Why Should I?

Summary: After a completely embarrassing night, Lily flees from Hogwarts and the hurtful jeers from her classmates. Four years later, she's back and she's hunting for the man who stepped all over her torn heart: James Potter.

Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter or any of its relating characters.

Note: If you've forgotten (which you probably have thanks to my lack of updating skills), the Marauders' conversation is based on the scene with James and Remus during the end of chapter seven.

Chapter Eleven

Remus loosened the obnoxious tie from around his neck, draping his dark robe on the arm of the loveseat situated in the Heads' lounge. "Finally! I never thought this day would end!"

From across him, legs daintily crossed, Lily offered him a laugh that sounded like bells. "Come now, Remus! Today wasn't that bad!" She propped her feet on the crimson trimmed ottoman, and leaned back against the armchair. "Actually, give or take a few disastrous – and preferably never repeated – confrontations, I would have to say it was quite…homey."

"Homey?" It was Remus' turn to laugh. He settled into the chair adjacent to hers, sighing contently as the soft packaging cushioned his weary body.

"Yes, homey. As much as I loved it at Merlin's, nothing could ever compare to your first home. The fires weren't as toasty," She gestured to the dancing fireplace before them now. "The rooms weren't as inviting," She snuggled against the fully-padded arm, leaning towards him. "And the company wasn't as pleasant."

Lily watched with growing amusement at Remus' inability to suppress the blooming redness in his cheeks. "Oh, Remus, what ever will I do with you?" She pinched his left cheek condescendingly, and headed towards the kitchenette. The Heads' dormitories were built and furnished to satisfy every desire of its inhabitants – even those of the culinary form. "How about a cup of tea before bed?"

Regaining his voice, Remus stood from his place and walked over to her. "I'd much rather prefer hot chocolate, if you don't mind. I've never really been that fond of tea."

"Hmm, really? You seem to be the 'tea and scones' type to me. Ah well, I've never really had a taste for tea either, to be honest, but it helps sooths me after stressful days." The kitchenette was a simple nook with an L-shaped counter, equipped with filled cabinets and a muggle refrigerator. There was a small sink, and a drying rack; and though it had no stove, there was a designated section where items could be guaranteed to heat up without burning their half of the school down.

She started opening random cupboards, searching high and low for cocoa makings. Having spotted a canister of powered chocolate, Lily reached up only to find it just a hand-width from her reach. She attempted to hoist herself up onto the counter, but found that that, too, was a frustrating feat.

Remus leaned against the counter, arms crossed and a vibrate grin on his face. He eyed the way Lily bit into her bottom lip as she jumped up and down, trying to grab the offending canister, and chuckled when she glared at it as if it were purposely avoiding her. She caught the happy sound that left his lips and turned her glower to him, now, arms akimbo and eyebrows drawn into a deep V.

"The least you could do is get it for me, you know! Here I am, trying to make you a nice drink out of the goodness of my pure, loving heart, and you're laughing at me!" Her apple-green eyes tightened at his making a show of putting his hands up in surrender and moving around her to stretch up into the cupboard.

"Okay, okay, peace! No need to bite my head off, Lils," he said affectionately as he mussed her neat, ginger hair. Remus managed to just jump out of the way before Lily could take a swipe at him.

"Insignificant git! You're lucky I like you!" Lily snarled, but the playful glint in her eyes took away all the bite of the remark.

Remus pretended to rub the spot under his right eye, contemptuously pouting and cooing. "Poor Lilykins, did big ol' Wemus hurt you?" Carefully avoiding another well-deserved smack, he ran towards the stairway leading up to his private room. "I'm going to wash up before we have our little snack, be back soon!" He rushed up the steps, guffawing loudly and blowing her theatrical kiss goodbye.

"That's right! You better run, Remus John Lupin!" was the last he heard of her before he shut his heavy door with an echoing clunk.

Lily allowed her face to relax the moment he was out of sight, all but her peeking smile still on her face. When she caught her reflection on one of the metallic planes of a nearby pan, she gave a horrified gasp and sought to erase the embarrassing blush that's stained her cheeks. Her heart beat frantically during her struggle, and after a few minutes, she finally calmed down enough to bring her face back to its normal coloring.

