Author Notes:

Props goes to RosalynAngel for her Axel-Riku writings, especially the story "Good Enough," which has been a huge inspiration for this fic since day one. Every time I write the phrase "good enough," I automatically think back to her fic and smile.

Happy birthday, Ashanti! And huge thanks (and also a big happy bday!) to Tracy and her guinea pig efforts towards my research. She knows why. ;D And big thanks to Jess for inspiring the Larxene text message break-up.

This is the CENSORED version. To read the UNCENSORED version (which is a lot better), please visit my site.

Warning:

Riku's going through puberty. This fanfic contains excessive sexual themes, including sex between two males, masturbation, attempted rape, sexual harassment, and other mature themes that should not be read by those who are not comfortable reading them.

what are you holding out for?
what's always in the way?
why so damn absent-minded?
why so scared of romance?

this modern love breaks me
this modern love wastes me

do you wanna come over and kill some time?

"this modern love"
bloc party

Like No One's Looking
Part Four

-o-o-

It was a stroke of luck that Riku's aunt hadn't been waiting up for him when he had gotten home two hours past midnight. If she had caught him, he definitely wouldn't have been able to go to Larxene's party—not that he had a good chance of it anyway. He knew how she was.

But that wasn't what worried him the most.

Riku couldn't remember the last time he had been too excited to sleep on the eve of a holiday, but like many things in his life lately, Axel was the cause of the exception. He spent the entire morning tossing and turning in bed, thinking about the possible scenarios that could unfold after Axel unwrapped the present Riku and Demyx had handmade for him.

A part of him couldn't help thinking that Axel might think it was the corniest gift ever, might even laugh at him about it, but Demyx had assured him that Axel would like it. A lot of thought had gone into it, and it felt right to Riku—so surely Axel would like it, right? He had to.

This was the only thing that comforted Riku enough to let him doze off around dawn.

When he got woken up soon after, he realized he should have worried about his aunt more. Christmas Eve or not, she was still herself.

"A... party?"

The narrow-eyed, thin-lipped look she gave Riku was downright suspicious. He knew then that his chances of having a happy holiday were slim to none. He shouldn't have asked because now she would probably use it against him for the next six months.

They stood in the elegant dining room together, and the remnants of expensive wrapping paper lay on the table where she had unwrapped the designer purse he had spent a small fortune on. He had given her the gift early in hopes she would then be in a generous mood.

He should have known better.

"More like a small gathering... of friends," he said in an attempt to make it sound like less fun than it probably would be. In reality, he had no idea what the party entailed, just that it was at Larxene's place and that Axel was going. That's all he needed to know to want to go.

Her fingers traced over the rich material of her new purse, but her eyes were focused on him, scrutinizing. For that moment, he felt as though she could see everything he had been trying so hard to hide from her—his shaky sexuality, his ambiguous relationship with Axel, his disinterest in school, his hatred for this life that she so painstakingly made more and more miserable for him...

"I don't think so," she said at last. "Not after how late you were out last night supposedly shopping. Don't expect to be able to do anything at all during your vacation. In fact, I've already called your driver and informed him that he is not to take you anywhere after 5PM unless I okay it."

Then she calmly looked away, reached out with her free hand, and crumpled all the wrappings together in a dismissive gesture.

Riku wasn't surprised.

He should have been expecting her to crack down on his liberties even more after she noticed how he had been acting the past few days. Usually he would even accept her decision despite how much he wanted to argue...

But today was different.

Before he knew what he was doing, he had opened his mouth. "I'm fifteen. Why do you still treat me like I'm in diapers?" And he immediately wanted to shove his foot there to shut himself up, but the damage had already been done.

Her gaze met his once again, and this time she had offense clearly written on her face. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not a baby, Rena."

He set his jaw, aware that he could be digging his own grave, but in the back of his mind he could hear Axel telling him to stand up to her for once, live his own life, stop letting her keep him holed up where he couldn't experience life. Besides, even with the viselike grip she had on his freedom, she hadn't managed to protect him from older men wanting to molest him at every chance. Where was her careful surveillance there?

"I don't see why I can't go out at night and spend time with my friends—or even why I have to ask permission," he said, "or tell you who exactly my friends are—" He still hadn't told her about Axel and didn't plan to. "—or have you watch every graded assignment like a hawk as if it's the end of the fucking world if I do anything less than perfect!"

His voice echoed throughout the large room, only the sparkling chandelier overhead and the glistening china in the grand cabinet falling witness to his defiance. In a few hours, his secondary relatives from Clotho and a few of his aunt's friends would be arriving for their traditional Christmas Eve feast, and Riku would be expected to sit at this long table like a proper gentleman of forty-something instead of being the teenager he really was. He was tired of pretending to give a shit about his relations and his future.

He didn't like them any more than they liked him, which wasn't much at all since no one in his father's family had liked the woman he had married, and her blood ran through Riku. It was no wonder his parents had tried to live peaceful lives on Destiny Islands instead of this hellhole of a metropolis. Even though nearly seven years had passed since the accident and his parents' deaths, every Christmas Riku still had to listen to his father's family bitch about how their deaths had been his mother's fault, what a pretentious woman she had been for stealing him away, that they hoped Riku would turn out nothing like her (even though he knew they really just wanted him to drop out of their lives), that Riku had her hair and her eyes and her long lashes and her everything but at least he was still male and would have a wife one day.

Like hell. He wanted to see their expressions when he told them he fantasized about being fucked by men and he never intended to have children.

At present, his aunt was already looking murderous. Her expression had changed as quickly as it had the other night when he had stood up to her and ran out the front door. He secretly wanted her to do something about it just so he could have more of an excuse to walk out of this life.

"You little ingrate," she hissed. He was getting used to being called that. "After all I've done for you, you dare speak to me that way? Yes, you're fifteen, not even legal yet, so don't talk to me about not being a baby. I set these rules because they're what's best for you, and if they're not good enough for that insolent ego of yours, I can damn well keep you in your room for the rest of your life and have you homeschooled if that's what it'll take to keep you away from your delinquent little friends."

"My friends," Riku snapped, "aren't delinquents, and if you gave a shitabout me, you'd let me make some of my own decisions for once!"

"You're not even old enough to know what's best for you. If you want to be treated like an adult, start acting like one," she snapped back. "Until then, don't expect to have any privileges."

"It's Christmas fucking EVE!" he shouted. "I want to enjoy myself for once!"

She shoved her designer bag at Riku without warning, and he barely had time to catch it before it hit his face. A decorated zipper tab scraped his cheek, and he gave her an incredulous look as he lowered the purse. He had spent that much munny on her and she was just throwing it right back in his face? That actually hurt a lot more than anything she had ever said to him.

He fought back the tremble in his voice that threatened to weaken his stance. "I'm not asking for permission to go out and have sex with women and get drunk or do drugs or anything else that you think I might do! I'm asking for breathing room!"

"Then go to your room and stay there until the guests arrive," she said in a low, dangerous tone. "I don't want to see your face right now." Then she flung the wrapping paper at him for good measure and stormed off, her heels echoing more loudly in the room than his shouting had.

Riku was left staring down at the purse, feeling sick—not because he should have accepted no for an answer or because he knew he was right and nothing he said ever seemed to make her think otherwise. He felt sick because he didn't want to admit to Axel that he had stood up to his aunt and had made things worse. Then again, he hadn't exactly approached the subject too smoothly. He could have kissed up a little more, maybe even—

...maybe even what?

Why was he even thinking about this? It was bullshit.

He didn't have to listen to a fucking word that woman said. Permission or not, he could still go out if he wanted. She couldn't keep him locked up forever. If he wanted, he could walk right out that front door and disappear from her life for good.

For a second, it really was tempting.

Deep down, however, he knew his aunt was only acting like this because she had been conditioned this way by her own parents. She also still harbored heavy guilt about his dad's death. That, and she was too proud to admit she was a terrible replacement for him.

Riku's anger slowly faded into resignation, and with a sigh, he dropped the purse onto the dining table for her to find later. He'd text message Axel instead of calling him. He didn't want to deal with the twenty questioning that Axel was likely to give him.

When Riku left the room, his footfalls were soft, too soft to even create an echo. But it was okay. He didn't want any witnesses to his defeat.

-o-o-

Hours passed, and Axel still hadn't replied to his text message.

Uncertainty took hold inside of him and left him on edge all afternoon. Where was Axel? Wasn't he going to reply? Had his phone messed up? Maybe he was busy already having fun with Larxene and the others. Maybe he didn't want to bother with Riku when he could be with his other friends. After all, who wanted to comfort a spineless fifteen-year-old on Christmas Eve when there were better things to do?

He hated holidays.

The rest of the world could be having fun, but he was always the one hiding in his bedroom with a pillow over his head. He only ever made things awkward for other people.

Even when he heard the front door opening and closing, opening and closing, signaling the arrival of relatives and family friends, he stayed hidden in his room. He ignored his aunt's calls. He ignored the insistent knocks on his door. He ignored the angry mutterings in the hallway as footsteps retreated towards the stairs.

His aunt could come up with whatever the hell kind of excuse she wanted in order to cover up his absence. Really, he was just relieved she was letting him go that easily. But then, she probably didn't want to scream at him in front of other people, which was fine with him. He didn't mind being the scapegoat here.

He finally looked at the time when shadows began to crawl across his room.

6:05PM.

Dinner would be starting. He was hungry, but there was no way in hell he was going to set foot in that dining room when other people were around. He listened to the sounds of laughter and music filtering faintly into his room from downstairs and, though he didn't want to join them, a piece of him was sad because he wasn't. He felt like he had nowhere to belong.

By the time the sun had fully set, his stomach was rumbling, and he curled his arms around himself and tried to find any excuse to be happy. There weren't any.

But the chime of his cell phone receiving a text message was a good start.

Riku flung his covers off and scrambled for his phone on the nightstand, the LED still illuminated for him to find it. He flipped it open, his heart caught in his throat as he opened the message from Axel. Would he ask why Riku hadn't been able to go? Would he be mad?

It turned out to be completely unrelated.

-Do you have any dogs?-

Riku stared at the small screen for a long moment, disappointed. Figures. Just another of Axel's silly games. He sighed and flopped back onto his bed, already punching in his reply.

-No but I'm so hungry I can eat one- Then, after a moment's hesitation, he added, -How is the party?-

After sending, he closed the phone and stared up at his dark ceiling. The lights from outside reflected off the picture frame beside his bed and created ghostlike spotlights on the arched beams overhead. He turned his gaze to glance at the shadowy but visible face of the grinning boy in the photo. Sora...

Moments later, his phone chimed again.

-It's awesome. You got a big place, right? Your room have a balcony too?-

Confused, Riku wondered if maybe they were talking about him at the party and somehow his house had gotten brought up. It was a pretty big estate. Not big enough to have security guards, but it had its own gate and stuff. Maybe people like Axel and Larxene found that interesting. Sometimes Riku forgot that his family was financially really well off...

-Yeah. Why?-

His inquiry went unanswered for nearly half an hour this time. In fact, the reply text message never came.

Something else happened.

Riku heard a weird shuffling outside his room—literally outside, like a giant raccoon climbing the vine trellis. Except it was snowing outside, and raccoons didn't frequent his trellis.

Immediately panicked, Riku switched his lamp on and squinted through the light towards the balcony. His curtains were open, but he saw nothing out there. Yet. He rolled off the bed, put on his slippers, and hurried to his balcony, opening it as quietly as he could so he didn't alert anyone else.

A blast of frigid air hit him along with several tiny snowflakes, the cold sinking right through his loose pajama pants and muscle shirt and reminding him that he was definitely not dressed for playing in the snow. Releasing a shocked breath at the sudden temperature change, he danced across the balcony to the edge.

Sure enough, when he looked over the stone balustrade, a darkly clad figure was scaling the dead vines, and he recognized that spiky ponytail instantly.

"Axel!" he hissed. "What are you doing?"

At the sound of his voice, Axel glanced up and grinned. "I came to rescue you, my princess!" He then tried to salute but almost lost his grip on the vines and woodwork and had to scramble to keep himself from falling. "W-Whoa!"

