Chapter 1: The First Tactic
Orihime sighed dreamily. There was that boy again, sitting in front of her. How she longed to reach forward and embrace him against her gargantuan breasts, and force him to fall irrevocably in love with her, and then lean her orange head against his strong, sturdy back. Every gesture he made intrigued her; every feature endeared her more strongly. She yearned to run her fingers over the pointed angle of his chin, the ever-frowning brows, the fluffy carrot head, the curved line of his neck as he bent over the math worksheet. His body was always taut, like a wound coil, and his muscles tensed as he punched numbers into his graphing calculator. As he tilted his head, Orihime admired his lean collarbone. She itched to clench the fabric of his shirt and pull him closer to breathe in his woody scent, and to feel the warmth of his chest… he was turning his head… a pointed nose came into view…
Suddenly, he was facing her.
Siiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhh… his face was soooooooo dreamy…
His thin, manly lips seemed to open in slow motion as he spoke in a voice as smooth and warm as chocolate, "Inoue, can I borrow your—hey you're drooling!" Orihime snapped herself to her senses. He was talking to her! Omg! He was talking to her! Omg! She hurriedly brushed off the saliva dripping down from the corner of her mouth, and focused her attention upon the godly creature before her.
"Oh! Kurosaki-san! Ha…ha… what did you say you wanted?"
"Er…" wavered Ichigo Kurosaki dubiously as he eyed the spit covering her pencil case, "I was going to ask if I could use your eraser, but seeing as you've drooled on it…"
"No! No! Kurosaki-san! That's totally fine! Here! Look!" Orihime quickly wiped off the slimy liquid covering the white rubber chunk with her shirt and offered it eagerly to the man of her dreams. Not wanting to hurt the fervent Orihime's feelings, Ichigo gingerly grasped the eraser with the tips of his thumb and forefinger.
"Uh, thanks Inoue," said Ichigo, completely clueless of the ecstasy he had awakened within the redhead before him. Orihime, on the other hand, was mentally soaring above the clouds. His voice repeating her name echoed like thunder in the distance… there was lightning… there was an airplane… the lightning struck the airplane… the airplane was crashing! She had to do something! Transform! Super Orihime to the rescue! Her muscles bulged as she supported the plane from below. Oh no! The ground was getting dangerously close! Must… become… stronger! No! Too close! Too close! Maayydaaayyy!!!
Orihime sunk into another reverie.
Next period was English. Orihime had English with Ichigo as well. She had history and chemistry with him too. The only classes she did not have with him were crafts and French. He took kendo and Spanish. However, this did not deter Orihime from seeing him every period anyway.
In English, Orihime sat to Ichigo's left. A pretty girl named Rukia Kuchiki sat to Ichigo's right. Ichigo spoke to Rukia quite often, and the two seemed rather close, seeing as they took kendo together. Orihime envied their intimacy, and sighed desolately. Kuchiki-san was so strong, so beautiful, and so lively! She had also captured the hearts of all the boys, and Ichigo appeared to be no exception.
At the moment, Ichigo was engaged in a friendly squabble with Rukia over paper. Ichigo was begging Rukia for a sheet, but Rukia admonished Ichigo for being unprepared for class.
"I just ran out last period working on those math problems!" grumbled Ichigo, "I'll buy some more today!"
"Well," replied Rukia with a smirk, "I suppose I could spare a piece, but that'll cost you five bucks!" She laughed evilly as she extended a slender arm toward Ichigo to receive the money.
"Oi! That's a bit too extreme!" retorted Ichigo. "I refuse!"
"Then no paper for your twenty-point essay! I guess you'll have to write it on your skin and turn that in!" giggled Rukia maniacally.
"You little—" muttered Ichigo as he reached into his wallet. Orihime spotted her chance.
"That's okay Kurosaki-san!" intervened Orihime, "Here is some paper."
