Disclaimer: Howsabout you try to sue me and fail so that I can laugh at you? That might work.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Shounen-ai, Niou.
Summary: Marui's little brother catch him and Akaya making out. Now they have to explain to them the Facts of Life... with a little 'help' from the Rikkai Regulars.
Author's notes: Another Rikkai drabblething. You don't have to have read the ones that come before this, but it might help a bit. The drabblething list goes:
Times of Stress
Passing the Time
How to ask out Marui Bunta
Four Days Later
October Ice
Because I Love You
Evil
Further Nonsense
Dear Diary
Kind of… the same
100 Word Challenges
Driver in a Hurry, Child in a Coma
Doctor, doctor!
The Woes of Solomon Grundy
I'm Not Going
The Little Things
He WHAT?!
Operation: Christmas Party
Being Fukubuchou
Once Upon a Time
My Brother Bunta
Youngdaughterofdarkness: "I love reading anything about Maruihara, but I would really like it if you could write a story involving Akaya, Marui, and Marui's little brothers (unless he doesn't have brothers in your version)."
Your wish is (temporarily ;pp) my command.
Oh, and you may want to read 'Being Fukubuchou' first if you haven't already, or you won't understand the references to the shop. But it's not important to the plot, so you don't have to.
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"MuraMurahelpmehelpmehelpmehelpmehelpme!"
Yukimura dropped his head into his free hand and rubbed tiredly at his temples. "Bunta, do you really need my help?" he asked. "I already spent yesterday helping you at Nishi-san's shop. It can't be that difficult to work there, can it?"
"No, this isn't about the shop!" Marui sounded unusually panicky.
"Then what is it?"
"Me and Akaya were making out in my room and then the door opened and Akio and Saku came in and saw us and they're only seven and now I have to explain to them what 'gay' means cos if they ask 'Kaachan or 'Touchan then I'll be so embarrassed so please please please come over and help me cos I have no idea what to say!"
Niou burst out laughing. Yukimura made a shushing motion with his hand, but that just made Niou laugh harder.
"Way to traumatise your little brothers, Maru-chan!" he cackled. On the other side of the phone, Marui stopped panting overdramatically for breath, and he started speaking slowly.
"… 'Haru's in the room, isn't he."
Yukimura nodded. "Afraid so."
"… He just heard me, didn't he."
"Afraid so."
"… He's never going to let me forget this, is he."
"Probably not."
"Mura?"
"Yes?"
"… Why is he still alive? Why haven't I killed him yet and done the world a favour?"
Niou fell off the sofa and onto the floor with laughter, howling gleefully.
"To be honest, Bunta, I really don't know," Yukimura said dryly, rolling his eyes at Niou and barely managing to hide his own amusement. "Look, I'll be there in about ten minutes, alright?"
"Ok. Please, please don't take longer than that! I think they're scaring Akaya. You know how he is with small kids. Please, Mura?"
"I promise. Go and rescue Akaya." Yukimura hung up and exhaled loudly, then stood up. "Sorry, guys. Looks like we'll have to watch Silence of the Lambs another night."
Niou grinned up at him from the floor. "Why're you saying sorry? This is way better than watching some American chick eat people's faces."
"It's the man who eats people," Yanagi corrected, standing up as well. "The woman is an FBI agent."
"Same difference," Niou shrugged.
"… No it isn't."
Niou snickered. "Well, whatever. C'mon, let's go help Marui explain the Facts of Life to his brothers." He looked positively demonic as he said this, and Yukimura exchanged glances with Yanagi, passing silent messages.
"Well," he said out loud, in a considering tone of voice, "Bunta has been neglecting additional practice…"
"And thanks to him, Genichiroh has to work in that china shop," Yanagi added.
Niou caught on straight away. He got up off the floor and started dialling numbers into his mobile. "I just love it when you're evil, buchou," he leered.
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The doorbell rang, and Marui almost fell down the stairs in his relief and anxiety to open the door. When he did open it though, his relief faded. Yes, it definitely faded.
"Hey, Maru-chan," Niou grinned.
Marui stared. "Um, Mura?" he said hesitantly.
