Authors Note: Hey all it's Hali (pernounced Haley) and this is my new story. I really like reviews as do all authors. I'm not sure if I will make it a series, or just a one shot. I have some ideas floating around. Ya'll need to tell me what you think please.
Disclaimer: I own nada thing. I own the concept though. Don't steal that it's good.
She was twelve when she realized what regret was.
Or maybe it was guilt.
No it wasn't that.
It was deeper.
It was a searing pain in her chest she was feeling because she was sorry and couldn't take back the words she said.
After all maybe it was regret, she just didn't know it at the time.
But she was definitely feeling it now.
She had been so horrible. Unbelievably so.
And then the accident happened and she couldn't take it back.
She couldn't take it back.
xxxxxxx
She remembers the ride to the hospital so well.
She thinks to herself that she shouldn't be able to remember.
Her body should've gone in shock she thinks.
She recalls reading about the events that are supposed to send your mind, body, and soul to that dreamlike state, in some random magazine she picked up from the table in the waiting room, but she never remembers actually achieving that state of mind.
And it aggrivates her so.
She used to remember the smell of her mothers perfume and the softness in her voice but she's sixteen now, and it's getting harder and harder.
And the worst part is that, that aching pain in her chest isn't going away.
She can't make those words she said disappear from her mind.
She's starting to blame herself again.
xxxxxxx
Her friends notice her actions.
Every year around this time she hates herself and they don't seem to know why.
She just can't seem to find a conversation starter that leads to her telling them that the last thing she told her mother was "I hate you."
It's not like they would understand anyway, she tells herself.
And besides, she doesn't have the strength to try and it explain it all.
She's trying to convince herself of all of this.
xxxxxxx
So she sticks to her self mutilation ways.
Not that she's physically hurting herself, but she does have the tendency to be emotionally abusive in the thoughts she speaks to herself.
They are trully worried, her friends.
But what can they say, they don't know what's happening.
They just assume she's grieving and they're right.
She is.
But not in a healthy way.
xxxxxxx
She blames herself for the accident.
Convinces herself that it's all true.
In her head she plays it all out.
Mom's late to school.
Call Mom and yell at her.
Say "I hate you" and hang up.
Mom's upset and gets into an accident because she's hurrying for me.
Yep it's my fault.
She can't escape what happened.
She believes this.
She believes it all.
xxxxxxx
She was twelve when she realized what regret was.
She had been so horrible.
Unbelievably so.
And then the accident happened and she couldn't take it back.
She couldn't take it back.
xxxxxxxx
el fin
author's note 2: Review please.