"Oh, thanks Inoue," acknowledged Ichigo as he accepted the paper. "Luckily, there are some nice people who can spare some paper!" He glared pointedly at Rukia, who only laughed. Inoue sighed inwardly. She had hoped he would say more to her, like offer to display his gratitude by walking her home. Unfortunately, Rukia occupied all of his precious attention, so Orihime had to satisfy herself with gazing wistfully at his lanky figure. She observed his hunched figure with a quickening of her pulse, and her palpitating heart accelerated as she watched him curl his large bony fingers around a slim black pen. She wished she could take a picture of him bent over his assignment with his eyes wrinkled-up in concentration, and his mouth a narrow, grim slit as he wrote vigorously.
Abruptly, a notebook slammed into her head, and Orihime looked up with confusion. Her English teacher, Yoruichi-sensai, gazed sternly down at her.
"Why haven't you started your essay?" she demanded.
"Ah… um… sorry," said Orihime timidly as she turned her attention to the blank piece of paper before her. She realized that she had no idea what she was supposed to write about, and picked up the prompt, but could not concentrate. Her heart ached too badly for Ichigo.
xx
Orihime sighed plaintively as she walked home with her best friend Tatsuki. Every day that she saw Ichigo interacting with Rukia made her heart hurt a little more.
"What's wrong?" inquired Tatsuki gently. "Is it Ichigo?"
"Yes," mumbled Orihime.
"Well then, let's go for some ice cream and we can talk about your beloved Kurosaki-san," smiled Tatsuki.
"Okay!" agreed Orihime brightly. She perked up immediately at the prospect of ice cream and the chance to be able to ramble on and on about the love of her life. She raced Tatsuki to the nearest Baskin Robins and ordered a double scoop of rainbow sherbet and rocky road ice cream. She mixed the two flavors together in the cup, forming a light brown semi-melted concoction, whereas Tatsuki opted for a single scoop of vanilla in a waffle cone. They ate blithely for a few minutes.
"So anyway," began Tatsuki, licking contentedly away at her frozen treat, "What's bothering you?" Orihime swept a bit of ice cream from her pink spoon with her tongue and sighed.
"Kurosaki-san doesn't seem to notice me! He only talks to Kuchiki-san who's smart and beautiful and nice," said Orihime sadly.
"Oh, well Ichigo doesn't really notice anyone unless they punch him in the face," comforted Tatsuki, "And he probably only thinks of Rukia as another guy since she takes kendo with him."
"I don't know. I have a feeling that he might be in love with Kuchiki-san on some level of which he isn't aware of," uttered Orihime dubiously.
"Don't be silly!" cried Tatsuki quickly, though she privately agreed with Orihime, "How can that be possible? Don't forget you have enormous boobies! Rukia is completely flat like a man! How can he think of her like a girl?"
"Anyway," continued Tatsuki, speaking rapidly, "You're such a feminine and cute girl, how can he not notice you? Not to mention that you're just as smart as Rukia, especially since you are one of the top three scorers in all of your classes! And you're so good at cooking! Even if your recipes are a bit odd, they always turn out all right! Plus, a lot of boys like you too since you're so cute! Even girls like you, especially that weird lesbian girl. I'm just saying you shouldn't compare yourself with Rukia. Both of you are great girls, but you're so much cooler! If Ichigo got to know you, I'm sure he won't be able to keep himself from totally falling in love with you."
"Thanks Tatsuki," grinned Orihime sweetly. "I'll try harder to get to know Kurosaki-san!"
"That's the spirit!" cheered Tatsuki, standing up and banging her fist on the table. She ignored the huge dent, and continued, "I can help you with snatching him, if you want. I've known that boy since we were kids!"
"Really?" Orihime smiled radiantly, and clapped her hands together.
"Yes really! Now let's go over to your house and plan out our first move!"
"Okie dokes!"
