This story takes place just after the rescue Sasuke arc and so containes very minor spoilers up to and including this point. However, it can be read without knowledge of those events.
This is somewhat of a follow up to my story "Where Least Expected." While you don't have to read that story first to enjoy "When Nearly Lost", it does provide the groundwork for this fic, including the development of Shino and Kiba's relationship. This story is written under the assumption that the reader knows of those events.
Please read and review. Your feedback is important to me and I value every review. Constructive criticism is very welcome and encouraged.
Thanks and enjoy,
-sor
People say I am cold. Perhaps they are correct, for I am not the best judge of what others call normal. I can only rely on the words of those who know me best. Kiba says I am a freak. Perhaps he is correct, but I take comfort in the fact that he is equally abnormal.
Kiba is loud. He is not in possession of a significant amount of self control and like most dogs, is unable to reason in the manner of higher functioning human beings.
Sometimes I hate him.
However, he also has in his possession that unmatchable and steadfast loyalty that comes only from a canine. There is passion as well and a strength that even Kiba does not recognize in himself.
How is it, I love him? I do not know why. This is why emotion is a mystery. It is in the blood of my clan to be silent and unobtrusive, so it came unexpectedly to find my heart touched by his crude and desperate attempts to demand my affection. Such feelings are handled with much difficulty. Yet more difficult is knowing that unexpected feeling was nearly snuffed out.
Upon returning from a minor but vital mission with my father, word reached me via a week old corrispondance from Kurenai-sensei that Kiba had been badly wounded and for a brief time, in danger of losing his life. For a brief time, my heart felt heavy as lead.
When I sought him out, I found he had been released from the hospital the previous day and was resting at home. This was ideal. Rest at home is said to be significantly more effective than what little one gains within the stressful hospital environment. Though in Kiba's case, the care of his mother could prove to be much more problematic than any hospital stay. This was why I chose to offer my own care, a decision which was most unfortunate.
As one might expect, Kiba did not attempt to maintain a positive attitude. He yowled and complained like a wounded pup while Akamaru lay silent and well-behaved. The noise could be heard from the front door, where I stood pondering the intelligence of my choice to visit. As it turned out, his mother had insisted he remain at rest rather than attempting, as he endlessly insisted, to become stronger.
As I said, Kiba is passionate.
His sister guided me to his room, full of warnings. Do not attempt to ask after his condition, for it drove him into a fury of frustration. Do not ask after Akamaru's condition, for it drove him to bouts of depression. And most importantly, do not ask after the mission. I accepted these warnings without a word, noting her discomfort with my silence. This was a common reaction and thus, dismissed like all the others. There are those who cannot understand the Aburame.
We were intercepted at Kiba's door by the sudden exit of his mother. Inuzuka Tsume was a terror. My father speaks of her as an insufferable beast of a woman who should at all costs be avoided. However, I observed the strain in her face, even as she glared fiercely and snarled, "Good luck with that fool. He's been acting like a moron all morning. Maybe you can beat some sense into the little bastard."
The Inuzuka Clan has strange ways of showing concern.
Thus, I was admitted into the bedroom of Inuzuka Kiba. This room was a disaster. Dirty beclothes lay strewn about the floor along with the obvious and much more unsightly pile of worn undergarments. The bedsheets were in turmoil, pulling away from the mattress at the corners and littered with discarded manga of the most crude and violent sort.
Kiba himself lay at the center of this chaos, a crumpled white sheet covering his lower half. What part of his form was visable was covered here and there with fresh bandaging. It seemed his mother had been tending his wounds, which had brought about the previous ruckus. Curled at his side was a motionless ball of white that must have been Akamaru, nearly unrecognizable for his stillness and sleeping soundly despite the noise.
At first, he took no notice of my presence as his nose was quite firmly buried in a comic. However, his satisfaction with its contents was lacking and a moment later, with a snort of irritation, he flung the book erratically. As it so happened, the book's trajectory sent it directly at me, spinning like a well aimed shuriken. Thankfully, manga are far less deadly and I caught the book with little difficulty. "This is what you are reading, Kiba?"
His sour expression brightened as he noted my presence. This, I was pleased with. To see Kiba in such condition was quite unsettling, even for a man as steadfast as myself.
"Oi, Shino!" By the volume of his voice alone, it was impossible to tell he had been so near death. "When did you get back?"
"We returned this morning." I pushed the door closed and proceeded to his bedside. I had intended to remain on my feet, but at his overly enthusiastic insistence, I scooped a pile of underwear and empty cookie packaging from his desk chair and pulled it to his side.
Noting I still held his discarded manga, he made a sweeping gesture to the disaster that was his room. "Just toss it. I've read it three times, anyway."
