So is death. Our way is better. Next to us, humans are but breadcrumbs scattered across a vast ocean. Why would you want to go back there?" The echo pulled at him, freezing him to the ground, making him want to stay.Trembling, he clenched his teeth and looked around. "I can't leave… my friends…"
"They let you die…You held on because you thought they might rescue you in time. They never came…"Daniel visibly flinched, still feeling the cold steel piercing his flesh… the shock… his useless struggle against all-consuming pain and death. He backed off against the wall. If Jack could have, he…
"You're wasting your time with those people. You belong with us."
The echo of voices was loud, exploding in his mind, causing him to actually see stars. Grunting, Daniel sank to the ground. Doubt started to nag at him… doubt from the countless times Jack had yelled at him, patronized him… All this time when he'd finally thought he'd found a place where he belonged… found a family… Maybe he was wrong, maybe the other members of SG-1 never really did care. He clenched his eyes shut.
Crying… someone was crying. Sam!
Shaking his head he tried to calm down… tried to fight all of those voices that wanted him ascended… wanted him dead…
A clear sound pierced the chaos in his head. They're just a bunch of dead guys, Daniel. Don't listen to them. Daniel's lip twitched in a wry smile at the sudden voice his mind provided... Jack's voice… fierce, protective, putting the whole thing in perspective.
"You don't really… understand… friendship… do you?" He croaked at the crowd surrounding him. "You fear it." He searched deeper… and latched onto a feeling of fear… and grief. And it wasn't his…
Silence.
Clenching his teeth, Daniel lifted his head and ordered bitterly, "Let – me – live."
"So be it…"
Daniel made his way to the locker room to catch a shower and get into some decent fatigues, instead of the overall Doctor Fraiser's replacement had given him after his routine examination. You gotta hand it to the ascended… they sure have a cruel sense of humor! They could have put me down in the locker room, but no. They had to place me in Jack's office… naked… again. Good thing they didn't make me appear on the conference table in the middle of the meeting, though. God, that would have been embarrassing. He still wasn't sure if the smiles he got when he got out of the office, wearing nothing but a flag Jack had given him, stemmed from the genuine relief at seeing him alive or from the simple fact that they liked what they saw.
Trying not to think about that particular scene anymore, he opened the door to the locker room. "Sam?"
From her sitting position on one of the benches she looked up, her face showing none of the inner turmoil Daniel knew she felt the moment their eyes met. He went to sit beside her.
Her voice betrayed her. "Daniel, I was just… God, it's been hard…"
He cut her off by wrapping his arms around her.
She held him tight, obviously relishing the feeling at having him here, alive and well. Her muffled voice sounded in his ear, "It was difficult enough the first time."
"I know," He said softly, recalling Sam's words from the first time he'd ascended. Losing him was one of the hardest thing she ever had to deal with, and her subsequent crying when it seemed to happen all over again. "I heard you."
She pulled back, giving him a smile. "You did?"
"Yep, made me realize I belong here, with my friends. I heard Jack too by the way. I think I'm spending way too much time around that man."
"Daniel, he resigned."
He blinked. "What?"
"When Thor showed us what had happened to you?" She looked at him.
"Yeah, Jack told me about that. I would've spared you those images if it had been up to me."
"He took it pretty hard. I don't think I've ever seen him this... bitter."
I have, Daniel thought grim. When Charlie died. He turned quiet by the implication that Jack apparently cared as much for him, as he had for his son. "Where is he now?" He asked quietly, knowing he needed to talk to him.
"He came out of the locker room just as I came in and told me he'd resigned. He was dressed in civies so I guess he was heading up to the surface."
Daniel nodded and bit his lip. Making up his mind he kissed her on the cheek and stood up to head for the door.
"You're going after him?"
"Yep…" He said and quietly left the room.
It didn't take him long to find the man. As Daniel had figured, Jack was right where he'd anticipated him to be, standing ankle deep in a small peaceful flowing stream located not too far from the base's entrance. Daylight filtered in through the heavy branches of the huge trees located all along the bank. Swirls of mist covered the water like a soft blanket. It suddenly occurred to Daniel that he had no idea what time it was.
His friend was casting stones over the water's surface. Knowing he was aware of his presence, Daniel waded in to stand beside him. "Hi Jack."
The answer was short and laced with anger. "What are you doing here…" Jack threw another pebble, emphasizing his frustration.
Daniel ignored it. "Sam told me you… quit."
He got a grim smile in return for his effort. "You don't quit something like this, Daniel. It'd be like quitting your… family… or something."
"So it's more like walking out?"
Brown eyes locked with his. "Yeah, if you want to call it that. I'm walking out, leaving the party, going out for that pack of cigarettes-"
"-And never come back?" Daniel finished softly, cursing at himself for the slight distress in his voice. After all these years, after all he'd grown as a person since he'd joined SG-1, the past still haunted him at times. One of his stepmothers had done exactly that. She walked out and never came back. His stepfather couldn't handle it and he ended up back at the children's home once again.
The stern look in Jack's eyes softened. "Sorry," he said, obviously picking up on the effect his words had on his archaeologist. "I didn't mean it like that… it's just…"
Taking a deep breath, Daniel swallowed the demons from his past and focused on his friend. "So, what did you mean?"
"Leave it alone, Daniel." Jack ordered and turned away to start throwing a couple more pebbles. They bounced of the surface creating small ripples, which turned into soft waves that eventually hit their boots.
"No… Not this time, Jack."
"Dammit Daniel!" His friend whipped around, throwing his remaining fist full of stones at the archaeologists feet. "Stop poking! Leave it alone!" Before he could react Jack marched away from him into deeper water.
