And The Murderer Is…

The next evening there was a fancy dinner being planned in a private dining room in the hotel. Todd and Althea were dressed in their best evening clothes. They were going over the guest list and making sure everything was ready. "Okay I'll be at the head of the table with you by my right," Althea said. She was wearing an elegant black dress. "I'll put Kelly on the other side. He can help me with the other nuts."

"Not to mention get a great view of how I eat my soup," Todd grinned. He was wearing a fancy tuxedo. "This sounds like a great party already! Who are you going to put there?"

"I think I'll put Mystique next to Kelly."

"They hate each other."

"Then I'll definitely put them together," Althea set the place card. "I'll leave a space open between her and Lance. I have a feeling he won't be alone. Put Duncan here. Tabitha Smith here. Lucid here. Pietro here. Then Rogue, Remy and whatever…Put Logan at the head. I need him there in case trouble starts. And knowing this group it probably will."

"This is gonna be a fun party," Todd grinned. "Are you sure one of these people did it?"

"Positive."

"Well I'd wish you'd tell me who it is!"

"I'd wish you'd tell me!" Althea said. "That would make everything easier!"

"Where do I sit?" Coyote asked.

"In the corner," Althea pointed. "You have a nice little food bowl over there."

"That's not fair!" Coyote pouted.

"You think that's fair, why not take a look at the help?" Logan snorted as he walked in.

The headwaiter was Magneto and the other waiters under him were Sabertooth, Sinister, Mesmero and Cortez. "This is so degrading," Sinister grumbled.

"I hate fan fiction writers," Magneto growled. "I can't believe this! The Master of Magnetism reduced to being a headwaiter!"

"Still better than being married to Mystique," Sabertooth shrugged.

"Well that's for sure," Sinister agreed.

"Let's get this party started!" Todd clapped his hands.

Mystique, Kelly, Remy, and Pietro were escorted in by the police. Neither Kelly nor Mystique were happy but Pietro was clearly having a ball. "I love parties don't you?"

"Oh shut up you little twit!" Kelly snapped.

"Great! First my husband disappears, then my daughter disappears!" Mystique groaned. "Now I'm forced come to a lousy party with idiots! Where could she be?"

"Don't worry mother," Pietro preened. "You still have me."

"Yeah that's a comfort!" Mystique snapped.

"I know exactly where she is," Scott said as he entered the room, dragging a tipsy Rogue and Evan in. "Come on you two!"

"Rogue!" Remy was shocked.

"They both tried to slip out of town," Scott said.

"I did not!" Rogue hiccupped. "You just happened to interrupt me at a very important time in my life. I was about to take my first false step! Hic!"

"Don't look at me man," Evan hiccupped. "She just picked me up in a bar last night."

"Oooh! What's this?" Rogue looked at the table. "A party? Goody! We're going to celebrate Daddy's third murder!"

"By the way Remy you're sitting next to those two at dinner," Althea told him.

"If I do I'm gonna punch that guy right in the nose!" Remy snapped.

"Why do you think I put you there?" Althea said. "Here comes more guests."

"Leggo my arm you creep!" Tabitha balked as Xi escorted her in with Lucid. "I ain't got nothing to do with this!"

"We just wanted you two to attend our little party," Althea said.

Duncan was dragged in next. "Ain't you guys sick of dragging me around?" He looked at Tabitha. "What's going on?"

"Search me! You know about this as much as I do!" Tabitha shrugged.

Sabertooth walked over there with a tray of drinks. "Have a cocktail."

"No thanks," Duncan grumbled.

"I SAID HAVE A COCKTAIL!" Sabertooth snapped.

"I think he wants us to have a cocktail," Tabitha gulped. She and Duncan nervously took a drink.

"The last two suspects…I mean guests are coming up," Logan said.

"You're such a great help to a hostess," Althea said. "I wish I had you for all my dinner parties."

Officers Sam and Roberto walked in escorting Lance and Kitty. Neither looked happy to be there. "Lance where have you been?" Mystique shot up. "And who's she?"

"Sorry we're late but we kind of had to break the door down if you get my drift," Sam coughed.

"Lance how could you?" Mystique shouted.

"How could he not?" Sabertooth chuckled.

"SHUT UP AND SERVE ME SOME DRINKS!" Mystique snapped.

"I think it's time we were all seated," Todd said. "Okay Kelly you're here, Rogue you're here. Mrs. Alvers sits next to Lance."

"Out of my way! I'm Mrs. Alvers!" Mystique snapped as Kitty took the seat next to Lance.

"Move it sister," Kitty snarled back. "I was Mrs. Alvers long before you were!"

