Disclaimer: No, contrary to popular belief I do NOT own Naruto and its characters.

Summary: I don't know when my feelings started the gradual change from placid to something unknown, something different. A slight admiration sparked by an unwanted attraction, to… love?

Pre A/N: Hmmm…. I can't think of anything to put here… Oh! Yes, this story is in First Person, but in a good way. Not like those sucky stories where their like, I turned, my hair flipping to the side as my azure eyes darted around the room, searching for my stalker. (That was random OO;;) All I can really ask from you is to enjoy and please GOD REVIEW! Whatever you do please do not forget your reviews, even if your anonymous, it doesn't matter to me. Now that I'm done doing my begging, on with the story!

-Admirer-

Chapter one: An Old friend

As children, his attraction to me was obvious; I can't remember a day he never asked me out for ramen. It was never something I cared about, never something I valued, not until I faced losing that affection did I see it as something precious.

Maybe it was when Hinata came along, maybe it was the way he remained untainted by his power, maybe just the fact that he'd really grown into himself. Whatever it was, it unsettled me. I wasn't used to the jump in my pulse, the obvious change in my chakra, or even the lip-biting nervousness that once only overcame me when Sasuke turned my way.

He never noticed my leap from friend to admirer, and I was perfectly happy that way. I had NO intention in the least of following my hormones, all it would lead to was a broken heart; for each of us.

Somehow, I managed to continue turning him down when he asked me out, I only looked at him when he couldn't see me, and I suppressed the soft shivers that caressed my spine with just his presence. We could go on this way, he would never know, and I would never tell. It could be my best-kept secret; I'd keep it in my mind, alone with the memories of once reading Kakashi's favorite book.

It surprised me, how I fell into the habit so well. Sometimes, I had myself convinced that there were no butterflies in my stomach when he looked at me. Eventually I suppose, it all became too much, keeping my thoughts to myself; for soon I found myself unable to leave my bed.

He'd come by to see me then, thinking nothing of our secluded nature in my room, hidden from everything else. Maybe I wouldn't have only seen us alone, had my parents been home, but no, they had left for the time being, and I was bed-ridden with the cause of my ailment smiling at me.

He talked a lot, something I never had taken such comfort in, when had his voice lowered so? When did his eyes darken, I did not know, but suddenly, I knew I had somehow become even more infatuated with him that day.

It hurt when he never came the next day; turned to sick worry after that – only when Tsunade confirmed his immediate departure on a mission did I rest properly. Though, he didn't return on the due day, returning me to my sleepless nights of worry.

Tsunade took notice of my interest in him then, and with nothing but a curt nod I knew she approved of my taste. –Something I found strangely comforting as I awaited his return.

I found the strength to continue my daily activities, knowing sheer will-power drove me to act normal around my friends. They would never suspect I had any lingering feelings for him. When I wasn't busy working, I thought of him, a pathetic pattern I followed for two days until Shikamaru informed me of his soon-to-come return.

I guess I hadn't needed will-power then, because I found myself at the village gate in no time, flower in hand and friendly smile in place.

Anyone could see him coming, could feel the immense chakra hidden just below his surface, but me? I could feel him on a whole other level; it scared and intrigued me all at once. I had waved, smiled, and for the first time since my new interest, I didn't care if I came across as just a friend, because he was back home, back with me.

The chaste kiss to he placed on my cheek was friendly, I knew that, but I still blushed. Those butterflies I thought were I'd conquered returned with vigor, only serving to heighten my mood. I was in a place only his company brought, and it was great. To bad I wasn't the only person who had come to greet him.

I suppose I should have seen their relationship coming, Hinata had always loved him. But that didn't stop the surprised, betrayed, and down right depressed look on my face when he'd walked past me to swiftly gather her in his arms. The kiss to her lips didn't help, and only an expert chakra reader could see the way I went from giddy to angry in an instance. –It wouldn't have been so bad had he informed me of their seeing one another.

By the time their kiss was over, I was gone. My image mattered not to me; all I wanted was to remove myself from his presence, something that had caused me such comfort just moments ago. What had I been thinking? I needed to return my focus to Sasuke, I had no time to waste on petty feelings for an old teammate when Sasuke would return someday soon, and he would need me.

Those thoughts didn't help though; somehow, they always turned into a fantasy of him going insane with jealousy at the thought of Sasuke having me. He would ride up on his steed and steal me away, then ravish me throughout the night. My thoughts usually ended there, I didn't need to think such thoughts about him, it only made me hurt worse.

I couldn't help the icy demeanor I dealt with him in; shutting him out was the only way I could continue on without being reduced to a pathetic, whimpering existence. On some note, I was glad he took notice to my change in attitude, but managed to only grow angrier when he asked if it was his seeing Hinata that had changed my attitude towards him.

