A/N: The second Naruto fic. Enjoy!
A/A/N: Rewrote this as of 2008/04/26
Disclaimer: I own Portrait of Ruin, not Naruto.
Legend
"…normal…"
"…thoughts…"
"…Kyuubi, Inner Voices talks/Jutsu…"
"…Kyuubi thinks…"
Chapter 01: Uzumaki Naruko
"Konoha, it looks the same as ever and yet I bet it still contains the same old bastards." thought a blonde-haired girl sitting on top of the face of the late Yondaime Hokage. She's 12, have dark blue eyes, and aforementioned blonde middle-length hair tied with a blue ribbon. Currently she's wearing a blue shirt with matching blue pants with a white skirt, and standard sandals. Other stuff includes a kodachi on her right and a sitar strapped to her back, made from a unique type of wood that won't break from bashing heads. "No thanks to you Furball."
"Not my fault the guy you sitting on happens to die while sealing me in your gut." said the furball known as the Kyuubi no Kitsune behind metal bars. Besides being male he's wearing a black leisure suit with small round glasses and sandals. He currently has short black hair, his nine tails sticking out, and has crimson eyes with a slight slit.
"Yeah you're right. But it's still your fault that I went four years without ramen!"
"Be glad you did you flat-chested midget."
"Stop calling me that!"
"No, it's my only form of entertainment. Though it was a good idea to go on that training journey."
"Yeah, though Teach was murder. I was glad I didn't become one of the Pigeon's fan girls."
"Be glad you didn't no-chest."
"Damn Fox-teme."
"Hehehe."
--
At the Hokage Tower…
"Damn paperwork never ceases to disappear. Damn Minato-kun for leaving me half of his paperwork that never ceases to disappear. Damn fox for killing Minato-kun for leaving me half of his paperwork that never ceases to disappears. Damn…Steve Allen!" yelled Sarutobi.
"What does Steve Allen have to do with this?" said Naruko on the window ledge.
"Nothing, I just hate him. And who are you?"
Naruko let out a foxy grin and perform the good ol' Oiroke no Jutsu. "Remember little ol' me?" said Naruko in a seductive voice. And soon the whole floor is covered in blood.
"That was fun."
"No kidding. Nice use of replacing your flat body with two hills."
"I swear to Kami-sama that I'll kill you someday."
A moment later…
"I see that you're the same brat as ever Naruko." said Sarutobi as he wiped his nose.
"Damn right old man." said Naruko.
"I take it that you want to be enlisted as a Konoha Genin right."
"Yup."
"Well, we just finish the examinations a week ago but for you we can make an exception."
"Thanks old man! So what I gotta do?"
"Since you already shown that stupid technique you pass Henge and I can tell you replaced my platinum card with an expired library card you pass Kawarimi."
"Damn." Naruko said as she handed back the 'platinum card'.
"Now let's see the Bunshin."
"I'll do one better. Kage Bunshin no Jutsu." Naruko performed the Shadow Clone Technique and formed multiple clones. Then they simultaneously said, "How was it?"
Sarutobi smiled as he handed her a hitai-ate. "Congratulations, you passed Naruko."
"Yatta, thanks old man!" Naruko said as she disappeared.
"Kid needs work on her manners. Ah well, at least she didn't invent a stupid harem technique or something." Sarutobi sighed as he went back to the endless paperwork.
--
At the apartments on the east side of the village…
"My god, when was the last time I cleaned up?" said Naruko. Her apartment was covered with ramen cups, ramen bowls, empty milk cartons, spider webs, dust, and roaches. Surprisingly there were no rats infesting the place.
"You're asking me? You never clean up and for a human you're a slob."
"Shut up. Fine, I might as well clean up. Futon: Tatsumaki no Jutsu." Naruko created a miniaturized tornado to clean up the mess on the floor. She then set the trash tornado outside and sent the trash flying elsewhere.
"Very nice, littering in public. Just be glad the police didn't see you."
"Yeah yeah. If you don't mind I gotta go shopping."