Recovering quickly enough, Daniel clenched his teeth in stubbornness, threw his arms wide and shouted, "I'm gonna get it out of you, you know."
"No, you're not!" the retort came quickly.
"We're gonna be here all night-"
"So what! It's a nice place!"
"Standing in this stream."
The threat that Daniel would keep him standing in ankle-deep water indefinitely had the desired effect. Jack turned and angrily marched back to him.
Daniel stood his ground as Jack moved right up to him and lifted a finger in his face. "You can't keep doing this."
"I can and I will, you're not leaving this stream until…"
"Oh for crying out loud, that's not what I meant. You can't keep doing this. You can't keep… dying all the time. It's not… healthy."
Not in the least bit surprised by the sudden turn in conversation Daniel took a step backward and watched his friend thoughtfully. After a short silence he spoke emphatically, "Don't you think I know that? I'd be doing a whole lot of things differently if I had to go through it again."
"Really?"
Daniel's mouth twitched slightly. Jack knew him too well. "No."
His friend threw him an all knowing glance.
"I care too much, Jack."
"Yeah, well see… that's precisely the point. You and your caring…" He wanted to say more, but his throat closed up. So instead he walked a few meters away and stopped to throw his friend an accusing stare… "You got under my skin, Danny boy."
Daniel looked up, feigning ignorance.
"Don't give me that look! You know damn well what I mean! After my son died I vowed, VOWED, to let no one, come that close ever again. And then Skaara happened… the boy… well, you know how he was… bright, intelligent, innocent… trampling my carefully set up 'I'm the cold hearted type' image in his wake.
"Yeah," Daniel mused, "the Abydonians kinda had that effect on people."
"Daniel."
"Oh… right, sorry… you were saying?"
"I'm saying that while I was preoccupied with Skaara, I failed to see the real threat!"
"And that would be…"
"You!"
"Me."
"Oh, I ranted at you, nagged at you, tried to ignore you and your ramblings about ancient cultures. In general I was just plain rude to you, all the while thinking I had you pegged, had everything in complete control."
Daniel just listened.
"Let me tell you that when you supposedly died on me the first time, you know, when water boy held you prisoner so you could tell him what happened to his mate Aroma-"
"Omoroca."
"-Omoroca? I was thoroughly confused. And angry… lets not forget angry."
"At me?"
"Yes at you! For creeping up to me like that, for getting in here," he closed a fist and held it over his heart, "without me even realizing it!" He sat himself down on one of the larger boulders strewn all alongside the small stream.
Daniel watched him for a moment, silently. Pondering over his next words. "Thor's little video display?"
"Last drop."
"It wasn't your fault-"
Jack interrupted him. "Don't give me that crap. I'm the general. I run the place. I should have come after you. I didn't."
"You had other things on your mind at the time. The fate of the universe is a pretty good reason…"
Jack's head snapped up, his eyes blazing, "No! Not for me! Don't you see? … I don't care a rat's ass about the fate of the universe, but I do care about what happens to you… I can't help it! For cryin' out loud, you're my friend, and I almost let you die under my command!"
"A part of you had to know I was all right."
"Maybe… fact is… I can't do it anymore, Daniel. Next time you might not be so lucky. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna make the same mistake twice! I can't just sit back and watch you or Sam, or Teal'c die because of a command decision I had to make! And that moment will come again…"
Behind him, Daniel heard Jack stand up. Judging by the wading footsteps, the man walked away from him, towards dry ground. Trotting after him, Daniel couldn't help but snap at his friend, "So… are you resigning? Or is it simply a case of not wanting to face your feelings? 'Cos it looks to me like you're running, Jack."
That was unfair. Daniel knew it the moment the words left his mouth. The truth was that he was more than a little scared to face the future without having Jack as a failsafe to watch his back. He nearly bumped into his friend as Jack stopped abruptly. "I'm sorry, I…"
Catching him completely off guard, Jack suddenly reached out to grab the archaeologist, holding him at arms length. "Daniel," Jack started. "I would never dream of stopping you from doing… whatever it is that you're doing. You know… saving the universe with that Indiana Jones charm of yours."
Daniel sighed, looking down into the still water of the stream, "I know that."
"That's why I'm resigning."
"I know that too," he spoke calmly, taking small shallow breaths as he tried to come to terms with the new situation; not at all sure if he wanted to remain a member of SG-1 once Jack had left.
Noticing his friend's distress still hadn't subsided, Jack tried to lighten the mood with a wicked grin. "Admit it, you're gonna miss me!" He exclaimed.
"Maybe," Daniel answered vaguely. "You're not gonna leave right away, are you?"
"Nope, you're not going to get rid of me that easily. I gotta round up some things first, but in a couple of months… yeah."
"Right… a couple of months."
"Come on," Jack urged and slapped him on the shoulder. "Let's go home, I'm hungry."
For a second, Daniel stood watching his friend disappear in the mist. A feeling of utter loneliness crept up on him.
"Daniel!"
He smiled as Jack's snapping voice drove the demons away that had gotten hold of his heart. He wondered if Jack knew how hard it had been for Daniel to let him in.
Ascending… dying… it was all the same thing. He'd been running as much as Jack had.
Well, Jack. I stopped and I turned around. And did you know that for the first time in ages I actually feel like having a family? The SGC isn't the only way to keep you a part of the team, of my life. Friendship is another. No more CO, or off world explorations together… just pure friendship.
Now isn't that something worth exploring?
He already knew the answer.
End