Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go…

-Trapt

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Pony's POV

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Spiraling. What a strange word… yet the only one that comes to mind to describe this… feeling inside of me. You always hear about people "falling" into this empty sort of abyss… just… endlessly falling. What did they call it? Hm… Ah, right… depression. I wasn't falling yet. Just spinning.

I opened my eyes, expecting to see the morning sunlight streaming in through the blinds, illuminating each dust particle in its path. I frowned when I realized that that wouldn't be happening today. Hm… Was I really frowning? I couldn't really tell. It's just one of those things that you feel, unable to see unless you're standing in front of a mirror per se...

I gave up trying to figure it out. It was too dark to tell anything from anything. I frowned again, figuratively of course. It wasn't dark like in the absence of light. It was just… dark—a sort of nothingness. Yeah, I guess that's the only way to describe it. I was floating—not falling—in peace. No, this couldn't be peace. I don't know how else to say it, but I suppose I was in a state of what purgatory would feel like—would feel like, of course. I'm very confusing when I ramble on, I know. It's just how my mind's been working lately…

I closed my eyes, not knowing whether I had or not since it wouldn't have made an ounce of a difference in this obscurity. It was only when the cries cut into my ears,

…like daggers to my heart…

did I figure it out.

Of course.

How could I have missed it?

This again—this… nightmare.

There wasn't the usually panic that would rip through my body, the electrical current that would jump my nerves into fear-mode. All those years of training—I guess you can call it that—must have numbed me to the horrors that my subconscious had mapped out for the sole purpose of annoying me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still capable of being afraid—incredibly capable. But these dreams were no longer the kind that caused me to wake up, screaming for my parents. No more tears tiptoeing in the silence of the night. These were the nightmares that caused my head to spin, my mind to scream… my heart to clench.

I hadn't seen my parents die. I wasn't there to witness their descent… or rather ascent if you believe in that kind of stuff (which I had, mind you, for a while at least). But these voices that I now heard were all too real. These voices I had witnessed. These voices I had seen fade away.

The emptiness that had once been was now… not. I don't know if that makes much sense; nothing really seems to anymore. The cries of children filled the darkness, which suddenly sprang to life in a blaze of orange and red. Flames erupted at my side, the smell of smoke filling my nostrils. In the faint glow I could begin to see the makings of a familiar face as the screams died out, now filled instead with an uncomfortable silence.

I choked back a gasp, or tried to at least, as Johnny walked into view with Dally trudging slowly behind him, a grin evident on his face. I shouldn't have been surprised; I'd been through this exact same dream sequence for weeks now, to the day of Johnny and Dally's death to be exact. I held back the grief that threatened to burst out of my trembling eyes as it had many times before. The smaller of the two reached his hand out with a sad smile on his face as his partner cocked his hands at me, winking all the while.

Stay gold, Pony… Stay gold.

In that split second, when it would only seem likely that time had truly stopped, I was spiraling again. My head continued to spin and my voice was able to break free and fill the darkness as if it had waited centuries to be heard. The screams that turned to sobs filled the abyss and I was finally falling. Falling fast into the depression I had refused to accept simply because I had only been… spiraling.

Spiraling.

What a strange word.

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BAM. Depressing? Cliché? Annoying writing style? Completely irrelevant commentary!? Let me now how it goes! Haha, it's been a while since I've been around the Outsiders scene, but what can I say, it's time to get it started… again.

Reviews bring peace to the world!

Thanks!

-J