Hey, people! This is my second Invader Zim story, and to tell the truth, I have no idea what to make of it. It's a Christmas story, at any rate, and I hope you like it. :)

Season's Beatings

Chapter One

Dib sat at his desk, outlining his latest plan for spying on Zim, all the while keeping a close eye on his arch-rival a few seats over. The alien was sitting and patiently waiting for Ms. Bitters to arrive and start the lecture of the day on this overcast morning in mid-December. The topic was to be continued from yesterday's lesson – "Doom in America's Educational System". Like that was anything new. Nobody even tried to feign interest in the lessons in this class anymore, unless you counted Zim, who was always on the lookout for any signs of weakness from Earth. Dib sighed and continued to scribble in his notebook, every few seconds turning his head, alert for any shady conduct or activity from Zim. It was the established routine.

Across the room Zim, bored, twirled his pencil between his gloved fingers, half-listening to the drone of his classmates babbling during these precious few minutes before the school day officially began, and also hoping GIR wasn't causing any worthless havoc back at the base. Nothing too explosive, anyway, Zim hoped. Most likely he was making a mess involving some filthy Earthen food that he seemed to be so fond of.

Zim took a fleeting look at the calendar that hung in the front of the room by the door. He'd been on this abhorrent planet for over a year and as far as he could see, progress to conquering Earth was coming along slowly but surely. So much information he'd collected – wait. The green boy snapped his head back toward the calendar. It was December. That could only mean one thing. Zim could have moaned as memories of last December and its Earthen traditions, as well as the scheme he'd concocted that had gone awry, filled his memory. It was back.

"CHRISTMAS!" Zim screeched aloud, and shuddered.

He should have known. During his walks to and from skool he'd seen the warning signs, the reminders – people were beginning to hang wreaths on their doors, wind garland around porch railings; some already had started putting up strands of lights, though of course they weren't lit up in the daytime. Lately Zim was so engrossed in thinking up fresh plans for Earth conquest that he had only regarded the humans' decorations absentmindedly, knowing he'd seen them sometime before. Now he realized just when that time was.

His classmates slowly turned their heads towards him, except for the Earth-stink Dib, who cracked a grin after a moment of being startled at the abrupt outburst. It was about time the extraterrestrial realized that the humans' favorite holiday was coming up. The holiday that Zim had had a disastrous experience with the previous year. The boy with the large round-framed glasses watched as Zim peered around and registered the bored looks the students were giving him.

Dib could not resist the chance to antagonize his nemesis a little. "I suppose you can't contain your excitement for Christmas any longer. Am I right, Zim?" he asked with a chuckle of malice.

"Quiet, you with the bloated head," Zim spat. "Of…of course I am looking forward to the exceptionally cheerful –" (here he winced) "and good-spirited –" (another wince) holiday of Christmas." He folded his hands on the desk, inwardly seething that he was forced to pretend to enjoy an occasion when these pigs spent all their time buying useless and often fragile objects for one another, walking around with goofy grins full of merriment slapped on their faces, and stuffing themselves with holiday feasts. It was just disgusting.

"Jeez, Dib," spoke up Sara, leaning forward to make herself heard clearly. "So what if Zim loves Christmas more than you? He's a normal kid, after all."

"Normal?" Dib threw his hands in the air. "Last year he tried to brainwash the community, if not the world, by dictating everyone in a technologically-advanced Santa suit! He almost took over the world!" he yelled. Over in his seat, Zim was pretending to examine the wood of his desk.

"I don't remember that," said Zita, obviously confused. The other children looked at each other, all muttering, "Me neither," or "What is he talking about?" or "That didn't happen. Crazy Dib."

"Foolish, foolish boy," Zim jeered. Dib, immensely frustrated, pointed a finger in his direction. "Well, you can't try that same funny business again, Zim! And no matter what you try to do to this planet, I'll just keep stopping you as many times as it takes!"

"Be quiet, Dib!" someone shouted, and tossed a paper wad at him. Due to the unfortunate fate that always seemed to befall him, it didn't miss its mark, and hit the back of his head.

Dib sent an angry leer in Zim's direction. I'm watching you, his look plainly said. The alien smiled smugly as their teacher entered the room and prepared to further rot her students' brains with another unconventional lecture.

-----

When school ended for the day, with yet another doom-filled lesson through, Zim was the first to break through the skool's front doors and outside, where he cast a worried glance at the sky before scurrying away toward home as fast as possible. Dib watched, bewildered, as he came out amid the crowd of children onto the front steps. Gaz stood from her spot on the bottom step and started walking as her brother hurried to catch up.

"Did you see that?" Dib panted. "He's up to something. Something he has to run home for."

"Maybe he just wanted to get home before the rain starts," replied Gaz as she played her game, hoping Dib would accept that idea and shut up. "Now don't bug me. I'm at a crucial point of this game right now."

"Rain?" Dib squinted upwards. The sky was still full of ashy gray clouds, and as he spoke, several of them spontaneously burst. Dib grumbled and pulled up his coat collar around his head. Gaz pulled out an umbrella from nowhere, trying her best to hold it up while handling the GameSlave 2. But what emerged from the clouds was not rain.

