"I'm hungry," said Wakko.

There was a thunderous crash, an electrical-sounding noise, and computers worldwide exploded. Civilization ground to a screeching halt. Screeching, mind you. Sparkles floated in the air. Doc Ock fell to his knees, weeping, and praying for forgiveness.

"Wow," said Dot, "You broke it."

Wakko was staring mutely at the chaos. He stared at it. He continued to stare at it. "How?" he managed after a sufficient amount of staring.

"Simple," Yakko said, "There were three things wrong - or RIGHT - with that sentence. First, it was gramatically correct. You did not mention that Im was hungry."

"But Im isn't hungry. Im just ate lunch," Wakko said, gesturing at Im, who nodded in agreement. And a good lunch it had been, thought Im. Yum yum.

"Secondly, it was Shockingly In Character." Yakko said this with capital letters, because they were Needed.

Wakko shrugged. "Okay?"

"Third...ly..." Mercy, that was a strange word. "Number three, it advanced the plot. Somewhat."

Wakko thought thoughts about this.

"Don't you see," cried Dot, "You've BROKEN FANDOM. You BROKE THE THREE CARDINAL RULES OF FANFIC." She flailed her arms about in emphasis. "Nothing will ever be the same!"

"Not ever?" Wakko said, frightened.

"NOT EVER NEVER!" Lola answered, appearing from elsewhere. "Have you seen my new shoes?"

"Oooh, they have the grippy underneath," Yakko said. He understood the benefits of this feature, as it greatly aided one when doing one's climbing up things.

"I'm still hungry," Wakko said, because he was, despite broken fandoms and grippy underneaths. "We still haven't had breakfast."

"I know," said Dot, who knew. "There's a new restaurant just over there." (Had it been farther, it would have presented transportation difficulties). "I hear they have great pancakes."

"Zhi Emaisl's!" Yakko said. Because that was what it was.

And so the Warner siblings found themselves seated in a booth at Zhi Emaisl's House of Pancakes. The waitress sparkled over to them.

"Hi," she giggled in a shower of sparkles, "My names cassie, liek, wut do u want?" She tossed her platinum blond hair over one shoulder. It shined like a Pantene commercial underneath the restaurant's dirty fluorescent lamps. A butterfly gracefully flew over and landed on her shoulder.

Yakko stared at the waitress curiously. Dot stared at the menu curiously. Wakko continued trying to carve his initials into the table with the knife.

"You're one of them," Yakko said.

"I can't read this," Dot said.

"These knives need sharpened," Wakko said.

"Teehee!" sparkled cassie. "Ur so silly! Im silly too, im random. I liek cheese!"

"Im isn't silly or random," Wakko argued, now distracted from his vandalism. "You don't know Im very well."

"I can't read your menu," Dot said. "What are the yotted finges?"

"Oh, their very good."

"Whose very good?" Yakko was suspicious.

"There very good."

"It is not! There's no very good there!"

"You need a comma, honey," said Dot, handing her one. "Here you go. They're served with yew sauce. What's yew sauce?"

"Its our signitur sauce. We also serve it w/ our vendetta," said cassie.

"Vendettaaaaaaaaa!" sang Roper, before fading into oblivion.

"Hum," said Dot, thoughtfully.

"I think we'll have pancakes," Yakko said. "I think we'll all have pancakes, in the interest of moving the plot along." He refolded the menus and handed them back to cassie. She took them and gracefully danced back into the kitchen.

"I'm afraid," Wakko said. Fearfully.

"Me too," Dot said, also fearfully, with fear.

"Fear is a natural response," Yakko said. He was feeling particularly pithy. "When faced with abominable horror, fear is what enables you to run away very fast screaming, or hit stuff. We have just been faced with the most abominable and horrible of all abominable horrors. Therefore, we fear." This said, he began calmly building a pyramid out of the butter packets.

"I've never seen anything like that before," Dot said. "What was it?"

"It SPARKLED," Wakko added.

"It was a Sue," Yakko said. "Sues sparkle. They have crazy magical powers. They have troubled pasts, iPods, strawberry frappucinos, and Hawthorne Heights CDs. Sometimes they have really long names, and sometimes they are named Cassie."

"Why Cassie?" Dot wanted to know.

Yakko shrugged. "I would buy a ridiculous amount of presents for the person who knows the answer to that question."

