In the Case of Alicia

(C) tri-Ace and Square Enix

-I. Coriander-

1.) In the case of Alicia, herself

Coriander was a lovely, peaceful place. Alicia couldn't understand either Rufus' or Dylan's complaints about the place, or how they couldn't believe that the Dragon Orb had once resided here. She liked that it was so small that the only form of commerce was a traveling peddler. It was something about the people themselves, simple people living uncomplicated lives, that made her feel at peace with the village. She watched as neighbors waved to each other, chatting at the eastern bridge, as children chased each other down the dirt path, and strange feelings welled up inside of her in response.

I wish I had lived a life like that.

It was a longing she had held inside of her ever since she had left the sanctuary her father had placed her, a cold and lonely stone keep that had been her home since she was a child. Ten years, and now it felt as if that sanctuary had locked her heart inside of it. She had wanted to reach out and laugh and play, but Silmeria told her about their shared destiny and how she had to prepare for it. Anyway, she was much too old to play like a little girl now.

But...I can make friends, right? No one is ever too old to have friends!

Alicia hadn't had a friend since Dallas. But now she had companions, people with whom she (and Silmeria) had a common purpose. It was good to make friends with the people she was traveling with, wasn't it? Maybe then she would feel more comfortable. With the way Silmeria took over her body with ease, she never knew when she could be herself, when she would be allowed to be herself. Silmeria was much better at being a princess than she was, if their recruitment of Rufus had shown her anything.

But maybe, just for their break in Coriander before they went up to the mountain ruins near the village, she could just be Alicia?

2.) In the case of Alicia and Rufus

Coriander might have been a small village, but it seemed awfully hard for Alicia to find anyone when she wanted to.

Every time she did something klutzy, whether she tripped while they were traveling on flat land, or when she fumbled with her sword during a battle, it seemed that the others were watching and judging her. Dylan was the picture of weathered patience (perhaps because he's an einherjar? she wondered), so it was almost all right with him. But Rufus made comments, and he was the type of person who spoke bluntly to a valkyrie, so what did he care about a pathetic princess like herself? And Sir Lezard, although he had a pleasant face, would sometimes let the impatience show in his eyes, and other times she thought he looked like he was annoyed with her very existence. Then he would smile, and everything seemed all right, but in some ways Alicia preferred Rufus and the sharp words he hurled like they were arrows from his quiver.

She had wanted to look for Dylan first, but instead she found Rufus. He was at the eastern bridge, staring out into the water. It didn't look like he wanted to be bothered, least of all by her.

But I can at least greet him...right?

"Hello," she called as she approached him, ready to bolt if he wanted to be left alone. He glanced over at her and smiled.

"You're Alicia now, right?"

"Yes," she answered with a nod, not offended. "I'm sorry to bother you, I just, um, wanted to see how you were doing."

He gave her a strange look, then turned back to the river. "Okay." As Alicia stood on the bridge, feeling stupid, he gestured with one hand around him. "I can't believe that guy, saying that the Dragon Orb crossed here once. I mean, this place doesn't even have a shop! It's just a run-down village."

"But I like it," Alicia said in a small voice.

"Actually, I don't even trust that guy," Rufus continued as if he hadn't heard her. " 'Oh, look at me, I'm just a poor assistant with morals. Oh no, Dipan keeps pet monsters and I just sit here and...scheme?' Hmph. Makes me wonder if he would've done anything at all if we hadn't come along."

She fidgeted, unsure of what to do. If she spoke in defense of Sir Lezard, Rufus would probably say things about her, too. She didn't want to hear it. But...maybe he had a point?

"Yeah, he acts so humble and polite, but have you heard him in battle? All that laughing, that whole 'these foes are a joke'?" He glanced over at her. "Well, what do you think? Arrogant jerk, or our mage in shining glasses?"