Riku grimaced and nervously cast a glance behind him as if expecting his aunt to be standing there. She wasn't. The music downstairs was still playing, and judging from the sound of the laughter, the guests were all still having a good time. Still, he couldn't afford a dead friend—boyfriend—whatever outside his bedroom. He didn't even want to know how Axel had scaled the gate. Shit, and he especially didn't want to know what his aunt would think if she caught a mysterious boy sneaking into his room!

"Careful!" He knelt and reached between the columns to help Axel. "And hurry up before someone sees you!" It was whispered loudly, but it still felt like he was yelling and drawing extra attention to Axel's stunt.

Axel grabbed his hand and, after some struggling, the boys managed to get him over the balustrade and onto the balcony where the redhead promptly collapsed into a fit of quiet laughter.

"Shh!" Riku gestured to get him to tone down, but when Axel continued on laughing, he decided he'd best just cut to the heart of the matter. "Why did you do that?"

Rubbing his hip where he had landed, Axel grinned even through his wincing. "Well, it's not like I had a magic carpet."

"You could have gotten caught! Or arrested!" Riku smacked his arm and ignored the cry of ow—hey! "You look like a thief!"

Now Axel rubbed his abused arm and pretended not to grin. "Then you would have been my one call?"

"Axel."

"Chill out, it's already in the past." The redhead picked himself up and brushed the remnants of snow off his black pants and thick black jacket. "I'm here. Didn't get caught." He smirked and spread his arms out. "See?"

True. Axel scaling the balcony for him was rather impressive and amusing—despite what could have happened. Trying not to feel so obtuse, Riku managed a small smile. "Yeah, I see it, alright." He grabbed Axel by his scarf and pulled his cold face close. "Next time tell me you're coming, you idiot."

Axel's hot breath brushed his cheeks as he laughed again, and then he dipped forward to nip Riku's exposed neck. Riku yelped and tugged Axel's head back by his hair.

"Your nose is freezing!"

"Then warm me up."

The innuendo didn't escape Riku's notice, but he chose not to bring attention to it. Axel could stroke his own ego enough that he didn't need Riku's extra input there. "I thought you said you retained a lot of body heat?" Riku pointed out as he tugged the redhead inside.

"Only in my sexiest features," came the playful reply, "and come on, noses are not sexy."

Riku snerked at that, remembering that one of the first things he had noticed about Axel had been his pointed but attractive nose. "You're so strange..."

"Part of my natural charm," Axel professed. He dropped his button-littered backpack onto Riku's bed as the younger boy securely closed the balcony doors. Then, making himself right at home, Axel started taking off his jacket and shoes. "Phew—it's all toasty in here!"

After closing his curtains, Riku went to his bedroom door to double check that it was locked. It was. Well, his aunt barging in was one less thing to fret about. "What are you doing here?" he asked as he turned back towards Axel, who had finished stripping down.

Gone were the scarf, jacket, shoes, and gloves. Along with a pair of candy cane striped socks, he now only wore a simple black t-shirt with the decal of some guitar head, and his pants were splotched with large wet spots from the ice and snow on the trellis outside. He was practically soaked—no wonder he was freezing. But when he even thought about suggesting Axel should take them off before he caught a cold, Riku's heart gave a small leap as he realized how Axel would take that suggestion. God—but it was tempting. He wanted to see how Axel would react to it, see Axel get caught by surprise for once, see that mischief in those green eyes and enjoy the outcome of it.

But the words died in his throat, and he had to avert his gaze, blood rushing to his cheeks when he realized what the outcome of Axel taking off his pants could be. Riku was definitely eager to experiment with sex, but wanting it and actually doing it were completely different.

He swallowed back his embarrassment and tried to remain as casual as Axel was, all the while wishing he could learn how the older boy so easily radiated that relaxed confidence.

"You mean what'd I come here for, or d'ya mean how'd I get here?" Axel asked. He seemed to have missed Riku's awkward moment, which was probably because Axel was already snooping around the room.

"Well, both... now that you mention it." Riku watched him scan his bookshelf and wondered what was running through his mind at that very moment. Axel's wild, cluttered room was far more interesting than Riku's tidy, lifeless one was.

"Demy dropped me off at the gate. We got the address from the web 'cuz, like I said, your name is pretty popular." Axel pulled a book off the shelf—an old collection of fairytales that had reminded Riku of his earlier years on Destiny Islands—and began flipping through its thick pages. "Which means it's easy to find. Actually, I was kinda surprised your aunt doesn't have mean-ass guard dogs, motion sensor spotlights, alarms, or an electrified gate and all that jazz."

They had gotten his address off the internet? That was kind of clever, if not a bit creepy. "Her ego is so big that she doesn't think anything or anyone can really hurt her," Riku said with a laugh. "Even thieves. She has a lot of connections anyway. If anyone robbed us, they'd be in for a nasty sentence. And our lawyer is malicious..."

Axel closed the fairytale book with a flourish and smirked. "I wasn't referring to thieves. I meant I'm surprised she doesn't have all that just to keep you in. Why don't you just take off? Look how easy it was for me to get in here. Sneaking out would be a cinch."

"I've thought about it before," Riku admitted, but he kept his cowardice to himself. He didn't want to tell Axel that he hadn't snuck out before because he was too chicken to. Best to change the subject. "Anyway—are you going to tell me why you're here?" He folded his arms over his chest and playfully glared at the older boy, though he was secretly really pleased that Axel had shown up. "I thought you were at the party. You even said it was awesome."

"And I'm sure it is." Axel replaced the book and honed in on Riku's rotating shelf of CDs. "Larx's parties always are. Buuuut..." He spun the shelf, examining it closely. "I'm not missing anything new. Hey—" He glanced at Riku, a red brow raised, and he looked confused. "All this stuff is elevator music."

Riku was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to get a straight answer from him. Sighing, he moved to stand beside Axel. "It's not elevator music. Just because something doesn't have screaming lyrics doesn't mean it's boring. It's not even all classical, you know." He pointed to a few darker covers. "These are soundtracks, film scores, orchestral remakes..." Then rotated the shelf. "Some operas, musicals, sonnets..." And rotated again. "Cello rock, Gregorian cha—"

Axel's hand stopped Riku's.

He slowly turned to find Axel giving him a very crooked smile, his face only inches away.

"You're extremely gay, you know that, right?"

Riku wet his lips and tried to ignore that now familiar flutter of excitement inside of him. They were standing so close that Riku could feel the cold lingering on Axel's skin and clothes. "So what if I am?" he challenged in a quiet voice.

Axel's fingers found the dangling drawstrings of his pants, and Riku felt his stomach tighten as that internal flutter intensified. His mind automatically rewound all the way back to the moment he had first met Axel, when those fingers had landed right in his crotch, and how much he wanted to be touched there again.

But Axel's fingers only twirled around the strings and gave them a teasing tug before letting go. Axel's eyes flickered with that knowing kind of mischief Riku had been waiting for, and there was a subtle depth to his tone that hadn't been there moments before.

"Heh, touché."

It took all of Riku's willpower not to get a hard-on right then and there. He drew in a deep breath and held it, but his pulse kept quickening as he continued to study Axel's gaze.

"Why are you here?" he asked again, this time with a slight waver. He kept his voice soft and tried not to sound too hopeful, but he had a feeling Axel knew exactly what was on his mind.

Downstairs, he could hear another round of laughter from his aunt and her guests, and he was reminded of how potentially dangerous this situation could turn out to be.

Axel's smile shifted into something a little softer. "I thought I'd spend my time with someone who actually needs me. Y'know, and doing more productive things instead of watching people get drunk off their asses."

Maybe Riku had a reason to be hopeful after all. He had to swallow before his voice felt stable enough to use. "More productive things... like scaling balconies and almost killing yourself?"

"Well..." Axel's grin returned. "Sorta. Or... more like delivering your Christmas present and making sure you're being merry."

It was said lightheartedly, but its effect was felt differently. A calm happiness spread through Riku and slowly enveloped his heart like a warm blanket. His Christmas was beginning to look like it might not be so bad after all.

This time he couldn't disguise his anticipation. "Really?"

Without replying, Axel winked and grabbed Riku's hip to gently move him aside. Riku let him, feeling another flutter as Axel brushed past him and returned to the bed where he picked up his backpack.

Exhaling slowly, still trying to get himself under control, Riku mentally grasped for a distraction, and his eyes landed on the CDs Axel had been examining. That gave him an idea. His aunt should have been used to him playing his music loudly, so if he were to do it now, she wouldn't think twice about it. Choosing an album of cello rock, he opened it and slipped the CD into the player, making sure it wouldn't play so loud they couldn't hear each other talk. Thankfully, the speakers were closer to the door than he was, so if his aunt did try to spy, she'd hear the music first, not their voices.

Within moments, his room was filled with the deep reverberation of cello strings playing to a strong beat backed up by electric guitars and basses. Axel had taken a spot on his bed and was pulling out a long white paper sack—not exactly present-like. He lifted his gaze to Riku's as the younger boy approached him, and his lips curled.

"Okay, so it's not classical," he commented about the music. "It's actually kinda cool, not what I was expecting. But—!" He pointed at Riku. "You're still gay."

Riku laughed, not sure he was ever going to get accustomed to hearing that, but it was getting easier. When Axel patted the space on the bed beside him, Riku silently took it, curious as to what was in the bag Axel held.

He passed Riku the white sack. It was warm. Food-like. Riku gave Axel a confused look as he pulled out a wrapped hotdog.

Axel's grin didn't falter. "I know you said you were so hungry you could eat a dog, but you'll have to stick with this instead."

Now that the hotdog was no longer in Axel's backpack, Riku could smell it, and his stomach churned as if to agree that Axel's idea had been a good one, as silly as the guy was. "Did I already tell you that you're strange?" he asked as he unwrapped it.

Axel's expression was smug. "Yup." He then pulled out a bottle of cold Crimson Jazz juice and handed it to him. "Now eat up so I can show you your present."

That was good enough for him. Riku dug into his dinner, not caring if it had no condiments to go with it. It was food, and Axel had given it to him, and that was all that concerned him.

As he happily ate in silence, he watched Axel and the redhead's wandering attention. Axel's gaze lingered on the wrapped present sitting at the edge of Riku's night table, then shifted to the picture frame beside it. The picture of little Sora and little Riku on the beach back home.

Before Riku could even think to hide the photo, Axel had snatched the frame up. "Aww, is that you?" He paused to snicker, and promptly began gushing about it. "You look like a little girl in that shirt, awww and the hat... And you look so scared and cute!"

Riku almost choked on his food, and he looked away to hide his sudden blush. "My mom used to dress me in girl's clothes."

"Ohh, that explains a lot of things, then." Axel chortled to himself for a second about it, and then came the inevitable question. "Who's the other cutie?"

For some reason, Riku's heart started pounding again. He felt like it was stupid to be so nervous about telling Axel about Sora, but in a way, it was almost like introducing them to each other. Axel, meet Sora. Sora, meet Axel. It wasn't like they were ever going to bump into each other in person, so what was the big deal?

Still, his heart continued to race. He hadn't really talked about Sora in years, not since he had told Olette about him in junior high... but telling her was a lot different than telling Axel. Maybe it was because he had never kissed Olette and Olette had never made him question his promise with Sora. Axel constantly made Riku wonder if that promise was worth the frustration of never being able to initiate a kiss with his... his whatever Axel was to him. But the promise had endured this long, and Riku still didn't want to break it; if he did, he'd never be able to look at Sora's photo without feeling disappointment. Sora was his one remaining connection to Destiny Islands, and Riku didn't want to lose that.

What was worse—he knew Axel wouldn't understand it. He was better off not going too in depth...

"That's... Sora," he said tentatively, but a hint of fondness still crept into his voice. "He was my best friend when I was little, when I lived outside of Atropos."

"Outside of Atropos—I bet!" was Axel's quick reply, and he sounded fascinated. He was studying the photo awfully close. "You don't see beaches like that around here. The water's like... blue."

Well, that had been a lot easier than he had thought. Deciding not to elaborate, Riku just nodded and ate the rest of his hotdog.

"So when your parents died, you moved up here?" Axel asked, but he didn't bother waiting for an answer probably because he could tell Riku didn't want to talk too much about it. "That sucks... Do you still talk to this kid?"