"I know a Cassie," Peter Parker said mournfully.

"She says she's my cousin," MJ said, "But she LIES."

"Me too," said Jack, from Newsies. "Although mine was sent back in time to fall in love with me."

"KILL," growled Anakin Skywalker.

Sonic the Hedgehog gave a mournful sigh.

"Cassie butchered our fandoms," said Draco. Buffy put her arm around his shoulders and tried to console him.

"See," Yakko said. "Even we are not immune."

"Why do Sues talk so funny?" Dot asked.

"Sues are not known for their typing or grammar skills," Yakko said.

"My face hurts," said Wakko. He had been smashing it into the table repeatedly since the part about "strawberry frappucinos."

Just then, cassie sparkled back to their table, perfectly carrying three plates of pancakes in her perfect hands. She distributed them and teehee'd at her customers. "Does everything look all right?" she asked.

"No," Dot said, "you are wearing sparkly blue eyeshadow. It looks terrible."

cassie giggled, and it sounded like the tinkling of sparkly glass bells. "Ur silly!" she said, and then suddenly sat down beside Dot at the table. "U C," she said conspiringly -

"C is for cookie!" Yakko said.

"That's good enough for me," Wakko added.

"U C," cassie continued, "Its not just eyeshadow its SPECIAL eyeshadow. Its magikle eyeshadow. It came from my fairy godmother on my 5th birthday. But I wuz 2 young 2 use it then. Now I can. Now that I know im a witch. I got a letter, c? Im goin 2 hogwarts. Im gonna date Harry. I hope I make friends. I usually make friends easily, but no 1 relly understands me. Will u b my friends?"

It took the Warner siblings a moment to sort through this announcement, correct the spelling errors, replace the numbers with authentic English words, toss out the unnecessary information and determine the real meaning. During this time, cassie continued to sparkle at them, a big grin on her carefully painted face.

"No," Yakko said, arriving at the question, and therefore the answer, first.

cassie seemed momentarily startled - this wasn't how it was supposed to go! - but recovered fairly quickly. "Oh," she said, with a huge dramatic sigh. "Ive never had ne friends before. i guess i shouldnt of expected it 2 be diffrent." She sighed again, louder this time, and stared at the table, looking decidedly forlorn.

"Guess you shouldn't have," Dot said sweetly.

"Y cant we b friends?" cassie said. She was persistant if nothing else.

"Y?" said Yakko.

"Wii? said Dot.

"Wyy can't we have a Wii?" said Wakko.

"Because they're expensive," Yakko answered, "And sold out."

"Oh." He returned to his pancakes.

"Y wont u b friends with me?" The attention had been diverted away from cassie for too long, and she was getting antsy.

"We don't believe in friends," Dot said.

"U dont?" cassie was stunned, which didn't happen often. Usually, she did the stunning.

"No," Yakko said, "Friends are bad. We refuse to accept friends. We choose instead to do everything as a family. We are exclusive. We are like a cult. Would you like some Kool Aid?"

"Um," said cassie. "Nothanks. That's a little bit creepy."

"Exactly," Dot said.

"OW!" Wakko suddenly exclaimed, and spit out the bite of pancake he had been chewing. "What WAS that?"

"It looks suspiciously like the lost Ark," Yakko said.

"Why would the lost Ark be in a stack of pancakes?" Dot wondered. Somewhere nearby, Devlin Buchanan chuckled softly to himself. It is important to point out that this chuckling had no bearing on the part and was not in anyway foreshadowing. Quite literally, it was not.

Unimpressed by the ancient relic, cassie continued talking about herself. "I get off work n a half hr," she said. "We should totally do something. I want 2 go 2 the mall," said cassie. "I want 2 get some new clothes, and I need 2 by my sister a birthday present. She'll b 19," cassie said, proudly. "She's like, totally my idol. I want 2 git her something relly good."

"That's almost sweet," Dot said.

"Im pretty nice," cassie agreed. "So wat do u say? Ill drive. My parents bought me a new car 4 Thanksgiving. They don't luv me," she sighed, "but they buy me nice stuff."

They did not get to say anything, because in the interest of the storyline, cassie whisked them away to her brand new pink BMW. Once they had gone, Devlin Buchanan ran over to their abandoned booth, snatched up the lost Ark and some of the pancake remains, and scurried away.