Disclaimer: I do not own the ninja turtles.

A/N: Hey guys, once again thank you so much for all your kind reviews. They really made me smile and I'm so happy you guys are enjoying the story like you are. It really keeps me going, especially on chapters like this one. For some reason I had the hardest time with this chapter and wound up mentally smacking my head against the keyboard and rewriting it several times. Not to mention the various different starts and trying to figure out what would work best. In the end, I think maybe I was over thinking it, and once again letting my nerves get the better of me and realized I just needed to write. So that's what I did, because there was no way I was leaving you guys on edge for another long stretch of time. So please let me know what you guys think, but most of all, I really hope you enjoy the chapter. For that is why writer's write.

X

He felt like killing his brother.

Donatello slammed his hand against the turtle sub, a slew of curses shooting through his head as pain exploded from his palm up his arm and he bit his lip to keep from screaming. At the same time though maybe screaming would feel good. Maybe it would help him calm down and…

'Just breath.' he told himself. 'You won't help anyone by acting like that idiot.'

Don did his best to swallow back a wave of emotion and stop himself from doing any more damage to the sub. That was one of the last things they needed.

Taking a deep breath, he rested his head against the cool metal allowing it to ease the pain of several of his wounds. He wasn't sure what was worse. The wounds he'd received at the hands of the Foot, or the scars that weren't there.

Something hot and angry pricked the corners of his eyes as he remembered the way Raph pushed him over the side into the lifeboat. The calm expression on his face as he explained if he stayed, Shredder would leave his brother alone. The fact that he had never intended on leaving felt worse to Don than any of what the Foot had done to him. He had never seen Raph so resigned to something before. Especially not to a fate like that and the fact that Raph hadn't let him have a choice caused another twist in his gut. Didn't his brother know he would have stayed there with him? That if he knew what Raph was thinking he would have knocked him upside the head? If he had known there was no way he would have agreed to their escape plan.

That was probably why his brother hadn't told him. Everyone said when he wanted to be he could be just as stubborn as Raph, if not more so. He'd never have allowed his brother to stay alone…

'And where would you be now if he hadn't done that? If you had stayed with him you'd both be dead.' the logical part of his brain knew that, but he didn't care. More than anything right now he wanted to march over to Raphael, shake his brother awake and slam his fist so hard into his face that common sense had to follow.

Instead he tightened his grip on the rusty wrench in his hand till he could almost feel it biting into his skin through the bandages.

That idiot. That stupid, stupid, idiot.

"Don?" a voice from behind nearly made him jump as he whipped around to see Leo standing behind him. The concerned expression on his brother's face causing him to look away. "You know you shouldn't be out here right now. You need to be resting." Leo reached out a hand for his brother's shoulder, but Don brushed it off turning back to his work.

"I'm fine, Leo. Besides if I don't fix this thing who will? We need to get home as soon as we can." true he wasn't in the best condition himself. Shock, trauma, wounds, and ingesting sea water had left him more than a little shaky and exhausted, but right now there was nothing else he could do, except push through the pain and hide any coughing fits.

It had been nearly five days now since his family had arrived at the island to pick him up, but before they headed out again he noticed severe problems with the sub. There was no way it could survive even the short journey home in the condition it was in. More than likely they'd get out into the middle of the ocean, and either something would give out and they'd be left floating, or water would start to come in. Until he fixed it they were essentially stuck on the island, though the Professor had done everything he could to help with what they needed. Even salvaging some parts for the sub and finding an out of the way place for them to stay.

April and Casey had offered to come get them, but at the moment it was too dangerous. Shredder knew who their allies were. If he heard of them coming to the island from his sources, it could undo all the precautions they'd taken. At the moment however, Don wasn't sure if it might be worth the risk to get their brother home.

Their stupid, foolish brother. Speaking of brothers, why couldn't this one just leave him alone right now? If he did decide to scream, he didn't want anyone with him.