This time, as much as Riku wished he could say otherwise, he had to shake his head no. "I was only eight, so..." He fell silent for a second, cradling his drink with both hands as he stared down at it and tried to remember that day so many years ago. "After the accident, everything moved so fast. My aunt picked me up and brought me here the same day. I didn't really have time to get a number or anything..." Another pause, and this time he took a long breath, already feeling a swell of nostalgia that threatened to put a quiver in his voice. He'd always wondered how different things could have been if he had kept in contact with his childhood crush. "We... didn't need to use phones back then. I'd just show up at his house, and we'd go adventuring. A lot of the bigger kids picked on me because I was so small and, well, girly... But Sora would come to my rescue all the time." A soft smile crept onto his lips as he spoke. "He was a big goof. He'd always say we'd grow up and get married. But, well... either he didn't realize I was actually a boy, or Sora was a really open-minded kid."

This time when his words trailed off, he wasn't sure what he was expecting from Axel. He cautiously glanced up through his bangs, and whatever that look he saw on Axel's face was, it didn't make him feel stupid for sharing that piece of his past.

Instead, Axel seemed... almost pleased?

With a low but impressed whistle, the redhead leaned back against the headboard. He curled an arm around his propped up knee and smiled at Riku with a smile that hinted he knew more than what Riku himself did. "You know, that's the first time I've heard you talk like that."

Riku kept watching him, but he nervously picked at the label of the bottle in his hands. "Talk... like what?"

"Like that," Axel laughed. "Like there is more to you than what's on the surface. You told me there wasn't anything interesting about you, and I knew that was bullshit. It's like there's this side of you that you don't even realize exists—a side that wants to break free of your little reclusive shell and live."

Riku lifted his face and met Axel's gaze fully, and he thought about what had just been said. Had he really sounded that different when he had talked about Sora?

Axel's expression didn't change from its sagacious lilt. "It's reeeeeally interesting," he commented, tapping his forehead. "I think I'm starting to figure out what makes you tick."

In that moment, Riku was reminded of Axel's passion for photography and how, even though the redhead wanted to take pictures of him, he had once told Riku he wasn't asking Riku "to lay bare his soul." Here, however, whenever Axel looked at him this way and made comments like the one he just had, Riku felt like the older boy was trying to dissect him and open his heart for the world to see.

It made him uncomfortable, but somehow happy at the same time. When he was the complete focus of Axel's attention like this, he really did believe Axel when he said there was a side to him he didn't know existed—an interesting side. Axel wanted to know more about that side. Riku did, too.

"So what makes me tick?" Riku wondered.

Axel's grin widened to show more teeth. "Now why would I spoil the fun?" He sat up and leaned towards Riku, who was expecting the change of conversation when it came. "So—are you merry?"

"No." And it was the truth. However, Axel's tongue-in-cheek ways were beginning to teach Riku how to disguise his insecurity. With a subtly wry smile, Riku added, "But... I'm getting there."

And the change of tone didn't escape Axel's notice. "Now that I'm here, right?" he asked, playing along.

Riku felt himself beginning to mirror Axel's grin. "Yeah."

"Good." Axel took the juice out of Riku's hands and set it on the night table along with the picture frame, right next to the wrapped present Axel had been eyeing earlier. "Present time!"

With a laugh, Riku gestured to the night table. "You first."

He could already feel the rise of anticipation as Axel picked up the slender, hard gift and felt along the edges as if trying to discern what was underneath the glistening paper. Demyx had said Axel would love it, but there was still that doubt, that possibility that it wouldn't live up to Axel's expectations after the hard work that had went into it.

"Hmm... some sort of book?" Axel wondered to himself.

He caught the edge of the paper and began to rip it, and Riku held his breath as the black textured cover was revealed. The same white skull from Axel's beanie and wallet was smiling up from the front.

"Jack Skellington!"

Axel's fingers ran over the soft skull, and his grin turned pleased. Demyx had helped Riku use an exacto knife to cut the figure out of white sticky-backed velvet, and they had placed two thick strips of Velcro on the front for Axel to create his own title for the handmade scrapbook. Currently the letters spelled out "Merry Xmas!" but Riku had placed several sheets of spare Velcro letters in there for Axel's amusement.

He opened the book, and right on the first page was a self-taken Polaroid of Demyx and Riku, with Demyx beaming up at the camera, and Riku laughing with embarrassment. The handwritten label beneath the picture stated, Put professionalism into your portfolios, but store your memories in here. I know you'll put this to good use. And yes, that's permission to take my picture. – Riku

Riku watched closely as Axel's expression shifted from just pleased to downright thrilled. He glanced at Riku with a vainglorious smile, and a delightful shiver moved up Riku's spine. He suddenly felt like he had just sold his soul after all. But if that look on Axel's face was any indication of what he had planned for Riku, maybe letting Axel have that freedom wasn't all that bad.

"Demyx helped me make it," Riku admitted. A floaty feeling was building inside of him now that the gift had been revealed and Axel seemed to like it. "Each page is different. I, uh... tried to theme them off things that reminded me of you." He ran a hand through his hair and tried not to look sheepish. Why couldn't he just stay calm and casual like Axel all the time?

"Really?"

Sounding surprised, Axel started flipping through the book, passing by a page with colors based off his favorite iced coffee drink, a page decorated with little white Jack skulls, another with pool balls and cues, one with miniature cameras, and the list went on, each page arranged and colored based on his few experiences with Axel, but left empty so Axel could fill them up with his own images.

Axel's smile had grown somewhat fond by the time he reached the last page, a sea green with dark blue accents, where a second photo had been placed. This second and last photo had been Demyx's idea and had taken some coaxing for Riku to agree to put it into the scrapbook because of how embarrassing it was. Riku had been sitting on the floor working on the scrapbook, and he had just leaned forward to pick something up, when Demyx had snuck up behind him and taken the picture. The embarrassing part? Riku's pants and underwear had ridden down far enough to show off a hint of butt-crack.

Demyx's handwriting scribbled across this picture's label: The ass-crack of the scrapbook. May you enjoy it one day.

When Axel read it, he burst into laughter.

Riku tried not to feel humiliated, but he was glad Axel was laughing at least. "You like it?" he asked, then promptly corrected himself. "I mean—the scrapbook?"

"Totally!" Axel flipped back to the front, still laughing. "Oh man, this is great! I love it!" Then he closed the book and grinned wide at Riku. "Thanks. It'll definitely go to good use. I knew I shoulda brought my camera with me..." He rubbed the back of his head and chuckled at himself. "Anyway, I made my gift for you, too. I couldn't figure out what to get you. I mean, what do you get for one of the richest kids in Atropos when he can get almost anything he wants?"

Sympathizing with the statement, Riku smiled as he watched Axel put the scrapbook into his backpack and reached for something new. Riku knew he was hard to shop for, so he preferred heartfelt gifts over store bought ones. And if Axel had made him something, Riku already knew he was going to love it.

"So I made you something you don't have yet," Axel said. He pulled out a slender, narrow package about the size of a checkbook box, and presented it to him with that all-knowing smirk of his. "Options."

"Options?" Riku asked. He eagerly took the package, curious as to what Axel could have made him.

Axel shifted closer to him on the bed. "Go ahead and take a look."

Riku peeled off the red wrapping paper and opened the narrow unmarked box. Inside was a long, thin book with a laminated cover that depicted a portion of Axel's face, mostly his sharp eyes and red brows. Somehow, by the detail and the vivid way it had been taken, Riku could tell the photo was something Axel himself had done and altered to create the cover of this book. Axel's face blended into a white background where professional but stylized black and red text read: Personal Coupons.

Interested with where this was going, Riku took the book out of the box, noticing how skillfully made it was. "You made this?" he asked in amazement, already flipping it open to the first page. It opened sideways to reveal a cover page stating, For Riku. May you grow up to be a pretty, pretty princess! Beneath it was about fifty pages of coupons, each with the same ornate border and elegant font, each with a perforation along the spine, and each with a different phrase written in glossy ink.

"Larx works at one of those document services places. I designed it all," Axel proudly explained, "but she hooked me up with the printing and binding and all that cool shit."

Riku felt himself grin as he flipped through the coupons and read some of them. "Free batch of homemade cookies... Free night out... Free dinner and a movie... Go out for ice cream... A walk in the park... Request for knight in shining armor... " He skipped to the middle to see if they were similar, already deciding he would read all of them in detail later when Axel wasn't staring. Judging from the next one he read, not having Axel around while he read these would save him embarrassment. "Free make out session somewhere public?" His eyes widened, and he glanced up at Axel with red cheeks.

Axel's crooked smirk was back. "It gets better."

Feeling his ears burn, Riku continued to read, aware of how his heart was starting to race again. "Free make out session somewhere very, very private... A private show?" He paused to wet his lips as his mind took a turn towards the gutter. "Photography lessons... Play makeover. Free sick day from work and/or school. One hour of absolute servitude..." Whoa, his mind went wild with that one as he thought about all the things he could have Axel do. Now positive that he was blushing from head to toe, Riku swallowed hard and flipped to the second to the last coupon. Axel seemed like the type to save the best for last, and Riku wanted to do the same.

But the one he was now staring at was... blank?

He gave Axel a questioning look. "Misprint?" he asked.

"Nope," was the quick response. It seemed like Axel had been expecting the inquiry. "Blank on purpose. You can write whatever you want on it, and I'll do it, so it's reeeeally special. Gotta use that one wisely."

Riku's brows lifted. "Anything?"

"Well, within reason," Axel added with a laugh. "I mean, if you write down for me to stand in front of a stampede of llamas, I'm not gonna do it. Now, if you get pissed and tell me to jump off a bridge, I'd do it—with a bungee cord. So whatever you write, I'll interpret it my own way, ya know?" In that moment, his smile reminded Riku of a little kid with a secret. "So, like I said, use it wisely."

Riku's eyes returned to the blank coupon, and in that moment, he thought of all the possibilities now at his fingertips. Fulfilling his heart's desire could be just a few words away. The problem was that Axel couldn't give him what he really wanted, which was confidence, which was freedom, which was a new life. On the other hand, Axel was a good teacher and had a lot of experience, which led Riku to imagining everything Axel could and might do to him. Having a boyfriend wasn't one of his major life goals, but he definitely wasn't adverse to the idea... or having Axel fulfill his perverted fantasies.

Then again, Riku may not have to use a coupon to achieve that. He decided he would wait and use this coupon as a last resort, even though the concept of using coupons to further his relationship with Axel seemed rather silly. Well, a silly idea from a silly guy. Riku couldn't hold it against him for being himself—not that he would, because Riku actually loved his gift.

The coupons were what he needed. Options, the freedom to choose on his own. Axel knew him so well that he was beginning to believe that Axel really did know more about him than he himself knew.

"Thank you," he said, unable to hold back his happy grin. "You know, only you could pull off something like this. If I had tried to give someone a gift like this, they would have laughed at me. I love it, though. And I'll definitely use it."

"Good." Axel lightly ruffled his silver hair. "But let me ask you something."

Riku glanced at him in question again as he smoothed his hair back out, his cheeks still warm. "Yeah?"

Axel's hand stretched out and flipped the coupon book to the last page. "How could you not notice how bulky the last coupon was? I totally thought you were gonna look at it first," he said.

The laughter was evident in his voice, but Riku wasn't paying attention to it. No, as soon as Axel had revealed that last coupon, Riku's entire world narrowed to what he saw glued there.

A single cherry-flavored condom.

The one he had snuck into Axel's new wallet for his birthday.

Nothing else was on the coupon—no playful title, no phrase, nothing. Just the condom.

Riku had to release the breath that had been caught in his throat, and when he did, his blush returned full force. He felt Axel watching him as he stared at the tiny red package, probably wondering what Riku was thinking while Riku was wondering what Axel was thinking—or what Axel had meant by making this coupon in the first place.

Whatever his intention had been originally, just the thought of what it could be sent a deep thrill through Riku. That all-too-familiar feeling of anticipation squirmed inside of him, spreading like a fever and leaving his heart dancing even faster. Riku had given Axel the condom as a hopeful suggestion. For Axel to return it in this way, it was more than just an acknowledgement of his suggestion. It was a blatant yes.