With that, she then focused all of her attention to making the promised drinks. After hunting down the kettle, she filled it halfway with milk she found in the refrigerator and a few hearty spoonfuls of the cocoa powder she literally had to fight to get; Lily placed it on a secured heating area.

With two swift taps on the lip with her wand, a spell was set to get the wet contents to boil.

Lily was just walking over to the sink to rinse her hands when she heard audible thuds come from Remus' room. Straining her ears, she even heard a few harsh curses and she giggled fondly at her fellow Head.

"I'm okay!" Remus answered to her mental question. There were mumbled scuffing noises that came next, giving evidence that the poor boy was trying to set his room back to its original (probably very organized) state.

Almost sadly, she whispered, "Oh, Remus, what ever will I do with you?"

Remus leaned against the door of his room and covered his face with his large hands. He didn't know what had come over him! He was acting like one of the damned admirers that followed Lily around day in and day out. As much as he was a red-blooded teenaged – almost adult – male, he wasn't the type to flirt so openly with another girl.

"I'm just stressed, that's all." He tried to console himself for his un-Remus-like behavior. "Yeah, just stressed."

Before he entered the safety of his own common rooms, he was facing his own personal Spanish Inquisition, thanks to James. They had all gathered in the secluded Gryffindor common room, thankful to the late hour. The other students were already in their rooms, tired from the first day. His determined friend had told the others of the foolish "goofy look" that he had witnessed on the Head Boy's face that unfortunate time in Potions this morning, and was paraded with a number of reactions.

Flashback

"Our little Moony is growing up!" Peter dug out a worn blue handkerchief from his pocket and proceeded to blow his nose noisily in a teasing manner.

"Good on you, Moony! Thank goodness, too! I was beginning to think you were leaning towards the other side of the fence, if you know what I mean," Sirius said after an impish wink and solid thump on the back. He received a cold glare in return.

"So… who's the lucky girl?" The culprit to this discomfiting discussion asked again with a smirk. James knew that with the help of their two other mates, Remus' secret wouldn't last for much longer.

Resisting the urge to rub the bridge of his nose, as he was known to do when he was tense, Remus replied, "I'm telling you, there is no girl!"

Sirius' dark eyes widened and he slapped a quivering hand over his heart. "Don't tell me that it's a chap you're after, Remus! My poor boy, I'll run up and grab a few of Diggory's PlayWitch magazines! That'll get you back on track!" He was just about to race up the deserted stairway, but thankfully, James took a hold of his collar and dragged him back down to his seat.

"Padfoot, this is serious!" Sirius' mouth opened to give his customary "Yes, I am Sirius!" response to the exclamation, but closed again when he saw the hard look on his mates' faces.

"Party-poopers,"

"Honestly, now, Remus. Who-do-you-fancy?" James' eyes were wild with curiosity and determination. He was eager as well; eager to help the friend who hadn't shown the least bit of interest in any girl – at Hogwarts or otherwise – and knew that these feelings must be the real thing.

"Look, mates, I really appreciate what you're doing for me here, but it's not a big deal." He motioned to leave and was pulled down much like how Sirius was.

"Not a big deal? Come now, Moony, you're a great guy! Any girl would be dying to get their hands on you!" Sirius boasted.

They were in for a long night with the direction their conversation was going. Remus kept on lying through his teeth, feeling guilt drop like stones to the bottom of his stomach every time he did so. He ended up using the Stephanie Timmons route, telling them that it was just a small crush and absolutely nothing to be fussing over.

With that finally resolved, he departed for his own dormitory resignedly, ignoring the proposals of getting rid of Mark Keiths being hollered by Sirius, Stephanie's current boyfriend.

Before he left, however, he asked, "James, d'you mind if I borrow the invisibility cloak for a little bit longer?" He had borrowed it the first night back, using the excuse that it would help him catch any troublemakers he encountered during his nightly patrols.

When James gave a positive answer, Remus walked away from a thankful "g'night!"

End flashback

"Well, that's one hole I've gotten myself out of momentarily," Remus muttered to himself as he pulled the Hogwarts jumper over his head and began to unbutton the crisp white collared shirt beneath it. He was deep in thought, wondering how long his foolish charade would last, all the while wondering how the very girl of his dreams would react if he told her of his shy feelings.