The two best friends hurried to Orihime's house to plot and scheme like old women.
xx
"Well," mused Tatsuki, "Let's start out with a more subtle, conventional approach to capture that certain someone." The two were sitting on the floor in front of a low brown coffee table. A blank sheet of paper lay before Tatsuki, and she tapped her lips with the red eraser of a yellow pencil. Orihime nodded, indicating Tatsuki to go on.
"How about we…" Tatsuki paused as she tried to think quickly. "How about we leave one of your belongings somewhere for him to find, and then he'll pick it up and return it to you personally, and then you can engage him in some charming conversation and he'll fall in love with you?"
"Sounds good," said Orihime wide-eyed, "But what should we leave?"
"It should be something that speaks tons about what an exciting and attractive personality you have… maybe your bra to display your humongous cup-size?"
"Eeeehhh?" gasped Orihime scandalized. Tatsuki chuckled.
"Don't worry. I was just playing with you. How about a notebook recording all your exciting escapades and your vibrant personality, like a diary?"
"Oh! I have a diary!" squealed Orihime, delighted. "It's right here!" She held up a flowery pink notebook.
"Hm, it does show your feminine side," nodded Tatsuki thoughtfully. "Where should we leave it?"
"I know! I know! How about in his room and on his bed?" yelled Orihime enthusiastically. Tatsuki shook her head at her friend's naiveté.
"That's too obvious. We should plant it somewhere in front of his locker. Write your address on it so he knows where to bring it."
"Okie dokes!"
"Good. Now that that's settled, make sure you have a topic ready to talk to him about when he returns your diary so he'll think you're interesting and easy to chat with."
"Like what?" asked Orihime.
"How about school? Maybe you can talk about your teachers, or even better, ask him to help with your math homework."
"Alright! I'm ready!" exclaimed Orihime. "I can't wait!" She bounced around with excitement.
"Good. That was the easy part. Let's hope it goes flawlessly. We'll do it after school tomorrow. Meet me in front of his locker before he comes!"
Orihime clapped her hands and smiled in response. She would talk to Kurosaki-san tomorrow!
xx
The next day, Orihime bounced joyfully to school. She was going to talk to Kurosaki-san today! She was going to talk to Kurosaki-san today! Tatsuki joined her at the front of the high school, and grinned knowingly at her friend's high spirits.
"Ready for today?" remarked Tatsuki rhetorically.
"Ready for anything!" responded Orihime. She pulled out her pink flowery diary to show Tatsuki her apartment address written boldly on the cover in a large, red font. It spread across the entire front.
Tatsuki shook her head, amused by her friend's overexcitement.
"Ok, well I hope you remember the plan. Remember, it's after school today, in front of his locker. Got it?"
"Got it!" nodded Orihime with a salute.
"Now, go to your math class so you won't be late to see Ichigo!"
"Ok!" With a twirl of her skirt, Orihime was off. She couldn't wait to see her darling Kurosaki-san! She was so lucky to be sitting right behind him! Behind her, Tatsuki exhaled slowly. Orihime was much too good for the likes of Ichigo, but she was happy, so it didn't matter. As long as Orihime was always smiling, Tatsuki was content. Nothing would ever change that fact.
"Good morning Kurosaki-san!" greeted Orihime cheerfully as she did every morning.
"Oh, hey Inoue," responded Ichigo as he did every morning. Before Orihime could say anything else, Ichigo's friend, Keigo Asano popped up as he did every morning. Orihime was quickly forgotten, and she retreated back to her seat.
"Yo! Ichigo!" hollered Keigo.
"Hey," grunted Ichigo.
"Oh my dear friend! I am so happy that you have acknowledged me on this lovely autumn morning!" He looked as though he was about to hug Ichigo, but Ichigo blocked his advances with his foot.
"How dare you! My very bestest friend!" Keigo looked down in mock horror at the footprint on his white polo. "To think that you have reciprocated my warm greeting with your cold and smelly foot! The brutality of it!"
"Go back to your seat," commanded Ichigo, rolling his eyes.
