Just A Kid

It's been plaguing me for a while now, the way it crept up upon me. The way I saw her staring at me through the door in the wall, her face flushed from running and her long hair curtaining the low dip in her nightdress. It was then when I saw her terrified once more, but this time, for me. I wanted to gather her up in my arms and promise her everything would be fine, that Stryker wouldn't hurt me, and the soldiers wouldn't hurt her.

But I've already promised I'll take care of her. Since that night, she's entered my dreams, and I imagine her in that underground corridor with me. I imagine my lips crushed against hers, and the silky texture of her hair scrunched up in my fist. I can hear her gentle moans and the way speaks my name like I've never heard it spoken before. But they're dreams, and not reality.

She's just a kid.

And how have my interpretation of her changed so drastically? What used to be a light-hearted wink has turned into a lusty promise, every girlish giggle fills my ears with seductive laughter. But I shouldn't be thinking of her like this. Rogue is my friend. Nothing more. I'm fully aware of the worship she holds for me, but to me, that's nothing compared to the gentle murmurings of love her and Bobby share.

I find myself plotting in the night when I can't sleep. Trying to find a way to lure her away from him and towards me. But I know I shouldn't. I try to imagine a life where she was mine and there would be no need for fantasies and hopes.

But she's just a kid.

And yet it's like she knows, and she taunts me. The way she'll casually rest her hand against my arm as we talk, but is so reserved when it comes to touching Bobby. The way she'll happily sit and lick the cream from her cup of cocoa off her finger inches before my face, and thinks it's harmless. The teasing is pushing me to my limit, and yet, I realise it's innocent and completely accidental.

I have to watch her everyday, pass me with a gentle smile as she leaves for her own group of friends, and I can only stand there and wish she would be heading towards me. I have to watch her as she trains in the Danger Room, kicking the living hell out of the simulations with fierce cries and grunts. She tackles enemies down and takes them out, and I only wish she would do the same to me. I'm hers for the taking, but she doesn't have to take me down, I'm already at her feet.

And yet, she's just a kid.

My mind won't stop with these thoughts; it makes me feel dirty and perverted. I struggle to work out why my affections suddenly turned on, and left Jean Grey with a noncommittal shrug of indifference every time she tries to catch my eye with a flirtatious smile. Normally, I can easily whisk any woman off their feet. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but it's how life used to be before Rogue came along - selecting a woman from the crowd to steal away into a night of meaningless passion. But that can't happen anymore.

Then the news of a cure reaches the mansion, and its no surprise Rogue is interested. She comes to me for my advice, and I can only shrug and say I want what she wants. All I want is for her to be happy. Maybe that's what convinced her, she wanted my blessing. Like from a father. But I'm not her father, and I don't hesitate to remind her of that. A father wouldn't think what I think about Rogue.

Of course, she's just a kid.

She needs a father figure, and hasn't hesitated to select me. I don't think I can take it much longer. I need to tell her, I need to explain, because I can't contain this anymore. All those months of planning are wasted, for my mind goes blank when I see her sat in the kitchen, eating from a carton of ice cream.

She looked up at me, and a smile is quickly on her face at my arrival. "Hey," she greeted, "Been dreamin' again?"

I nodded mutely. But it's not the nightmares she's thinking of. I sat down at opposite her at the breakfast counter, watching as she helps herself to another spoonful. A droplet of the white dessert hit her chin, and she giggled sheepishly as she caught it with her finger and licked it clean. I quickly regretted coming here.

"Are you okay, sugar?" she asked as she lowered her spoon. To be honest, I'm not o.k. And I have no idea why the hell I'm down here anymore. All of this is so wrong and I needed to get back upstairs before I did something stupid. My silence has left her concerned. Her hand extended across the tiled worktop, and the smooth skin of her fingers meeting the top of mine. I instinctively pulled back; despite my full knowledge that her skin is no longer dangerous. She knew that. That when she realised there's something seriously wrong. "Logan?" she said, this summoning my eyes to her face. Already, I was begining to get lost in their hazel depths, like some spell has been cast over me and lures me in.

