Author's Notes: Yeah, I do lots of gift fics. And one of those gift getters desired one of my specialty noun stories. Good thing I gave her one as revenge. Her words were blood, ribbon, soft, home and kiss, all of which I am more than prepared to offer in involving Tseng and Reno. And seeing as the two, while both muses of mine, have never really hung out together without tormenting Reeve, this should be interesting. Spent a whole hour researching FF7 enemies because most FF7 related sites are blocked by the computers where I work…

Lesser Of Two Evils

There were few things in the world that could manage to ruffle Tseng's feathers, so to speak. One of them was waking up to find that the coffee pots at home and at the tower were busted. Simple fact of life, Tseng needed coffee or caffeine to live. And to think that it was caused by too many long nights and longer days as a Turk Leader having to deal with Heidegger, Scarlet, Hojo, and Reno. Then there was Reno himself. He had actually managed to catch Tseng completely off guard once or twice and left the Wutain standing there with mouth agape and eyes wide. Then there was the situation Tseng was now facing.

Before him stood Reno, well, squatted Reno at least, or something that looked like him. It was more like a little statue of a frog with sunglasses perched upon its head and a pony-tail (though Tseng couldn't figure out how a frog had hair, much less a pony-tail). An EMR laid on the ground near the frog, as did the dead body of an Under Lizard. And with the frog dead, Reno remained a frog himself. A petrified frog. A stone frog. A LAWN ORNAMENT! What exactly was he supposed to do with a lawn ornament Turk?

Fingers plunged into what was a full item pouch this morning and was barely providing much now. Already Tseng had gone through three antidotes, a soft, and an eyedrop for Reno's sake. And their maiden's kiss wouldn't work unless Reno was unpetrified. Tseng only ever carried on soft with him at a time. They weren't needed after all, seeing as Turks were always supposed to wear ribbons. Of course Reno chose not to wear one because it was pink.

With a sigh, one he schooled his face of course, Tseng picked up the fallen EMR and turned it off before tucking it away into his coat. Then he toed the Reno-frog statue and contemplated just how he was going to deal haul this waste of training funds all the way down to the city of Wutai. For someone, or was it thin, so small Reno was quite heavy. Tseng was actually sure that Reno weighed more as a rock frog than he did as a flesh and blood person.

Finally Tseng decided upon a sling, made of his own coat, so that he could carry the statue on his back like one would carry a child. While it wasn't exactly comfortable (Reno's webbed feet were poking Tseng in the back) it was the most effective way to get down the mountain and back to the city. Sadly with the added weight Tseng was forced to leave behind his items save for a maiden's kiss and a x-potion.

Still, after all of this, Tseng was not exactly happy to see his home town after two days of hiking. Sure, there was blood rolling down his back from scratches left by the stone frog, and his feet were so sore and he was rather hungry. Yet it all seemed worth it… Because Reno was unable to talk. The other Turk was forced to be utterly silent.

Tseng learned something from that torture though. If forced to choose between his own death or Reno talking… Death was most definitely the lesser of two evils.