Don felt Leo's hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing it as if he could read his mind, but wasn't planning on going anywhere all the same. He could feel the words forming in his throat that would demand Leo leave him alone, but they seemed trapped by the fact that a part of him was grateful for Leo's presence. The large part though, hated it and wanted to push the words out. He didn't want anyone to see him, least of all his eldest brother, if he broke down as memories constantly resurfaced and he didn't want comfort. He didn't want to be treated like the 'helpless' little brother he had been when it counted most and been feeling like the fast few days. All he wanted was Raph to wake up and explain why he did what he did. To explain why he ran out at all that night when they were so worried. Why he couldn't have talked to them when this all started and why he couldn't just be selfish for once and take a chance at freedom.

"Don, you're shaking."

"It's cold out here." it wasn't a lie either, but the night air had nothing to do with the shudders running through his body and Leo knew it to. He rubbed hard at his eyes with his forearm, pretending to just be brushing away sweat.

"Then come inside. You can work on it more tomorrow, but you need to rest to. You didn't exactly get out of there without a scratch and…"

"Please…stop telling me what I need." Donatello's voice was low and dangerous even as it shook. "You don't know…you don't…" of all the times for his voice to start cracking. If he needed any further proof how exhausted he was, this was it. Over the years during these kinds of situations he had learned how to pull back his emotions and stop the terror from controlling him. Right now though it felt like if he continued to talk the next few words would be sobbed out, rather than spoken.

Suddenly he felt strong arms turning him around before Leo pulled him into a hug. Donatello didn't return the embrace, but he didn't pull away either. Not that his brother would have let him.

"You're right, Donny. I only know what you told us happened, but I don't know everything that was said. I don't know all the details or even what you went through yourself." his grip tightened protectively and Don blinked rapidly. It was just sweat. That's all it was. "But I think I have an idea how you're feeling. It's the same way any of us would probably feel if we were forced to leave someone behind."

Don bit his lip so hard to keep from shuddering as he nodded, he could taste blood. He still couldn't bring himself to return the hug, even as he finally found the will to speak.

"It…w-wasn't his place…to do that. It wasn't h-h-his choice…to make! I would have stayed…" more burning in his eyes he couldn't blink away fast enough.

"We know that, Don. We know this isn't what you wanted and Raph knows that to. That's why he did what he did. He knew you wouldn't have left him there willingly."

More was said, but Donatello shook his head, pinching his eyes shut and gritting his teeth; blocking out the words as he tried to keep his knees from buckling. He hated this. Being this emotional wasn't what his brother needed, and he didn't want to hear anyone defending what Raph did either. Raph always did these kinds of things. He always acted like he could take on the world by himself, and god forbid if someone tried to help him.

"Maybe it would help you to talk to him a bit." those were Leo's words that finally got through and hit Don like a blow. "You haven't really seen him much since we got here and it might be good for both of you."

That was when Don started to pull away, though he could feel his brother's reluctance to let him go.

"I can't right now. I have to finish the sub so we can get home and…" his words slammed together after that as he tried to explain without letting Leo know what was really going through his head. It was childish and stupid he knew, but one of the ways he was getting through everything was from a self-promise. If he fixed the sub fast enough and got them home, then Raph wouldn't die. Again his logical side told him that was nothing more than an attempt he was making to gain some control over the situation, but he couldn't help it. He needed a goal to move towards or he'd break down and be completely useless. He'd already failed Raph once. He couldn't do it again.

After a few more minutes of babbling, Leo finally held up his hand with a sigh.

"Just for a half an hour then? Come and see him just for a half an hour. It'd be good for you to get somewhere warm for a bit as well, and give Master Splinter one less thing to worry about."

Don shot his brother a dirty look. Telling him their father was worrying about him was pulling out the trump card. Still, could he really go even for just a half an hour? What if he got there and found he couldn't leave? After they had settled Raph into their temporary quarters, leaving his brother's side for a second time had nearly been impossible.

"Don, please?" Leo pressed once more and even as Donatello shook his head, the words came out he couldn't take back.