"Fine! You are no longer my bestest friend!" sniffed Keigo. Orihime watched this exchange with jealousy. She wished she could speak with Ichigo with such freedom. At least Rukia wasn't in this class (she was in a higher math level), otherwise she wouldn't even have a chance to talk to Ichigo.
The rest of the day flew by quickly. In English, Ichigo asked Orihime to share the book they were reading, (his father had torn it apart in a fit of excitement) since Rukia was charging an exorbitant fee. Orihime was ecstatic, given that they had to lean their heads very closely together. Orihime also managed to glean a passing glance of Ichigo between third and fourth period, when they were walking to their respective classes. In history, Ichigo had to do a presentation, which allowed Orihime to stare at his face for a full five minutes, and in chemistry, the teacher put Orihime in the same lab group as Ichigo. It was truly a wonderful, Ichigo-filled day.
Finally, school ended. Orihime rocketed out of the chemistry classroom, so as to reach Ichigo's locker before he did. She ran as fast as she could, despite being weighed down by her massive chest, and reached her beloved's locker in less than thirty seconds. Tatsuki was waiting for her there.
"You got the book?" demanded Tatsuki.
"Of course!" giggled Orihime. She pulled out her flowery pink notebook with her address printed clearly on top.
"Good. Now put it right in front of his locker." Orihime complied, and the two best friends concealed themselves behind the wall adjacent to the lockers, so as to keep an eye on the floral diary.
"Here he comes!" alerted Tatsuki. The duo watched as Ichigo strode into view with his black Jansport backpack slung casually on one shoulder. He stopped at his locker, when he noticed a pink object lying on the floor beside his foot. It turned out to be a notebook.
"Hm…" muttered Ichigo as he bent down to pick up the diary.
"Mission accomplished!" whispered Tatsuki from her spot behind the wall. "Let's go!" The two girls scurried away, leaving Ichigo behind with the diary.
"What is this?" wondered Ichigo to himself, as he turned the diary over in his hands. "I wonder who this belongs to." He flipped the diary to the first page, and read:
March 3rd
This morning I woke up and had ice cream with garlic for breakfast! It was really good! Then, I went to school and waited outside the door for K-san to appear. He was especially cute this morning! I saw his back, and it has become the back of a man! Then he went to class. He is only in my biology class, which makes me sad, but I sit right behind him. He changed shampoo brands because his hair smelled a little different today. I don't think he's washed his shirt for a while, because it smelled good just like him. For lunch, I had a honey, tuna, and asparagus sandwich with strawberry milk. Tatsuki said that it smelled a little funny, but it sort of reminded me of K-san. I also saw him five other times besides biology today. First, in the morning, then between first and second period because I waited next to his locker, then at break since I passed by the place where he usually sits, then between third and fourth when I followed him, and finally after school since I passed by his locker on my way home. He looked great every single time. Then I went home with Tatsuki and we played tennis using a basketball, which is really hard. After that, Tatsuki cooked me some curry for dinner, and we ate some cake for desert. I added barbecue sauce to mine.
Ichigo flipped a few more pages.
Sept. 1
School started, and I am so happy today! I am in four of K-san's classes! I can see him every day now, but he seems to have made a new friend over the summer. I think she likes him. I want to be friends with her so we can talk about K-san all the time!!! I'm going to talk to her tomorrow! I can't wait! It'll be so great because K-san is the coolest in the world! Also, the bottom button of K-san's blue shirt seemed a bit loose today. I'm going to offer to sew it up for him tomorrow, if Ishida-san doesn't get there first!
"O…K…" thought Ichigo to himself, after reading a few more entries. "Whoever this person is, she seems to have a scary obsession with some guy called K-san. I better return it." He closed the book, and finally noticed the address on front. "Inoue Orihime? She is kind of weird… I guess I'll just drop by her house and give it to her then. How convenient. Her address is written right on front!"
xx
Back at Orihime's house, Orihime and Tatsuki were plotting what to do once Ichigo came by.
"In my opinion," began Tatsuki, "You should just shove your massive breasts into his face and he'll do the rest!"
