Forever Seventeen

"Can someone wake me up?
I haven't lived yet
I'm only seventeen
God, did you forget?
I'm just a baby
And I don't wanna be
Forever seventeen"

ZoeGirl

Tears pooled in the girls soft, hazel eyes, as she heard the doctor's words. Cancer. A lump on her abdomen, that she had just ignored. She vaguely heard the doctor speaking of some new operation. Some state of the art surgery that would give her a fifty percent chance of survival. She sat numb.

Fifty percent?? Thoset were horrible odds. She smiled briefly, at the thought of her best friend Racetrack telling her any odds could be brought to his favor.

"Emily? Did you hear me?" The doctor kindly touched her shoulder, bringing out of her daze.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"If you decide to forego the surgery… If you decide not to be operated on, well, I can only estimate, but you would probably only have about 6 months or so before the cancer will kill you."

Emily swallowed, trying to wet her dry mouth. "6-" She cleared her throat as her voice caught, "6 months?"

"I'm sorry."

"Excuse me Dr. Richardson, I- I really need time to think- to sort this all out."

Dr. Richardson smiled kindly at her, "Of course. You need to make a decision soon though. If we're going to operate, we need to do it as soon as possible."

"Yes, of course." Emily picked up her umbrella, and made her way out onto the rainy Manhatten streets, the tears streaming down her face, and mingling with the rain.

She walked straight to the newsboy's lodging house, making her way to the back of the building, she climbed up the fire escape, and sat outside the bunkroom window with her back up against the wall. She pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them, appreciating the small bit of comfort the childish gesture brought her. She dried her eyes on the inside of her shawl, and attempted to slow her ragged breathing. She didn't want to go inside looking like she had been crying.

How can this be happening to me?? I'm only seventeen years old! I'm practically still a child! I can't be sick. I can't die yet! I've barely even lived. This isn't fair! IT'S NOT FAIR!

Emily finally gathered her courage, and stood. She heaved up on the heavy window, and slowly it creaked open.

"Heya, Emily, how's it rollin'?" A young boy asked as she clambered inside.

Emily smiled at him, "Hey, Boots." She couldn't force herself to make any more effort towards conversation then a simple greeting.

"Hey, Emily. I'm glad you came by, I was just thinking about going to find ya." Race paused, as he drew closer to the girl, noting her red eyes, and disheveled appearance. "Hey, are youse ok? Ya don't look so good."

"Race, will you take a walk with me?"

"Yeah, a'course." Race nodded back to a circle of newsboys each holding playing cards, and each with a small pile of coins in front of them "See ya later fellows. Hey Mush, ya don't wanna bet on that lousy hand, you wanna fold, trust me."

"I wanna fold?" Mush asked squinting at his cards.

"You wanna fold." Race turned away from the card game, and walked down the stairs leading Emily outside.

"What's a'matter, Em?" He asked looking into Emily's hazel eyes. "Why were ya cryin'?"

"Race," The girl started. She couldn't say anymore. Her small body racked with sobs.

"Shhh, It's ok, I'm here." He pulled the sobbing girl into his embrace and held her, waiting for her tears to stop.

"Race," Emily began again, when she had run out of tears to cry. "I went to see a doctor last week."

"Yeah, you're stomach was hoiten ya, I remember."

Emily nodded, "Right. It was getting really bad. The pain would come and go, but when it was hurting, I couldn't even breathe. So I went to see a doctor. He ran some tests and told me to come back in a week. I went to see him again today, and he told me the results. He told me I have… He told me I have cancer, Race. He doesn't know if I'm gonna make it."

All the color drained out of Race's face. "Wha-what?! But, you're only seventeen, there's nothing wrong with you! You're to young to be sick!"

Emily sniffled, and placed her hand on his arm. "It's not a mistake. He got a second opinion. It's cancer."

"Well isn't there something you can do? A treatment? Anything?"

"There's… there's an operation I could get. A surgery… but I'd only have a Fifty percent chance of survival."

"Oh, God. This can't be happening. Fifty percent?!"

"I-I'm gonna do it. I'm going to see Dr. Richardson tomorrow, and tell him what I decided."

"Isn't there any other way?" Race was crying now too, tears streaming unchecked down his face, She was so young, so perfect, how could she be dying?

"If they don't operate… I'll only have 6 months to live…"

Race dragged his hand over his face, wiping at the tears.

"Goodnight Emily." Racetrack told her. It was later that night, and they were standing on the front steps of her boarding house. "I'll come by tomorrow morning, and walk to you the Doctor. You shouldn't have to go alone."

Emily felt her eyes stinging again, and willed herself to keep the tears at bay. Racetrack reached out and pulled her into a warm hug, holding her for a moment before letting her go inside.

She sat on her bed, tracing the pattern of a quilt square with her finger. God, can you hear me? How could you let this happen to me?! Did you forget, I'm only seventeen?! I'm not old yet! I haven't lived yet! Please don't take away my life!

The operation was scheduled for a week later. All the newsies heard about it, and each pitched in a little bit of money, to try to help cover the cost. Emily spent most of her time at the lodging house, laughing at the boys who were trying to make her forget the surgery that loomed before her.

She went on long walks with Race all over Manhattan, talking about life, and death and everything that came in between.

"Hey, Emily?" Race asked from his position in the grass a few inches from her. They were laying on their backs, side by side in Central Park, staring at the stars.

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to let you know. I'll be there for you when you wake up tomorrow. And don't think you're not going to wake up, because you are. You'll make it."

Emily glanced over at him, a small tear escaping, and running down her nose. "I'm scared."

"I know, Emmy, I know." He replied, his voice cracking. He got to his feet, and helped her up, walking with her, until they reached her boarding house. "Listen. I just wanted you to know. I gotta tell ya, before tomorrow. I- I really like you… I think- I think I might even love you."

Emily opened her mouth to respond, but Racetrack cut her off. "You don't gotta say anything. I just wanted you to know. Before… you know, before tomorrow."

Emily slowly opened her eyes, waiting for them to focus. Everything seemed blurry, and she could feel heavy bandages on her stomach. She groaned as the pain registered. She felt a slight pressure on her hand, and turned her head to look. Racetrack sat, holding her hand, his head on his forearm, fast asleep. She weakly squeezed his hand, and he sat up, blinking sleep from his eyes. "Em? Emily! You're awake! Are you ok?"

"Hurts." She croaked, from a dry throat.

"Doctor!" Race called running into the hall, "Doctor, she's awake!"

Dr. Richardson, came into the room, looking at his patient. "How are you feeling?"

"She says she hurts. Is something wrong with her?" Racetrack rushed back to Emily's side, and took her hand again.

"It's quite normal to be sore after a surgery. I can give you some pain medication, but it will make you drowsy.

Emily nodded, as he wiped an area of her arm clean, and winced as a needle pierced her skin.

"She needs to get rest now, young man. You should probably leave soon."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

The Doctor left the room, and Racetrack sat back down. "Are you ok, do you feel better?"

"Race."

"Yeah, what is it, does it still hurt, do you want me to get the doctor again?"

Emily smiled tiredly, and grasped his hand a little tighter. "Race. I just want you to know." She started to close her eyes, as the pain medication began to take affect. She blinked, opening her eyes again, and fighting sleep, "Race, I love you. With all my heart."