Yukimura brushed past him and slipped off his shoes, starting for the stairs. "I hope you don't mind," he said over his shoulder. "I thought you might want the… moral support."
"Moral support?!"
"Evening, Marui," Yanagi said pleasantly, also brushing past him. Or at least, he tried to; Marui caught his shoulder and shoved him firmly back out the door.
"Yukimura Seiichi, you brought the entire tennis team?" he said through gritted teeth.
"Of course not!" Yukimura looked hurt. Marui wasn't fooled for the tiniest of split seconds. "Yagyuu's not here. He was busy."
"But… you tried to bring him too, right?"
"Maa na," Yukimura said vaguely. "Let everyone in and shut the door, Bunta, I'm sure your parents wouldn't appreciate coming home to a cold house."
"No freaking way!" Marui yelled. "I only wanted Mura's help! You can all go the hell home!" He slammed the door shut.
Yukimura frowned at him. "Bunta, they all volunteered to come and help you in your time of need. The least you can do is let them in."
"No!" Marui growled.
"Yukimura-niichan!!"
The breath was knocked from Yukimura's body as he was tackled enthusiastically to the floor.
"Is Yukimura-niichan here? Yay!" cheered the other twin, galloping down the stairs and knocking Yukimura back down as he tried to sit up painfully.
"Mura-buchou!" Akaya yelled, almost tearfully, squashing the twins as he latched thankfully onto Yukimura. "You're here! I thought I'd die!"
"… Ow," was Yukimura's only comment, wincing. "Akaya, I really, really can't breathe," he gasped, and Akaya scrambled off him hastily, babbling apologies, and the twins beamed as Yukimura managed to stand up, letting them cling onto his neck and back.
"You're getting really big, aren't you?" he smiled at them between trying to reopen his flattened lungs. "I won't be able to lift you up soon."
"Are you here to help Aniki talk to us?" Saku asked hopefully. Yukimura nodded.
"That's right. But your aniki is being a bit ungracious and won't let his other friends in who want to help," he said sadly. "Isn't that a shame?"
Instantly, the smaller and younger of the two let go of Yukimura and dropped to the floor, running to the door and flinging it open despite Marui's frantic efforts to stop him. Yukimura gave a satisfied smile as the rest of the team filed in, welcomed cheerfully by both the twins; Akio had let go too in order to help Saku avoid Bunta.
Marui turned to Yukimura and glared at him. "You, Mura, are a manipulative, evil, evil bastard," he hissed.
"Who, me? Don't be ridiculous. Come on, let's go upstairs, shall we?"
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Akio sat on a little red beanbag that he'd brought into Marui's bedroom from his own, and Saku sat happily on Yukimura's lap. They were fraternal twins, which meant that it was easy to tell them apart, a fact that Marui was constantly thankful for. It would be just annoying to have a pair of seven year old identical twins running about the house, in his opinion.
"Go on then, Bunta," Niou prompted, smirking. "We're only here for moral support, after all."
Marui glared daggers at him, but did so nonetheless.
"Ok… um, you two, do you know what 'gay' means?" he asked.
"Okaasan says that it's a good thing," Akio said.
Marui looked nonplussed. "Wait, what?"
"Yeah," Saku nodded. "Kaasan says that if you're gay, then you're happy."
"…" Marui visibly resisted the urge to hit his head off something hard. "Well, yeah, that's one definition," he said. "But I meant the other definition."
"Oh." Saku and Akio exchanged puzzled looks. "No."
"Damn. Ok, well, you know how 'Kaachan and 'Touchan are married?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, well, when a man and a woman get married, it means that they're 'straight'," Marui began, but he was interrupted.
"Not necessarily," Niou butted in, eyes gleaming.
"Well, ok, not necessarily, but usually when a man and a woman get married, it means that they're straight. Got that?"
"Yeah," Saku nodded.
"Right. Straight is where a man and a woman… no, wait, um… it's where someone likes someone else who's the opposite sex. Gay is where you like someone who's the same sex as you."
Saku looked worried. "But, then… does that make me gay?"
"Um." Marui floundered. "Does it?"
"Cos I like Akio. Does that mean I'm gay?"
Marui flushed bright red. "No! Damnit, I said it wrong… I meant… when I say 'like' I mean… Mura! Help!"