"What?" I managed to grunt, having to quickly clear my throat to rid the husky quality that had overtaken me since I've been here.

"What's wrong?" she asked, pushing the ice cream aside to show that I now had her undivided attention.

I couldn't even begin to answer that. There were so many things wrong. My answer was unhelpful, "Everythin'," and my head plummeted down to my palms as I sighed into them. I heard her move to my side, and it's no help when her hand touched my shoulder gently. "Don't.." I murmured, not really aware of what I was saying now.

"Logan.." she said again, squeezing with her hand, as though trying to encourage me to talk to her. I don't need a lot of encouragement, it's already raring to burst out of me, but I'm desperately trying to keep it reigned in.

"I'm goin' back to bed," I quickly uttered, standing up so fast I knock my stool over. Rogue knew this is erratic behaviour where I was concerned. She tried to hold onto me, but my strength overpowered hers and it was easy for me to slip from her grasp. I quickly felt guilty because I could smell accumulating tears. She thought this was her fault. She thought she had done something to upset me.

I didn't want her to think that. I most definitely didn't. But I couldn't stop myself from walking away. I was forcing myself to leave. If I stayed any longer, I could screw up everything our friendship stood for. It wasn't long before I heard her footfalls coming after me, and an instinctive panic sent the hairs on my neck on alert. I slammed the wall besides me, opening the secret trap door and darted inside to hide me from the world. Darkness surrounded me, and I finally felt safe in the cold cocoon. Her footsteps drew nearer, and I waited to hear them pass as she continued to search for me. But they didn't, and I started when the trapdoor slid upward.

She came in, and I already felt cornered. "Rogue," I protested mindlessly as she shut the wooden square and turned towards me with a determined expression over her face. I had no idea what to say, so tried to cease any babbling that might uncharacteristically spurt forth.

"Why are you runnin' away from me, huh?"

She was angry.

"Why can't you stop and talk to me about your problems for once?"

Very angry.

"I.." was all I managed to poorly utter, until I forced my eyes to the floor. Maybe my ashamed look made her feel a little guilty, because I heard her sigh softly.

"What's wrong, Logan?"

It might just be the most darned pathetic thing I ever thought, but I just needed a hug. My life had seen so much depression and turmoil, but for once I wanted someone to comfort me. No one else in the world viewed me the way Rogue did. She understood like nobody else. And so I knew she would understand when I wordlessly pulled her towards me in a tight hug that expressed all of my heartache and frustration. Despite catching her by surprise, I was thankful she allowed me to do so, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and holding onto me as I held onto her.

It was a great relief just to be able to touch her and feel her warm body against mine. It felt like this very embrace was washing my troubles aware. I knew it needed no words to tell her something was wrong and that she was the answer to my problems. I was glad she showed no reluctance to my embrace, the way I had seen her do with Bobby, despite her cured state. I buried my face into her neck, breathing in her scent deeply and nosing through her long hair. It must have tickled before I heard her quiet laughter and she wriggled a little as she eased back to see my face. She adopted a faint smile as she gazed up at me searchingly, wondering if this had helped my troubles any.

It had. I just hoped she knew that as I slowly stroked my hand down her cheek. I felt a strange sensation in my stomach when she leant her head towards my palm, and it encouraged me to slowly clasp her cheek, and stroke my thumb along her delicate cheekbone. "You know I'm always willin' to help you Logan," I heard her whisper, "Just like you've always done for me."

I felt myself smiling ruefully, "I think my troubles are too much for you." I didn't want her to get tangled up in my heavy affections. It would confuse and worry her.

Instead, Rogue shook her head, "No, they're not," she said softly. "I'll always be here for you, Logan. I'm just waiting for you, that's all."

If only those words meant something else other than helping me. This thought caused my lips to downturn sadly as I ran my thumb across her cheek again. My eyes have since adjusted to the darkness of the evacuation tunnel, quicker than hers, and with a better result at the end. It enabled me to gaze at her without her realising just how much emotion they held.