"Um, well..." she murmured, taking in his well-shaped, almost delicate features. How could someone with such beauty be so...sharp and casually hurtful? "Since Silmeria seems to trust him..."

"Hmph." He looked away. "Alright, whatever. After all, Silmeria knows best."

Alicia looked down. For all her life, that was the impression she got from Silmeria. And if she didn't obey the valkyrie, she ended up as the voice at the back of (their?) mind while Silmeria did as she liked.

Silmeria knows best.

Alicia walked away.

3.) In the case of Alicia and Lezard

As Alicia walked, a cool breeze swept through, ruffling her thin locks and sending petals afloat over the village. Reaching out, she caught one and studied it. It was a white petal, belonging to a flower she had never seen before. Not that she had seen enough flowers to be an expert, but she couldn't remember seeing anything like this in Dipan or Solde, or even the Kythena Plains. Curious, she turned towards the breeze.

Amid a storm of petals, she saw Sir Lezard, his attention transfixed on the valley in the distance.

If Rufus had looked like he didn't want to be disturbed, then that went double for the sorcerer who had aided them in Dipan. She watched him for a moment as he stood, his expression much like the one he wore when she had told him that most of the time she held control of her body, not Silmeria. That time, the look he had given her was cold, as if he could see through her and found her profoundly lacking.

This time, it was different, but Alicia couldn't place why. All she knew was that she felt sad for him. Not wanting to bother him, she was about to keep walking when he glanced in her direction. He seemed to regard her with mild curiosity before a slight smile appeared and he dipped his head in a respectful gesture. "Ah, Princess. Is there something I can do for you?"

"Oh, um..." She approached him and held out the petal in her hand, but to her embarrassment it floated away. "Ah! I...I was wondering about the petals. I don't recognize their shape..."

Sir Lezard chuckled. "I would not be surprised. It is a rare flower. They only exist in that valley there--" he pointed to the mountains, where the petals were floating in from, "--which is named for this particular species, the Weeping Lily."

"Oh," she said, smiling up at her companion. "Are the flowers beautiful?" There was a sudden urge to go and see them, but she knew that their mission was much more important than her childish whims.

"They are, as well as rather deadly. Their scent is a poison for which there is no antidote." He must have noticed the expression on her face, because his smile grew wider. "But do not fear, Princess. In small quantities, like right now, it is harmless."

Beautiful and deadly...like a valkyrie?

Alicia nodded slowly. "Actually, I wanted to know if I could do anything for you." At his questioning look, she clarified, "Because you looked like you were remembering something painful."

She didn't realize that was what it seemed to her, but as soon as she said it she realized that it felt right. It seemed to affect him too, as his pleasant expression dropped briefly, revealing that same cold appraisal she had faced earlier. It scared her that he could change so quickly, and yet she could not look away from him. "I, I'm sorry," she said, wishing that he would stop and put on his mask again.

"I seem to bear the distasteful ability for making you worry. My apologies for my indiscretion," Sir Lezard said, nodding in that sign of respect. When he raised his head, she noted with relief that there was only concern on his face, not that other expression. "You are fairly observant, I see. I must apologize, but I require some time to myself."

"Yes, of course," Alicia agreed. She wanted to say more, something that would show him that she sympathized with him, but she had the sinking feeling that her words did not mean very much to him at all. Instead, she smiled at him before taking her leave.

He was smiling in return, but she didn't think it reached his eyes.

4.) In the case of Alicia and Dylan.

This isn't working, said the small voice at the back of Alicia's mind, and she was grateful to know that it was not Silmeria's voice. I wish that I was a person that everyone could like, but as I am now...I'm not good enough.

She walked, her eyes downcast, as all her self-doubts grew. She wasn't sure enough of herself, of anything, in order to give Rufus a direct answer full of confidence. Even though everyone was supporting her, what did she do for them? Was she even useful at all?

Was she nothing more than a vessel for a goddess?

