Title: Saying Farewell

Author: JeeSun

Pairing: Addison/Derek

Spoilers: This begins after 3.04 Oh, the Guilt

Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were I wouldn't pretend as if Addison and Derek never were madly in love with each other.

A/N: This is a bit different from my the other GA fics I've written so far. There'll be several chapters. I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this yet but we'll see. Reviews totally makes my day!!

I.

Addison almost makes a U-turn in the hallway when she sees that Derek is standing by the OR board with Meredith. Then she takes a deep breath, deciding it's time for her to move on with her life and let people know they can stop feeling sorry for her. She has to face her ex-husband sooner or later. She straightens her back and when she's passing them, she smiles slightly and nods at them. For a brief second, her eyes catch Derek's and she's pleased to see that they aren't looking as harsh and cold as before.

"Addison!"

She stops and turns around when she hears Derek's calling for her. As he walks up to her, she suddenly feels a bit nervous over being alone with him. It reminds her of when they were in college and when they first started dating. He had always been charming and outgoing. She on the other hand, had started college as very quiet and shy. But over the years, Derek had managed to bring out her confidence and her sparkling personality.

"Hey," she says quietly. She glances over his shoulder and sees Meredith looking at them curiously.

"Hey." He's quiet for a moment and just looks at her. He looks a bit worried and almost a bit sad too. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she says, a bit too quickly and a bit too convincing for someone who actually is.

Derek raises her eyebrows at her.

She shrugs. "What do you want me to say, Derek? I'm alright." She sighs. "How are you? How's everything going with…"

Derek interrupts her. "We don't have to have that type of relationship, Addison. I can only speak for myself but when you get a boyfriend I'd prefer not to hear about him or how your relationship is going."

Addison smiles slightly even though it hurts to hear her ex-husband talk so lightly about future boyfriends and relationships. To her, the thought of being in a relationship with another man than Derek still seems impossible.

"Anyway, I just wanted to see how you were," he says. "I want us to be civil around each other. Not just because we're working together." He's quiet for a few seconds and smiles gently at her. "I mean it'd be weird if we walked around here without taking notice of each other or pretend as if we at one time weren't more than what we are now."

"I thought you wanted me to leave Seattle." Addison regrets saying it the second it's left her mouth.

"I did. But when I told you that you had just told me you and Mark had a relationship in New York. I was hurt and felt betrayed – once again."

"I'm sorry, Derek," she says honestly.

He nods and smiles sadly at her. "I know, Addie. Thank you."

Addison sticks her hands in her pockets and nods at him. "Okay. Now if you'll excuse me I have to…"

She stops talking when she realizes that Derek isn't listening to her anymore. Instead his eyes are focusing on her left breast. Embarrassed, she crosses her arms over her chest and awkwardly shifts her weight from one foot to the other. But he just puts his hand on one of her arms and gently forces her to loosen her grip. His hand stays on her lower arm. Addison's noticing that Meredith is glancing over at them with worried eyes and she tries to let him go of her.

"Derek!" she says through gritted teeth, still not understanding what he's doing.

He straightens out her coat where her name is. Addison looks down and bites her bottom lip as she's realizing what caught his attention.

"You've got rid of Shepherd?" The way he says it makes it sound more like a statement than a question.

She shrugs. I couldn't really see a point in keeping it."

Finally, he lifts his head and meets her eyes. "But you're family! You've been a Shepherd since the day I brought you home to meet my family for the first time."

"Derek, we're divorced now. I'm not family anymore."

She smiles sadly at him before walking away.

---

When she comes home from work she lays down on the bed. She rolls her eyes when she thinks about the fact that she just called this hotel room her home. She knows she should start to look for a new apartment, but she never seems to have time. But the truth is she doesn't want to take the time. In the last, she was still hoping for her and Derek to sort things out. But the divorce-papers have been signed and Addison has slowly begun to realize they'll never be 'Derek and Addison' again. Still, looking for a new home where she'll live without him scares her and will put a definite end to their relationship.

She covers her eyes with her arm and takes a deep breath. She's tired and figures she'll try to get an early night's sleep. God knows, she needs it. As she's gathering strength to get out of bed to brush her teeth and change her clothes, her phone rings.

She sighs and plays with the thought of not answering. But it might be something important. One of the first things she learned as an intern was that if you wanted to be a top doctor, you're always available.

"Hello?" She said tiredly.

"Addie?"

Addison smiles softly as she recognizes the voices. "Hi there Nancy. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I just got back home from a charity event. You would have loved it, Addie!"

Addison smiles, knowing that Nancy is right. She used to love going to all sort of charity events and benefits. It was a good opportunity to dress up, meet new people but most importantly, help the less fortunate.

"What can I do for you, Nance?"

The other end of the line is silent for a few seconds and Addison's starting to wonder if Nancy heard her. But then she hears Nancy taking a deep breath.

"Come back to New York."

Addison can't help laughing a little. "You know I can't do that. Seattle is my now. I have my job here and all of my…" She trails of and gets quiet.

"Friends?" Nancy fills in with soft voice. "Addie, you know I love you like a sister and I'm not saying this to hurt you but he's not coming back."

"It's not just Derek," Addison says quietly but hears how lame she sounds. Nancy is one of her best friends and Derek's sister. She knows both of them and and how their relationship's neen working over the past years better than anyone.

"He's not coming back," Nancy repeats, more firmly this time. "There's nothing that keeps you in Seattle anymore. You need to start over, far away from Derek and his intern. We both know that Seattle never was for you. You need Manhattan and charity events. You need to have dinner at five star restaurants and the cute little outfits you couldn't wear anywhere else but here." Nancy is quiet for a second. "And Manhattan needs you, Addie. And I need you too. I miss you."

"Nancy…"

"You're lonely in Seattle. You had a life here. Just think about it. That's all I'm asking."

Addison smiles slightly. "Okay, I will."

After she's hung up the phone, Addison walks over to the table where there are some daily papers. She turns the pages but when she reaches the section for available apartments, she throws the papers in the trashcan. Nancy was right. There's nothing that keeps her in Seattle anymore. She's going back to New York.

- TBC -