"So..."

Axel shifted even closer, and one of his hands slid up Riku's knee to rest against his thigh. Axel's hand was no longer icy from the snow outside, but was a hot weight pressing all of Riku's thoughts and emotions towards one part of his body. Axel leaned against his shoulder so he could speak into Riku's ear, his voice a delightful, low murmur.

"Are you there yet?"

Riku worked his throat, trying to swallow past the knot caught there. "W-Where?"

"Merry."

The suggestion in Axel's tone made Riku second guess the definition of merry.

"I... Y-Yeah?"

"You don't sound so sure," Axel teased in that same low tone. His hand squeezed Riku's leg before stroking upward and caressing his inner thigh, right next to his obvious partial erection. "Leeeet me help you with that..."

His leg spasmed in response, his nerves completely on edge now, extra receptive to every tiny movement Axel made. Riku felt his breath shudder as he forced himself to inhale again, his mouth dry and his fluttering heart preparing to fly right out of him. The anticipation was already torture, and Axel probably knew it, too.

But for all his teasing, he decided to have mercy on Riku.

-o-o-

An hour later when they parted ways on the snow-blanketed balcony, they were nothing like star-crossed lovers in the fairytales Sora's mother used to tell.

In those stories, Riku remembered love confessions and poetic monologues and promises made to last for an eternity. He received nor gave any of those. They didn't even cross his mind until after Axel had already dropped into the snow and slunk off into the night with his cherry-flavored lips.

But, Riku supposed, those kind of romantic notions didn't accompany just one blowjob, as mind-numbingly amazing as it had been. His first one. Only five minutes—but at least it hadn't been the three seconds he had been expecting. The rest of the hour had been spent exchanging idle chatter as Riku's body recovered. Axel hadn't teased him about that, and for that Riku was grateful.

He wouldn't always be inexperienced, after all.

Leaning against the balustrade, he curled his duvet closer around himself and stared up at the gently falling white confetti, and he contemplated his strange relationship with Axel. He was fairly sure that this warm leash around his heart was love or at least some form of it. What he didn't know was whether or not Axel shared that connection. There was affection, yes, and plenty of desire—but was that it?

He recalled the private conversation he had overheard between Axel and Larxene and wondered what exactly it was that the redhead was hiding from him. He couldn't read Axel like how Axel could read him, and that made it difficult to discern his humor from his sincerity—if there was any sincerity at all behind those jokes.

The older boy often referred to Riku as the princess or damsel in distress. But if he was the princess, did that make Axel the prince?

Somehow, he didn't think so.

-o-o-

Riku spent the rest of Christmas lost in a bubble of bliss.

He hardly paid attention to any of the gifts he received, he didn't care when his aunt snapped at him, and he actually smiled and carried on conversations when his relatives returned to visit. Little did they know, it wasn't Christmas cheer that ran through his blood and put that bounce in his step. It was something else, something that couldn't be contained by only one name because it was just so good.

Every time he thought about it, he felt a hot clenching inside of him, and that bliss would return with his memory of what had happened.

More than often he would have to retreat to his room or bathroom just to take care of himself all over again, but no one ever noticed. His love and lust were his own little secrets.

Christmas passed quickly this way. His relatives left again, leaving him with more privacy to fantasize of what Axel might do to him next. Would do to him.

To make sure of that, Riku took Axel up on his suggestion and began to sneak out of his house just to see the older boy, who had been right about that: being dishonest to his aunt was so much easier than asking for permission that would never come.

For the next few days, Riku did obey his aunt's early curfew, but he did so by lying and claiming he was going to the library to study and finish his paper. He'd call Rude to drive him to the library, and, with his backpack in hand, he'd wait until his driver left. Then he would walk to the bus stop and take it a few blocks down to Demyx's apartment where Axel would be waiting inside for him.

Those hours were spent goofing off and learning more about what Demyx and Axel did in their free time—listen to music, play video games, share comics, watch movies and television shows, surf the internet for random and silly things, make extremely unhealthy drink combinations like coffee with caramel and double chocolate and whipped cream...

They were teenagers. They acted like teenagers. And for the first time in a long time, Riku felt his own age. This was the first break Riku could remember where he actually had people to see and things to do that were completely unrelated to school. Those fun days counting down to the new year flew by and blurred together.

By New Years Eve, when Riku glanced into his mirror in the morning, he liked who he saw in the reflection.

He saw the potential to become someone greater than who he was.

He saw the growing confidence in his smile and posture.

He saw the life, and he loved it.

-o-o-

He should have known his road to happiness would be full of obstacles.

-o-o-

Like Christmas Eve, Riku wanted to spend the evening of New Years Eve with Axel. There was no party at Larxene's place involved this time, but Riku still wanted to do something other than hide in his room when midnight came. He wanted to be with his friends.

The problem with that was his curfew. 5PM. He'd have to sneak out yet again.

He already knew it would be pointless to ask for permission; and besides, if he did, his aunt would know he was up to something and would watch him like a hawk all evening. To abate any suspicions she might have, he decided to pretend the day was like any other, and to play it extra safe, he really did plan on going to the library for a few hours.

When Rude arrived to pick him up, however, Riku was upstairs when he heard his aunt instruct the driver to wait in the foyer. That was different. Usually she let Riku leave right away without a hassle.

Dread filled him.

Oh no.

Had she caught onto his plan somehow?

Slipping his satchel onto his shoulder, he descended the stairs as if he were walking death row, feeling each step add weight to his freedom. He hadn't slipped up and made her suspicious, had he? It wasn't like she could read minds...

When he reached the bottom, his aunt was waiting there, and she motioned silently for him to join her. He followed her, but not without apprehension.

She took him to the dining room. This was their typical spot for serious discussions—which were always more like arguments, and so he was beginning to expect the worse when she turned to face him.

She unfolded a beige sheet of paper and held it out, her voice clipped. "Your grades have slipped even more. I do hope you're aware of this and that is why you're practically living at the library now."

Riku scanned the paper in front of him, and his heart dropped.

It was a letter from Dean Shinra stating Riku's progress for the semester. His aunt must have written the dean personally to get such a detailed report of all his grades because normally they wouldn't have released something this in depth. Near the end, however, the letter stated that he was still first in his class and that Shinra had "high hopes for Mr. Edenbrook."

Riku felt even more sick inside. He was number one and she was still displeased? He wanted to say something about how ludicrous she was being, but he held his tongue and thought about Axel. He wanted to see Axel tonight, and if he pissed his aunt off, she'd find a way to disrupt his secret plans.

Folding the paper again, she leveled her gaze at him. "Either way, I did warn you about this. Once you begin school again, you are to come straight home and spend two hours with your personal mentor each day."

Personal... mentor?

"What personal mentor?" Riku asked cautiously.

"The one I've just hired for you."

At first Riku couldn't believe his ears. "You... what?" But then he recalled his aunt's threat from weeks ago about how she would be 'forced' to hire a tutor for him if his grades slipped even more.

What bullshit! Apparently their argument from that night had went right over her head if she still thought Riku had to be more than perfect.

All of his indignation from that argument came rushing back to him, and all thoughts of Axel and New Years Eve slipped his mind. "I can't believe you actually hired someone!" he shouted. "A tutor isn't going to help me!"

"I think otherwise," she said in that disapproving way that aggravated Riku even more. "Having one will ensure that your work is not only getting done, but also double checked for excellence."

"My work is already excellent!" He pointed to the sheet she had just shown him. "Look at those grades! If they're dropping, it's because I'm not ready for the upper-level coursework, or because I'm not spending every breathing moment focusing on my studies—which is normal. I'm fifteen, Rena, not a damn saint!"

Her eyes thinned. "Watch your tongue."

He pressed on anyway. "I don't need help just because my average went down a few points—I'm still first in my class, so why does it even matter?"

"You can't argue out of this one. And if you insist on doing so, I will not hesitate to strip all your privileges." Her tone was final this time, and Riku clenched his jaw to keep himself from arguing further. When he said nothing, she tucked her blonde hair back and brushed past him. "You're dismissed."

As the sound of her heels departed, Riku tried to contain his resentment for every injustice she had ever done towards him. He was right this time, he knew he was. He didn't need some damn tutor for his schoolwork. Personal mentor? Hah! She should have called it for what it really was.

A babysitter.

-o-o-

Everything else went as planned. He spent a few hours in the library researching for Saïx's paper and returned home by his curfew, and then around 9PM, he claimed he was feeling unwell and went to bed. Well, pretended to go to bed.

What he really did was lock his door, stuff pillows beneath his blankets, turn his lights off, and sneak out through his balcony, just like how Axel had done on Christmas Eve. He dropped to the icy grass below and slipped his satchel over his shoulder, silently grateful that the snow from a few days ago had already melted and wouldn't incriminate him with leftover tracks. His aunt hadn't noticed any of their previous tracks, but he didn't like risking it.

Riku darted across the gardens to the gate and quietly slipped out to his freedom. From there, he hurried to the bus stop to catch the last outgoing bus of the night. It was nearly empty, and so was the transfer bus, so Riku assumed most people were already out celebrating. He arrived at Demyx's apartment about a half hour later, bundled up in his long overcoat and shivering on the doormat.

He didn't have to wait long for the door to swing open, and a rush of warm air from inside enveloped him as Demyx appeared in the doorway.

"Riku's here!" he said with flourish, and he tugged Riku inside before the boy could even get a word in. "Hey Riku, guess what Axel did to his face, hahaha!"

The door slammed closed, and Riku found himself being dragged down the hallway by the wrist.

Axel had done something to his face? It must not have been that bad if Demyx seemed so cheery about it. Riku immediately smiled, glad he had decided to sneak out and come here tonight.

Usually people exaggerated when they said certain things "made" their day, but Riku honestly believed that these few hours spent with Axel and his friends each day were the only hours worth remembering. He had no idea how he had survived so long without them.

Demyx slung his arm around Riku's shoulders and continued to speak through his laughter. "Me 'n Axel met up with Larxene at her friend Lulu's parlor—y'know, one of those tattoo and piercing places—and, ohhhh man, the admins at school are going to be pissed at him."

That was when Riku remembered what Axel had told him a few weeks ago about getting tattoos on his cheeks. That hadn't been a joke?

"Like I told Riku, they can't do shit to me!" Axel called from the den area just as Demyx led Riku into the room. The redhead was already grinning at him, one small bandage gracing each cheekbone. "I'd show you, but—well, y'know. They're really sore." He pointed to his cheeks as he approached Riku, who couldn't help laughing at him.

"I can't believe you actually did it," he admitted, but his voice had a flattering inflection to it. He would have never had the courage to do something that outrageous.

That was the signal for Axel's charm to kick in. "You ever doubted me?" His fingers caught hold of the strap of Riku's satchel and, with a gentle tug, he drew Riku closer to him. "You know, next is my jeep."

Riku laughed again. "You mean the green one?" That had been another of the things Axel had told him about. Funny how Axel's silly goals were all being fulfilled so quickly. The abandoned grocer belonged to him now and would soon be remodeled into his personal gallery, Axel had gotten his facial tattoos, and in the near future that green jeep he'd always wanted would be his...

Axel's fingers hooked on the open collar of his overcoat, and his green eyes sharpened. "You remember that?"

Tilting his face upward, Riku offered Axel one of his own smug smiles. "You ever doubted me?"

Axel then formed a pleased little smirk. "Touché," he said in a murmur as he played with the tail of Riku's scarf, his face inches from Riku's.

Silence spread between them and grew into one of those quiet, soul-deep moments where Riku searched his gaze as Axel searched his back, and they waited, studied, and wordlessly questioned each other.

Axel was waiting for him to lean in.

Riku didn't make the first move, like always, because there in the back of his mind he heard the choked crying of his childhood best friend telling him not to kiss any other boys.

So Riku waited, studied, and let Axel wordlessly question him.

And eventually, an ambivalent expression crossed Axel's face. He had reached some sort of internal conclusion, but as Riku wondered what it might be, Axel leaned in to kiss him first. Like always.