"Oh please don't go crazy over shopping like regular girls." pleaded Kyuubi.
"Since when was I a regular girl?"
It's true that Naruko is not a regular girl…however…
"MORE ICHIRAKU-SAN! SPICY SHRIMP THIS TIME!" yelled Naruko through a mouthful of noodles.
"Okay forget regular girl. No regular human would spend their money on ramen. Hell no normal human can stomach 30 bowls of ramen, even for a Akimichi and Jinchuriki." said Kyuubi.
"Stuff it fox. Teach forbade me from eating the stuff on the grounds that there's no nutritional value I can benefit from." snapped Naruko.
"Not only that but this meal covers the rest of your savings."
"Not a problem, I never gave back the old man's card back."
"You never thought this through do you?"
"Here you go Naruko." Ichiraku said, handing her a bowl of rice noodles with seafood.
"New menu?"
"I've wanted to try out new noodle recipes for a while and thought why not have you try it out."
Naruko devoured the bowl and immediately asked for more. "MORE PLEASE!"
"Damn flat-chested girl with a universe for a stomach."
--
The next day…
"I'm sitting next to Sasuke!" yelled Sakura.
"No, I'm sitting next to Sasuke!" yelled Ino.
"What makes you think you have the right to sit next to him Pig?"
"Because I said so Billboard Brow!"
"PIG!"
"BILLBOARD!"
"WARTHOG!"
"BALD FOREHEAD!"
"WHAT WAS THAT?!"
"SHUT UP ALREADY!" yelled Naruko, caught (literally) between the arguments between the co-presidents of the Sasuke Fan Club.
"Stay out of this! And by the way…who are you? I didn't see you at the exams."
"Sarutobi-jiji gave me special permission to be a Genin. And I don't give a damn who sit next to the Pigeon just as long as you FRICKING PICK ALREADY!"
"DON'T INSULT SASUKE-KUN YOU FLAT-CHESTED BITCH!"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING FLAT-CHESTED!"
As they yelled Sasuke simply hned uninterestingly. As the co-presidents verbally dish it out Naruko took the chance to inspect Sasuke.
"What is it?"
"Is it just me or is it that you ignored practically every girl here Pigeon? Are you gay?"
"No I'm not gay." said Sasuke, twitching internally.
"Whatever Sasgay."
Sasuke at this point is fighting back the rising urge to kill via Goukakyu. They each got into each other faces, not knowing that some kid from behind bumped Naruko from behind, causing her and Sasuke to connect with a big smooch. As the SFC freak out…
"Goddamn it Uzumaki I'll kill you for this." gagged Sasuke.
"Goddamn it Pigeon. You made me lose my first kiss. And you didn't have to use your tongue." gagged and (supposedly) lied Naruko. Sasuke twitched at the tongue 'lie' while Naruko felt a murderous aura.
"I'm gonna kill you for stealing Sasuke-kun's first kiss from me." simultaneously thought the SFC.
"If you want to kill me then try. Be warn though…I WILL TAKE DOWN EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU ANNOYING FREAKS!" yelled Naruko, provoking them to fight.
"Nice, chick fight." said Kyuubi.
"Yare yare Naruko, already a day passed since you came back and already you started a fight." said Iruka as he came in.
"Oh hey Iruka-sensei. Long time no see." cheerfully said Naruko.
As soon as Iruka said Naruko the Genin hopeful thought of another Naruko before she left. The one they remember wasn't a loudmouth with a less-than-normal personality. Hell the Naruko they know could make Hinata seem sociable. The distinguishing feature they both had was that they had blonde hair, have the same unique blue eyes, and the unmistakable whiskers.
"Holy crap it's Naruko!" exclaimed Kiba.
"No kidding Ass Breath." said Naruko.
"What was that bitch."
"You heard me mutt."
"How troublesome."
"Still a lazy ass eh Shikamaru?"
"Damn right Naruko."
"If you guys don't mind I'm gonna announce the (last minute) teams now."