"WHY YOU LITTLE…" Mystique lunged at her.

"MYSTIQUE NO!" Althea stopped her. "We don't have time for you to trash another set. Just sit down! All right! The reason I arranged this little get together is that I have important news. I've seen Fred Dukes."

Everyone seemed shocked. "You did?" Logan was surprised.

"That's nothing," Mystique sniffed. "I saw him myself."

"Oh really?" Althea asked as she sat down.

"Yeah that's a feat," Todd grumbled. "OW! Al don't kick me!"

"When did you see him Mystique?" Logan asked.

"Last night," She said. "He came to my apartment, asked how the children were. That sort of thing. He didn't say much. He was wearing brown shoes and a brown suit…"

"I saw him too!" Pietro jumped in. "He was wearing a green suit and black shoes and…"

"What the hell are you talking about you loon?" Mystique snapped. "You weren't even there!"

"I know that but I saw him just the same!" Pietro said.

"Where did you see him?" Logan asked.

"In my crystal ball," Pietro said proudly.

"Avalanche, you know the stuff you take for your headaches?" Logan closed his eyes. "I want some."

"Yeah like that stuff works," Coyote laughed.

"Shut up!" Lance snapped at the Coyote.

"Waiter serve the nuts," Todd ordered. "I mean, serve the guests the nuts."

"You were right the first time," Logan said.

"Sorry Mystique, but I'm afraid you're lying," Althea said. "You see I really did see Dukes last night."

"And where did you see him? And more importantly why didn't you tell me?" Logan snapped.

"Because I found out for certain that he didn't do any of the murders," Althea said. "I have proof."

"How can you prove that? Where is he?" Logan asked.

"Where we left him," Althea said. "You saw him last night."

"I did?" Logan asked.

"It was his body we found in the shop," Althea said.

"WHAT?" Everyone yelled.

"Rogue I'm sorry you had to find out about it like this but Dukes has been dead a long time," Althea said. "At least three months. So he couldn't have done the murders."

"Oh!" She started to sob.

"I'm sorry, Rogue but don't you think it's better this way?" Remy asked as he hugged her.

"Better? What kind of remark is that?" Evan asked. "So grief counselor you are! Look I'll take it from here…" He tried to comfort her but ended up with a sock to the jaw from Remy. "Ow…"

"Oh waiter, kindly remove that," Althea pointed to Evan's body on the floor. Sabertooth dragged it away. "The news doesn't seem to bother you Mystique."

"Because I don't believe it," She huffed. "I really did see Fred last night. That's my story and I'm sticking with it."

"Sorry Mystique but he's deader than a doornail and the murderer is at this table," Todd told her.

"That's my line!" Althea looked at him.

"You can have it back," Todd said. "I'm done with it."

"Why don't you explain from the beginning?" Logan groaned. "And try to keep the one liners to a minimum?"

"Okay here goes," Althea began. "Jean was cheating on Fred and splitting the take with someone else. Dukes found and abut it and was sore. Matthews…"

"You're not pinning this on me!" Duncan shouted.

"I just want to ask you a question," Althea said. "Did you know Jean was cheating Dukes?"

"Yeah," Duncan nodded. "She didn't say she did but I figured it. One time I told her I needed five grand and she gives it to me just like that."

"Uh huh," Althea nodded. "Well Dukes confronted that man and with no option but prison staring him in the face, he killed Dukes. After he killed him he called Kelly and told him to close the shop up, using Dukes' name of course. He somehow destroyed the body using the chemicals in the shop except for the skeleton and the watch chain. He figured that might come in handy later. He even put in a fake belt with the initials on it so we'd think it was someone else. Remember that metal donut we found?"

"That's right!" Rogue remembered. "Fred swallowed it by accident and it got stuck in his body! So that's how you knew it was him!"

"That and the size of the skeleton," Althea said.

"It couldn't have been him! He's still alive I tell you!" Mystique snapped.

"Shut up you! Go on Al," Logan said.

"Well after our hero disposed of the body, he or she had a brilliant idea," Althea went on. "This person realized that he or she and Jean could still collect money. Dukes was supposed to be gone, no one would be the wiser. He even telephoned Kelly, but somehow he managed to do it when he wasn't in the office."

"That's right!" Kelly said. "So I wouldn't be able to recognize the voice!"

"How'd he do that?" Todd asked.

"How should I know?" Althea gave him a look. "It was a great scheme. Until Mystique decided to pay a little visit to Jean. The murderer panicked, thinking Jean would betray him for some reason and killed her himself. Or herself. And he or she left Dukes' watch chain behind."

"Is that true?" Todd whispered to Althea.