Relieved, he relaxed as Axel's lips brushed against his in a soft but sensual kiss that awoke the butterflies in his stomach and sent them fluttering through his body, leaving now familiar rivers of warmth behind. He felt Axel's fingers tighten against his scarf, and he shifted closer, Axel's bandages scraping against his cheeks as he tilted his head, parting his lips in encouragement. Taking the bait, Axel delved into Riku's mouth, pull the scarf free from his neck, and began unbuttoning his coat for him. But he didn't get too far before they were interrupted by a female voice.

"Already? You guys act like you didn't see each other every day for the past week."

Without even breaking the kiss, Axel threw Larxene the middle finger, and Riku was the one to pull back in surprise. He hadn't seen her when he had come in.

Though he was unable to hide his giddy smile from being in Axel's presence, he did hold back a blush as he glanced at Larxene, who was coming out of the kitchen carrying three oversized bowls and four spoons. A large jug of ice cream and condiments were already on the coffee table in front of Demyx's flat screen TV.

Axel had called him earlier stating that they were planning on playing videogames and watching movies all night, and that there'd be plenty of junk food involved. Which was fine with Riku, who was just glad there wasn't going to be a large party with a bunch of strangers. A small gathering of friends was exactly what he wanted, even if he still wasn't sure about Larxene.

She set the bowls on the table and pointed the spoons threateningly at Axel, who had just lowered his finger again. "You guys are hot and all, but some of us came here for a different type of show, if ya know what I mean."

Stifling laughter, Demyx moved towards the entertainment center where at least a dozen slender boxes were stacked—movies and games—and, as if pointedly not wanting to get involved, he began to sift through them to choose something.

Axel winked. "Either way, it's a good show, yeah?"

His hands were still unbuttoning Riku's coat, and when they were done, he slipped Riku's bag off his shoulder and started to take his coat and gloves. Riku let him, but he was confused as to why Axel was being all gentlemanlike. Axel caught his inquisitive stare and flashed him a grin as he draped the coat and bag over a vacant chair and stuffed his gloves into a side pocket.

"Feels like I'm unwrapping a present," he explained, and his hands went for Riku's waist to draw him close again. "Most rich kids look like prats when they wear turtlenecks, but you look good. As usual." He reached up to play with the neck of Riku's thin sweater.

Demyx looked up from putting a game into the console. "Hey, that's kinda true. No wonder Axel wants to take pictures of you all the time."

Even Larxene was now eyeing him in a new light.

Feeling like he was under some sort of microscope with all of them studying him, Riku fought the urge to shy away and blush like he might have a few months ago. Luckily, someone was looking out for him.

"Axel wants to take pictures of the kid because he's a pervert," Larxene said with a smirk. She shoved the spoons against Axel's chest. "Here. You scoop the crack. I only got three bowls 'cuz I figured you'd want to share with your boy toy." Then she turned her attention to Riku. "Pretty boy!"

Riku tensed on instinct.

She curled a finger at him. "You're not busy." Then she dug into her back pocket for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, and she swung her head towards the balcony door. Riku understood the silent suggestion, and though he didn't really want to accompany her, he nodded anyway. She opened the balcony door and stepped outside.

Before Riku followed, he sent Axel a questioning frown.

The redhead only had a shrug to offer. "Beats me." Spoons now in hand, he started towards the coffee table. "Any preferences on the ice cream? Chocolate? Whipped cream? Cheeeeerries?" He said that last bit with a suggestive drawl.

But Riku felt uneasy. "Your pick," he replied. He turned to step onto the balcony and closed it behind him.

He'd only been out there once before when Demyx had first showed him around the apartment a few days ago, but the set-up of the buildings still intrigued him.

For some reason, the two wings of apartments faced each other back to back so that the balconies on Demyx's wing faced the balconies of the opposite wing, and only a few feet separated one railing from the next. Why an architect would build apartments with facing balconies was beyond him because he imagined it could lead to some embarrassing situations.

Most of the balcony doors had thick curtains drawn closed to shut out snoopy neighbors, but today the balcony across from Demyx's had its curtains open slightly, just enough for a glance into the den beyond. The lights were off.

Demyx himself had decided to keep his curtains open tonight so they could see outside just in case someone in the apartment complex set off fireworks later to celebrate the new year.

Riku moved to the railing, glad that the wind couldn't reach between the two apartment buildings that well, which made this area much less frigid than the front breezeway. Even then it was still pretty cold, but that didn't seem to bother Larxene.

She leaned against the railing with her now lit cigarette, wearing only a pair of very low hip-hugging jeans, a green halter top, arm warmers, and a pair of fuzzy slippers. For the first time, Riku noticed that she had a bellybutton piercing as well as a tattoo of lightning spiraled around a turquoise nymph centered on her sharp hipbone. He had a thought to comment about it, but he didn't.

As she blew smoke into the air, her eyes shifted towards him, and she lifted a blonde brow without completely turning to face him. "You're so quiet. Say something."

Caught staring, Riku awkwardly averted his gaze and thought about the nude picture of her inside of Axel's binder, resting between one of Demyx and one of himself.

"I don't really have anything to talk about," Riku said distantly. He glanced over the railing and studied the sidewalk and dead grass below.

"Yeah, sure." He heard her inhale. "Something's eating you." Then another blow of smoke. This time a faint breeze carried the smell in his direction, and he tried not to breathe it in.

Had she really brought him out here to talk? Slightly suspicious, he wondered if maybe he should risk opening up to her. But then... he'd rather feel like an idiot in front of her than an idiot in front of Axel.

"You two seem really close," he commented, and he knew that she'd know he was referring to herself and Axel.

She gave a throaty laugh. "Ohhh..."

"What's so funny?" he asked.

She dragged her free hand through her short hair, and this time she regarded him with a mindful expression. "You're adorable."

With a sigh, he turned around and leaned against the railing, matching her stance. "I don't like it when you call me that."

"Good," was her automatic response. He was about to give her a cutting glare, but her smirk returned, and it reminded him too much of Axel's sly playfulness. "So you do have a bit of a spine. I was wonderin' if you did."

As he watched her flick ashes into the frosty air, he tried not to feel offended by her statement. He also didn't want to let this opportunity for information to escape. "And Axel?" he prompted.

"Well..." She shifted her weight from foot to foot, and the nymph on her hip moved, too. "Usually I'd say that's none of your damn business, but..." Her blonde lashes lifted, and she turned to glance at him again. "I like ya, so I guess it's alright." She took another drag of her cigarette. "Me and Axhole..." Releasing the smoke with another laugh, she shook her head. "That's kind of a funny story."

Riku watched her with interest but said nothing to let her continue.

"See, we've been friends a long time, me and him," she said, gesturing casually. "But last year..." Her tone grew acidic here. "Last year, I had a run-in with this grandiose fucktard—the fucktard of fucktards."

He wasn't sure what a fucktard was, but she wasn't going to elaborate there.

"Long story short, we were dating for a while, but after I found out he was cheating on me with four other girls, I kicked the guy's ass and broke up with him. Axel was the lucky bastard who had to deal with me after that fucked up situation." She shook her head again and sighed. "He helped me out a lot, y'know."

Still silent, Riku shifted against the railing. It was times like this that he remembered just how different his life—no, world—was in comparison to theirs.

Larxene's hand draped over the railing. "He was always around. And... I guess, after a few weeks, both of us were kinda desperate, so one day we just..." Another gesture. "Tried each other. Fuck buddies, y'know?"

She met Riku's gaze again, her lips pulled into a wry smile.

"But after a while, I started feeling like a slut," she said matter-of-factly, "even though it was just one guy. So I told him—well, text messaged him—" She lifted her fingers again, pretending to reveal the words in the air. " 'Ax, we have too much sex,'—and I broke our arrangement off."

Riku fell into thought as he continued to observe her. Even though she didn't say or do anything to imply it, he had a feeling she was embarrassed.

She took a final drag and snuffed the cigarette out against the railing. "Weird enough, it didn't bother either of us that much. I think we like being friends more." She smiled at him again and turned around to supported herself against the railing. "You know how, in all those stories after a guy and a girl break up, one of them says they still want to be friends?"

Riku nodded.

"It never works out," she said. "Well, rarely. But me and Axhole?" With a nod towards the balcony door where Riku could see Axel painstakingly trying to scoop out rock hard ice cream, she continued almost fondly. "It works. It actually works better than it did before."

When she finished speaking, Riku was left with a surreal feeling, not completely comprehending what he had just been told, and not too comfortable with it, either. He had been right about Axel and Larxene, but that semi-relationship was over and done with and probably had been for months before Axel had even met Riku.

So then why did it bother him so much? Was it because the relationship had been about sex, not love?

Could friends really do something like that?

But when Riku thought about it that way, he felt stupid for even trying to classify them by romantic ideals. This was reality.

Not everyone wanted a fairytale romance. Not everyone waited for his or her true love to show up before they had sex. Did true loves even exist in the real world?

Deep down, he knew he didn't want to be with Axel forever, and he was pretty sure Axel wasn't even thinking about commitment. They were still in high school, and Axel would be graduating soon. Chances were, whatever Riku's ideal romance was today would be different from his ideal romance in another five years.

But for now...

Axel was good enough, and that's all that mattered to him.

The silence that spread between Larxene and himself was unexpectedly relaxing. Inside, he could hear the clacking of the ice cream bowls and Axel and Demyx laughing about something. Out here, it was just the quiet of winter, the rustle of clothes, and his own breathing.

Then light suddenly washed over him, and he turned to glance at the balcony opposite theirs. The den light had been turned on, and he could now see someone moving inside the apartment beyond the pale curtains.

After a moment of watching the shadow, he was a little startled when he saw a hand pull the curtains open farther. A man's face regarded him and Larxene, or at least Riku assumed they were being watched. He couldn't see much of the man except his silhouette, but he didn't seem older than a college student. Looked like he had a good build, too... Maybe an athlete?

Larxene gave a silly wave, but instead of responding, the man nonchalantly closed the curtains.

Well then. Not much of a friendly type.

"Who's that...?" Riku wondered.

"Dunno, Demy's neighbor," she responded indifferently. "Sometimes I see him standing out here, but I guess he didn't want to be around us. He's kinda aloof. He has a really nice ass, though." She pushed away from the railing and headed for the balcony door without waiting for him. "Come on, they're getting started without us."

Riku lingered behind for a few seconds, casting a curious look back where the man had been standing. There was no shadow there now.

Shrugging off the curious encounter, he stepped inside and closed the door behind him before joining the others on the couch.

Once he was in Axel's presence again, his uneasiness from before slipped away, allowing him to relax and play along with everyone's antics as they joked and passed the game controller from person to person. Riku even gave the game a try, more out of curiosity than anything, and found himself laughing at how much of a rookie he was compared to the others. Demyx gave him some pointers, and after Riku still got the main character killed several times, he tried to give the controller back, but they refused to take it from him until he got the hang of the game.

Time flew this way, and when the last quarter of his and Axel's giant bowl of ice cream had melted, they coaxed Riku into drinking the soupy remains. The result was the biggest sugar rush he had ever had, so big that he lost all inhibitions and gladly showed off for Axel's camera, even trying to balance a spoon on his nose while the others cheered him on.

He felt so full of life—he was giddy with it—and not even the passing time bothered him. Midnight came quickly, and when Axel leaned in to kiss him, he didn't care that they were in front of their friends. He opened himself up to Axel, letting the older boy push him against the pillows of the couch and bring in the new year with a kiss so deep that it almost rivaled the one they'd shared before Axel's cherry-flavored Christmas present. When they parted, his head swam with happiness, and he met Axel's crooked grin with one of his own.

"Any resolutions?" Axel questioned, and the slight huskiness to his voice didn't escape Riku.

Riku slipped a leg between Axel's, automatically thinking about that heat pooling inside of him, then about how Axel's mouth and tongue had felt against his dick a few days ago. "I have a few," he admitted, the suggestion there in his tone.

When Axel's grin widened, Riku knew they had the same idea in mind.

-o-o-

After New Years, when he wasn't finding ways to sneak out to be with Axel, he was putting his free time towards Saïx's research paper. And when his aunt wasn't at home, he called Axel over to hang out, so there was no need for his balcony to have foot traffic. Riku took great pride in answering the door to find Axel standing there in his casual hoodies and holey jeans.