It is hardly in my nature to 'just toss' anything, so the book was placed carefully atop a tottering stack on his bedside table. "Perhaps you should procure a book. Such things provide more than half an hour of entertainment."
"Never read a book for fun and I ain't gonna start now." Kiba looked inappropriately smug regarding his refusal to accept less childish forms of entertainment. However, had I known what I had inspired with my words, I would have abandoned such a discussion post haste.
"Honestly, Kiba. Perhaps you should attempt to broaden your horizons. This is what adults do."
"Who said I wanted to be an adult?" He seemed particularly insulted by the idea, a fact which did not surprise me in the least. Maturity was as close to the bottom of his priority list as a thing could be. "Besides, I got something better than any book you ever saw!" As he spoke, he bent awkwardly, forcing a hand beneath the mattress. "That puppet freak from Suna gave me this while they had me trapped in that damn hospital bed." The volume he produced was tossed into my lap.
The cover bore an image of a scantily clad woman laid out on an array of pillows and silk sheets which were an overwhelmingly bright shade of red. She bore an expression which I immediately likened to dizziness, though Kiba would later assure me it was something all together more interesting than that. Despite my better judgement and only at his direct insistence, I opened the book. Impatient with my measured speed, he snatched the volume back and flipped at a furious speed to a page near the middle, which he then shoved under my nose with a satisfied grin.
All questions regarding the presence of the Suna puppet master were forgotten when I was met head on with the contents of that book. Two women, naked and in a very compromising and highly inappropriate position.
I could feel the heat rising quickly in my cheeks, a sensation that was entirely foreign and thus doubly uncomfortable. It is a little known fact that when I blush, the color rushes to my cheeks with extraordinary speed, a symptom brought on not only by the lack of any further response on my part, but also the increased activity of the insects within me, who were agitated by the sudden tension and nervous energy. Insects prefer a calm host and any disruption of that calm can be quite bothersome.
Of course, the quick coloring of my cheeks brought forth a hearty laugh from Kiba."Don't look so damn shocked! It's nothing that bad."
"This is inappropriate material." I was certain my voice had remained level, but the resounding hoot of laughter from my unscrupulous teammate said otherwise. However, he did not quite understand the full reason for my concern. It was an unusual feeling, unsettling in its intensity and defined by a mild pain in my chest. This, I supposed, must be jealousy.
"While the perverted nature of the material is questionable, I am unsettled as well regarding the..." This brief hesitation caused Kiba's amusement to increase rapidly. "...the content." I held up the page for his inspection. "These are women."
For an instant his face remained blank, but it took only seconds for the laughter to return. "So that's what you're worried about? Idiot!" His expresion turned smug. "I'm a connissore of fine things. Doesn't mean I like you any less."
More shocking than the fact that he knew a word like 'connissore' was this sudden admission of affection. Certainly he showed this affection more often than not, but in all that time we had both shied away from any words such as 'like.' Such feelings are difficult to confront. It is simpler to avoid them all together. "Still, this material is inappropriate." And without waiting for permission, the offensive book was stuffed once more beneath the matress and out of sight.
"Feh!" The noise came loudly, disturbing the sleeping puppy curled at Kiba's side. Akamaru lifted his head, whining what was obviously a complaint. Rather than providing his usual noisy apology, Kiba's face grew solemn and his hand came to rest on the puppy's head. "Sorry, Akamaru. Go on back to sleep."
Akamaru squirmed awkwardly, legs moving in a manner that could only be deemed unnatural. After a moment, Kiba carefuly lifted the pup, placing him gently in his lap. It was then that I observed that all four of Akamaru's legs bore heavy casts. They had been broken.
Thus far I had adhered to Hana's warnings, but the expression on Kiba's face as he gazed silently at the puppy in his lap cause my worry to resurface. "Kiba, what happened on this mission?"
It had always been in his nature to change moods in an instant and to this he held true. Sadness turned sharply to anger. To see Kiba snarl was not rare, yet it had been some time since such an emotion had been directed at me. "All you wanna talk about is books, bug freak? Why the hell don't you say hello?" He punctuated these words with a soft mutter under his breath that sounded very much like 'asshole.'
This, I knew, was avoidance. I had seen such behavior in him before. Kiba suffered from the delusion that if he pretended a thing did not exist, then he would not be forced to face it. This was why he so loudly pretended not to have heard my question. In most cases, I would have allowed this, choosing to avoid a confrontation that would only lead to my eventual banishment from Kiba's room, but this case was somewhat different. This mission, despite all that was not said, had been difficult. Any mission that would leave a man like Hyuuga Neji on the verge of death could not have gone well for Kiba.
I was lucky to have him here at all.