Once more, I'm aware that compared to me, she's just a kid.

But this time it didn't stop me. There we were, hidden away from the real world, lost in the darkness like it my dreams and it didn't feel quite so bad holding her here and now. My hand was against her cheek, and my face only a few inches from hers. It was a short distance that would be effortless to complete. Now I was hesitating. But Rogue was staring at me, as though she knew what I was thinking. It couldn't have been hard to tell from the way I was gazing down at her so longingly.

A mere inch or so and I'd be there, but I felt frozen in my advances. Rogue knew what I wanted, and yet she hadn't pulled away, so why was I hesitating? I stroked against her cheek slowly, still stood firm and yet so close. It's not me who can summon the courage to meet a kiss. It's her, and I feel her press up onto her tiptoes to bring her lips towards mine and conclude the waiting game. I was shocked, but didn't show it and allowed myself to mould against her with the careless slip of a groan from my mouth as I took her timid kiss and transformed it into experienced, animalistic passion.

There was no hesitations or cover-up now. I used this moment to reveal everything. To show how much I needed her, and also how much I wanted her. If any time, I should have remembered then that she was a kid, but I failed to do so as I strived to feel her hair in my clenched fist and explore the curvature of her body with roaming fingers. And yet she still didn't pull away, this only encouraging me further. I felt a light jolt between our bodies and realised I had pushed her back against the coarse, rocky wall of the tunnel.

I tried to catch myself before I pushed her too far, but couldn't help myself as everything I had been aching for was coming true. My hands longed to touch every available aspect of her body, roaming roughly and hurriedly in a passionate bid to complete this desire. Meanwhile, my mouth skilfully frolicked with her own and I was enthralled to hear soft moans of her own slipping out between every gasp of breath. Such lips breath out my name in ways I've only heard in my dreams. We moved again, blindly, this time, my back heavily hitting the wooden wall. Automatically, the sliding door rose upward and before I realised what was going on I tumbled backwards through the space, grunts muffled as my back hit the wooden floor of the corridor. Rogue had a more comfortable landing, giving a soft cry as she landed on my chest, her hair being thrown over my face in the process.

The wooden door innocently closed after this little tumble, leaving the pair floored and panting after their frivolous embrace in the evacuation tunnel. She was accidentally straddling my hips, and upon sitting up, she realised the obvious implications of this as a blush crossed her cheeks. I lifted a hand to slowly stroke through her hair, content to lie on the floor for now, despite how hard it was. "You ok, kid?" I asked in genuine concern.

She nodded sheepishly, but smiled as she watched me, I could hardly believe my luck as she leant down to kiss me again. I eagerly returned it, allowing my hands to meet the small of her back and comfortably hold her against me. It was then, with my ear to close to the floor, that I heard footsteps heading our way. No doubt the crash landing through the escape door alerted someone. I eased her up slowly, glancing aside. It's Summers. She noticed my concern and quickly stood up. I followed suit, checking the area before looking back towards her. It's more trouble than it's worth for him to find us in such a compromising position, and with him being her teacher, I'd rather save her from discomfort.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said softly, reaching up to kiss my cheek before she turned and hurried off to return to her bedroom. I smiled as she went, keeping my eyes on her until she disappeared around the corner. Behind me, it wasn't long until the footsteps have arrived, and I turned towards Scott Summers.

"What are you doing?" he asked, giving me a suspicious once over.

I merely smirked towards him, "Nothin', I replied, turning and walking away without another word to leave the X-Men leader scowling. I returned to my room without any detours, the night having satisfied me more than any dreams could do. It had also assured me that despite my concerns of her being just a kid; there was one important confirmation.

She was my kid.

I have writer's block with my stories, so decided to write this one-shot to try and get my creativity going again. It's also another practise at first person narrative, and one from Logan's POV at that. Hope you liked it!