"Really?" gasped Orihime, completely wide-eyed.
"No, not really," laughed Tatsuki. "Just go what we planned earlier. Ask him to help you with math!"
"Okie dokie artichoke!"
Just then, the doorbell rang.
"He's here!" giggled Orihime nervously.
"Go! Go!" whispered Tatsuki. She nudged Orihime to her feet. Orihime scurried to the door, and swung it wide open.
"H-hi Kurosaki-san," gasped Inoue.
"Hey Orihime," responded Ichigo smoothly, dropping the diary into Inoue's hands. "Here's your diary. Found it in front of my locker. Gotta go. Bye." He turned around, and made to leave. Orihime stared heartbrokenly at his retreating back. She couldn't let the day end like this! He might disappear into the sunset and she'll never see him again! Then, she would have to don a knight's armor and set out on a very long quest to search for him, only to find him blind and missing a leg after twenty long years! She couldn't let that happen! Absolutely not!
"Wait!" burst out Orihime desperately.
"What's wrong?" Ichigo half-turned, with a slightly alarmed expression on his face.
"Er… I sort of need some help with my math homework. I was wondering if you could help me," stammered Orihime.
"Sure. Right now?"
Orihime nodded, and let Ichigo into her apartment. He was in her home! He was in her home! He was in her home!
"Hey Tatsuki," greeted Ichigo, catching sight of Tatsuki.
"Yo Ichigo," replied Tatsuki. "Sorry, but I just remembered that I have karate practice today. Gotta go. Bye." Tatsuki winked at Orihime, mouthed the words "good luck" and sped out of the apartment, leaving the two alone behind her.
"So, ahm, Kurosaki-san," started Orihime, "Do you want anything to eat?"
"No thanks. I'm fine. What do you need help on?"
"Er…" stuttered Orihime, trying to think fast. "Everything. I need help on everything."
"Oh," uttered Ichigo, raising his right eyebrow disbelievingly. Everyone knew Orihime was one of the top students in school, but he kept his mouth shut. "Then let's start from the beginning."
Orihime sighed inwardly. She didn't want to talk to Ichigo about math! But he seemed to have his heart set on it, and she resigned herself to admiring his angular profile while he droned on and on about sines and cosines, which she already knew how to do. He was soooooo dreamy… like a prince… riding a white horse… she was sitting behind him, clinging to his waist… they were speeding into the sunset. However, an evil magician watched from the shadows. He was pulling out his wand and muttering a strange incantation! Luckily, Orihime had her bazooka with her! Boom! Boom! BOOOOMM!!!
xx
"So, what happened yesterday?" smirked Tatsuki as she walked to school with Orihime. Orihime shrugged.
"Nothing. We just talked about cosecants and stuff. But I did get to stare at him as much as I wanted! He smelled so good…" grinned Orihime dreamily.
"What?" cried Tatsuki, "I left you two alone! How could nothing happen? You should have shoved your chest in his face or something! Pulled some sexy maneuvers! Whatever it takes! I can't believe you just stared at him!"
"Well, he looked cool teaching me trig," remarked Orihime petulantly. She spaced out a bit, as she imagined him in a princely outfit, complete with tights and a crown, and singing trigonometry identities to her while strumming a banjo.
"Argh! He's more clueless than I thought! How could he not notice an attractive young woman with gorgeous breasts sitting next to him ALONE in a room?" ranted Tatsuki insanely. "That's it! Starting tomorrow, we're going to do some drastic moves to get him to notice you! What kind of teenage boy doesn't? That homo! He must be gay! Well we're going to change that! Understood Orihime?"
"Understood!" chorused Orihime cheerfully. Tatsuki seemed to be taking the failure to woo Ichigo personally.
"Well then!" yelled Tatsuki raising her fist into her air, "Time to plot and scheme like old woman!"
"Yay!" cheered Orihime.
Then, they raced to school.
To Be Continued…
R&R please!