Title: Our Demon of the Assassin
Fandom: Saiyuki Reload Gunlock
Episodes: All episodes involving Kougaiji battling Goku.
Pairing: Sanzo x Kougaiji
Rating: R- NC-17
Summary: Sanzo x Kougaiji Kougaiji's demon, Engokuki encourages him to bond with the priest so he can internally learn about Sanzo and his past to counter, not only the party's power, but Kougaiji's emotions as well.
Notes: ((memories)) /thoughts/

Chapter One

Engokuki of dear Lord Kougaiji, the golden hearted prince of darkness, cared deeply about him, including even his family and comrades. He was more than willing to risk his life for the master, despite his infamous label, 'Prince of Demons', which was given to Kougaiji. Engokuki understood that family and comrades were his priority… but he wanted something more for him. To make him a little stronger…

Maybe to his fullest extent but…

When Kougaiji was brainwashed by Professor Nii, Engokuki was so upset that he refused to summon to him. Why should Engokuki do that when he did not know who was in control of his mind and body?

He saw it was unfortunate that Kougaiji became exceedingly powerful all the sudden, not because of him or his demon powers, and it was frightening that his master did not have the heart or the known compassion that always had been part of Kougaiji's character. His transformed cold, neutral nature was able to provoke his emotions and was able to have him extremely focused on one objective. He felt that the power had rose to a dangerous level would be enough to destroy even a compelling, demonized Goku.

Kougaiji and Goku had goals that weighted a great deal of conscience. So, does this mean they had the same mental strength? It is clear that Goku was physically stronger than Kougaiji while the Prince appeared to have stronger sense of feelings. Kougaiji absolutely had no fear of having emotions, although he may shed more tears than anyone else.

While his mother was Kougaiji's priority, it was the self-worthiness Goku sought after. But the conflict is present right here. For the sake of this time, who gets to win? Which is more important than the other? In general, whatever is beneficial to society and the world is important. Goku would benefit the humans and youkais by defeating the negative wave more than having Kougaiji revive a single mother. As to come to think of an individual, shouldn't one's ambition be more important?

Everything depended on self value. There is no rightness or wrongness in terms of value.

Engokuki, while thinking that Kougaiji was impossible when it came to his determination to save his mother and comrades, was impressed that eventually in the end, Kougaiji's brainwashing was dissipated by his inner soul and love for others.

Taking wise words from all over the places, Kougaiji finally changed his path in hope of becoming stronger by withstanding the pain of letting go of his mother. It seemed to have the opposite effect. This path, Engokuki decided, was weakening him. His prince must fight within reasons.

Throughout their journey, Engokuki had noticed a priest with droopy, deep amethyst eyes that reminded him of Kougaiji's eyes. He had this vivacious blond hair. In some ways, His angelic beauty contradicted his personality. He was brutal, haughty, and egotistical but at the same time, he had the calm judgment, unwavering intensity, and astounding charisma. Unlike Kougaiji, he smoked, swore, and abused his comrades both verbally and mentally. Always physically.

Even though Genjyo Sanzo seemed very unfit to have a high-ranking title, Engokuki admired him. He almost wished Kougaiji was a little more like him.

Not that he did not accept Kougaiji's ways. His chiefly wish was to have Kougaiji capable of seeing the difference and the similarity between Sanzo and himself. Maybe learn a thing or two. Yes, they were totally opposite, especially the insides, but Engokuki wanted Kougaiji to engage with him.

Except that, Engokuki loved him dearly; it was hard not to like him as his wielder when Kougaiji was filled with flaming compassion. There was no way he would switch with someone else.

But he was starting to worry about the lovely prince. He was alarmed when he felt him. He could not read his mind but he could feel him… and his pain. His pain and giving up. So he spoke.

/Master Kougaiji./

Kougaiji stirred to his presence in surprise.

/Engokuki?/

/Lord Kougaiji. Don't even worry about things that you cannot control./

/What?/

/Your beloved mother. You can't help the position she was in./

Kougaiji sighed deeply. His body felt hot and cold at the same time. He could feel him climbing through his adrenaline. To be honest, it was something surprising for Kougaiji, for which this kind of moment with one of the Internal Land Demons was exceptionally rewarding. Of course, the prince wondered why he came forth to him.

/It's not just her./ Kougaiji thought, closing his eyes.

/I know, Lord Kougaiji. Your endurance to live and to fight and seeing how well your lovely sister and comrades are, I am impressed, especially with the overwhelming weakness that you hold./

"I live to fight for today, not the past," Kougaiji said to himself quietly.

/Preserve your past as it is part of who you are. But your substantial memories are not the weakness./

/What are you talking about, Engokuki? What is it you want from me?/

/The priest operative… Genjyo Sanzo-/

/'Get the Maten Sculpture'?/ Kougaiji thought automatically to himself. It seemed that everyone wanted to take his sculpture. True, it was his original plan but he had grown tired of it, as well his past ambition. At that instant, Kougaiji thought he heard a low growl from his flare sub-ordinate.

/Listen, child, listen. Every human and youkai has his weakness. You must come to him and discover it. Break him and I will teach you the strength that you need./

/Why are you helping me, Engokuki?/ Kougaiji threw his face into his hand, feeling so confused. He felt guilty for asking Engokuki too many questions but he could feel him fading away… as if Engokuki was in a hurry, wanting to shut down. Should he trust him? Is it because Engokuki wanted him to figure it out by himself? /Why?/

/Do not worry. You are my beloved master and I would never do anything to betray you. Please try. Go to him./

/Wait-/

But Kougaiji felt his body returning to a normal temperature. He felt the sentiment of loneliness coming back.

"Damnit!" Kougaiji shouted, jerking his head. Just in time, Yaone came in, already curious what her master was up to. She saw him standing near the dresser. He started to scramble for his clothes. Kougaiji had slept too long.

"Fuck. Where is my shirt?"

"It's right there," Yaone said quietly, pointing at the chair near his bed. She knew Kougaiji long enough to know exactly which shirt he was talking about. His typical white, long sleeves shirt that was made of cotton. She remembered that he had said that it was incredibly comfortable and that he loved white. He was getting too depressed lately, and white seemed to be the only thing that successfully keep his mind away from the darkest part of his life.

Also, Yaone knew him long enough to see him undressed but the scene of him half-naked never failed to make her blush furiously.

"Oh, thanks." Kougaiji grabbed it from the chair and threw over his head to draw his arms into the sleeves. Then, he attempted to button his shirt and grabbing a few things at the same time. Belt, gloves and so on. They were in the pile of shit on his king bed.

"Lord?"

"No, it's nothing. I have to go," Kougaiji said quickly, even though he knew his comrade wouldn't be satisfied with that kind of answer when his safety was her major concern. He hated lying to her but he knew she would do something stupid and intervene his way of dealing with things. Additionally, Kougaiji thought it was too complicated to explain it to her and even his best friend, Dokugakuji.

Yaone watched him quietly and was disappointed by the atmosphere of this situation. He apparently didn't want his lovely Yaone involved.

Kougaiji continued, getting out of this hellhole Houtou castle. "Don't worry about me. I'll be back."

"Kougaiji?"

Kougaiji stopped at the doorway to hear what the alchemist had to say.

"I love you."

Kougaiji turned, "I love you too." And smiled, "You're like my sister."

As he left, Yaone bowed her head in disappointment.