Highly amused, Yukimura shifted Saku around in his lap so that he could talk to him properly. "What your aniki means is that when he says like, he means that you can fall in love with them and want to get married to them," he explained. Marui nodded thankfully.
"Yeah, exactly. You don't want to marry Akio, right?" He blinked. "Wait, right?!"
"Eww!" Akio and Saku chorused. "That's yucky. I don't wanna marry Saku!"
Marui sagged in relief. "Well, that's fine then. So do you understand?"
"Yeah," Akio nodded. "You and Akaya-san are gonna get married."
Marui spasmed. "Not yet! I mean, no, we're… I'm only fifteen here! Akaya's only fourteen! We… ARGH."
Akaya looked scared. "Wait, does that mean we'll get married in the future?" he asked worriedly. "I dunno if I wanna get married."
"No, it doesn't, I'm just saying…"
"Wait, you don't want to marry me?"
"No! Not yet!"
Green eyes pouted at him. "But... why not?"
"Oh, for god's sake…!" Marui buried his face in his hands.
Akaya looked hurt. "Why don't you want to marry me? I thought you loved me!"
"I do! I - you just said that you didn't want to get married!"
"Is Aniki being Unfaithful?" Akio asked, looking anxious as Jackal and Niou snickered.
"No, no," Yukimura said reassuredly over the sounds of Akaya and Marui arguing. "Don't worry. This is what is called a 'lover's spat'. It's a common occurrence."
"What's occurrence?" Saku asked.
"An occurrence is an event that happens. If something's a common occurrence, it happens a lot."
"Oh. But you shouldn't fight with your girlfr- um, boyfriend. Because it's Not Very Nice."
"Well, that's true. But just because it isn't nice doesn't mean that it won't happen."
Saku beamed adoringly up at him and Akio abandoned his beanbag to take up the other half of Yukimura's lap. "You know a lot, Yukimura-niichan," he said admiringly.
"You'll know just as much when you reach my age," Yukimura smiled.
The argument seemed to settle down and Akaya eyed the twins a little jealously, obviously reminding himself that he wasn't a little kid any more and he couldn't snuggle on his idol's lap. "So do you two get it?" he asked.
"Uh huh," they nodded.
"And you won't tell 'Kaachan or 'Touchan that you saw me and Akaya kissing?" Marui asked.
"Nope," they shook their heads.
"Hey, Maru?" Niou said, not bothering to feign innocence. "You didn't tell them what bisexual means."
Saku and Akio turned to Marui, wide-eyed. "What's bisexual?"
Marui wanted to cry. Sanada looked highly satisfied.
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Saku's teacher, Kiniko-sensei, was vastly entertained when she read through their essay on their family, especially the bit about their brother. She briefly debated phoning up Saku's parents to discuss the content, but decided that it could pass.
'My brother Bunta' it read, 'is gay which means that he has a boyfriend called Akaya-san who is kind of weird and also he had a goldfish. But they're not going to get married. This is ok though. But they had a lover's spat about it. Yukimura-niichan said that it wasn't anything to worry about. Yukimura-niichan is very nice and also he is better than Aniki and me and Akio wish that he was our Aniki instead. My brother Bunta is also not unfaithful. My brother Bunta has some very strange friends especially Niou-san who is scary and Akio says that he had a nightmare about him once where he was trying to eat us but I do not think that he would really eat us because then Yukimura-niichan would be angry and Aniki says that if Yukimura-niichan got really angry with him then he'd probably have to leave the country.
My brother Bunta says that I am not gay. And he said that I don't want to marry Akio. This is a good thing. Sometimes my brother Bunta says things that make sense. Other times, he's just being stupid.'
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In case you need reminding:
'Kaachan: Informal way of saying 'mother', or 'mum'.
'Touchan: Informal way of saying 'father' or 'dad'.
Aniki: Tokyo-style/informal way of saying 'big brother'.
Niichan: As in 'Yukimura-niichan'. Can be construed several different ways, but here I mean it to mean something along the lines of 'big brother who isn't really our brother but we love him like one (or better)'.
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Sandy: Aren't Akio and Saku adorable:3 Why yes, yes they are.
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Until next time!