Disclaimer: Slam Dunk doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Takehiko Inoue.

Warning: It's a parody on college life and suicide. Don't worry, it's funny.

Author's Notes: I got the inspiration from the movie Dead Man on Campus. It's pretty hilarious, so I recommend you see it yourself.

Please read and review!

It all started with a test.

Rukawa and Sakuragi didn't study for it. And the test after that. And the test after that test. Well, you get the picture.

And so we find Rukawa sitting at the dean's office, waiting for another student to come in. He didn't have any idea why he was there in the first place. Then again, he didn't give a rat's arse anyway.

"Kitsune? What the heck are you doing here?" said Sakuragi, coming into the room and having a seat. Rukawa was not surprised. The redhead spent more time with the dean than the whole freshmen class combined.

"You two know each other?" asked the dean.

"We're roommates," explained Rukawa.

The old man's eyebrows shot up so high and so fast it would've made NASA proud.

"I see. That explains why you two have the same abysmal grades."

Kaede and Hanamichi scowled. He didn't have to rub it in.

"Do you know why I called you two?" inquired the dean.

"No," said Rukawa sourly.

The dean got up from his table and started walking around, assessing them.

"Well you see, Kanagawa university prides itself being the epitome of academic and athletic excellence. Both of you are brilliant basketball players. But it is not enough to be good in sports. As student athletes, you are required to maintain a GPA of 2.25 or higher," explained the dean. The two delinquents just gave him identical blank looks.

Hanamichi was getting bored. He had other better things to do than sit in a stuffy room and listen to the old man yak all day.

"What has this talk got to do with us oyaji?" voiced Hanamichi out loud.

The dean's eyes narrowed into slits. The redhead had no respect towards authority whatsoever.

"In layman's terms, if you boys don't pull your grades up I'm going to kick you out the school. For good," said the dean with relish. He waited for their reaction. None came. Kami, it was like pulling teeth with these two.

He sighed and waved a hand. "You are dismissed."

Once outside…

"Can you believe that guy? What a retard," hooted Sakuragi.

"Do'aho. I think he was serious," said Rukawa quietly. He couldn't help but feel a sense of foreboding at the dean's parting words.

Hanamichi snorted. "Please. He's been telling me that for ages and I'm still here. He's just pulling your leg. Don't worry about it."

Coming from the redhead, it only worried Rukawa even more.

"I gotta go. The football team is throwing a party and even Sendoh's there. Want to come along?" said Hanamichi gleefully.

"Don't you have classes to go to?"

"Are you kidding me? Hell no. Bye!" said Hanamichi and jogged off.

Rukawa on the other hand, did attend his classes. Unfortunately, he was asleep on all of them the whole time.

Basketball practice 6:00 PM

"What did you do to piss off the dean so much?" yelled Fujima, his voice ringing out throughout the gym. Everyone who heard him winced. When the former Shoyo captain was upset, he made sure everyone knew about it.

"We didn't do anything!" denied Hanamichi vehemently.

Fujima fixed him with a baleful glare. "You probably insulted him didn't you?"

"He did," piped in Rukawa innocently. He liked getting Sakuragi into trouble.

"I thought we're buddies Kitsune!" spluttered Hanamichi.

"He called the dean oyaji," stated Rukawa simply.

A fist promptly landed on Sakuragi's head.

"Itai!"

"BAKA! YOU DO NOT CALL THE HEAD OF THE UNIVERSITY AN OLD MAN!" roared Akagi, hitting Hanamichi again. The rest of the basketball team started laughing their heads off.

"Well he is," whined Hanamichi. "We are rebels going against the repressive educational system!" he yelled passionately. It earned him another bonk in the noggin.

"Forgive Sakuragi's mistake Kenji. He was probably high again at that time," bowed Akagi.

"Am not!"

"Yeah and Sendoh doesn't use 10 gallons of hair gel everyday," retorted Kiyota.

"Hey, I only use 7 gallons now man," clarified Sendoh.

"What do you reckon we should do we these two Shinichi?" asked Fujima.

Maki shrugged. "I don't know. Just make sure they don't get expelled. We need them for the elimination games," he ordered.

Fujima nodded. He was just given a license to kill. Yipee.

"Right. I called all of you here regarding Sakuragi and Rukawa's situation. We need to help these two get their grades up, force them if necessary," said Fujima solemnly.

Hanamichi and Kaede gulped. They didn't like how the vice-captain said the word "force".

"Anyone who is in good academic standing, please raise your hand," Hanagata called out. Fujima, Kogure, Akagi, Sendoh, Koshino, Uozumi, Maki, and Jin raised theirs.

"Anyone willing to tutor these two?" Hanagata added. The hands raised earlier went down faster than a bag of cement.

"Come on. No one? It's for the good of the team," wheedled the tall center.

"You do it then. I'd rather have a root canal," said Koshino.

Hanagata blanched. "Er, I'm busy," the former Shoyo player fibbed.

Kogure uncertainly raised his hand again. "I'll do it," he volunteered.

"NO!" yelled Mitsui all of a sudden. He grabbed the bespectacled boy possessively. "He is my tutor. I need him!"

"In more ways than one," said Hanamichi in a stage whisper. Kogure blushed at the suggestive comment.

"Okay Mitsui, no one will take your precious Kogure. Violent reaction aside, anyone else?" said Maki, highly amused. Still nobody wanted to tutor Rukawa and Sakuragi. He then spotted the spiky haired ace.

"You. Sendoh. You tutor these two bakas."

"Why me?" the ace of Ryonan squeaked.

"Because you do nothing but party anyway. High time you make yourself useful," reasoned Maki.

Sendoh pouted. "My social life is totally going to suffer because of this."

"Deal with it. Until then, you two hooligans are banned from participating in games or even practices. Hasegawa and Fukuda will take your positions in the meantime," Maki announced.

Hasegawa and Fukuda jumped to their feet, totally stoked. "Yeaha! Alright!" they said, giving each other high-fives. Hanamichi looked positively scandalized.

"BANNED?! You can't do that to us! To Kitsune, yeah, but not the Tensai!" hollered the redhead angrily.

"What do you know. He just did," said Fujima, looking smug.

"You know, there are others more competent in tutoring than I am," said Sendoh hopefully. He gave Maki a wounded puppy look.

"No Sendoh, you're not getting out of this one," said Maki, totally adamant in his decision. He grinned.

"I'm sure you'll do fine."