Whenever Riku greeted him, his eyes would automatically focus on those silly tattoos of Axel's. They kind of reminded him of a jester's tears. They were taking some getting used to, but he found that the more he looked at them, the more he liked them.

And they weren't the only things Riku was growing accustomed to. During those frequent meetings before school restarted, the two boys had complete reign over the house, and Riku wasn't shy about letting Axel explore the different rooms. Those were the days when Axel took plenty of photos of Riku for that custom scrapbook of his, and Riku gradually grew more and more comfortable with letting him.

Despite Riku's insistence that his life was boring, Axel had never cared. The redhead always had his camera, and with each new roll of developed film, Riku could see Axel's growth as a photographer.

After a while, Riku just accepted that Axel was the type of person who could find beauty even in an empty corner.

-o-o-

On the final day of winter break, he had long finished his research paper but still found himself engrossed in the books Saïx had let him borrow. Even when Axel was there snooping through his room as always (what he was looking for, Riku never bothered to ask), Riku sat curled up on his bed with a heavy blanket as he read through a chapter on Loki in the Norse mythology book—a far cry from his original research topic, but now that he was done with the paper, he didn't care what his readings were focused on.

One of the things Riku found comfortable about their relationship—he was fairly sure it was safe to call it a relationship now—was how Axel could always find ways to entertain himself when the younger boy was in one of his quiet moods. And if Axel wanted attention, he never really forced it out of Riku. He made things easy. Playful.

At the moment, Axel was sifting through the few items on Riku's desk: mostly photographs, but also his schoolwork, his cell phone, and some of the gifts he had gotten for Christmas that he hadn't put to use yet. Speaking of which...

"Why aren't you using your coupons?"

Since that first night, Riku hadn't used any, but he also hadn't really been thinking about it. Without glancing up, he shrugged and turned his book to the next page. "I guess I want to save them."

Axel was unfazed by his distracted nature. "You should use them," he said. He picked the coupon book up and flipped through it loudly. "More experiences faster, y'know? I can't make you into a butterfly if your reclusive caterpillar self wants to stay in a stuffy ole cocoon, if ya get me."

Another metaphor, but this time not a princess?

Riku glanced up at last, but Axel's expression gave nothing away. Riku wanted to ask why it was necessary to make him into a butterfly or princess in the first place, but the question faded on his tongue. What was the big hurry, anyway?

Once again, Riku thought about that day at Larxene's when he had overheard that conversation. Axel had seemed so troubled about something—something concerning Riku, but what?

"Well... Then how about you pick one for me?" he suggested. He pulled his blanket closer around himself as Axel's gaze met his and he once again felt as though he were being examined in that I-want-your-wings-in-my-collection way. Maybe that was why Axel wanted him to come out of his cocoon so badly.

"Heh." With that never-ending grin of his, he turned to a coupon in the beginning. "Ah. Free batch of homemade cookies. See? I'll bring some to school tomorrow."

This time the butterflies in Riku's stomach were of a different kind of apprehension.

The laugh he offered Axel in response to his cookie coupon was toned down in comparison to some of his more recent ones. A few months ago, he wouldn't have even laughed. That felt strange to think about...

He lowered his eyes to the words on the worn pages of Saïx's book and trailed off into his thoughts.

Tomorrow. The new semester.

He looked back on the beginning of winter and how he had started out: still timid. Still unsure of his sexuality.

He remembered how much he had physically changed over the summer and how it had bothered him that everyone had noticed. This time, though the change hadn't been physical, he knew there was someone new beneath this shallow exterior of his.

Tomorrow when he walked through those school doors, he no longer would lower his head and hide behind his bangs.

He wanted to meet their stares and have them back down for a change.

A flash of light and click made him jolt out of his thoughts, and before he could give Axel a playful but reprimanding look, he was suddenly being pounced instead. Axel's weight landed on him, pressing him to his headboard, and strong fingers pulled the book away from him.

"Hey!"

Panic briefly moved through him, but Axel didn't damage the book as he slammed it closed and tossed it to the foot of the bed.

"You should be focusing on more important things." Those green eyes met his, then, along with a teasing smirk. "Like me."

And that was when Riku finally recognized what that not-quite wolfish look was. Axel wasn't enough of a predator. That playfulness was more... coyote. The trickster. Like Loki.

"You know, you might like the character I was reading about," he said with another quiet laugh, letting Axel lean more weight on him. The way the redhead had him pinned between himself and the bed didn't escape his notice.

Axel's arm brushed past Riku's ear to press against the headboard, and he leaned forward, grin widening. "I think I'd like you more."

Okay.

No complaints there.

Riku curled his fingers into Axel's loose hoodie and tugged him even closer, laughing as Axel's legs shifted up to straddle him and he felt the press of something hard against his thigh. A thrill shot through Riku—until he realized that hardness was cold and square and not Axel himself, but his camera.

"Oops, sorry." Axel laughed and lifted his camera away from Riku's thigh, but instead of setting it aside, he raised it to take another picture.

Riku's eyes widened. "A-Axel!" He could already feel his cheeks warming into a blush, especially when Axel's free hand slipped between them and openly groped him through his pants.

His breath hitched right as another flash went off. He writhed beneath the older boy as he felt himself grow hard, but Axel's hand was merciless as it rubbed and squeezed him, more flashes dancing in front of his eyes—and he wasn't sure all of those were the camera, his vision already swimming with stars from Axel's touches.

"A-A—"

"Heh, what was that?"

Riku rested his head back, groaning, and covered his face with an arm, not comfortable with Axel capturing him on camera like this. But now that he was aroused, he felt Axel's hand release him, only to pull Riku's arm away from his hot face and keep him from covering it again.

"Don't hide," came the soft order, laced with his usual amusement. "I want to see your face."

Easy for him to say.

Their gazes met. Axel wet his lips and leaned in a few inches, noses practically touching. Riku's quickened breath mixed with Axel's, but Riku remained still and waited, heart racing, for Axel to finish leaning in.

This close, he could see how dark Axel's green eyes had grown, those irises wider than his teardrop tattoos. They scanned Riku's face for something, that same something that Axel always seemed to be looking for...

But when Riku wet his lips in mimicry, the redhead finally closed the distance between them. All hesitance left Axel as they kissed, tongues and lips gliding against one another as Riku's fingers dug into his hair and Axel's hand slid up the younger boy's shirt, his camerahand forgotten for now. Riku's right nipple hardened beneath the fingertips teasing it, and he released a quiet murmur of encouragement against Axel's mouth and pushed himself a little closer.

Instead of continuing, Axel broke the heated kiss with a sigh. He licked his lips as usual, but then grabbed the bottom of Riku's shirt and pulled it up. He swooped it over the boy's head and dropped it to the side, and Riku's hair swept past his bare shoulders as he leaned against the headboard.

Judging from the subtle bulge in Axel's corduroy pants, Riku wasn't the only one aroused by this.

So then. Axel was turned on by Riku as much as Riku was turned on by him?

An almost vainglorious impression swept through him at the knowledge, and he felt his lips pull into a smirk of their own. He slid a hand down his stomach and cupped himself through his pants.

"Like what you see?"

Two more flashes went off before Axel could come up with a reply. "You're far more cruel than I ever could be."

But even through the white spots lingering before his eyesight, Riku could see the crookedness to Axel's grin, and he knew that was pride there in his tone.

-o-o-

In the morning before class, Riku made a special trip to a certain professor's office to return his books. The halls of the faculty center were still mostly empty, but for each student and teacher he passed, he noticed their stares and met each one with a smile and a fresh, "Good morning!" just to see how they balked when caught staring.

It was his way of showing them all that, sure, they could ogle all they wanted—but the game would run both ways now. He wasn't going to play invisible anymore.

So far, it was working. He felt on top of the world by the time he reached Saïx's office.

Judging from the hint of light beneath the crack of the office door, his professor was inside. His gorgeous, intelligent, mysterious, and maybe-interested-in-him professor. Damn, there were those butterflies in his stomach again. How could Axel and Saïx cut through his defenses without even trying?

Trying to let his nerves give him courage, Riku lifted his fist and sharply rapped on the door.

Like before, there was the creak of a chair and the shuffle of feet on carpet, and then the door swung open.

Only three weeks had passed since he had last lain eyes on his professor, but the effect of seeing him after such a break was like seeing him again for the first time.

Riku's eyes skimmed over Saïx's delicate facial features, along his long blue ponytail, down his slim-fitting black turtleneck—and there Riku stopped, realizing Saïx was watching him check him out.

Eyes above the waist, Riku.

He met Saïx's gaze, which was a golden hazel today, and he offered him the same smile he had been giving everyone that morning.

"Good morning, Saïx."

The man lifted a slender brow at him. "Riku. I wasn't expecting to see you until class." He stepped aside to let Riku through, nonetheless. "You seem to be in a good mood. Productive vacation?"

Riku brushed by him and set his satchel on the chair in front of the desk. "If by productive, you mean I finished your paper, yes," he said, glancing up through his bangs to give Saïx a playful smile. "I did." He pulled open his bag and retrieved his research paper.

His professor returned the look as he gently closed the door. "I'm glad. You wouldn't believe how many students have asked for an extension." He shook his head and folded his arms over his chest. "As prestigious as this academy is, you would think its students would do their work on time. But, not to deviate—" He drew closer to Riku and held his hand out for the paper. "Why not turn it in during class?"

"I would have, but I wanted to visit your office anyway," Riku said, and, feeling a bit daring, he kept his tone purposely ambiguous to see how Saïx would react. He handed his paper over.

Saïx took it and set it on his desk without even glancing at it, his eyes remaining on Riku. "Oh?" If he had caught onto Riku's flirt, he gave no indication of it because his expression remained the same. "Why is that?"

Riku silently laughed at himself for expecting anything. If he wanted to be with Axel that badly, why was he even flirting with his professor? Because the man was gorgeous? Because he wanted Saïx to be interested in him? He didn't really get it, but... A part of him knew he was fishing in dangerous waters, but the other part of him was too curious to leave this alone. Maybe what interested him was the notion of being desired by someone taboo? They could look all they wanted, but no touching could ever be involved, not between a professor and a student.

"To return these," he answered and began to take out the books he had borrowed. "I admit I read more than what I needed to for my paper..." He set the books onto Saïx's desk one at a time as he spoke, well aware of how intently the man was watching him. "I didn't bend the spines or anything, though. I was careful. There were a few chapters in there that I read a few times. I was really interested in the sections about Yggdrasil and Ragnar—"

He cut himself off as a cool hand rested over his.

Riku breathed in and lifted his gaze to meet Saïx's as the older man calmly watched him.

"Ragnarok?" he finished for Riku. He took the books from him, his hand slipping away from the boy's. "Have any favorite gods, then?"

Riku withdrew his hand and resisted the urge to rub it; where Saïx had touched him, his skin was tingling, and it made the butterflies in his stomach even more flustered. So much for his confidence. But then—what had that gesture meant, if anything?

"Yeah..." Riku paused to take a deep breath, and he wet his lips. "Loki."

"Ah, a fan of tricksters?" Saïx asked with a smile. With his books in hand, he moved to the giant bookcase to put them away. "Most people tend to like Loki."

Turning to watch him, Riku wondered if liking tricksters was a bad thing. "And you?"

"Not Loki," Saïx said without hesitation. "Tricksters aren't my type." He slipped each book back onto its shelf, and then glanced at Riku again, half a smirk on his face. "I'll tell you what, Riku. One guess per visit. When you guess correctly, I will make you an offer."

Something about the way he said that gave Riku goosebumps. It took everything in his willpower to keep from fidgeting right then. "What kind of offer...?" he asked.

"One you will be very interested in," Saïx replied. His smirked widened. "At least, I hope so."

Okay, he definitely hadn't been imagining that. Eager to know what this offer might be, he thought through the list of Norse gods that Saïx might like, and picked the most obvious one.

"Odin?"

Saïx chuckled. "And the Well of Knowledge? Not quite, but a good try."

"Thor?"

Saïx held up a hand. "One per visit," he reminded with an amused look. "Now get to class."

"I still have thirty minutes," Riku pointed out, raising a brow in challenge.