My anger only grew worse at the thought of me feeling enough for him to care who he dated, even though I did. My emotions were a mess then, and using the only method I had for problems of the heart, I shut him out, and ran. I ran, and ran, and ran, and somehow, I ended up at Tsunade's office.

She'd smiled, nodded without any words, and let me in. Skipping the formalities, she ushered me to her desk, sat me down, and handed me a tissue. –Apparently, I had been crying. Tsunade took her time sitting, but finally she addressed the issue at hand, a look of concentration on her face as I told her the entire story, from my interest in him to my hatred of his being.

It was an amusing thought, me being jealous of Hinata, but that was what she put forth. The more I thought about it, the less amusing it became, until the tissue in hand was crushed and all I could think about was removing Hinata from the picture. I'd left Tsunade then, heading for the sanctuary of my own home.

That's when I reflected my thoughts on Tsunade's words, finding even the image of Hinata's face planted a seed of anger in my stomach, something that grew as the minutes limped by. I despised her, why did she get something I had wanted for so long? It was fair, I knew that. I had hidden from him; she had boldly asked if her affections were returned. She deserved him, and that was it.

My heart and mind were in battle, leaving me too weak to leave my room for several days. In the end my mind won, telling me to retreat back to my first love, Sasuke. I did as told, and when he came by that evening, I had returned him to the friend-zone, a place he knew well and was apparently happy with.

I cried when he left, cried for my feeble existence, for my heart, for everything. It was a pathetic attempt to purge myself of him, remove him from me for good. This way, he would no longer burden my heart.

Things moved on from then, Hinata grew bolder with him; he happily accepted her, and me? I watched, waited, and knew it was for the best. They were meant to be, and I would be glad for him, that's what friends did for one another.

Only when Hinata appeared at my door one night did I suspect something bad had happened. She was in tears, something I would have enjoyed; had the circumstances been different. First, I had assumed something had happened to him, that he was dead or in critical care. Never, did I expect the words that came from her.

Apparently, Hinata had grown too bold. Knowing he was a shy man, she had asked for his hand in marriage, but he had thought differently. Here she stood, crying her heart out on my doorstep, and all I could think was: Finally, they're no longer together! It lifted my heart in ways I hadn't known since that kiss to my cheek many months ago.

I had comforted her, telling her it would be okay, that I would beat him to a pulp, even went as far as to promise his lack of sanity. That's not how I felt though. The displays of compassion I put forth to her were fake. I felt no sorrow, and it scared me. All I could see was their absence from one another, and in a very un-friendly way, I knew I could have him now.

Being his friend was the furthest thing from my mind.

I waited, knowing I couldn't live with myself if I just bombarded him with confessions right after their dramatic breakup. The weeks had flown by, and when I was sure he could handle it, I came forth, calling him to me.

The air had been awkward as I let him in, and briefly I wondered if he had had enough time to recover. I banished these thoughts as I gave him the softest smile I possessed, something recently reserved for Sasuke. What about Sasuke? I had wondered then, what happened to my waiting for him? Why was I sitting here, about to betray everything I had once felt for him? Simple, I was in love.

I don't know when my feelings started the gradual change from placid to something unknown, something different. A slight admiration sparked by an unwanted attraction, to… love? But it did, and as I looked at him, I knew it didn't matter when, because this was now, and I was ready to admit to my secrets.

He had taken it well, with nothing but his trademark smile on when I finished everything. He'd rubbed his head then, probably not sure if I was kidding or not. I cemented my confessions with a soft touch to his arm, something that made him jump slightly before staring at me with complete shock. Apparently, my point got across as a blush stained his cheeks.

Fear began budding in my stomach when he didn't pull my into that romantic embrace I had been fantasizing of for the last few weeks. He just sat there dumbfounded; mouth moving every now and then, but no words coming out. I removed my hand from his arm, not sure if it was appreciated anymore.

That little movement was all it took to set him off. Swifter then I'd ever seen him move before, he hovered above me. I sat there, neck craned to meet his gaze, trying with all my might to ignore the compromising position we were in: each of his arms behind my shoulders, grasping the back of my chair. I was pinned by his stare, but even if I wanted to move, I was restrained by those arms.

I've thanked god many times in my life, and took the chance to do so again when the door to my apartment swung open, revealing my silver-haired sensei. He looked at our compromising position without even the hint of a perverted thought; he just motioned for us to follow him, which we did.

Our journey lead to the Konoha gate, at which a large crowd of citizens had gathered. Once I was close enough, I knew why. In the distance down that oh-so-familiar dirt road was a black dot. And the closer it came, the more it looked like a person… A person I knew all to well.

Lord, do you know it took me HOURS to think of a title? Hours… And as I'm writing this a.n. I honestly don't know the title, but by the time I post it I will…

Anyways, I didn't want to beg for reviews, but I think I have to so pllleeeaaasseeeeee

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Decembers