"Alright. Just a half an hour…then I have to finish this." he said and Leo gave him a soft smile, helping him release his grip on the wrench and covering the sub with a faded tarp. Then he took his brother's arm before Don could protest began guiding him up the grassy beach towards the tent they were staying in. At first Don wanted to pull away, but he was soon grateful for his brother's steadying presence. Even if it was just a short distance, the further they went the more rough the terrain became and more than once his ankle had started to roll and he'd had to grab onto Leo to keep from going down. A few times they had to pause so Donny could catch his breath again as coughing fits wracked his body. Every time they stopped it took at least thirty seconds before he was able to take another shaky step forward.

Not that Don minded.

With each step he took his heart pounded harder. Less from the physical exertion and more from what waited for him in the tent. It wasn't that large, barely the size of one of their rooms back home and the thin fabric walls were little protection against the cold. But it was away from curious eyes and near a small outcropping of rocks that hid them from view from the shoreline. All of them were constantly paranoid about Shredder somehow having found them here. Fortunately there were always several people watching for ships, or the return of the monster that originally created this island and the Professor brought them daily reports. Donatello needed to think of a way to thank their friend when he could, though the man always waved it off.

"You are my friends, and in a way have become my family. In fact you all remind me of my own son in certain ways." the Professor had smiled sadly at them, but at the same time the light never completely left his eyes. "And you have saved my life and that of my friends here several times over. The least we can do is give you aid now."

Whether he truly understood who he was making an enemy with by being their ally, Don wasn't sure. More than likely the Professor wouldn't care. He wasn't one to let anyone reign over him, or bend out of fear. Out of all the people originally kidnapped by the Garbageman, only he had stood up and spoken out directly.

Don could only pray he never came to know the Shredder.

"We're almost there, Don. You okay?"

The turtle nodded, his breathing hard and a pain in his side sending lighting bolts to his vision as they approached the tent. Just inside he could hear Michelangelo talking to Raph, going on about some idea he had for a prank to pull on Leonardo once they got back. Don shot his brother a look and saw Leo's right eye twitch as he sighed.

"I guess it'll be a small price to pay after all of this." he muttered, but Don could also see a slightly pained smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. Then it descended into a frown as they heard Mikey ask for Raph's opinion and no response.

Taking a shaky breath, and swallowing hard, Donatello pulled away from his brother, reached forward, and opened the tent flap ducking inside. As soon as he did the change in atmosphere and temperature instantly hit him. There were several candles burning, causing a soft glow to fall on everything and though the walls were thin they helped with warmth all the same.

As Mikey continued to talk wrapped up in a blanket, their father sat quietly on Raph's other side, sometimes nodding and rubbing a bandaged hand over Raph's face before resettling a washrag on his forehead. His older brother was laying almost completely still, occasionally emitting a soft groan or sharp cough, but besides that his breathing was shallow and pained. Don felt something twist as he saw the wounds illuminated on Raphael's face. Gouge marks. Bruises. Even needle marks. The worst however, were hidden by the thick blankets pulled up to his chin and for that Donny was grateful.

From behind, he felt Leo gently prodding him further inside and Mikey looked up from his one sided conversation with a slight smile. Splinter followed his gaze and motioned for Donatello to take a seat next to him.

"How are you feeling, my son?" Splinter asked, feeling Don's forehead with the back of his hand like when they were children. Don fought the urge to flinch away.

"I'm fine. I just came in to see how Raph, was doing." he said trying to avoid all eye contact, but mostly trying to ignore any remaining heat in his eyes and thickness in his throat. At least outside there had been the cover of shadows. "The subs almost done now. Maybe another day and a half and we should be good."

"Well talk about perfect timing!" Mikey grinned. "I was just telling Raph, about my genius idea for a prank to end all pranks as soon as we get back and we're gonna need your help too."

"This wouldn't happen to be the prank that involves me as the target would it?" Leo asked, draping a rough, but thick blanket over Don's shoulders before kneeling next to Mikey. It wasn't until then that Don realized just how cold he had been and tried to stop another shiver from going up his spine as well as pay attention to what was going on around him. The second proved more difficult. He could tell Mikey was doing his best to needle Leo, Leo seemed to becoming more and more concerned about this prank, and Splinter would either say nothing or mutter something to himself with a tired smile. The actual words were lost to him though. There were too many in his own head for him to focus on what anyone else was saying. To many things he wanted to ask, plead for and scream. As angry as he had been at Raph outside, it seemed to be doubled when he was once again face to face with what his brother had gone through, along with competing emotions like terror and grief.