He was so absentminded that as he walked towards his dresser, his hip bumped straight into the straight-back chair he kept by his desk. He fumbled with his footing and ended up toppling over the large hamper that he used to hold his dirtied clothing. Thankfully, there were very little clothing in it, seeing as the school year was still very early.

"Oh, bugger," He swore as he tried to lift himself up. Unfortunately, the legs of the fallen chair were restraining his own, and he moaned. "Damnit, is everyone and everything out to get me today?" Then he heard the unreserved laughter. "I'm okay!"

He rose from his spread-eagle position, and moved quickly to tidy up his room. Being more aware this time around, he stripped off the rest of his school uniform and slipped on a pair of navy flannel pajama bottoms and a worn gray wife beater without any more bruises. He splashed handfuls of chilled water on face before he proceeded to the door.

"Time to face the music," He sighed. He flew down the carpeted stairway, eyes immediate searching for a head of familiar red hair. It took a while to find her, with her unique features blending in softly with the Gryffindor-based color scheme of their lounge. She was curled up in the armchair he was previously sitting in, legs folded underneath her, cradling a thick book up to her face.

"Would you jump into my grave that quickly?" Lily clearly didn't hear his descent from his room as she gave a startled cry and jumped up from her seat, dropping her heavyset book in the process.

She shot him her menacing green glare. "Bloody hell, Remus, are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

Apologizing, he chivalrously bent to pick up her book. "Have you started on the homework Wishlet gave us?"

"We just have to read the first two chapters, right?" Remus simply nodded, making a mental note to skim the pages before bed. "Oh, then yes. I had some free time in my last class before lunch, so I took the liberty of reading it then."

"Ah, I see," An awkward silence filled the space between them. Lily fiddled with the corner of a page in her book while Remus played with the drawstring on his pants. "So what's happening with our drinks?" He saw two large white mugs already set out on the counter in the kitchenette, and a calm kettle not to far away from it. "I could just heat it up straightaway with my wand, if you'd like."

"You could, but the hot chocolate wouldn't taste as… as…" She struggled to find an appropriate word.

"Homey?"

Lily giggled playfully. "Now you've got it." She set down the book on the strong table before them and turned towards him. "So, how are you Remus? We didn't really get to chat earlier, and your last letter was hardly any better."

"Well, I spent most of the summer with James and Sirius. Peter was off vacationing somewhere with his mother, so I didn't see him as often." Lily gave a tight smile as his response, immediately uneasy at the mention of the twin terrors – Potter, in particular.

"Ah, I see," She mimicked.

Remus was quick to turn the conversation around. "How about you, Lils? How was your summer?" He tried hard not to think of her current living conditions, finding that he couldn't picture himself living with a professor like McGonagall for two months straight. "And since when did you start riding a motorbike?" He nearly had a heart attack when she came busting in the Dinner Hall that unforgettable night, riding that metal monster. Even with the helmet and leather bodysuit – which he had to admit was the greatest turn on – he knew that it wasn't exactly the safest form of transportation there was.

"Well, to answer your first question, my summer was great! Minnie and I –" Oh, lovely, she had a nickname for their professor, "– went travelling all around Ireland. Did you know that there was a small coven of vampire living just around Belfast? Oh, and did you know…" She went on to list a few of the more exciting experiences she and "Minnie" had on their small trip.

"And now to answer your second question, I've had that motorbike since just last year. An old friend of Minnie's was thinking of throwing it away, said that the levitating spell was wearing off, but thankfully I managed to get him to sell it to me before he made due with it. It took a lot of begging on my part; Minnie was horrified at the condition it was in – said it wasn't very sturdy-looking. After a while, I managed to wear her down. We spent that summer trying to find the right parts to put it together again, and even found a mechanic to recast the levitating spell on it. I don't fly on it very much though; I'm not very partial to zooming through the air like those insane Quidditch players."

Remus' fear for her on the metal monster (as he now deemed it) grew ten fold at the mention of her flying on the thing. "Where is that thing, anyways?"

Lily smirked. "That's for me to know, and for you never to find out. I know you too well, Remus, and if you even think about debauching my baby, I'll castrate you with a dull spoon."

The boy raised an eyebrow and suddenly felt very…flirty. "Never find out, eh? So, nothing I could do would very get you to tell me where you've placed it?" He inched slowly towards her, like a cat eyeing its prey. "Nothing at all?" He was amused to see Lily leap from her chair, moving backwards with every step he took forwards. She held one of the cushions in her nervous hands as a makeshift weapon. He saw her gulp visibly.