"I dunno," She muttered to him. "It's the only way that makes sense." She addressed the group again. "The plan was perfect. The watch chain was handed over to the cops…eventually so that they would think Dukes killed her. There was only one flaw in the plan. A little creep named Iceman had paid a visit to Jean that day and saw her killer. The murderer paid him off too to keep his mouth shut but when Bobby Boy threatened to spill the beans he killed him too. Our murderer was very clever but had one problem. No one had seen Fred. So at the last minute he decided to strike a deal with Mystique to say that she saw Dukes. Mystique here is the only person who can tell us who the murderer is. Okay Mystique, who told you to say that you saw Dukes?"

"Hold it! How do we know she ain't the murderer?" Todd interrupted.

"Because if she was we'd have seen Dukes already," Althea told him. "Shape shifter remember?"

"I would have done that," Mystique admitted. "Pretty clever. But since Dukes is alive I don't need to!"

"How much did he pay or promise to pay you to stick to that story?" Althea asked.

"Nobody paid me anything!" Mystique snapped.

"You're lying, but then you'd do anything for money!" Althea snapped back.

"That's for sure!" Sabertooth called out.

"You keep out of this!" Mystique snapped at him.

"Let me make this easier for you," Althea said. "Kelly, you drew up Dukes' will right? Mystique was cut off is she ever remarried, wasn't she?"

"I can't tell you that!" Kelly snapped.

"I can!" Lucid called out. "I heard Dukes tell me all about it! It's true!" Kelly and Mystique glared at him but he merely stuck his tongue out at them.

"Well then Kitty… Or should I say Mrs. Alvers?" Althea asked. "When did you get divorced from Lance?"

"I never did," Kitty said.

"WHAT?" Mystique shouted. "BUT THAT MEANS…"

"We've been letting this loser sponge off of our family for no reason!" Rogue shouted.

"That's right Mystique," Althea went in for the kill. "So according to the law you never remarried! That makes you one of the heirs! So what are you holding out for? A few crummy bucks when you can have the whole estate? And remember what happened to the other two who were in with him on this! Jean and Bobby? When he thought they might spill something he bumped them off! You ought to know damn well that he's not gonna take any chances on you! What do you wanna do? Be next on the list?"

Furious Mystique whirled on Kelly. "Why you dirty son of a…!"

Kelly rose to his feet pointing a gun at her only to be punched out by Althea. Todd used his tongue to grab the gun and it fired harmlessly into the air. After Kelly was disarmed Althea punched him out. "There's your murderer! Edward Kelly!"

"KELLY?" Logan shouted.

"What else do you want me to do?" Althea asked. "Wrap him up in cellophane?"

"Kind of obvious if you think about it," Todd nodded. "Al I'm so glad you're not a detective!"

"Now I need that headache medicine," Althea groaned.

"That's right! I did it!" Kelly shouted as Scott and Sam placed him in handcuffs. "And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling mutants!"

"Ah shaddap and take him away!" Logan snapped.

"Well that's the end of…" Althea began when something interrupted her. "What's that noise?"

"AAHHHH!" Xavier wheeled out, his foot bleeding. "I've been shot! That idiot shot me in the foot! It figures! The one thing I've felt from the waist down in over twenty years…That's it! This fic is over! Closed! I can't take it anymore!"

"Thank god!" Rogue stood up. "I am out of here!"

"Me and Mystique! Blech!" Lance stuck out his tongue.

"It wasn't exactly a thrill for me either!" Mystique snapped. "And now that this fic is over!" She leapt at Kitty and the two women started fighting.

"I got five on Kitty!" Lance called out.

"Ten on Mystique!" Sabertooth shouted.

"I tell you one thing we are not doing the sequel!" Scott snapped.

"Technically there were several movies in the Thin Man series," Althea said. "Six in all."

"SIX? SIX! FORGET IT!" Xavier shouted. "ONE WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH!"

"Even the remake of this was more than enough!" Pietro agreed. "Go Kitty go! Great right hook!"

"Somebody let me out of these handcuffs!" Kelly shouted.

"Maybe later," Xi grinned.

"WHAT?" Kelly shouted.

"I NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION HERE!" Xavier shouted.

"SPEAKING OF ATTENTION I SHOULD HAVE HAD MORE SCENES!" Coyote shouted.

"No I should have!" Pietro snapped. Soon he and the Coyote were having a screaming match.

"Great both of them in stereo…" Lance moaned.

Okay so I hope you people enjoyed the remake of this fic. And now you know why it took me so long to redo this one. And knowing is a great reason to go out to the bars. Something tells me it's gonna be a long time before I do another one folks. A really long time.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Red Witch