Snippets of conversation between Light and Ryuzaaki in the shower. Fluff, slight LightL, oneshot.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note, Artemis Fowl, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, or Star Trek.
Bathing had obviously become a huge obstacle to Light and Ryuzaaki when they became chained together. Fortunately, they solved it by wearing swimming trunks when they showered.
Light's was dark blue; Ryuzaaki's was yellow with red polka-dots.
"Ouch! That's too hot, Yagami-kun!" Ryuzaaki hurriedly reached for the faucet, where he promptly turned the water to a mere lukewarm temperature.
"I like things hot, Ryuzaaki," said Light, smirking.
"That's it, Yagami-kun! I've got it!"
"You've got what, Ryuzaaki?" asked Light, curiously.
"I know how to catch Kira!" Ryuzaaki said excitedly.
Light stood still. "Wow," he said bluntly. "That's random."
"I guess that old adage that you get your best ideas in the shower is really true!" said Ryuzaaki, speaking quickly. "I don't know why I never thought of this! It's so simple!"
Light muttered something inaudible under his breath. "What was that, Yagami-kun?" Ryuzaaki asked curiously.
"Nothing, nothing," said Light, thinking that perhaps the reason that Ryuzaaki had never thought of this was that he had never taken a shower before.
Ryuzaaki fiddled with a yellow rubber toy. He passed it from finger to finger, examining it from every angle.
"It's a rubber ducky," said Light in response to Ryuzaaki's undying curiosity over the toy.
Ryuzaaki stared at Light with his large white eyes until Light expanded on his explanation. "You know, like the song from Sesame Street," continued Light. "Rubber ducky, you're the one, you make my bath time so much fun?"
Ryuzaaki's gaze flitted back and forth from Light to the toy, his face blank. "I wouldn't have pegged you as the Sesame Street type, Yagami-kun," he finally responded.
Ryuzaaki shuddered at the horrible noise emitting from Light's mouth. "You really are tone-deaf, aren't you, Yagami-kun?"
"What's that you've done to your hair?" asked Ryuzaaki.
Light quickly mussed his hair so that Ryuzaaki could not see the shampoo mohawk he had created before washing the shampoo out of his hair. "Nothing," he responded quickly.
"Your hair is very long, Ryuzaaki," said Light. "Are you attempting to compensate for something else?"
Ryuzaaki's gaze flitted back and forth from Light to the toy, his face blank. "I wouldn't have pegged you as the Sesame Street type, Yagami-kun," he finally responded.
"My favorites were Bert and Ernie," Light said absentmindedly as his tongue lolled around on Ryuzaaki's neck. "They were always a fine gay couple."
"And if I mix a little bit of this in, that's perfect!" Ryuzaaki dribbled a little bit of strawberry soap into the container of vanilla shampoo. "See, Yagami-kun?" he said to Light. "It's strawberry cake now!"
"What's that smell?" asked Light, scrunching his nose up in disgust.
"Um, I don't know…?" responded Ryuzaaki, a little too nonchalantly.
Light continued to smell the air in the shower until he realized what the unpleasant odor permeating the strawberry was, exactly. "Ryuzaaki, did you just fart?"
"Um, maybe?" responded Ryuzaaki guiltily as Light exasperatedly banged his head against the wall.
"I feel like such a machine-man with this handcuff on," said Light, jingling the chain that connected him and Ryuzaaki. "Almost like a borg, or something."
"Then, Yagami-kun," said Ryuzaaki, pushing Light against the shower wall and kissing him. "you should know that resistance is futile."
Ryuzaaki shuddered at the horrible noise emitting from Light's mouth. "What's this, Yagami-kun? Lip-synching Enrique Iglesias with a hairbrush as a microphone?"
"Do you think I might need a shave, Yagami-kun?" asked Ryuzaaki, rubbing his chin.
Light snorted. "Your chin is as smooth as a baby dwarf's ass, Ryuzaaki," he retorted.
Ryuzaaki looked questioningly at Light for a few moments before he said, "have you been reading my Artemis Fowl books again, Yagami-kun?"
"Oh no," said Ryuzaaki, climbing out of the shower. "I forgot my towel."
"What?" exclaimed Light, following Ryuzaaki. "Ryuzaaki, I'm surprised by you! You should know that a towel is the most massively useful thing one can have! It can be lied on, lied under, tied, used as a gas mask, used as a whip, or in excruciatingly necessary circumstances, sucked on to provide essential vitamins and minerals. And it provides excellent psychological support, for if for any reason, you find yourself in a situation where you are lost somewhere for the night and demand housing from a random passerby, the passerby will assume that if you have a towel, you also have a toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, razor, clothes, etc, that you have simply lost in your travels. Therefore, he or she will be only too happy to replace said items at no cost to you. Besides," smirked Light, "having a towel with you makes you incredibly attractive and irresistible."
Ryuzaaki stared blankly at this last outburst. "Come on," said Light, frustrated. "Haven't you heard that saying: 'Hey, you sass that hoopy Yagami Light? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is.'" ('Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together guy; frood: really amazingly together guy.')
The corners of Ryuzaaki's lips curled upwards. "Really, Yagami-kun, I had no idea you had such an interest in interstellar hitchhiking." Ryuzaaki began to leave, but promptly turned back to face Light. "Oh, and I forgot. You're neither hoopy nor a frood."
It took all of Light's self-control to stop himself making a rude hand gesture at Ryuzaaki behind his back.
"Eighty-six percent," said Ryuzaaki, frowning.
Light looked alarmed at this statement. "What? That much?"
"Actually, no," said Ryuzaaki. "I was referring to the amount of shampoo that has been used." He pointed to the near-empty bottle of shampoo in Light's hands. "I'll have to ask Watari to get some more."
Matsuda walked by the bathroom in time enough to catch a piece of conversation emitting from the bathroom.
"Damnit, Ryuzaaki, what happened?"
"I'm sorry, Yagami-kun, it just slipped out!"
"Well, go get it and put it back in there!"
Matsuda stood, alarmed, debating whether he should call for the police chief. Inside, Ryuzaaki was crouched on the floor of the shower in the middle of a rather slippery fight with a bar of soap. Light held a washcloth that he was evidently trying to lather up, with little success, as the bar of soap kept slipping and dropping onto the floor.
Ryuzaaki shuddered at the horrible noise emitting from Light's mouth. "Backstreet's back, all right?" he mouthed, repeating Light's latest lyrics. "I had no idea you encompassed such a desire to sing in a boy band, Yagami-kun," he said.
"Come on, Ryuzaaki, you have to dance, too!" erupted Light in between lyrics.
The corners of Ryuzaaki's lips curled upwards. "Really, Yagami-kun, I had no idea you had such an interest in interstellar hitchhiking." Ryuzaaki began to leave, but promptly turned back to face Light. "Oh, and I forgot. You're neither hoopy nor a frood."
"Does that mean you wouldn't sass me?" asked Light fearfully.
"What's that smell?" asked Light, scrunching his nose up in disgust.
"Um, I don't know…?" responded Ryuzaaki, a little too nonchalantly.
Light continued to smell the air in the shower until he realized what the unpleasant odor permeating the strawberry was, exactly. "Ryuzaaki, did you just pee?"
"Um, maybe?" responded Ryuzaaki guiltily as Light exasperatedly banged his head against the wall.
"You're my rubber ducky, Yagami-kun" whispered Ryuzaaki from inside Light's arms, his finger gently circling Light's bare back. "You make my bath time fun."
Light smirked, satisfied.
Fin.