Saïx arched a brow back, but it was in good humor. "I don't."

Damn. Though he was a tad disappointed, he didn't show it. With a laugh, he nodded in understanding and closed his satchel. "Right. Professor duties." He swung his bag onto his shoulder. "I'll stop pestering you. Thanks again for letting me borrow the books."

But as he turned to leave the room, Saïx's arm stretched out and blocked his path.

Riku glanced up at the older man, who was again giving him that subtly pleased look that reminded Riku of how dangerous this situation could become.

"I wouldn't call it pestering," Saïx said, and something there in his tone distinctly reminded Riku of the ambiguity in Riku's earlier flirt. They met each other's eyes, shared a breath, and then Saïx lowered his arm to let him pass.

When Riku left his office, he did so with a proud smile pulling across his lips.

-o-o-

With his mind swimming with thoughts of Axel and Saïx, he stepped into first period, ready to face the world with his blossoming confidence. Unlike last semester, Riku chose a seat near the front to see how much the stares and whispers behind him would affect him now.

As usual, no one sat next to him, and as always it was hard to ignore all of the attention he inadvertently seemed to draw. A few weeks ago, this would have bothered him enough to move to the back of the room...

But a few minutes into the lecture, he managed to block everyone out and focus on the lessons instead. That was new. It was also a very welcome change. He didn't falter, not even when a girl behind him purposely dropped her pen in his direction and asked him if he could pick it up.

He did so, and as he handed it back to her, he offered her a coy little smirk that earned him an instant blush on her cheeks.

She stammered a soft thank you, turned to look at her friends, and they giggled. Riku just smiled and returned to his notes.

Yes, things were changing.

-o-o-

Seeing Axel in uniform again after three weeks of casual attire was surreal on its own, but with those new tattoos added onto the back-to-school routine, Riku couldn't help doing his own bit of staring. But if Axel noticed, he obviously had other things on his mind.

"Hey, hey!" Axel dropped into the seat next to him, which was actually Axel's usual seat. Riku had decided to stop hiding in the back of this class as well. "New seating arrangement?" he teased as he slung an arm around Riku. And despite how composed he had been all day, Riku's composure immediately dissolved under Axel's playfulness, and the heat crept onto his face as he tried to brush Axel off.

"Not in public," he whispered.

Not that Axel was inclined to listen.

Maybe sitting next to Axel wasn't such a great idea... especially since Professor Kramer could see everything from her vantage point at the head of the class, and Riku would rather not have to explain anything to her if Axel decided to flirt with him beneath the tabletop. But he supposed it was too late to move now...

He and Axel were in the same classroom as before with the same professor, but they were now in the second part of the course: Introductions to Topics in Philosophy. Riku was expecting a lot of complicated and potentially boring coursework, and had figured that sitting with Axel would help pass time. Well, he hadn't thought about what Axel would consider "passingtime."

"Now would be a good time to use your 'freemake-out session somewhere public'coupon, eh?" Axel said, and Riku was just grateful he was keeping his voice down now. More students were filing into the lecture hall.

He should probably switch seats with Demyx before something happened to embarrass him further. "No, it wouldn't," he hissed. Damn, his blush wasn't going to fade any time soon at this rate.

"Speaking of which!" Axel easily cut in, and Riku decided to let the redhead get away with the interruption. Axel sifted through his backpack and pulled out a shallow tin canister marked with images of chocolate truffles. Somehow Riku doubted that the canister still held any truffles. In fact, he was pretty sure he knew what was inside.

"You... actually made me cookies?"

"Actually, no." Axel set the canister in front of Riku and grinned. "I tried to make you cookies, but they burned to a crisp. Demy, on the other hand, is a total cookie-making pro."

Riku laughed and opened the lid where the smell of fresh, homemade chocolate chip cookies met him. "Where is Demyx?" he wondered aloud, wanting to thank him. Usually Axel and Demyx came into the classroom together.

Here Axel kept his tone low again. "Skipping, man. He made the cookies, so I promised to get the notes for him. He's probably in Lachesis by now standing in line for some concert he got tickets for at Christmas. Heh, 'ole Sandy Claws was generous this year."

"A concert?" Riku asked. He couldn't even imagine skipping school to go to some concert in another city.

"Yeah, with like three of his favorite bands."

Riku lifted his brows, clearly surprised. "He loves his music that much? Enough to ditch?"

The partially skeptical, partially amused look that Axel gave him in that moment should have been enough to tell Riku otherwise, but Axel still did the pleasure of enlightening him. "What's the one thing in your life you feel the most passionate about?"

The first thing that popped into Riku's mind was the sensation of Axel's mouth and hands on him, but he shoved those thoughts right out of his head, definitely not wanting to deal with their outcome in the middle of a classroom and right next to Axel, no less. Okay, so maybe Axel—or just the idea of sex—was one of the things he felt the most passionate about lately. But he wasn't about to admit that he had sex on the brain so often (even though Axel probably did, too).

What was he passionate about? His aunt had raised him in a little bubble. He wasn't the one who wanted to be perfect—his aunt wanted that. He didn't want to be the center of attention—his aunt did. There were a lot of her influences that he'd love to escape.

"I guess... it's freedom?" Riku said after a moment. "Getting away from my aunt. Living my own life."

Axel nodded. "Good. Well, think about it this way: what would you do if someone suddenly gave you the perfect escape out of your aunt's life? Like, plane tickets to nowhere and a completely new identity and all that jazz. Wouldn't you rather have that freedom than stay here and listen to lectures all day?"

Well, when Axel said it like that... "Yeah," Riku admitted. "I guess I would."

"Same." Axel gave him a knowing look, his grin now a smile. "I'd quit school in a heartbeat if I knew my camera could get me somewhere. Demyx is like that. He'd rather be out there listening to his idols. Out there is the opportunity of a lifetime. In here? Just one more day of notes. Demy will be back tomorrow, good as new."

Riku met his smile, and he quietly closed the lid on his cookies as if those words could somehow be preserved in the tin container. He tucked the cookies into his satchel and got ready for class, which would be starting any minute now.

As Axel busied himself with getting out his own things to copy notes, Riku glanced at him again, automatically studying Axel's facial tattoos. He hadn't mentioned anything about them today...

"Your tattoos look different when you're in uniform," Riku commented. He resisted the urge to reach out and touch the inverted teardrops. "Have you gotten into trouble yet?"

As if he had been waiting for the question, Axel proudly grinned. "Almost as soon as I stepped onto school grounds, I shit you not."

Riku's eyes widened. "What'd they say?"

"Thaaaat I could get suspended," Axel replied. "But for now, I just have lunch detention indefinitely."

Oh great. Lunch detention.

Riku knew what that meant.

Axel's expression turned sheepish when he saw Riku's expression fall. "Sorry about that, by the way. But I expect to be out of the fire pretty soon." Then that grin widened, to Riku's surprise. "If they give me too much bullshit about it, I'll just have Larx cover them up with her stash of makeup, and no one will even remember they're there." With a shrug, he turned towards the front as Professor Kramer entered the lecture hall. "No biggie. Like I said, they can't really do shit to me. I'm graduating in five months."

Once again, the ease in which Axel lived his life and tackled his problems—or handled the ones he created himself—amazed Riku. Possible suspension? Lunch detention indefinitely? Neither seemed to faze him.

Both would have had Riku fretting for his life.

"Just don't piss them off even more," Riku warned, and then let out a sigh as he realized something else. If Demyx was skipping and Axel was going to be in lunch detention, Riku was on his own for lunch.

...well, maybe not completely alone.

-o-o-

The look on Pence's face was priceless when Riku set his food down in front of him at lunch. Not quite like he had seen a ghost, but close. Even Olette seemed confused to see him. After how long Riku had avoided them, however, he wasn't surprised.

"Riku?"

"Hey guys," Riku greeted as he sat down across from them. "How was the skiing trip?"

The couple exchanged glances with each other, then opened their mouths to speak, but no words came out at first. After Pence let out a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of his head, Olette blushed a little and found her voice.

"S-Sorry," she said. "The trip was great. Wished you could have made it..."

Somehow, Riku doubted that they would have appreciated his presence. Maybe it was her blush and Pence's shifty behavior that gave it away, but Riku had a feeling a lot more than skiing had been going on out there. "Yeah, but, you know..." He shrugged and smiled anyway. "Research papers. Did your packages make it in time? I sent them first class..."

Pence recovered here. "Oh man, yeah! Thanks for the jersey, it was awesome! You know how much I love Dogstreet stuff." He broke into a grin, and when Olette covered her mouth to hide a giggle, Pence turned defensive. "Well, I do..."

"He does. He went on about it for like an hour after he opened his present, I swear," she said in a light tone. "And I wore my hat and scarf as soon as I unwrapped them! We took pictures. I still need to upload them, but I'll totally put them online when I do."

Riku smiled at them, glad that everyone else had been pleased with their presents even if his aunt had been a complete bitch about hers. "Yeah. That'd be great. I was worried they wouldn't make it on time... or at all."

"No sweat. We'll have to give you our presents later, though," Pence confessed. "We didn't think we'd see you today."

Or for a while, no doubt. Riku already felt like a stranger to them. He shook his head and kept his smile in place. "Don't worry about it. You didn't even have to get me anything..."

"Oh, come on," Pence laughed. "You're getting something. Especially since you couldn't come with us." Now seeming relaxed, he picked up his fork to begin eating. "So how'd the paper go?"

Mention of the paper made Riku's mind automatically jump to how often Axel had interrupted his research just for a good make out session. Or two. "G-Great," he replied, and had to clear his throat to stabilize his voice. Figures. Axel could affect his confidence even when he wasn't there. "It turned out great."

He didn't miss the knowing look that Olette gave him. She knew from that phone call weeks ago that Riku hadn't just been busy with a paper, but had wanted to spend time with Axel. And though he could feel the question sitting there at the tip of her tongue, Did you have fun with Axel?, she said nothing, and Riku was grateful for that. He wouldn't have known how to answer that with a straight face.

Especially since he still suspected that she knew just how much Axel really meant to him.

-o-o-

What was it about returning to school after a vacation that made classes drag longer than they should? Even Saïx's class had felt like forever, though that was mostly because his professor kept sending him wolfish little smiles that turned Riku's insides into mush. Actually wolfish, not like Axel's teasing ones.

Not to mention how difficult Self Defense class was with Axel purposely straddling him all the time.

When Rude dropped him off at home that day, Riku was ready to collapse onto bed and sleep the rest of the night. Unfortunately, that luxury would have to wait.

There was an extra car parked in the driveway.

Riku didn't think much of it at first, figuring it was another of his aunt's friends or guests, but when he stepped into the foyer, he suddenly remembered what his aunt had told him days ago on New Years Eve: he had to spend two hours each day after school with a tutor.

He couldn't believe she had actually hired one.

An unpleasant mix of dread, indignation, and weariness filled him as he trudged to the parlor where he could hear his aunt's tinny laugh echoing into the hall. He might as well get this over with, otherwise she'd pester him about this stupid idea of hers until he gave in and admitted (lied) it would be good for him.

He paused outside the door, took a deep breath to control his ire, and softly knocked before entering.

"I'm home."

For a moment, right as Riku spotted them, his aunt and the tutor looked like twins.

Both of them glanced up at the sound of his voice, both with tea cups in their hands, both with their platinum blonde hair done up into buns. It was eerie. Then Riku got a good look at the man.

Hollowed cheeks, thinned eyes with subtle bags beneath them, a long pointed nose—this guy looked like he belonged buried beneath a stack of old books. He was wearing a deep green waistcoat and black tie, but his aunt had probably taken his jacket or coat earlier. He didn't seem too old, probably somewhere in his late thirties, but the air about him was very sage-like and intimidating, giving him an even older feel. With the pair of spectacles tucked into his front chest pocket, he looked extremely distinguished. Too distinguished.

Riku met the man's gaze, a frigid green, and decided he already didn't like him.

"Ah, Riku—" His aunt set down her teacup and rose to her feet. "Mr. Crompton, this is my nephew. Riku, I would like you to meet Dr. Even Crompton, your new personal mentor."

Mentor. There was that word again.