Immersed in her doubts, she disturbed a chicken that was wobbling along, nearly kicking it in its side. It retaliated angrily, cackling like a banshee as it flapped its wings with all the fury of a hen scorned. Alicia shrieked and tripped over herself as she tried to get away from the enraged bird, landing painfully on her posterior. A couple kids came over and chased the chicken away while someone else asked Alicia if she was alright, would she like some help, but all the young woman could think of was how foolish she must've looked, being so scared of a chicken! Heat burned along her cheeks and behind her eyes as humiliation swept over her like a wave.

I wish I didn't exist.

"Princess, allow me to assist you," a deep, unsettling voice said above her, and Alicia looked up and saw Dylan, the strong-willed einherjar who had been allowed to stay permanently materialized to protect her. He held out a hand to her, just like he had deep in the basement of Dipan Castle, after her father had struck her down and announced he had no daughter.

I can't do anything about it.

She placed her hand on his and allowed him to help her up. He did so with a tenderness and propriety that was somehow both out of place with the brawny knight's appearance as well as just what she would expect from him. "Thank you," she whispered once she was upright; he removed his hand and stood by her side, his gaze heavy upon her.

"There is no need to thank me. As a knight of Dipan, it is my duty to attend to a member of the royal family." She kept her eyes on the ground, unwilling to contradict him; he had seen for himself that her connection to her family had been severed the instant her father's hand struck her face. "And, this is an untamed village. Such a thing would not occur in a proper town like Dipan or Solde," he added, distaste curling in his words.

"No, I meant..." She looked up at him, finding no reproach towards her, only concern. "Thank you for watching over me. I know I haven't been of much help..."

Because I'm not Silmeria. Because I'm reviled by my own family.

There was a pinched look on his face, and she knew she must be annoying him. But when he opened his eyes she could only find patience there, not Sir Lezard's brand of it, but rather something real and comforting. "You have been working just as hard as that archer--moreso, I'd say." Alicia laughed behind a hand, remembering all the times Rufus complained and cajoled for just a few more moments to rest. "And the mage is an untested ally. While I am here to defend you from harm, I have also come to depend on your blade as well."

"It's because of Silmeria that I can fight even this much," she admitted. Silmeria had made her train to prepare herself for their destiny.

Dylan shook his head, his long bangs swishing across his face. "Silmeria is not you. Two souls in the same body are allowed to be two different people. And yet, you have learned something from her, and she from you. Do not forget that."

Alicia frowned, one hand over her heart as she considered Dylan's words. What could Silmeria possibly learn from me?
she wondered. Silmeria is a goddess.

"Thank you," she said, despite her doubts; Dylan had been kind enough to talk to her when he seemed to prefer glowering and stern reprimands. And it seemed like he was being sincere. "I'll remember."

He inclined his head towards her, ever the proper knight, and she smiled and decided to find their companions for the trip to the last known destination of the Dragon Orb.

5.) In the case of Alicia and Silmeria.

As the party left Coriander, Alicia could feel Silmeria's presence spark in her mind. It always felt like stars brightening in her mind, as if she was becoming more than her humanity would allow.

(Alicia) Silmeria said in the depths of her mind.

"What is it?" Alicia said out loud, prompting a glance from Rufus, who was just a little further ahead. She bit her lip at the attention; she knew she could just think the words, but it felt better to her if she spoke aloud. She did not want to become trapped in her mind.

There was silence, something like an inhalation, and then Silmeria's voice, like a slackening of a bowstring: (I have learned a lot from you)

Alicia closed her eyes. It wasn't like Silmeria to make such admissions. "It's okay. I'm fine."

It was a burden for Alicia to also have Silmeria's awakened soul inside her body, a curse with no hope of freedom, but they had been together since her birth. It seemed wrong to make Silmeria as uncomfortable with the situation as she herself was.

Alicia did not like their fate, but when it came down to it, she could not imagine life without Silmeria.

-to be continued-