BEWARE: BAD GRAMMAR, SUB-PLOTS, TASTE IN HUMOR AND CHARACTERIZATION WILL PERSIST THROUGHOUT STORY!!! NO, REALLY!!! Have fun. o.0

And thus, IT began. After a unseen, freak accident involving three squirrels, an Spanish-English dictionary and a REALLY angry Spaniard: Jack Sparrow, William Turner and Elizabeth Swan were all sent to the 21st century. Yes, I can even hear the readers saying: "What? That's no way to be sent to the 21st century!"… Live with it.

TARGET: JOHN CHRISTOPHER DEPP II

Our witty Captain Jack Sparrow searched the house he was in, making sure, in this unfamiliar setting, there would be none to interfere with his plans. The glowing portrait-box had intoxicated him, as it's ever changing, life-like paintings emitted sound to match the pictures. He had found out how to operate this baffling machine after about half an hour of fumbling with the buttons on the bottom.

And, then, he had settled on one channel to watch. He was absolutely awe-struck.

However, it was not the sound or the miracle of these moving-pictures that entranced Jack Sparrow, but who was ON the television screen: himself.

An exact facsimile… this man… this-this IMPOSTER, although not the REAL thing, was VERY good at being him: he had even quoted his favorite song!

"Drink up me hearties, yo ho!" sang the imposter as the screen flashed black and a name appeared: Gore Verbinski. Jack stood up.

"AHA! It is this GORE VERBINSKI who is my imposter!! I SHALL- AHA! It is TED ELLIOT who is my imposter! AHA! It is TERRY ROSIO who is my imposter!" Jack went through the names of all the credited people until the credits started to scroll; right next to his name was a name he had seen previously: Johnny Depp.

"Whoever this "Johnny Depp" fellow is, he's impersonating me and ruining my honor!" he unsheathed his sword:

"It is clear to me now: Johnny Depp… must DIE!!"

At that moment, a teenaged girl was heard walking through her front door, whistling Beyoncé's "irreplaceable".

She stopped dead in her tracks as she saw the pirate look her straight into the eye.

"You, girl- tell me where I may find a man by the name of Johnny Depp!" he said, grabbing her by the shoulders.

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!!!" she yelled, picking up a vase and smashing it over his head.

"GEEZ! WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR!? I just wanna' know where Johnny Depp-"

Another vase.

"How many of those things do you have!?!?!!??"

"GET OUTTA' MY HOUSE!!!" yelled he girl, "YOU-YOU- FREAK!!!"

Jack shielded his head from flying glass projectiles as he ran out the open door. After he heard the door slam shut behind him, he walked a couple blocks before sitting on the curb, dazed and confused with this strange world.

"NOW how am I supposed to get to Johnny Depp's house?" he said, kicking a small pebble. "Don't even know who the bloody bastard is…"

It was, actually quite impossible if he wanted to get to ANY of Johnny's houses: for, you see, he was currently in Augusta, Maine, which meant he was approximately 1350 miles away from his island in the Bahamas, 2664 miles away from his mansion in Los Angeles, and 3315 miles away from his estate in France.

Jack Sparrow, like any other man who's recent dreams and ambitions have been gutted and slaughtered, immediately became depressed, and set off, in this queer, new time period to find somewhere where he could sulk. Jack walked approximately two miles unnoticed before he decided to enter a strip mall. Of course, walking through a strip mall dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow is like walking through a strip mall dressed like… … well, Captain Jack Sparrow: you're gonna' be noticed sooner or later.

Jack's head was hanging down so low, he didn't notice that a group of people had began to accumulate behind him. One brave, brunette teenaged girl with braces and an Edward Scissorhands t-shirt on and black clogs dared speak to him. her eyes were transfixed on his hair.

"Can… uh, I see your wrist?" asked the girl, awe-struck. Jack unenthusiastically held it up for her to see.

"Oh, my GOD!! HE HAS THE SAME TATTOO AS YOU!! OPEN YOUR MOUTH!!!" yelled the girl. The gold teeth were in all the correct places. The girl screamed REALLY loudly.

"JOHNNY DEPP!!!! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!!!!" the girl grabbed onto his leg.

"You know Johnny Depp?!" Jack asked, urgently, ignoring the fact some random girl was holding onto his leg like a five-foot leech. She could not hear the distraught pirate, for dozens more people surrounded the two.

"Leah says it's Johnny Depp! Is she right?"

"She MUST be right, she's a Johnny Depp FREAK: she knows EVERYTHING about him!"

"Then it MUST be him!"

"LET'S RIP OFF HIS CLOTHES AND SELL THEM TO PEOPLE!!!"

The crowd cheered and lunged atop Jack Sparrow.

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!" he yelled, someone ripping off some beads from his hair. Leah, sensing danger, grabbed Jack by the hand and unsheathed his sword.

"BACK OFF, WEIRDOS: I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR EVER" said the girl, swinging the sword back and forth until everyone else backed off. The hyperventilating pirate stared at the braces of the girl, wondering why in the world someone would put metal on their teeth.

"Thank you for rescuing me, little girl, but I REALLY need to find that man you were talking about."

"Huh?"

"Johnny Depp." The girl looked at him for a while, confused, until regaining her smile, exclaiming:

"Oh!! I get it!"

"You're getting something?" asked Jack, unfamiliar with the term.

"You're trying some new acting strategy to get into persona, right?"

Jack had absolutely no idea what the hell this girl was talking about, but she obviously KNEW Johnny Depp better than those other losers, so he'd just have to wait this one out.

"Um… aye?" he said. The girl giggled.

"Well, whadya' need to know,' Jack Sparrow'?" she giggled again.

"You're just too creepy, tell me where Johnny Depp lives and get away from me!" he said. The girl still smiled.

"He's buying another house somewhere, but the ones he ahs right now are in the Bahamas, France, and Los Angeles… "

"Not familiar with the last one…"

"Los Angeles is- oh… wait, I remember… eighteenth century…" Jack was about to run away screaming form this strange little girl… what the hell was she talking about!?

Killing this Johnny Depp person was going to be A LOT harder than he suspected…

---------------

"What is this carry-on luggage? I don't want to carry my luggage! I don't have luggage!"

"I'm afraid that you're going to have step in here with me."

The scary girl said he could get to France on an airplane… whatever the frick that was… it was nice of her to show him how to get a ticket… but it was proving to be difficult getting through security.

"NO!! I have ticket and I'm getting on that airplane!!!"

It was kind of hard for a man with a sword AND a gun to get onto a plane… for some reason that had to do with terror- ists.

"It's not like I'm going to kill anyone!"

"We don't want to take the chance, sir." A fat security officer said, tugging on his arm. Jack cocked his gun, shoving it into his face.

"Move away," Jack said.

"No."

"Move!"

"No, I can not just step aside and let you escape."

"You're lucky, boy- this shot's not meant for you."

At that moment, three men jumped on top of him, grabbing his gun. Jack unsheathed his sword.

"SIR, DROP YOU'RE WEAPON!!!"

Jack was receiving A LOT of attention and, letting his guard down, dropped his weapon, in which the three men restrained him and walked with him toward a locked room.

Jack managed to overpower the men, kicked one of them in the shin, the other in the crotch, and head butted the last, in which, afterwards he made a run to the food court, being chased by an entire group of people.

"A minor setback, but I swear, Johnny Depp: I WILL KILL YOU!!!!!"

TO BE CONTINUED…

AUTHOR'S NOTE: this story is patented… if that's even possible… or should I say copyrighted? Whatever… after I write the end to this story I'm going to write similar stories for Elizabeth and Will.