The doc also got to his feet, teacup placed on the coffee table, and he held a hand out for Riku to shake. "The ever illustrious Mr. Edenbrook," he said by way of greeting. There was something about his voice—a not-quite nasally drawl, more like a whine, but somehow still lofty and prudish—that sent a weird shiver down Riku's spine.

Riku only took the man's hand because he was attempting to be civil. "You have a PhD?"

They shook, though the doc's hand didn't have much force behind it. "Indeed," was the distant response. "Though since we will be working in such... close quarters, I would prefer it if you regarded me by name, not title."

"By name..." Riku pulled his hand back and felt the need to wipe it off, but he resisted for now. "Let me guess. This is this like when the babysitter tells the baby that she's his friend, not his mom?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his aunt stiffen in shock. The doc, however, just looked confused.

"Pardon me?"

"That's what it sounds like," Riku explained, his friendly act beginning to drop. "You're telling me that since we're going to be all buddy-buddy, I shouldn't call you Dr. Crompton, yeah? Or maybe not even Even. How about Vexen? Because that's all this personal mentoring of yours is going to do to me."

"Riku!"

There was his aunt's typical shriek of outrage. Good. Maybe if he humiliated her, she'd think twice about screwing with his life next time.

But Vexen remained composed. A faint curl of his lips was all he gave Riku in response.

"Just thought I'd warn you," Riku added. Then, before his aunt could get on his case, he whirled around and started to leave. "I'm sick, so I'll be in my room."

"Riku, don't you—"

But Riku did. He left and closed the door behind him. He waited. Beyond the door, he could hear his aunt apologize for his rude behavior, but Vexen only seemed amused by Riku's little show.

"The boy has wit, I'll give him that." Here he chuckled, but it was as nasally and whiny as his voice. "No need to apologize for him, Rena." He heard the creak of the couch as Vexen presumably sat again. "He's a teenager, and he has his pride. I'll just return tomorrow to speak with him. But until then... tell me more about Mr. Edenbrook."

Riku felt his stomach churn as he listened. Was Vexen some sort of shrink? Well, whatever he was, he wouldn't discover shit about him by going to his aunt of all people. Creating an even lower opinion of the man just on principal, Riku silently left the hall and went up to his room, letting his anger simmer inside of him.

He already knew what he wanted to do for the rest of the day.

He locked his bedroom door and fished Axel's coupon book out of his top desk drawer where he had hidden it beneath a collection of photos, figuring his aunt would never snoop there. He dropped his messenger bag onto his bed and pulled out his phone as he flipped through the coupons to find the one he was looking for.

Axel answered on the second ring.

"What's up, Cinderchick?"

Already relieved just to hear Axel's voice, Riku crawled onto his bed. "I want to use a coupon."

"Right now?"

"Right now."

"I'm literally walking into work as we speak, y'know."

"I know." Riku's fingers tightened around his phone. "Take a sick day." He pondered whether or not to add the words I need you to his request, but decided against it in the end. "Please."

Silence filled the other end of the line, and then—a static-filled sigh. "Okay." A hint of amusement crept into his tone. "Give me five minutes to fake my death, and I'll be over there before you know it."

Smiling, Riku relaxed into his sheets and closed his eyes. He could already feel the knots in his stomach unraveling. "Thanks."

"Thank me when I get there."

They hung up, and he let his phone slip from his fingers onto his mattress. He opened his eyes and lifted the coupon book to study the elegant font. Free sick day from work and/or school. He carefully tore the coupon out and tucked the book beneath his pillows. If only he could make every day a free sick day from work and school...

Axel was true to his word and arrived only a half hour later, his presence announced by the shuffling outside Riku's balcony once again. He opened the door and helped Axel over the railing as usual, and the first thing out of Axel's mouth was a question.

"What kind of douche is driving the pussy-car parked out front?"

Riku broke into a grin and tugged Axel inside. The sneaking in had almost become a routine by now—let Axel in, close the doors and curtains, double check the lock, turn on some music to drown out voices. Only then did Riku reply.

"Belongs to my personal mentor."

Axel raised his brows. "...that some kind of prostitute?"

Riku laughed and shook his head, and without another word, he took Axel's heavy backpack from him and pulled him onto the bed.

At first Riku wasn't sure what it was that he wanted, but as he and Axel lay face to face on their sides in his bed, just quietly talking and laughing, Riku had an inkling of what he was missing in his life.

Contact.

Axel was the closest person he had.

None of his relatives, none of his other friends or acquaintances... Not even Olette had ever known him this well or had gone so far out of her way to do something to make Riku happy. And when he really thought about it, the last person who had done so was Sora. Had it really been that long...?

"Thanks," Riku murmured into Axel's neck as fingers slowly trailed through his hair.

He felt Axel's soft laugh more than he heard it.

"Don't mention it."

-o-o-

Days passed since the Spring semester began, and Riku eventually caved into his aunt's wishes about having Vexen tutor him. Riku could think of dozens of better things to do for two hours after school, but if obeying his aunt kept her from shrieking at him every time she saw him, so be it. He'd rather pretend to be on her good side and sneak out behind her back anyway.

Vexen wasn't so bad at first. He was intelligent and patient, and most importantly, he didn't know Riku well. That made him the perfect candidate for Riku to experiment with.

To Vexen, he was just a smartass teenager, and if Riku could help it, he wanted to keep it that way. He was tired of wearing his insecurities on his sleeve, and so far, he hadn't faltered even once around the doc—who, as it turned out, wasn't a shrink after all. He was a scientist. Well, sort of.

Since Riku's lowest grades had been in science, mathematics, and philosophy, his aunt had turned to Vexen, who specialized in all three fields. So what Riku actually had as a mentor was a socially inept scientist—much better than someone who was a people person. Vexen could try to analyze him all he wanted, he didn't care.

Still, after a week of dodging the damn tutor and after another week of tolerating the man's boring lessons, Riku was ready for a reprieve come Saturday. Rena often left the house on weekends, and that was when Riku could call Axel over just to hang out.

No knight in shining armor involved. Just two boys bored with their lives and other people. Even Demyx and Larxene were busy during daylight hours on weekends, so Axel never complained about Riku wanting his company at those times.

On those days littered with Axel's kisses and picture-taking, Riku often found himself thinking about Sora, probably because that was when his mind wasn't clogged with the mess that was school or the tutor or his aunt... and also probably because of how close Axel often drew Riku to the brink of wanting to break that promise.

Unlike Vexen, Axel was a bit of a people person, and when Axel analyzed Riku, he felt like Axel was actually unraveling the mysteries of his soul.

Axel gradually grew teasing with his kisses, often withdrawing just to try to provoke Riku into initiating one on his own. But Riku knew better. And if he didn't know better, he'd suspect Axel somehow knew about Sora's promise and wanted Riku to break it.

Impossible, yes, but the thought lingered...

And it lingered to the day Axel finally did find out about the promise.

-o-o-

Sunday.

It was a quiet day. Something about the snowy softness of the atmosphere outside had permeated their moods, making even Axel toned down, or at least preoccupied with something.

Riku had chosen the library as their refuge for the afternoon, and there he sat in the large bay window, his knees tucked to his chest as he stared out into the snowy gardens. His mind was far from Axel at that moment, or even anything dealing with Atropos.

The snow had reminded him ironically of the beach and how it had never snowed back on Destiny Islands.

From there he had started thinking about Sora's sunny grin, Sora's eccentric mother and her silly fairytales, and then his own parents... His mom, from whom he had inherited most of his delicate features, and his dad, the one who had had the balls to ditch his prestigious background in order to elope with the one he had wanted to be with. Riku couldn't remember much about them, hardly even their faces, which he only knew because he had pictures of them.

Sora, however, he remembered well.

What was it about that boy that let Riku remember him so well instead of his own parents? Was it because Riku had spent most of his childhood out adventuring with Sora instead of spending time with his folks? Because his mom had been so adamant about getting him out into the sun instead of caring about the problems he had been having with his multiplication table?

He wondered if she would be proud of him now. Top of his class, constant center of attention...

But when he thought about how hard she used to try to get Riku to make friends, and how much the other kids used to pick on him for being so small and girly, he realized that, no, if his mom were alive today, she probably would have been more proud of Riku if he had made good friends, not perfect grades.

"Heads-up!"

Flash.

Riku blinked and turned to spot a camera sneaking away. He felt Axel slide onto the bay window seat beside him, and the warm breath against his cheek told him just how close he really was.

Wondering why Axel liked to make out so often after taking pictures, Riku smiled and lifted his gaze to meet Mr. Photographer's.

The after-image of the flash was still dancing in front of his eyes as Axel's red hair filled his vision, and Riku found himself preparing for a kiss that never came.

Axel instead hovered there for a moment and studied Riku's contemplative expression as if expecting something. He had been doing this so often lately, but Riku was patient.

However, instead of leaning in to kiss Riku anyway, the redhead sighed and pulled away, almost in disappointment. "Why don't you ever kiss me first?"

And despite how many nights Riku had lain awake thinking the exact same thing, he had never come up with a good answer for it. Except the truth. But how was he supposed to tell Axel about that silly promise he had made to his silly best friend who had thought he was a girl? When Riku thought about that promise from Axel's point of view, he couldn't think of it as anything but dumb.

He didn't know what he would do if Axel told him something like that.

Those red brows drew together, and Riku found that he couldn't look Axel in the eye. He focused on the tattoos instead, feeling dumb anyway, and much like a child compared to Axel—who, in one of his rare moments of non-amusement, was beginning to look irritated.

Irritated, with Riku?

"Is it because you still think you're straight?"

Riku shook his head, unable to find his voice. Maybe it was because his heart was now lodged in his throat.

"Well, you better start talking," Axel said, sounding only partially playful.

It was the serious part that scared Riku. He hadn't meant to make Axel angry by not meeting him halfway all the time, but... It had been weeks since they had established this relationship, whatever it was. When Riku thought about it from Axel's point of view, he supposed he would be confused and frustrated, too. Had he been too selfish? Too expectant that Axel would continue to cater to his damsel in distress act?

When Riku didn't start talking, Axel sighed again. He set his camera down and scooted even closer. "Hey, I'm not mad." The irritation in his voice was already gone. His hand rested over Riku's knee and gently squeezed. "I just don't get it," he admitted. "I mean—you act like you wanna be with me, but then you never make the first move."

The coolness of his fingers filtered through Riku's lounge pants, and the touch that usually sent butterflies racing through his body did nothing this time. It was just a touch. Or maybe it was because his nerves were already in tangles. Regardless of all of the work he had done to build his confidence in Axel's image, it still never worked around Axel himself. Little by little, Axel was exposing his biggest insecurities.

"Come ooon," Axel urged, and his other hand started to squeeze at Riku's waist to tickle him. "Don't tell me the sea witch has your voice again. Talk to me."

And like always, Riku couldn't resist Axel's mischievous side. He squirmed away from the tickling and felt almost relieved when a familiar blush blossomed on his cheeks. Embarrassment was a good sign. He gave a nervous laugh and nodded, though his heart was still in his throat and would probably stay that way until he was done.

"F-Fine," he said at last. He formed a shaky smile. "Don't laugh at me. I know it'll sound stupid, but..."

"But...?" Axel prompted.

"Remember that photo by my bed?"

"Sure." The grin Axel formed was somewhat confused. "And I remember how you were as cute in the picture as you were when you talked about it."

Riku laughed and lowered his face. "Well..."

This was it.

He took a deep breath, and he felt the walls around his heart thinning.

"Sora was more than just a best friend to me," he began.

He lifted his face again, and as Axel met his gaze, Riku saw more than just curiosity there. He saw sincerity. It made him realize that maybe this Trickster was full of more than just jokes and truth-telling. And even if Axel wasn't Prince Charming, he deserved more than what Riku had to give for at least trying. That, more than anything, gave Riku the courage to continue.

He released his deep breath.

Then, steadying his smile, he explained everything there was to know about the little boy named Sora, including that silly little promise that wasn't silly to Riku. But, as it turned out...

Axel didn't think it was silly, either.

-o-o-

To be continued...

Don't forget, this is the censored version. To read the uncensored, which has more of Riku's development, please visit my website.