"Hey, it's snowing." Dib looked up again, after not feeling the expected raindrops hitting him. Instead, he saw snowflakes beginning to drift downward, landing on his glasses lenses and instantly melting, small trails of water being left behind. "Would you look at that!" He lowered his collar. Gaz took down the umbrella, and then frowned in annoyance as the snow came in contact with her game screen. "Yeah. Stupid snow."

"Aw, come on, Gaz," Dib pressed. "It's kind of…uplifting, isn't it?" Especially when you know it can cause Zim grief, though not as much as rain would, he thought.

"No."

Another thought came to Dib. "Hey, wanna help me get out the tree this year?"

Gaz was starting to have an eye spasm. Her mouth was turning up into a scowl. "Dib, if you do not close your mouth –"

"Okay, okay!" Dib held up his hands in signaling for peace, then set about wiping the flakes from his glasses and thinking. Once again it was that time of year that required him to go into the attic and drag down the artificial pine tree that had been in his family for eons. Every year Dib was the one to get it out, since no one else remembered, and Dib felt it was necessary for the season. If it was bad enough being seen as a big-headed paranormal-obsessive freak, imagine how awful it would be to be all that without so much as a Christmas tree to grace the spot seen through the living room window. It was just…wrong. Also, there was a lone box of colored electric stringed lights up there, half of which had burned-out bulbs, along with the old stockings for he and his sister – the ones they'd made in kindergarten.

The only participation from Gaz concerning any of this came when she'd tack her stocking to the wall, since Dib had long ago been forbidden, by herself, to lay a finger on it. Other than that, she didn't seem to care much for any yuletide festivity, because according to her, there was "nothing special" about it. As long as she got something on her list she couldn't afford herself from Dib or her dad, she had no reason to fuss. And about Dad…well, some years he was around for the holiday, and some years he wasn't. It all depended on how much work he had; whatever big projects were in progress, and blah blah blah. He would get something each for Dib and Gaz that they asked for, at least, sending the packages through the mail if he couldn't give them in person.

So in short, the whole season could get a bit lonely and dull for our favorite paranormal investigator. But he made a point not to turn into his sister and shove off the entire thing. After all, he didn't mind seeing the city and its citizens go out of the way for one another at least once a year. It was nice.

"Hey Gaz," Dib spoke up as they neared their house, forgetting that he was supposed to follow her orders of being silent, "What was the last thing that any of us really did for Christmas? I mean, besides the presents and the tree and whatnot."

Gaz wiped the snowflakes away carefully from the GameSlave 2's screen while it was in pause mode. "I dunno," she said grumpily, and then her brow creased in thought. "Wait, there was the time when we went to that light show in the park. We begged Dad until he took us. Remember now, you dope?"

Dib blinked. "Oh yeah. A little bit. I was what, five?" he shrugged. It was a faint memory that he just now could recall – a memory of giant trees and bushes all decorated with lights that blinked in time to Christmas tunes played on a stereo system they were hooked up to. It seemed so long ago. How did Gaz remember those good old times before he could, anyway?

As they stepped into the living room, shaking the light snow dusting from their coats, Dib picked up the mail from the floor where it always landed after falling through the mail slot and shuffled through it. No Christmas cards yet, it seemed. He slapped the pile down on the coffee table and trudged upstairs.

-----

Zim had just reached his odd-looking Earth home, only to be greeted by the sight of GIR, that hopeless sidekick of his, running around the front yard in his dog disguise trying to catch snowflakes in his mouth. "GIR!" Zim shouted, trying to shield his face from the snowfall with his hands. "Get inside. You're not supposed to enjoy the snow."

"Awww, but Master!" the robot protested. "It's good to eat! Remember last year? I ate so much I almost – "

"Yes, yes, I know. Now go inside. I think I hear one of your ridiculous Earth shows starting," Zim told him. Never mind that GIR hadn't even left the television on; that was beside the point. With a squeal GIR, forgetting the snow, ran to the house, whipped open the door and scampered inside, giggling all the way. Zim quickly adjusted the "I Love Earth" flag in the yard, blowing off the snow that had settled on it. He went inside after his robot and slammed the door.

GIR was now sitting on the couch staring intently at a commercial for hairspray that blared from the screen of the noisemaking electric box. As long as he was occupied with T.V., he would stay out of trouble and out of Zim's antennae (more or less), when he wasn't needed. Zim walked into the kitchen, taking off and discarding of his disguise on the way, tossing the wig and contact lenses on a side table. He did a double-take at the kitchen counter, where rested a red tin he had never seen before, a bit of gray smoke rising in wisps from under the sides of the lid. A faint burning smell lingered in the air, and now he noticed the dough plastered on the table and walls. As if on cue, GIR's voice could be heard calling from the other room, "I saved some cookies for ya, Master! They're goooood." An insane bout of high-pitched laughing followed.

Zim frowned. There was no way he was touching this latest dessert à la GIR. Who knew what ingredients the very, very amateur cook and baker had used this time around? Wallpaper? Grass? Or had he stuck to the original recipe? There was no visible way to tell. Not that Zim cared much for human food. "GIR," he shouted into the living room, "I want the kitchen cleaned and rid of your…cookies…by the time I come back up from the lab. Hear me?" Without waiting around for a response he marched over and flushed himself down the toilet-elevator to the underground base.

Okay. I know it's not very exciting yet, but it's going to get better. I hope. We'll have to see what my mind conjures up. Anyway, reviews are appreciated!