"Remus… Remus, I don't like that look in your eyes. Remus!" She squealed and ran fast on her heel as he bounded forward. They both ended up crashing onto the couch, Remus bracing his weight on his erect arms as he towered over her. Balancing back on his heel, he assaulted her sides with wriggling fingers.

"Stop, Remus, stop!" Lily laughed and squirmed uncontrollably as he made no move to stop tickling her. "You-vile-flobberworm! Ha-ha, stop!" Remus' own ringing laughter joined her own, now.

"Vile flobberworm, am I?" Remus made feather-light caresses on her skin, which proved to be evermore ticklish. Unfortunately, the fun ended as they both shifted off the couch, and Lily's head took a good whack on the carpeted floor. "Lily? Oh Merlin, Lily, are you okay?"

"Ow…" Lily rubbed the side of her head. "Brilliant, Remus, you've managed to give me a heart attack and a concussion on my first day back! You know, some candles or some biscuits would've worked just as well as a welcoming pres…ent."

She found her mouth drying up as she caught the intense look in his deep blue eyes. Her heart threatened to tattoo onto her chest as he swept away a rogue strand of her with a gentle hand. Her breath caught at her throat as that hand slid up and down her jaw line, making her insides quiver deliciously, and finally rest to cradle her soft cheek. She took deep, harbored breaths, trying frantically to calm her drumming heart. Unable to bear it any longer, she closed her apple-green eyes and allowed her body to surrender to the unfamiliar, but shiver-provoking sensation.

Remus was transfixed. Never before had he witnessed beauty such as this; a goddess sprawled underneath him, the firelight staining her perfect auburn locks, her perfect porcelain face…he almost growled with envy at the way the light played on the pale skin of her eyelids, the way it stroked the dip of her elegant cheekbones.

With warning, he started to lean in closer, determined eyes locked on her cupid bow of a mouth. The dazzling woman beneath him raised her chin in anticipation, done unconsciously or from impatience, he couldn't be sure, but he did know that he himself was eager to kiss her. Her tongue darted out to moisten her suddenly-dry lips, and Remus knew that he could wait no longer.

Suddenly the spell was broken; shattered by a high-pitched whistle and both found themselves involuntarily glaring at the blasted kettle, which rattled and shrieked for attention. At that instance, the realization of what almost happened came to both Lily and Remus, and they scrambled to right themselves from their uncomfortable position.

"I-um, I had better see to that," Lily said in a flurry, rushing to the kitchenette. She hurried to busy herself with the task, but knew that only her hands were distracted. Her disoriented mind was racing with thoughts and questions, all of which were left unanswered due to the abrupt interruption.

Casting a glance at one of the pots, she eyed Remus' reflection thoughtfully. He raked his mussed hair with a shaking hand (much too much like that sodding Potter, she noticed), and looked to be muttering angrily to himself. He began to pick up the cushions that littered the floor, still berating himself.

She soon found her menial task finished and brought a cocoa-brimming cup to him. "Here you go," She said awkwardly. She was careful to avoid any contact with his hand.

"Thanks," Remus took the proffered drink, and sipped heartily from it. "It's good."

Nodding, Lily acknowledged his discomfited comment. "Thanks." The air between them was almost unbearable now, the tension so thick it could be cut with a knife. "Well, I'd best get to bed. I'll take this upstairs." The red-headed girl flew up the steps towards her private dorm, mindful of the full cup she grasped. "G'night!" Her door slammed shut before he could get a word in.

"'Night…" Remus said too late. Sighing heavily, he lugged himself down to the armchair once more, resting his forearms on his thighs. He buried his face in his free hand, feeling a flurry of emotions: frustration, longing, anger, disappointment…longing. A slow recognition dawned on him as he pitifully sat there.

He was in love with Lily Evans.

The realization was so startling that the pristine mug that shook in his hand fell to the floor in resounding shatter.

Oh wow, longest chapter so far! I really hope you enjoyed this one – it took me a while to get it just as I wanted it. I bet a lot of you are hating me at the moment, after having written this "non-Lily-and-James-romance-scene", but I promise you this is just the beginning. Anyways, please review and thanks again to all those supporting this story.

-A.L.