Later on a bit…
"Team Seven will consist of Uzumaki Naruko, Haruno Sakura, and Uchiha Sasuke. Your teacher is Hatake Kakashi."
"I'M WITH THE PIGEON?!" yelled Naruko.
"Yes, even though you were gone for four years we still have your test scores and frankly they're worst than Shikamaru's." said Iruka.
"…damn…" groaned Naruko. "Stupid fan girl."
"Whatever." said Sasuke passively. "Stupid fan girl."
"Ha, take that pig." cheered Sakura. "HA, ONE STEP CLOSER TO SASUKE. CHA!"
"Team 8 will consists of Hyuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba, and...Aburame Shino……Team 10 will consist of Yamanaka Ino ("I got the lazy ass?"), Nara Shikamaru ("Heh, guess you're stuck with me Ino."), and Akimichi Chouji. ("Crap, not the fat ass." groaned Ino which Chouji retaliates with a glare.).
Sometime after the other Jonin picked up their students only Team Seven was left in the classroom. Sakura was fuming, Sasuke was brooding, and Naruko was playing a pleasant tune on her sitar. Soon enough (a record three second earlier than earlier) Kakashi appears.
"Hm, my impression of you guys…the Pinky is useless, Broody sucks, and the flat one needs a lesson in self-control." Sakura glared, Sasuke passively shrugged it off, and Naruko scowled at him. "Meet me on the roof after lunch and nice tune Blondie."
--
Later…
"Let me introduce myself. I'm Hatake Kakashi. My likes are none of your concern ("He likes reading porn."), I have not a clue what I hate ("He probably hates the waiting time between each release."). My hobbies…do I have any? ("Read that one book.") My dreams…("Own the entire Icha Icha collection.")."
"That was pointless." commented Naruko.
"You're up Broody."
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. It's none of your concern about what I like ("Guys"), hate ("Girls"), or what's my hobbies ("Checking out guys."). My dream is more of an ambition. I will restore my clan and kill a certain man ("Or finding the right guy.")."
"You're next pinky."
"Pinky?" I'm Haruno Sakura. I like…well the person I like…(giggling)…("Girls"). What I hate is Ino-pig and Naruto ("Whatever Pinky.") ("Guys."). My hobbies… (giggling) ("Kissing girls.") And my dreams… (squeals in delight) ("Get involved in an explicit lesbian relationship that I can really enjoy.")."
"And finally you Blondie."
"Uzumaki Naruko. I really like noodles, fighting, and playing the sitar. ("She enjoys looking at big breasts.") I hate waiting for ramen and the insults a certain person throws at me. ("Because she's flat-chested.") My hobbies are laying the sitar, training, and eating new types of noodles. ("Look at women with big breasts.") And my dream is to be the kunoichi I can be. I don't want to be a kage of any kind because of the paperwork. ("Gain a big set of hills if you know what I mean." Kyuubi snickered.) Go to fucking Hell Fox!"
"Hm, one obsessed fan girl, one brooding avenger and one flat-chested blonde. Alright now that we introduced ourselves we're gonna take a test to see your worth as a Genin."
"But aren't we Genin already?"
"Think of it as a means of weeding out the hopeless and selecting the ones who have any shred of being Genin."
"Then what was that graduation exam about?"
"Screwing around with your heads." Kakashi smiled and (without them knowing) lied. Sakura scowled, Sasuke mentally scowled, and Naruko shrugged it off considering she didn't need to take the test.
A/N: A little slow and dull but it'll pick up later. So review and later cowboys…
Jutsu List:
Oiroke no Jutsu (Sexy Technique)
Henge no Jutsu (Transformation Technique)
Kawarimi no Jutsu (Replacement Technique)
Bunshin no Jutsu (Clone Technique)
Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique)
Futon: Tatsumaki no Jutsu (Wind Release: Tornado Technique) – Pretty much create a basic tornado. Considered as a the basis of tornado techniques
Katon: Goukakyu no Jutsu (Fire Release: Grand Fireball Technique)