'You're a real idiot you know that, Raph?' he wanted to shake his brother awake, but his hands only trembled. He had never seen his brother like this before. Raph was constant motion and even in his sleep had always been animated. When they were younger and had shared a room, he remembered complaining once about his brother snoring to loud and kicking him in his sleep. Now his brother just seemed so weak. No. Weak wasn't the right word. Frail was better.

How could he still be unconscious? Even Leo hadn't been this bad, or at the very least, he hadn't been out this long. The second time he fell asleep he stayed that way for another two days, but at least he woke up. Raph had yet to even blink his eyes open. Surprisingly there hadn't been any sign of a concussion, though there were several large bruises on his head. Was it possible he was in a coma from internal damage? There wasn't much Donatello knew specifically about coma's, just that if someone slipped into one there was always the chance they would never return the same or at all.

If that happened…

He clenched his fist so hard beneath the blanket he could feel his nails biting into his palm despite the bandages. Something warm and sticky soon began anew in tiny rivers on his palm. No matter how bad he wanted to scream, he had to keep it together. He had to at least try to handle it. But there were to many words in his head and to many possibilities. As much as his voice felt trapped, if he didn't say anything he would lose it, but…

"Don? Hey Donny, you okay?" Mikey's voice finally broke through and Don and jerked up as if coming out of a dream, feeling his father's hand on his arm. Focusing on the sharp stinging in his hand, he tried to swim through his thoughts back to complete reality.

"M'fine. Just a little out of it I guess…" blinking several times to refocus his sight, Donatello realized his unclenched hand was resting over where Raph's hand was under the blanket. Soon Splinter's hand covered his as well.

"You need to rest, my son."

"I don't…"

"Recklessly neglecting your own wounds will not help your brother, Donatello." Splinter reprimanded softly and Don tightened his fist harder releasing more blood. He had to focus on something. Anything but what was being said and the cries inside that were building. "Your brother would not want you to hurt yourself any further."

"Master Splinter's, right, Donny." Mikey said. "If Raph were awake now he'd tell you…"

"At this point I don't care what he'd tell me to do." those weren't the words Donatello had meant to come out, but they were true all the same. Right now if Raph was awake and told him to rest, there's a good chance he'd knock his brother back out.

Everyone stared at him in stunned silence for a moment before a soft groan broke through from Raph as his brow furrowed and his head shifted slightly from side to side.

"Looks like Raphy, has an opinion on that." the youngest tried to smile, but Don sent him a withering look even as his hand tightened over Raph's.

"It is not just Raphael, that wants you to rest my son. We…nearly lost you both." Splinter said, his voice firm but with a shaken undertone. "If you continue to push like this, you could reopen up your wounds. You've already nearly collapsed…"

"I can handle it!" more words, added volume and more silent stares. Heat instantly shot to Don's cheeks and he looked away from his father, muttering 'sorry' under his breath. He never yelled. Least of all at Master Splinter, but he couldn't help it. There was too much he wanted to say and no way to get the words out. At least when he'd been talking to Leo last year, he had an idea of what to say that wouldn't push him further away. He didn't know how to do that with Raph. Not no when all he wanted to do was shake him, punch him and hug him all at the same time while telling him how stupid he was.

For a split second he felt Raphael's hand twitch beneath the blanket as if intending to squeeze his own back and something inside Don's chest clenched.

Don shook it off as his brother's face smoothed back out. It was probably only a reflex. He had to get control of himself. He had to get out of here and finish the sub. His family might want him to rest, but what they needed was for him to get them all home. Even if he said a half an hour, this was too much. Already more heat was touching his eyes and he could feel something wet sliding down from the corners as his shoulders shook.

"Don…" Leo started, but he was already pushing himself to stand, the blanket falling from his shoulders in a heap as he turned to leave.

