Impenetrable
By: xbishieglomperx
It was a moonlit night, the dampness clinging to her windows in tiny droplets. She didn't bother to turn on the lights, knowing her eyes would not adjust to a sudden change. Not after what happened, she couldn't adjust to any change. She pulled off the first layer of the intricate lavender kimono, fumbling with the folds under influence of the sake she didn't remember she had. Her chocolate brown hair was done in one elaborate bun, jade chopsticks to hold it in place, gems glistening on her ears. Her cheeks were brushed a rosy color, red lipstick smoothed over her lips, perfect even after the long day. She kicked her expensive heels off, awkwardly rubbing her sore feet.
Finally, the long held tears came, smearing her cheeks with black trails, as she stood alone and wiped furiously at the waves of grief.
Why, why had she waited and not done anything? Now all was lost, and the relentless stabs at her heart forced her to cover her skin with white trails. It all hurt inside, and physical pain was the only escape. Words couldn't express how unbearable, how sweetness and comfort was impenetrable to her violent emotions.
"Why are you crying?"
She gazed up, her eyes wide and startled. Black hair damp against pale skin gave him a ghostly look, his eyes as white as ivory.
She murmured his name, looking away from him and desperately trying to hold in the flood crashing against her reserves. "You shouldn't be here."
"You don't tell me where I should or shouldn't be," his deep baritone voice did not alleviate his cold words. She flinched, and he repeated, almost apologetic but not quite, "Why are you crying?"
"I'm happy for you," she assured him roughly, sitting down and glued her eyes to her own reflection, at how her composure that lasted all day crumbled in messy streaks down her cheeks and bloodshot eyes. She angrily pulled her earrings out, bitterly opening her jewelry box. She halted, staring at the necklace that lay gingerly inside. The necklace he had given her on her birthday so many years ago, the same one she never took off, and the one she finally left for the first and last time. She no longer wanted to wear it, a symbol of their friendship, it would be accused of fidelity, but worse, it would bring back old memories. Shoving her earrings inside, she slammed the box, staring at the wood.
He stealthily came behind her, his touch damp and cold from the rain that began to suddenly began to pour heavily outside.
"You're lying."
His murmur hit home, her shoulders stiffened, her head pounding from the alcohol, and her heart for a totally different reason.
"Why would I be lying?" she growled.
He didn't answer, leaning in; his scent and the crisp rain wafting into her nose, as the waves crashed harder behind her eyes. His damp clothes brushed against the inner layer of her kimono, her outer discarded on her bed. He opened the box, gingerly taking out the necklace.
"You don't wear this anymore."
"Why should I?"
His fingers quickly unclasped the necklace, bringing it around her exposed neck. The cold metal touched her warm skin, as she held back a shiver. The two gazed at their reflections, as his hands stayed on her shoulders. She needed him to leave. She desperately needed distance, space between them.
But she wanted him, she wanted his cool fingers against her neck, she wanted his damp hair against her skin.
Her hand reached up, brushing his off hers, and he instantly let go, but she felt even colder.
"They'll be waiting..." she insisted, trying to make him leave.
"Let them wait."
"You wouldn't do that," she protested, her eyes once more staring at the wood, too ashamed to look up at her own reflection and his.
"You don't tell me what I would or wouldn't do," he repeated steadily, his words cutting like a knife.
She stood up, pushing her chair against him, turning away from him. She would not be cornered; she would not fall, not again. Not anymore.
"Go now," she commanded, her voice shaking.
He didn't move, nor did he answer. Awkward silence made the air stiff; she frantically tried to control her ragged breathing, trying to fight exhaustion, to fight alcohol, to fight him.
But, it was irrepressible, and with her back to him, she shakily murmured his name one last time.
He sighed softly, resignedly, and he walked towards her, and she was too cold, too tired to keep the distance. His cool arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to him, just as she had wished him to do so long ago. Her heart thumped painfully as he breathed against her neck. She stiffened as his almost heavy exhale revealed his concealed emotions. Desire. It filled her blood, as it filled his. And the tears pushed harder against her wall, trying to break it. Her dreams, her one wish in life was finally given to her, when she couldn't have it.
"No... we... we can't," she murmured, trying to push him away.
"You don't tell me what I can and can't do," he answered, his words burning her skin.
"We can't!" she protested, pushing his arms away, as he let go. She turned around, hugging her shaking body, and dropping to the floor.
He stood as he watched her silently cry, her pride too great to let him see the glisten of tears.
"Why?" his voice wasn't pained, nor emotional in the slightest bit, it was impassive. "Why... why do you no longer see me?"
She didn't understand. She always saw him. She always saw him as a genius, as the rookie of the year, as the prodigy that went against his fate. But most of all, she saw him as her one and only love.
"I did..." she murmured before adding a quick shuddered, "It doesn't matter anymore..."
"You don't tell me what matters and what doesn't," he replied once more, pushing her over the edge.
Her voice came out as a shrill pained shriek, "Go back to her! Go back and fuck her, I don't care anymore!"
"I never fucked her."
She raised her head, showing him bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks. He kneeled down and her eyes lowered.
His hand reached up and gently pulled out the jade keeping her hair up, as it cascaded down her shoulders in brown waves. He raised her head, leaning in. His kiss was tender, gentle. She didn't react, she couldn't. He was too much, he was too strong, he was too much of everything she just couldn't have.
He breathed against her lips one last sad time, "She knows I'm here. It's always been about you, it's only about you."
"Then... why... why didn't you tell me?"
He smiled sadly against her lips, "And break your heart when I knew this will happen? That I will have to marry my own cousin and not you?"
"It is broken, it already was."
Suddenly, he stood up, his cool fingers no longer on her.
"I shouldn't have come," he murmured, his voice suddenly pained. He turned to the window, his movements sharp.
She lifted her head, gazing at his back, as she no longer hid her tears. They glistened in the moonlight, in a way that made her look much too pained than anyone, even a ninja should feel.
"I love you, Neji-sama. I always loved you."
She held his name at such a formal regard despite her words, and suddenly he was gone in the rain.
A/N: Angsty. Crappily Done. Nejiten. These three elements have come back to me. We cannot be separated for too long. Please review!