Cyber Cam: Scotch, Ice, and F/29

Authors: NaiveEve and Houseketeer

o O o O o O o

House hobbles into the apartment and tosses aside his backpack. He walks straight to the kitchen.

Glass.

Ice.

Scotch.

He knocks his first drink back and immediately pours a second. His eyes dart around the room. Food? From the fridge he pulls a white paper carton. Standing at the counter, he eats the contents cold: the metal handle precludes the microwave and laziness precludes the stove. The cold beef lo mein clings to itself in chucks, no challenge for his expert chopstick skills.

The scotch accompanies him to his desk, the bottle under his arm. Tonight he needs a distraction—the piano and TV leave too much opportunity for thought. Something has to break this tension. Something has to fill these hours between work and sleep. He logs on to chat.

He avoids the rooms named for cities and states; these are populated by people who want to physically meet someone. It's amazing how much you can read from a subtle phrase. New Jersey: I want to marry you. Singles Only: Let's have cyber-sex and never speak again.

Chat room SinglesOnly12 contains 44 other users. These will consist almost exclusively of porn merchants, gay men posing as girls, and the even-less-appealing. Even if he doesn't manage to find any action, he can at least have fun harassing the assholes.

People are advertising themselves.

HOrNY4u: want2trade pics!!!!??????!!!!

barely18tight: click to view my webcast! TOTALLY nude, hot action.

webcam2356: f/29

KiTTeN6969: RU hard for me? Cuz I'm SOOOOO wet.

He refrains from such a request for contact; refrains from advertising himself. He's a shark not a fish; he will typically wait for someone to be interesting and then send a private message. But he can't resist:

LoveDr25: To HOrNY4u: Ho NY 4 me? Are you a real NY ho?

webcam2356: lol!

Interesting. She (if she is a she) thinks he's funny, and she hasn't made an ass of herself. And "webcam" certainly sounds promising. She can't pull off gay-man-posing-as-girl on video, not with him anyway. He sends her a private message.

LoveDr25: Can I call you Cam for short?

webcam2356: I guess…

LoveDr25: You forgot the 4.

webcam2356: hmm?

LoveDr25: 2, 3, 5, 6. you forgot the 4. didn't finish college?

webcam2356: it's the square root of my phone number.

He does some quick math. Clever girl.

LoveDr25: what's the area code?

webcam2356: wouldn't you like to know.

LoveDr25: or I wouldn't have asked.

webcam2356: 25 years?

LoveDr25: 25 cm

webcam2356: 10 inches

LoveDr25: we already knew you were good at math.

webcam2356: f/29

LoveDr25: so you said.

webcam2356: some people hear that and are inspired to reciprocate.

LoveDr25: oh, you were hinting that you're curious about me.

webcam2356: you knew damn well what I was doing.

LoveDr25: ooo, fiesty.

webcam2356: let's try this again.

webcam2356: f/29

LoveDr25: m/48

webcam2356: was that so hard?

LoveDr25: not yet. maybe if you turned on the webcam.

webcam2356: I don't webcam on the first date. And anyway, webcam2356 must be turned on before her webcam can be turned on.

He takes a big swig of scotch.

LoveDr25: 25 cm not enough for you?

webcam2356: lol

webcam2356: the mere mention of it—sadly no.

LoveDr25: setting the bar high. admirable.

webcam2356: what do you do?

LoveDr25: oh, let's not destroy the fantasy. I'm a love doctor, you're a web cam performer.

webcam2356: lol

webcam2356: all right. would you be willing to describe yourself?

LoveDr25: everybody lies.

There is a pause, and he suspects he's gone to far and pissed her off.

webcam2356: thought 10 inches sounded too good to be true.

LoveDr25: you're witty.

webcam2356: you're evasive.

LoveDr25: rolls eyes

webcam2356: lol

LoveDr25: six foot two, eyes of blue.

webcam2356: yummy.

LoveDr25: some people hear that and are inspired to reciprocate.

webcam2356: oh, you were hinting that you're curious about me.

LoveDr25: you knew damn well what I was doing.

webcam2356: ooo, fiesty.

LoveDr25: I'm waiting.

webcam2356: 5' 5.5"/110lb/wavy brunette

LoveDr25: was that so hard?

webcam2356: you tell me.

LoveDr25: getting there.

Actually he was there. He was hard and straining against his jeans and uncomfortable. She's so…

webcam2356: take off your pants.

Wow. Authoritative. He doesn't follow her direction, merely undoes his fly and moves his clothes enough to be out of his way.

LoveDr25: okay. done. your turn.

webcam2356: I'm not wearing any pants.

LoveDr25: excellent news. what are you wearing?

webcam2356: cream silk slip thing.

He gulps. She is a 5'5'' brunette in a silk slip thing, and he strives to
imagine her only from the neck down. Tries not to think of another brunette
who wouldn't be so forward.

LoveDr25: so almost nothing then.

webcam2356: almost.

LoveDr25: nothing underneath?

webcam2356: no. I'm thinking about you and touching myself through it.

His right hand moves to hold his cock, but he can reach the letters of his
next message with his left. The phone rings, and he ignores it. The caller
doesn't leave a message.

LoveDr25: where

webcam2356: breasts, and I pinch my nipples for you through the satin. lower, and the
silk is getting wet. what are you doing?

LoveDr25: you know exactly what I' doing.

His mobile rings, and he sees that it's Chase. Chase, who has been left
behind to monitor the patient through the night. He answers the call.
Luckily she is typing something rather longish.

"What."

"The patient is crashing, we all need to be in immediately. I'll call
Foreman, you call Cameron."

He hangs up without answering. Dials Cameron's number.

webcam2356: I bet you're stroking your 25 cm for me because I'm not there. I think
you're wrapping your hand around it, and trying to hold off and make it last
and not give up to me to easily. I think you're finding it hard to resist,
because that wet silk bit was a pretty good line. And you're picturing
what you would do to me right now if I was there. Picturing what I would do
to you.

He reads this while he calls Cameron. She takes a while to answer, picking
up on the 4th ring.

"House."

"Patient's crashing. Come in." He hangs up without waiting for a response.

LoveDr25: You know me pretty well. Unfortunately, something has just come up and I
have to cut this short. Pick up again tomorrow at 7pm.

webcam2356: okay. frustrated

LoveDr25: I'll get you next time. Promise

webcam2356: I'll hold you to that.

o O o O o O o

He is at the whiteboard, scribbling down Foreman and Chase's suggestions. She hasn't arrived yet.

"Leptospirosis," she suggests behind him.

He partially hardens at the sound of her voice. He is frustrated with his body's response to her: something outside his control. "History says no pets. And you took it."

"Everybody lies," she replies. "Explains the renal failure, explains everything."

He is startled to hear his words repeated and frustrated he didn't rile her. He copies her idea onto the board. "Go run tests," he throws over his shoulder.

Sometimes he can't look at her, or he wouldn't be able to let her leave the room.

He looks forward to tomorrow evening. Something to relieve his tension; take his mind off things he can't control. Can't have.