"If I work through the night the sub should be ready by tomorrow. We can…" his words started to get pushed together again and come out too fast as he turned his back to his family. Then Splinter cut him off with a sad sigh and a raised hand he could just see from the corner of his eye even as he tried to walk away.

"Donatello, you are angry with your brother, and hurt because he would not allow you to help him fight his battle with the Shredder. You feel you abandoned him." Splinter said, causing Donatello to freeze mid step. "But he is still fighting that battle now. And there are more he engaged in even before he left that night that he is struggling to find his way back from." there was a distinctly grieved sound in their father's voice now that hit Don with a pang of guilt. Raph hadn't just pushed him away. He'd pushed them all away, especially Splinter. "Right now he needs you by his side. He needs to know the brother he tried so hard to save is here and that when he returns, he will still have three brothers in more than just the physical sense."

Don grit his teeth, trying to keep his breathing even and failing miserably. His hand was throbbing, but not enough to stop him or the sudden sob that finally broke through. He knew what Splinter was telling him. That right now in his state, Raph could easily mistake anger for hatred. He could take Don's lack of presence to mean that he failed or worse. That Don no longer cared about the sacrifice. That wasn't true though. He just hated the fact that his brother had to do that and deceived him. He hated not being there for him, and feeling so useless…

"Don…just talk to him. Just say something." Leo pleaded as he started to stand.

Before he could make it all the way to his feet, Donatello whipped around glaring at Raphael's form.

"You're a real jerk you know that?" his anger, fear and grief finally exploded as tears coursed freely down his cheeks and red dripped from his one hand. "I swear, Raph, do you ever even think before you do things like this? Do you ever even consider, just once, just one time, not jumping into something headfirst? You could have been killed! Not just by Shredder, but those Purple Dragons! Hun nearly killed you and…and…" Don sank back down to his knees, aware of three pairs of eyes watching him, but unable to care anymore. No one else had seen what he did. No one else saw Raph come back day after day from the torture sessions only for him to be worried about them. No one else was used against their brother in order to keep him compliant. "Why can't you ever let someone help you? Why do you always have to go off like some kind of 'lone wolf'? Doesn't family mean anything to you? Don't we matter? Or do you care so little about yourself, you think you don't?"

His voice was breaking as harsh sobs ripped from his throat that grew worse as Raph's brow furrowed deeper and his head shifted a bit again, revealing more bruises. Don could still see all the wounds in his mind from when they were fresh. He could still picture his brother's terrified face when he finally told him about the dreams that caused the attack, followed by an all to accepting expression when he explained he was dying. Why was it Raph could take his death so lightly, but if anyone else got hurt it was unacceptable? Didn't he realize how much he mattered to them? That if he died it would break them in ways no one could fix?

"I wouldn't have left…if I had known. I wouldn't have done any of that…I would have stayed. I would have fought with you." everything was shaking now and his nails dug into the soft earth. "But you didn't give me that choice. You had no right…to make that decision for me. You…didn't…I wouldn't have…left you alone, Raph. I wouldn't have left you." more shuddering sobs that shook him to his core and even if he felt like a fool, there was no way to stop the tears now. He was too exhausted and angry. Too worried and too hopeful. If Raph didn't make it out of this alive, he didn't know what anyone of them would do. He just didn't know anything anymore.

"Your brother knows that, Donatello. He knows you would have fought that battle with him then, and he knows you are fighting this one with him now. It's alright." Splinter wiped several tears away from Don's face, wrapping him a one armed embrace as the turtle nodded. They still had to get home, and he knew he was the only one that could make it happen.

At the moment though, his brother needed him at his side more; even if Raph would never admit it.

Swallowing hard, Don found the outline of Raph's hand again and tightened his grip. Even with the covers between them, this time he swore he felt his grasp returned.

To Be Continued…

A/N: I really hope you guys liked it. Please let me know what you thought. I also have a poll up now on my profile about what story I should work on after finishing this one, if you want to check it out.

Hope you all have a great day.

Be blessed

your friend

innocent-rebel