For that reason, I gave in to his avoidance, but only this one time. The look in Kiba's eyes gave me pause. His gaze lingered on Akamaru as the puppy drifted in and out of fitful sleep and though I could never claim to be skilled with reading emotion, I could see that he was unsettled. Such a thing was unsettling for me, as well.
After a moment of heavy silence, I responded as if there had been no conflict within me. "Offering greeting is a difficult thing when one is forced to defend himself upon entry."
Pleased with himself once more, Kiba's troubled countenance turned exuberant and he barked out a brief laugh. "Well I'm not throwing nothin' at you now. So how about that hello?"
My expression hardly changed save for the confused arching of a brow. What was the point in offering greeting now that we had been so long engaged in conversation. Still, if such a trivial thing would please Kiba, I saw no reason to protest.
"Hello."
Even more confusing than the request for a greeting was the reaction once it was given. Kiba's expression turned first blank, then confused, and finally laughter erupted. For some time he laughed as I continued to grow both confused and exasperated. There were times when I found him sincerely infuriating. "Is that not what you wanted?"
Kiba's laughter died, though the amusement was still clearly in his expression. "Sometimes you're really dense, Shino!" He seemed prepared to laugh once more until he saw the angry crease in my brows, a thing which often unsettled him more than I thought rational. "Oi, don't give me that look! Just... would you c'mere already?"
Again I was at a loss. Was I not already at his bedside? Thankfully, a moment later the realization struck me. I should have known from the start what it was he wanted. Such thoughts were often at the forefront of Kiba's mind and it was negligent of me to think otherwise. I had been more concerned with easing my own worries than seeing to his desires. Did that not make me a neglectful suitor?
I took a moment to unfasten the first few inches of my coat, though if Kiba's reaction were any indication, I may as well have removed my entire wardrobe. Thus, when I leaned forward to give him the greeting he had requested, I found him even more eager than usual. His kiss quite easily overwhelmed me.
Indeed, there was no other who could bring such enthusiasm to a kiss while recovering from life-threatening wounds.
Even I found myself feeling flushed and nervous when I drew back, smiling faintly at the gleam of satisfaction in his eyes. However, I dared not go further. Excitement was counterproductive to recovery, but this did not seem to please him. "That it?"
I carefully drew my coat closed once more. "We should not engage in prolonged displays of affection in your mother's home. This is a risk."
Rather than inspiring logical agreement, as I had hoped, it simply prompted another chuckle. "Yeah, that's what makes it more fun." He produced the inappropriate material from beneath his mattress again and waved it about. "Reading this wouldn't be nearly as interesting if I didn't have to worry about Ma poking her head in the door to tell me to get some damn sleep."
The sudden nervous stirring of my insects alerted me to the presence in the doorway only mere moments before it made itself known. The door had been pushed halfway open and the space filled by a softly smiling Hana, who, with only the slight arch of a brow, managed to shut Kiba up and send him scampering to hide the volume beneath the bed sheets. She simply observed this with a shake of her head before stepping further inside. "Don't bother hiding it. I found it yesterday when I changed your sheets."
The indignant expression on Kiba's face spoke volumes, but he was silenced before his complaints could begin. Hana seemed to have no inclination to cause trouble for her brother and waved off his attempts at speech. "Mom sent me to make sure you're resting. You were making enough noise to wake the dead."
Sensing that my presence was a likely cause of Kiba's inability to rest, I rose from my chair, intending to take my leave, but I was stopped by a sharp cry from Kiba. "Oi, where the hell do you think you're going?"
I paused in my trek to the door, turning just enough to glance over my shoulder at his unhappy scowl. "Rest is important to your recovery. I will not stay if my presence jeopardizes that recovery."
Kiba responded with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. Then, seeming to realize I was, in fact, serious, he flopped dramatically against his pillows, pulling the sheets over his chest. Then, displaying a pout more fierce than I had seen in some time he pointed sharply to the chair I had abandoned. "I'm resting."
For a time I debated the wisdom in staying, but ultimately decided that it would do no harm, so long as Kiba continued to behave. And indeed, so long as Hana remained lurking in the doorway, he kept his conversation to a dull roar. By the time she had taken her leave, Kiba was already well on his way to unconsciousness.
I was content to let him drift and though he battled his exhaustion, in the end it overcame him, as I had much hoped it would. By all rights, the moment Kiba was asleep I should have departed, but a dull guilt deep in my chest gave me pause. So I remained, my gaze lingering on the sleeping form of my teammate.
In sleep, Kiba was something quite different than his usual rambunctious self. There was a peace in his face that I had never seen before and it captivated me. It was a thing wholly unusual and precious and I found myself unable to look away. Surely he would not mind if I lingered a moment longer. Only a moment...
After all, I was lucky to have him here at all...