Says Goodbye

By: Circe

James and I are arguing again, but what else is new. Meowth, for once, had the good sense to stay out of it and get out of camp before the fireworks got serious. Normally I wouldn't worry about a disagreement getting really serious, but lately James has been acting really weird; he's been edgy and moody and quiet. I'm trying to watch my step in this fight, but my temper usually gets the best of me in most situations.

"I can't believe you think this mess is my fault!" I know I'm shouting, but if I don't yell I'm going to end up smacking James just to get all the negative energy out.

"It was your plan, in case you don't remember, Jessie!" He's not exactly shouting, but he's about as close to it as I've ever seen him come.

"Yeah, well, you're the moron who screwed it all up!" I scream back. I don't totally mean that. Yeah, he did screw up, but so did Meowth and I.

"Like you've never messed up a plan in you life!" Direct hit there, I think to myself.

"Well, if I've ever screwed up it was all your fault because you always screw up!" Okkkayyy, that was nasty of me, but I can't help myself. I don't deal well with failure.

"If I'm such a screw-up then why do you bother keeping me around! Why not just kick me out of Team Rocket and get a new partner?" Now James is shouting and in all the years that we've known each other, ever since Pokemon Tech, I have never heard him yell unless he was hurt, scared or shouting over background noise.

"Well, somebody has to cook." I don't shout it. I say it in a low, disdainful voice. And even as I strike out with such a low blow I feel all the blood draining from my face. Oh, god. What in the world have I just done?

James straightens his back and looks away from me, into the fire. It isn't until his gaze drops that I realize we've been staring straight into each other's eyes, standing toe to toe, screaming in each other's faces. As if he's just realized the same thing he takes a step back and away from me. Turns completely around and walks over to his sleeping bag.

"Well, I guess Meowth will have to cook from now on." I both want and don't want to ask him what it is that he's saying. Before I can even open my mouth he stops me from saying anything. Because he's rolling up his sleeping bag and packing all of his stuff together. Is he leaving? He can't be leaving. He just can't. I didn't mean it and he is not leaving. He knows I didn't mean it; that I didn't even think it before I said it.

"Tell Meowth I said goodbye, okay Jessie?" What? He's walking away; he's almost at the border of the clearing.

James, this isn't goodbye. It's goodnight. We've already made camp, you just need to put all your stuff back down and it's goodnight.

"James?" It's all I can manage to say around the emotion that's blocking my throat. He turns around to look at me. The firelight is weak where it reaches him but I can see his face just fine. Blank and calm. I don't understand.

"I'm leaving Team Rocket, Jessie." He tells me. Like that explains anything to me. "You and Meowth will be better off without me, after all, I don't do much here." I want to flinch away from his words, but it's a fair shot next to the one I lobbed at him.

"Kinda sudden, isn't it?" It's not what I want to say. But I can't make myself ask him if this is his revenge, if he's trying to get back at me for the nasty stuff that I've just said. I can't ask because what if all of this isn't about revenge and everything about him really leaving? What if one of my worst fears is coming true? I watch him sigh and shift the pack on his shoulder.

"No, it's not sudden at all. I've been thinking about leaving Team Rocket for a while now." He has? Why? Why would he want to leave? "I just never imagined that it'd end up like this." That last part he says more to himself than to me. But I understand what he's getting at. He probably always thought that he'd get rich and famous and then leave. Or maybe he just imagined opening up a shop somewhere. Those were always his favorite plans, the ones where we would be disguised as shopkeepers.

I always imagined growing old and retiring together. Having rooms next door to each other in some retirement home. I always imagined James there. I am snapped out of my small revere by James' voice, soft and a little sad.

He says 'goodbye Jessie' like all these years have meant nothing. He says goodbye like he isn't my best friend in the entire world, like he never even cared. He says goodbye like he doesn't know that I love him. He says goodbye to me like listening to it isn't breaking my heart. He says goodbye like he means it. Because he does.